Author Topic: The Aether Sword - Crimson Flag OC tournament.  (Read 69782 times)

Zavier

  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 2
  • ***
  • Posts: 382
  • This account has been TOTALLY NOT abandoned.
    • View Profile
Reply #45 on: June 20, 2011, 07:15:19 PM
Right, I put some more effort into this one. I spent an entire afternoon working on it. (Counting getting distracted multiple times. ]:P')



Digital Vulpine

  • A digital fox in the quantum age.
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 2
  • ***
  • Posts: 382
  • "Ion cannon activated" "Oooh, shiny..."
    • View Profile
Reply #46 on: June 29, 2011, 09:37:06 PM
Okay, here's my entry.  Weighing in at about five and a half pages, I am happy to present the first chapter in Johannes Kemm's Aether Sword quest: Ignition.

Enjoy!

(P.S. let me know if the conversion to RTF screwed anything up, Open Office likes to sneak that kind of stuff by me when it saves anything besides ODT.)
« Last Edit: July 18, 2011, 02:02:14 PM by Digital Vulpine »

"Old soldiers never die, they just fade away for a little while..."


Draykin

  • Quad-Tailed Island Kitsune Warlock
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 2
  • ***
  • Posts: 216
  • What could possibly go wrong, besides the obvious?
    • View Profile
Reply #47 on: July 03, 2011, 01:12:56 PM
Alright... Here we are.
« Last Edit: July 03, 2011, 02:58:51 PM by Draykin »

It gets so lonely being evil
What I'd do to see a smile
Even for a little while
And no one loves you when you're evil
I'm lying through my teeth!
Your tears are all the company I need


Cirr

  • Crimson Flag Fan
  • *
  • Posts: 37
    • View Profile
    • My DA gallery
Reply #48 on: July 07, 2011, 02:54:20 PM
ANNOUNCEMENT:

Deadline extended to : 17 July 2011 : Midnight of your local timezone.

See you later!



Geary

  • Pyro
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 3
  • ****
  • Posts: 912
  • I want to be a tree.
    • View Profile
Reply #49 on: July 17, 2011, 01:50:21 AM
Finally done! Had to pull an all-nighter for this one  ]:P

Geary: That means you get a companion for four levels, then it gets an upgrade.
Draykin: A very PAINFUL upgrade.
* Digital_Vulpine eeps, since the rules don't specify that I'm exempt from the psychic link that Wizards have with their familiars. o_o;
Geary: GET YOUR PET DRUNK.


Donnie

  • Mage of the TabletPC
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 2
  • ***
  • Posts: 322
    • View Profile
Reply #50 on: July 17, 2011, 09:35:07 PM
My estimation that it would have taken 10 pages to fully flesh out this experience was correct. I only got to 7.








[This page is optional, but it oddly fits after the previous one. But since it involves Bedisa doing an action it is best left unjudged]


Forgive me Cirrulean  [:P
« Last Edit: July 18, 2011, 08:53:13 PM by Donnie »



yarrick

  • Newcomer
  • Posts: 9
  • Oops...
    • View Profile
Reply #51 on: July 17, 2011, 09:36:41 PM
here we go!



PrincessHotcakes

  • Prettiest Princess
  • Moderator
  • Enchanted Weapons Expert
  • ****
  • Posts: 1320
  • I gurl
    • View Profile
Reply #52 on: July 17, 2011, 11:15:04 PM
   To say it was a matter of caring or not was an oversimplification.  Bodily desires like thirst are a thing several magnitudes less complicated than others, but nonetheless it is not simply a robotic reflex that when one feels thirsty one drinks.  It is a matter of choice to drink now or to work toward satisfying one’s thirst.  Or it can be postponed.  It can be cared about, or not cared about.  Naturally this affects one’s physical health to a degree, but that can be put on hold if need be if the situation calls for it.

   That is, if one feels so.

   Feeling at his canteen, the white Reyn named Veseris rubbed his paws on it, aware of how much precious fluid remained in its volume, how much hydration he had left to look forward to in this sweltering climate.  He was rather thirsty, no question about it.  This blazing heat, these dry sandy dunes: none of it was anything like he was used to in all his travels.  There were reasons that he had never gone to the desert, especially such an inhospitable locale such as this.  Granted, what jobs or assignments could he possibly have been given that would require travel to these forsaken lifeless wastes before?

   Still, when the need was there, one did what was necessary.

   Wrenching his footpaws through the soft sand, it was a constant effort for the white Reyn to keep his balance in the dunes, especially as the wind leaned into him constantly bullying him, threatening to topple him over with a brutal relentlessness at times.  More exertion, more effort. 

   More thirst.

   His throat ached, cracking with a dryness that wanted to shatter like an evaporated riverbed, like it wanted to just let loose with one giant fissure that would spread up and down his body, snapping him in two on the spot.  Giving in, the white Reyn clutched his canteen and allowed himself some precious gulps of the life giving liquid that coated his mouth and throat, undoing the parched dryness inside him, if only for a time.

   It is of course a delicate choice.  Drink now?  Refresh yourself in the present?  Or wait later?  A delicate calculation to make, especially with something as embedded into the psyche as thirst. 

   His vision scrutinized the sands, peeking this way and that, not seeing much for miles around in all directions.  Sand, wastes, emptiness.  It certainly was a place where if one had time for feelings of loneliness, such isolation could gnaw at your bones.  It could seep into your gut and deliver a quiet pressure that sapped your breath like an ever present leak.

   Still, little there was that one could do but wait.

   This is what he had been told to do, by that odd pair.  A rabbit spirit and a short Gray with odd antennae like hair.  He’d been told where to go.  He’d been told what to do.  He’d been given justification.  Save the world, gain power, prove oneself, all that.

   Was it a good why? 

   Depends...

   The white Reyn swore their scent reached him before his eyes caught sight of them.  Two... peculiar, considering that he had been told there would only be one.  Thoughts reflexively fell to his knife, and his paws clenched with memories of knowledge that had been acidicly etched onto his soul.  Was there a trick afoot?  A team up?  Perhaps the spirit and the Gray had been duplicitous; it had been mistake to trust them so openly.

   The sight coming forward was not one that would be expected however.  Both were rather short.  From what it looked like the pair consisted of a Fen- a woman- and a Gray, and a child at that.  Confusion creased the white Reyn’s brow, as he steadied his balance, stiffening like a statue, like the rigid remains of a long forgotten king who had set up and displayed his fallen wonders for the world to see, to be swallowed up by the sands.

   The two parties became closer now, the other now firmly in the sights of the presumed opponent.  The distance closed, the gap narrowed, scrutinizing eyes examined. 

   "You there?"  the female Fen called out, the child watching with an intense curiosity, a concentration animating his pupils that verged almost on the unnatural.  A child, yes.  But there was something off, something that made him pause.  Both of them approached cautiously, awaiting a reply.

   The white Reyn did not venture a reply for the longest while.  "Unless you believe me to be some sort of ghost, most certainly so."  The newcomers snapped each other a quick glance.  "So, which of you would be my opponent?"

   Fears of a team up were put to rest when the Fen pointed at the young Gray.  "Surprise!" she exclaimed.  "It’s the kit here.  Mine name’s Bedisa, and this is Greg by the way."

   Barely an eyebrow was raised by the white Reyn. 

   A long silence.  "Erm... hello mister?" the one called Greg said, snapping his finger paws about.  "You gonna tell us your name?"

   An apathic shrug.  "Would it make a difference?"

   "Um... usually most people do tell their names?  It’s just us, I might as well know yours."

   A reply was not given.  Neither of relenting or of scorn.  A blank mask stared out, face unmoving. 

   "Mister?...

   "I don’t think this one’s going to say anything kid," said the Fen.  "Just... have at him," she declared gesturing with her paws.

   The white Reyn moved not an inch.  The most that occurred where thoughts, memories.  He looked at the young Gray, small but strutting his stuff, moving with a confidence...  He looked like a certain brother...

   The image of Yeforr, standing tall and brash, eager for adventure, confrontation, excitement; it burned through his memory, bright as the sun shiny down on this sandy desert.  Bright as the light on this small Gray.  Now there was a change.  Now there was an alteration to that steadfast stone mask that was called a face.

   The Gray  did not fail to take notice.  "Mister?  Erm... you sure you’re here to fight?"  The child... was a child, yes, but he was clearly more too.  So like Yeforr, but stronger...  the white Reyn nodded in response very slowly.

   "... um, right... you sure?  You don’t seem very into it.  You sure you want to fight here?  I mean-"

   "Greg!" the Fen snapped behind him.

   "What?" he snapped back.

   A facepaw.  "Just attack him already?"

   "But this fighting stuff, you sure it’s necessary?"

   "Look at him!" she exclaimed, "he’s just standing there like a statue!"  The white Reyn obliged her flawlessly.  "Go at him!"

   The Gray sighed deeply.  "Alright, alright... Well mister, I guess we gotta do this."  Suddenly a strange flash light the sands, and without further preamble the diminutive vulpine was now garbed in greener clothes... as well as standing on a rug that hovered above the sand. 

   There was very little warning for the elder opponent at as the green clothed child rocketed forwards.  The white Reyn barely had time to evade.  It might have been enough, but he was successfully caught off guard by the abruptness of the attack.  Spinning and clutching his side from the severe and sudden blow to his abdomen, he was almost too disoriented to notice the child warrior spin his scimitar around, this time holding the blade out and not the grip which had just pummeled his side in.  "If you insist on fighting, I’ll make it quick and painless for you then."

   Groaning from perhaps a cracked rib, the white Reyn shook himself and glared at the flying green devil as he zoomed over the dunes and swooped in for another pass.  This time, he was ready. 

   The instant the Gray came in for his blow, the white Reyn fell over backwards flat on his back.  Sliding down on the dune, he waited just the split second before his opponent’s flying carpet was over him before kicking up from underneath with all his might.

   A child’s scream reverberated across the sweltering dunes as the one called Greg tumbled chaotically through the air.  The white Reyn leaped to his feet, his chest flaring with ache.  Of course now it would be time to finish the job.

   ...Except it wasn’t.  This point was quickly delivered home when a fierce blue light instantly preceded a grappling hook flying forward and latching around his leg.  The white Reyn screamed in shock and surprise as he was brought low and out from a burst of sand emerged the Gray, this time decked with blue, his face beaming with a upright determination and pride.  "I can win this no matter what, snow Reyn!"  Running forward, he began lobbing small black spheres.

   Crashing into the sands, the white Reyn was curious only an instant before rolling away as they exploded with an ear piercing volume.  Cradling his ears, he saw another bomb flying.  Instantly he rolled himself down the sand dune, tumbling about chaotically and with almost complete disorientation in his mad desperation to evade the hurled explosives.  Another burst hurled a column of sand upward mere feet away and produced a shock that slammed into the tumbling snow Reyn like a wall.

   "Hah!" the Gray shouted triumphantly as he bounced yet another bomb in his paws.  "Well Bedisa, now we’ll make short work of him," he declared triumphantly as he hefted the last bomb to finish off his opponent.

   Gasping, totally dizzy and dazed, the white Reyn only had the barest second to see the bomb coming... and slam right next to his shoulder.  At the bottom of a sand dune, there was little room for him to move, too much sand to gain his balance to stand in time...  He couldn’t get away... so he decided to return the package to its sender. 

   Not sure of how few twinklings of an eye he had left, he snatched the lit explosive and hurled it blind in the direction of the child warrior.

   So flush he was with victory the Gray didn’t notice the bomb flying back until too late.  Exploding midair, the blast wasn’t enough to injure, but it was enough to knock him off his perch atop his sand dune and knock him over backward, landing on his ankle at a jarring and painful angle and tumbling down in a general heap.

   Grunting, the white Reyn grimaced, clawing at the shifting sand and forcing himself up, determined to follow his prey.  Clearly he had been incapacitated or set back in some way, as the snow Reyn was still allowed to stand.  Hurrying, he ran up the dune, panting and sweltering in the heat.  If only he could have more water...

   A yellow flash painted the sands.  Bracing, the white Reyn found himself at the center of no attack.  Instead, he found the child now dressed in yellow, an air of serenity exuding from him, wielding a double edged sword.

   The Gray breathed deep.  "Clever, Mister.   Very clever.  You got the best of me with my pride showing there.  Guess I’ll just have to swallow it and just flow on some tranquility."  And with that, the child warrior proceeded to run up the sand dune as if it were solid ground, flying as if propelled by mystical energies.

   Fortunately for the snow Reyn this was not unforeseen, as he had been expecting something surprising and stood as prepared as he could.  The child moved up, flew up, staring him down, ready to make his move.  Again, the white Reyn saw his brother Yeforr in those eyes, so set upon his purpose, so believing in his aims, so convinced of the righteousness of his cause. 

   The blade came forward swiftly, swinging in at inhuman speeds that sliced into the white Reyn’s desert cloak several times.  He attempted to evade, but was cleanly sliced at the edges of his arms and across the tip of his belly even, all moves of deathly precision and deliberateness.

   "Do you give up?" the Gray asked calmly.  His opponent flailed and tried to push out from the sword’s reach.  The snow Reyn was rewarded by a sharp butting of the sword’s hilt to the head.  Dazed and grimacing, he was grabbed by the child warrior with both paws and yanked face to face, up close. 

   "This doesn’t have to go on any longer.  You don’t need to hurt yourself anymore.  Do you give up?" he repeated with the utmost serenity.

   Such tranquility was rewarded by a close quarters kneeshot to the groin.  Keeling over backward in shock and mouthing wordlessly, the white Reyn lowered his neck and head butted the child.  The Gray’s paws let go and they both tumbled over backwards, greeting the sands with their wide open muzzles and receiving large mouthfuls of swelteringly hot sand.

   Spitting up blood and sand, the white Reyn rasped for breath, dizzy and becoming rapidly dehydrated, spent of almost all energy.  He tried lifting himself up, but merely stood on his hands and knees, gasping for breath and spitting out spittles of bloodied sand.

   That is, until the desert burst with red, and an enraged howl ripped through the sands and crashed into his ears.  Stumbling to his feet, the white Reyn crawled up the dune...

   He was greeted by the sight of the child warrior.  But this time his garb was red, his weapons were a giant lance and enormous sword; one in each paw.  His eyes were beaming red, his face curled into a vicious snarl, his whole body seething with rage that desired nothing more than to deliver an almighty wrath against this cursed enemy. 

   Glaring and charging, the Gray hefted his weapons with unnatural strength, utterly unimpeded by the tremendous weight of his enormous weapons.

   Instantly the Snow Reyn bolted for higher ground, determined to wrest whatever advantage he could gain in this incredibly lopsided fight.  He charged, and as the enraged Gray ran up after him and kicked up large clouds of hot sand right at him as he approached, hoping to blind him and slow him down.

   It turned out it marginally succeeded at both these goals; though what it really succeeded at was royally pissing off the super strength child berserker.  Roaring in fury he jabbed his giant lance forward.  While he failed as in any way impaling his fleeing prey, he was easily able to jerk his weapon to the side and smashed the white Reyn’s legs out from under him.

   Brought low and tumbling, the white Reyn was given another mouthful of hot sand.  For a moment the world simply spun about him in a dizzy kaleidoscope, and the one thought occupying him... was thirst.  Just so thirsty.  So dry.  His lips and throat were dryer than a cracked desert stream.  He just needed... needed so bad...

   The face resembling Yeforr’s came into view, triumphantly looking down at his prey.  "Now you asked for it Mister."  His paws raised themselves, hoisting their weapons up high.  Coming to inflict the final blow. 

   Thoughts returned of his brother.  Of the trial, of the shock.  Of the scorn.  Of the betrayal that the white Reyn had committed.

   Lurching upward the dirtied Reyn threw his body weight at the lance, and shoved it backward with all his weight in a sudden move.  There was little doubt that the super powered Gray could have brushed this push aside and sent his opponent flying backward with as much effort as brushing aside a fly... if he had been expecting it.

   Instead the momentum caught him utterly off guard, thrusting him backward and disrupting his balance.  Charging forward, pushing against the lance the snow Reyn leapt in a burst of utter adrenaline.  He unsheathed his dagger and brought it in forward and low.

   Had he been aiming at an adult, it is very likely the Gray would now have had a stab wound straight into his liver.  As it was it thrust in and stabbed right above his right lung, under the shoulder.  Screaming with surprise he dropped both his weapons and fell back, smashing into the sand with a tremendous impact.

   Kneeling over him lay the snow Reyn, rasping, in agony out of breath, holding the knife in tight against the now weaponless Gray.  Leaning in, he placed his muzzle next to the child warrior’s ear.  "Now... do you yield?"

   A dizzy but angry grunt was the immediate reply, to which the white Reyn jiggled the knife around just a tad more.  Staring at his opponent, his eyes locked down on him, gazing at him more like a pair of stationary orbs than windows into a man’s soul.  Gurgling and spitting up some sand, the red dressed Gray nodded in defeat.

   "Wow..." came a stunned voice behind.  The Fen wobbled up on the sand dune to finally get an up close look at the aftermath.  "You know, I didn’t quite see that coming."

   The victorious combatant shrugged.  "A knifing you see coming isn’t proper use of a knife," he said without mirth as he gripped his weapon and yanked it out to a howl of pain from the incapacitated Gray. 

   "Oh blah," the Fen woman shook her head, and retrieved from her back a strange sword, peppered with curved etching and borderline unsettling shapes.  A soft disconcerting red glow emanted from it as she brought it forward... and stabbed her companion with it.  Upon his predictable scream, she grimaced.  "Oh quit it already, you’ll be good as new in a moment!"

   Strangely, this statement turned out to be truer than it had any right to be.  While obviously in a great deal of pain, the child warrior’s stab wound was patched up in little to no time.  Catching sight of the stare from the white Reyn, the Fen held up the sword.  "Pain's Caress," she said, wielding it about.  "Hurts just like a normal sword but heals the wounds as it passes good as new!"

   This was an interesting concept to the victor.  More than interesting in fact.  But that was suddenly a lesser concern at the moment.  A rather much more interesting one was the figure unexpectedly standing behind.

   A lean, curled forward figure, like a coiled spring dressed in tight black and red garb.  His hair spiked from several ends in black, yellow and purple, and held out unnatural red blades at a hungry angle, ready to sate themselves with more of the blood red color they were made of.

   Bedisa caught sight of this and only gawked for a moment before the intruder leapt forward, screeching with a howl that felt like it shattered eardrums, slamming at the Fen quickly and slicing at her. 

   A scream of pain rang out, though as she crumpled she was clearly not mortally wounded.  Her wounds were shallow and superficial, more for the benefit of pain than inflicting fatality.  The newcomer Gray Reyn held up his left blade, shimmering with lines of his victim’s blood, and tongued it slowly.  Eyes rolling into the back of his head, ecstasy gripped his body as he smiled deliriously. 

   "That," his gravely voice rasped, "was a wonderful appetizer."  His eyes snapped back into place, squarely feasting their gaze upon the recently victorious snow Reyn, still haggard and leaning over from his costly triumph.  "You are the victor then?"  the bloodthirsty Gray whispered with a blood coated tongue as he examined the child Greg’s still limp and breathing heavily form.  "Some victor..." he snarled.  "What is your name?"

   A response was not forthcoming.  The snow Reyn stood still, breathing, his eyes focused but his mind racing.

   "I asked you a question... Preeeeeeeey," he slurred the word, like he was tasting the word in his mouth, rolling it on his tongue.

   Silence was the only answer he received.

   "Speak!"

   The white Reyn, dirtied by sand, grime and blood in matted glumps, simply breathed raspily but slowly.

   "Fine!  The last thing you shall taste is the blood from your own wounds that you will choke on, foolish Prey.  Now taste death from Zaharl!"

   Screeching, the deranged Gray charged.

   It was a foregone conclusion that the dirtied grimy Reyn was no match for his new adversary.  He had been utterly spent facing the child Gray, his body was cracked, bruised, and two steps away from being just plain broken at any given moment.  He needed rest, recuperation, medical care. 

   The strange assassin barreled down at him, eyes alight with hunger, the need to sate and devour.  To feed on hopelessness and fear.

   There was a fear that grew in the wounded Reyn’s eyes.  But it was distant, like looking at a far away world.  He heard screams from the one called Bedisa, screeches over her pain for him to run, fight, to do something other than just sit there.  For there was no trick up his sleeve this time.  No drop kicks, sudden surprise moves, no opportunity to disorient his enemy and plunge his blade in.  There was just the charging assassin... and the thought behind the white Reyn’s eyes.

   Screeching as the assassin rushed.  Rubbing as the Reyn pulled out his dagger.  Bloodlust in the Gray’s raging eyes.  Contemplativeness in the White’s.  The twin red blades upraised.  The simple unornamented dagger held downward.

   The red blades held themselves high and poised to strike down, ready to end this pathetic wretch in front of them.  A darkness covered the white Reyn’s face as he lowered his gaze, his eyes hidden from view... and he suddenly raised his dagger and stabbed his own arm.

   No sound echoed at all from the event.  In fact no sound echoed at all.  It was as if the desert had been deafened from a sudden and forceful impact, wrenching from it the temporary ability to hear... until there was only a roar.

   A surging black and gray mingled with red pouring from the white Reyn’s arm, and burst forward in a wave that blasted the desert with the force of a god’s hammer, annihilating dunes in an instant and smashing headlong into the utterly shocked expression of the assassin Gray.  His eyes burst wide with fear as he was propelled, shorn away from his grounding as if a giant maelstrom lifted him from the sands, hurling him upwards like a speck of dust sent flying from an impact, helplessly careening out of sight into the skies.

   The white Reyn rasped, breathing heavily as the chaotic din died down as he extracted his dagger from his arm, halting the unholy blood magic he had just unleashed.  He staggered in his balance, lightheaded, and in shock from the event.  His eyes lifted slowly, rock hardness was their expression as he stared at the desert sands, barely noticing the two dumbstruck Reyn laying nearby. 

   Suddenly, he felt thirsty again, dryness etching at his throat and body.  Finding his canteen battered but not punctured, the white Reyn took a long satisfying gulp.  However demanding or merely necessary his thirst, it was time to satisfy it.  Gently he capped his canteen and stared at the direction where his opponent had flown out of sight.

   "My name is Veseris Hashrim, assassin.  Pray we don’t meet again."

🏳️‍⚧️Princess is a contagious condition🏳️‍⚧️
She/her pronouns please ❤️


Tvorsk

  • That one dusty marsfox.
  • Server Manager
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 3
  • ****
  • Posts: 615
  • Anything can be solved if you'll try hard enough.
    • View Profile
Reply #53 on: July 25, 2011, 07:33:19 PM
Osric vs. ZeZe

Geary:
Hmm... again, quite nice big intro. The letter sounds quite like MK Virmir on a very good day, except the language style is one generation younger than him. {;) I kind of like your playing on all the stereotypes. Nicely witten, not a bad story at all, if one-sided a bit.
Said that, you also once again didn't fight at all, being focused on smartalecking and running away. I'm not even surprised Zaharl was bored with you.   

Yarrick:
Okay, I almost missed that you posted at all, sorry... and well, I'm glad that OpenOffice can load Wordperfect files. So, after dealing with this little obstacle, I've seen something that surprised me very positively. {:)
A bit on the short side, but nice and to the point. Very good writing style. I'd like to see some more of a fight between you and ZeZe, but well... considering how the fennec tends to run away, I guess a quick catch is quite a good approach. Still, would be better if you'd spend more text on it, on the size of the quite nicely done Zaharl fight. Also, hmm, yeah... that sneak throw was quite something ZeZe would do... you just forgot him trying to run away right after.

Avast, me fuzzies, fer th' redfur known as Osric be th' winner! Yarr!
(Yes, worst pun ever. I owe you a soda when we meet.)

------------------------------------------------------------------

Dr. Keem vs. Banelure

Zavier:
Hey, it's quite a good piece of writeup. {:) You're a bit underplaying Kemm, there was exactly zero fancy gadgets used, but it goes quite good with your ending. I like that you teamplayed against Zaharl. Good dialog, not very repeating action... only think I can complain about is my pet peeve of repeated nouns and pronouns instead of looking for alternatives and substitutes. Me likey.

Vulpy:
Oh, yipe... productive fox is productive, huh? Almost like you've done that before. {;)
Good storytelling, nice playing of the characters (tho, well, you made Banelure a bit more of a "dumb fighter" than he really is), and you're going totally Bat-belt with your Reyn-pockets. Especially the harpoon with reel. ;) Well, I wish I could point out some particularities, but it's just overall well done.

Zavier, I really like what you've done, it shows you've put the effort, but, alas, The Doctor! The Doctor! Erm, no, the other Doctor. Vulpy's having experience, and a good paw to it. Keep writing, tho, you'll get there too. ^^

------------------------------------------------------------------

Veseris vs. Greg

Donnie:
Well... the comic is cute and funny...  Opening is a bit pointless, but it explains how they got led to the desert. The meet is an interesting accent... the fight itself, once again, seems a bit fast... and ends up in a suplex.
And then... then I sniffle and wipe eyes.
Zaharl comes and gets, let's be honest, godmodded out. In a way that's sorta funny and oddly fitting the whole, but well, still. And you really should have started a day or two earlier... not that I do any better, I need the looming deadline as motivation too. ;)
It's really nice, but, well...
Yeah, I say "but, well" a lot.

Toast:
Hey, melting the judge's brain is NOT considered winning!
Yipe... yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipe... my poor head...
Big words... fancy language... you sure are good at writing descriptively...
It's objectively good, subjectively... painful... you like characters with inner conflicts and such, don't ya... that really hurts to read... hmm, I don't think her sword works this way... oh blast, your Zaharl seems to have quite a few more levels in Psycho Creepy. And heh... I'm gonna get slapped for that, but the ending was climactic.

I am very torn here... so I'm openly admitting I'm gonna look at the judgements of Virmir's and Cirrulean's, in hope they're both in favour of the same character so I can abstain. If it turns out my vote's gonna be the deciding one... I'll have to think a crazy lot longer.
Addendum: Whew. Well, congrats Donnie, sorry, Artie... but it sure feels better (if cowardly) that I didn't have to tip the scale in either way.


------------------------------------------------------------------

Inuri vs. Red

Draykin:
Quite good. A bit of the repeated noun stuff that I complain about so often - especially noticeable where you start a few sentences in a row with "He" or the same name... but eh, common. I liked how you played this battle with (nearly) no magic. Good struggle, no "easy win", generally, I like it.
You were quite quick with Zaharl, but not skipping. There was plenty enough of action, I think.

Alias:
Huh, I forgot to download your... wait, what? Oh... Phooey!

With double knockout and  bonus impaling, Inuri leaves the arena as a winner!

------------------------------------------------------------------

Also, after reading others' decisions, I find it kinda funny we all got to similar conclusions separately. Well, guess that means they're the right conclusions.

Thanks for reading,
-- Tvorsk

Quote
Draykin: And blast it, what is the world coming to when one cannot find a decent metal remix/cover of the Imperial March?


Virmir

  • Chaotic Neutral Cartoon Gray Fox Mage
  • Administrator
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 4
  • *****
  • Posts: 2273
  • These sorts of things happen.
    • View Profile
    • virmir.com
Reply #54 on: July 25, 2011, 07:37:35 PM
I generally enjoyed this round much more than the last. Everyone put more effort into each of their entries and made this a good show.  Nice job, the all of you. [:)

My official votes are highlighted behind spoiler tags!


Osric (Yarrick) Vs. ZeZe (Geary)
----------------------------------------

Yarrick!

Not a bad show. Your submission is pretty basic-- you don't really do much else than the bare minimum requirements.  You do them fairly well though. You've got the atmosphere down nicely, the battle is pretty good, and I rather like how you handle the fight with Zaharl-- namely, ZeZe helps Ozric and the two defeat him together. Nice touch! The writing isn't too bad either.

That said, you could have put a bit more effort into this and made a more interesting back-story and intro.  All we have here is the bare minimum requirements, and while I like them, with four weeks time you could have showed us much more about your character.

Geary, once again you start with a silly intro, which I rather like. [:) The fighting-by-not-fighting is a fun, original take that amuses me. All-in-all, this is a great entry up until the Zaharl fight.

Unfortunately, Zaharl merely leaving without attacking doesn't really fit what Cirr said had to happen. I realize you were short on time and had to cut this short because you were dropping dead in the middle of the night, and I commend you for that. But on the other hand, you had four weeks. [;) Zaharl taking one look at ZeZe and thinking this isn't even worth it is funny, but in my eyes this does not fulfill the requirement.

So I am left to decide between one entry that just fulfills the basic requirements, and one entry that is a bit more entertaining, spends a little extra effort making an intro, but falls short on the second requirement.  Geary, great effort. Keep writing! But start a day or two earlier next time. [;)

Virmirish Vote: Yarrick



Dr. J. Keem (Digital Vulpine) Vs. Banelure (Zavier)
---------------------------------------------------------------

Vulpine, great show! Fun character, good intro, good character development. The battle with all the random items was fun. Your character had a few moments where he was hurt and put in serious danger. The explosion at the end was awesome, and I like how your character saved his opponent at the end. It was generally either fun or exiting the whole way through. [:)

Zavier, you've improved!  You've got a longer submission here, and touch more on your character's inner thoughts.  I particularly like how you had Keem help Banelure with the Zaharl fight. The battle itself isn't bad at all.

In the end, I feel. Vulpine's submission is more polished, deeper, and a bit more entertaining. This simply boils down to one writer being more experienced than the other.  Zavier, I love to see writers improve. Keep at it!  But Vulpine's submission is the better one in this case.

Virmirish Vote: Digital Vulpine


Veseris (Radioactive Toast) Vs. Greg (Donnie)
---------------------------------------------------------

Blaaaaaaaast it.  Here we go again with the absurdly close call on two fantastic entries... [;)

Toast, you're put a crazy amount of detail into Veseris. You're not writing a tournament entry. You're writing a chapter in this man's life. You took extreme care into writing his back story, and it shows. Excellent touch having him see his brother in Greg's eyes.  The battle with *all* of Greg's forms was great. The explosive end with Zaharl was very nicely done. And you even bring Bedisa in and show her powers.  There's really nothing about this entry I don't like.

Donnie, you've improved greatly over your last submission.  You put a lot more effort into this comic than the last, and you've managed to provide an introduction, character development, and both required battles into 8 pages. Very nice!

Over all, the art isn't as nice as your first entry. But I emphasize once again that I'm not judging art quality.

Once again you manage to convey emotion and action clearly in each panel.  I very much like how Bedisa sticks with Greg as a sort of guide and takes him to the desert.  Greg's argument with the mysterious voice is awesome.

Battle pages are a little rough but I can tell what's going on just fine.  It's not an easy one-hit win this time, and the "finishing move" is rather amusing. [;)  I absolutely love the way you convey Zaharl here.  All in all, very fun and amusing comic!

In all honesty, both of these submissions are fantastic and do everything right. The only way I can possibly judge is by personal preference.  Toast's entry is an extremely well written and interesting "darker" tale. Donnie's is a light hearted, silly action comic with deeper undertones.  While I enjoyed reading Toast's very much, the sillier comic just calls to my inner preferences perfectly.  I really have no idea what the other two judges are going to decide, this one is such a toss up...  It's exciting! A huge congrats to the both of you for doing such a find job!

Virmirish Vote: Donnie


Inuri (Draykin) Vs. Red (Alias)
--------------------------------------

Well phooey. I was looking forward to what Alias was going to produce.  But he was laaaaaaaaame this time and did not show. He shall be forever heckled from this day forward. [;)

Draykin!  Not a bad show! First, Inuri's weapon is nifty, and it's fun just imagining this thing used in battle.  You incorporate the (horrible, horrible) battlefield into your entry nicely.  You put a fair amount of effort into both battles and made them interesting and exciting.  My only real advice for you for next time would be to spend a bit more time on character development.  As we get closer to the finals, the most interesting and compelling characters are the ones that are going to shine, so be sure to delve into backstory and motives more.  Good luck!

Virmirish Vote: Draykin

--------------------------------------------------

Cirrulean asked me to post his as well, so here are his decisions. [:)

Quote from: Cirrulean
Match 1
Osric (Yarrick) vs ZeZe (Geary)

  Geary, once again, I really liked your intro, the letter is just really funny.
Using this trick to avoid fighting with your opponent was very clever, and well thought.
However, what you did with Zaharl is against the character itself. I thought I've said he was obsessed
with fighting and killing.
So, it's not really coherent with the character...
The other point that disappointed me is how you used the battlefield.
You could have given much more details... it feels a bit blank to me.

  Yarrick, your submission is well written, pleasent to read and for a first entry it's good.
The backgroud is well used, and the fight well handled.
Balanced is the word that comes to my mind when reading your submission.:)
Try to include a bit more of background and story elements next time.

Geary, thanks for playing and don't forget you can stick around the tournament as a spectator

Vote: Osric

Match 2
Banelure (Zavier) vs Dr.J. Keem (Digital Vulpine)

  Zavier, you've done quite well on this round, your submission being much longer than last time.
And I like how you write your character thoughts.
The idea of teaming up against Zaharl is good, really.
  Same for DV, I have to say your submission is really good, well written and I had a good time reading
your character fight with various object.
THe fight with Zaharl is also really interesting and well done.
I can't wait to see how you are going to write the next part of the story.

 Zavier, thanks a lot for playing and for your theories. ;)
I have to say I like the idea of your two characters teaming up, as Bedisa and Greg did.
Know that if you and DV are okay to do that, it's perfectly fine.
The story is even more interesting with player parties.

Vote: Dr. J. Keem

Match 3
Greg (Donnie) vs Veseris (Radioactive Toast)

Gah! Another hard match to decide a winner!
I'm not going to write a long text describing how awesome these two submissions are.
I'm just stunned by the quality. :)
I'm going to give my painful decision...
Your entries are equal, and if it weren't for a little detail, this match would be a tie.
From all the players, Donnie is the one who got Zaharl "personality" closer from what I imagined.

So yeah, this tiny little thing gives my vote to Donnie, but honestly, if that wasn't for this details...
Thanks a lot for your participation, Radioactive Toast, you sure are an excellent writer.
Same as the others, if you want to add side stories, you can, and I would greatly enjoy it. :)

Vote: Greg

Match 4
Red (Alias) vs Inuri (Draykin)
Well obviously, Alias dropped out so the victory goes to Draykin.

Draykin, it was a very nice submission, well written and pleasent to read.
The background is well used and the fights are both well rendered.
Since it's your first entry, my advice would be to explore a bit more your character background and
his motives.
Good luck!

Vote: Inuri

Thanks for playing, folks! This tournament is really fun to review. [:) Stay tuned, as Cirrulean will update details for the next round. [:)

[fox] Virmir


Virmir

  • Chaotic Neutral Cartoon Gray Fox Mage
  • Administrator
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 4
  • *****
  • Posts: 2273
  • These sorts of things happen.
    • View Profile
    • virmir.com
Reply #55 on: July 25, 2011, 07:54:45 PM
Okay, I just actually read the other two now... THAT'S CHEATING, TVORSK! I'm soooooooo keeping my decisions private next time so you can't skip out of making painful decisions again. [;)

[fox] Virmir


Tvorsk

  • That one dusty marsfox.
  • Server Manager
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 3
  • ****
  • Posts: 615
  • Anything can be solved if you'll try hard enough.
    • View Profile
Reply #56 on: July 26, 2011, 10:13:57 AM
Okay, I just actually read the other two now... THAT'S CHEATING, TVORSK! I'm soooooooo keeping my decisions private next time so you can't skip out of making painful decisions again. [;)

Hey now, I did share it! And we're supposed to exchange our posts before publishing them!

Thanks for reading,
-- Tvorsk

Quote
Draykin: And blast it, what is the world coming to when one cannot find a decent metal remix/cover of the Imperial March?


Cirr

  • Crimson Flag Fan
  • *
  • Posts: 37
    • View Profile
    • My DA gallery
Reply #57 on: July 27, 2011, 02:28:30 PM
Here we go!
Round 3!



It's time for a new special event!

Your duels will take place in Caerreyn and at the Relran tree, both under the watch of Virmir (At Caerreyn) and Cirr (At the Tree).
Once your duel is done, giant creatures appears, along with ton of other smaller creatures, flying and walking. and is slowly walking to the city or the tree.
You will have to find a way to slow them down or to stop them.( You won't be able to kill them for now)
Of course, the military forces of both cities will help you, and you can also cameo the character from the webcomic.
To help you, Virmir and Cirr will give you new weapons (form of your choice), a bit more powerful than normal equipment.
They will also explains that they come from the Abyss, and that is why the wielder of the sword must be found.
Oh and, Virmir agreed to use his magely rituals to help during this battle.

The final is approaching.....

You will have 3 weeks. the deadline is for Wednesday 17th of August

Good luck.



Virmir

  • Chaotic Neutral Cartoon Gray Fox Mage
  • Administrator
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 4
  • *****
  • Posts: 2273
  • These sorts of things happen.
    • View Profile
    • virmir.com
Reply #58 on: July 29, 2011, 12:08:32 AM
Cirr asked me to provide more details on the battle fields. [:)

Osric vs. Dr. J. Keem
-------------------------

The main battle will be taking place in a decent sized colleseum in the center of Caereyn, near the castle. This is a formal fight with spectators and such.   Feel free to have fun with the details to suit your story.

As far as the city's defenses go with the invasion, the city is lined with cannons on the star-shaped walls.  Airships might be floating in the docks at the castle, but probably won't be battle-ready immediately. (There usually isn't more than one battleship there at at time-- they are often away on missions.)  Caerreyn is actually pretty impenetrable... in order for a monster invasion to be a threat, there's either going to have to be a ton of them, or they're going to have to come very quickly by surprise. Or both.  Or maybe you can think of something else. [;)

Foot soldiers make up the majority of the army, and there's the Academy of mages, which are quite powerful when working together.


Greg Vs. Inuri
-----------------

The main battle will take place on a large platform built on top of a wide branch of the Relran Tree. Looming above the platform is the main tower/keep built on the highest bows of the tree.  Below are various buildings built into splaying limbs, and quite a far dropoff. [;)  There are going to be a number of spectators peering out of various windows, sitting on parallel branches, etc.

As far as defenses go, the Auberwood is much more spread out. There are cannons hidden randomly in the surrounding trees, and scouts in the forest, not to mention the homes of many a gray.  The Relran will probably have advance warning of such an attack if it moves through the forest.  The tree itself has a few cannons on it as well, but not as impressive as Caerreyn.

A lot more gray soldiers have been pictured in the comic than reds, so I don't need to elaborate much on them. There are also a few mages, but not as concentrated a force as Caerreyn's academy.

Good luck!

[fox] Virmir


Donnie

  • Mage of the TabletPC
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 2
  • ***
  • Posts: 322
    • View Profile
Reply #59 on: August 13, 2011, 10:47:09 PM
I shall update this as I make progress!







[-----------------------------------------------The Following Came After Aug. 17th-----------]




« Last Edit: August 28, 2011, 05:26:45 PM by Donnie »