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Topics - PrincessHotcakes

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1
Rain Burn / Rain Burn Questions
« on: August 15, 2023, 08:07:36 PM »
In light of how so many of us had questions about Crimson Flag when it was ongoing that Virmir didn't want to answer at the time because of spoilers... and then years later when CF was complete we forgot what those questions were, let's have a thread now where anyone can ask a Rain Burn question that Virmir won't answer because he is tight lipped about spoilers.  Cause it will still be here in a few years time when RB is complete and he can answer them then.

2
Writer's Guild / A dumb thing I wrote while my internet didn't work
« on: July 03, 2022, 07:34:50 PM »
Shifty told me to share this




It looked like a dragon cave.  But there was no dragon to be found.

That’s what it looked like to James anyway, who, it must be said, had not been looking for a dragon cave.  Or any other location that existed in the realm of fantasy, for that matter.  No, he had been walking to a nearby grocery store to pick up some extra ramen; there was a sale going on and he wanted to stock up.  But somewhere around the corner to Chestnut Street things got weird, considering that he knew that road tunnel wasn’t supposed to be there.  Curiosity got the better of him.

Where that had ultimately led, James as still unsure of, but wherever it was wasn’t in the realm of the possible.  It was VERY clearly a dragon’s cave.  The blackened scortch marks along the cave walls, the vast piles of gold and treasure, the enormous yet clearly dug cave entrance all pointed to its obvious purpose.

That and the swarms of kobolds who were now spying at him from the edges.

From the ledges encircling the chamber, to the stalactites hanging from the ceiling, kobolds flocked into existence from where there had just been drips of water droplets and echoes before, as if they had been conjured from thin air.

“Dragon...” they whispered.

James wasn’t quite sure what to make of the collective whispers of “dragon” all around him that persisted for several minutes.  But despite his status as an intruder into their cave, and their repeated disorganized chanting, they made no move against him.  Nor did any proclaimed dragon appear.  Such as it was that James finally summoned his nerve and spoke up, “Uh, is the dragon, ah, here?”

To his surprise, he was greeted by a soft collective wave of disappointment as the kobolds gazed downward and shuffled about.  “No dragon, dragon gone,” they muttered over each other.  One red kobold near the front of the crowd in particular actually sniffled, looking up at James with eyes of dejection and, yes, actual tears.  “We not have dragon for long time, very long.”
A purple one close by wiped her eyes and comforted her red companion.  “We look and look, but no dragon!  They get hunted, or chased off.  We try and catch attention.”

Nearby a green kobold pointed at the mountains of treasure that were accumulated in the cave.  “We even get gold, jewels!  Fight, thieve, try and get big hoard for big dragon!  But no dragon come.  It been so long none of us even remember dragon, only get told by parents, elders...”

It certainly wasn’t what he expected to hear upon being surrounded by literally hundreds of what many would consider to be monsters that should by all rights not exist in a dark, dank cave that by all rights should not exist.  He certainly didn’t feel at ease, but as he looked upon the whimpering reptiles surrounding him, it was hard not to feel some pity.  “So, uh, you’ve just been waiting this whole time?” he asked not entirely innocently, mindful of the fact that he was an intruder and that keeping their mind on another topic might be beneficial.

“Waiting!” the wide eyed red kobold nodded enthusiastically.  “I was named Excite because my mother was waiting!  We all wait, because dragon will come!”

Other kobolds joined in the nodding, looking oddly but endearingly adorable in their own way.  “Mother named *me* Bouncer, because as hatchling I bounce for joy at thought of dragon coming!” the purple one gushed. 

More kobolds started chiming in, with apparently half the kobolds being named for something related to waiting for a much prophesied dragon.  For a moment it brought excitement back into the crowd, but then the self awareness of the situation tanked the mood even harder.

James, for his part, was wincing at the way the little guys got all excited only to be crushed by disappointment.  Sure they were little fantasy monsters that could easily end him quickly if they wanted, but they looked like sad scaly puppies, and it was genuinely kind of crushing to see what looked like a genuine innocence just devastated like that.  They were all kind of cute, after the shock of seeing them had worn off.


And so he uttered a soft sentence that felt empty but just a little consoling, “I wish I could help you out with that.”  He did genuinely mean it, even if he had no idea how a suddenly lost “real world” human with no knowledge of where he was could do so.

Immediately a ripple worked its way through the crowd, the kobolds looking to him, to each other, whispering.  All at once excitement was once again building in the air, but this time it had a very direct, very obvious target.  James found himself backpedling, regretting opening his mouth even before he heard a coherent sentence. 

“Dragon,” came the whispers.  “Dragon now?  Yes now!” came the highly motivated responses, and the whole crowd of kobolds starting moving closer.

It was when the ropes were shuffling forward within the crowd that James definitively started trying to bolt, but he only got a few seconds in before little clawed hands snatched at his legs, sending him tumbling forward rather painfully.  His yelps of surprise gave them no pause, if anything his flight made things more excited.  “Yes!  Dragon!” “Dragon!”

The red kobold whose name was literally Excite smiled in front of him, “Yes!  You help!  We wait so long, and you help!”  Tears once again started running down the little red kobold’s cheeks, and James couldn’t help but feel that he had stumbled into some serious Jonestown crap: all that was missing was the kool-aid. 

Except that this Jonestown featured 3 foot tall clawed predators that could tear him limb from limb and have him for dinner.

As the ropes came forward, James began to earnestly panic, because it seemed that he literally might be on the menu.  “Wait, you don’t have to do this!” he frantically called out, trying to grasp and any sort of reason for them to let him go.  “I-I can find you a dragon, I promise!” he promised, despite the fact that he would likely be completely unable to find such a dragon.  Little details like that were rather unimportant when one seemed destined for the cooking pot.

The grins that the kobolds gave him made him even more uneasy, if that was possible.  Excite and Bouncer stood in front and dragged him to the middle of the cave on some kind of... alter?  Oh god was it some sort of sacrificial area!?

The ropes came down, kobolds getting so anxious that they tied his arms down wrong, resulting him breaking free for a solitary second before they held him down by sheer weight of swarm before the next scaly little gremlin got the knot right.  Even so, James realized that aside from the fall, he wasn’t really in much pain anywhere except from when he fought to break free.  Indeed, they seemed to be taking extra care not to cut or bruise him in any way.  Somehow that just made him even more uneasy.

Finally, the chanting rose to a crescendo of “Dragon!  Dragon!” The kobolds seemed to have organized themselves, with ones filtering into the middle, as they embraced others who stepped back to the perimeter of the arena. 


“Wh-what is going on!?” James frantically demanded, to which he only got a widening smile from the kobolds immediately in front of him. 

“Stranger promised to help!  We happy to accept!” Excite bubbled, and seemed positively euphoric.  He exchanged a round of hugs and embraced his fellows before the crowd started to hush, but clearly on edge with anxious excitement. 

A strange bottle of strange potion was pulled out, and Excite began pouring it over himself as it let off an eerie glow.

James winced, prepared himself, still not seeing any knife, but knowing that these kobolds could easily rend him apart in seconds with their natural claws.  Excite stepped closer, staring at James long and hard with his bright eyes and...

And...

Stuck the tip of his snout into James’ mouth?

Time seemed to stop as the tied up human looked down crosseyed at the little kobold literally in his face, pushing gently against his agape mouth, wondering how the hell things got so awkward.  He intoned a question, being unable to voice anything more given how incredibly bizarre things stood.

At least, things were awkward before they took on an unexpected turn once the kobold started pushing in.  And James felt his jaw stretch to accommodate.  “MMMNNGHG!!!???” he gasped aloud, as he felt the little creature’s snout push over his tongue, violating his personal space in a VERY pointed manner.  It was impossible to describe how utterly unprepared he was for the sensation of a whole scaly snout pressing against his tonsils, but that was only the beginning. 

Excite’s scaly feet found purchase on James’ stomach as he pushed in further, and the human was unsure if he should hyperventilate or just wake himself from this BIZARRE dream.  The red kobold’s snout was now not just pushing in, he craned his neck so that his snout was now pushing DOWN, and James found his windpipe squeezed but strangely not cut off as his throat simultaneously expanded around the intruding creature, stretching in an utterly impossible manner that defied every explanation! All James could feel was some... strange taste, like something magically minty, glowy almost.  Even the taste of the kobold’s scruffy scales against his tongue couldn’t drown out that unnatural flavor. 

Was it that potion that Excite had covered himself in??

Somehow James managed to keep that thread alive in his head as things quickly drove hard from what reality SHOULD dictate, as a whole kobold head streeetched his jaw and throat out, his flesh painlessly but not effortlessly extending to cover it all.  At this point he was simply too shaken and shocked to offer any resistance as Excite snorted with discernable glee and wiggled his way further inside, and indeed James felt as well as heard the kobold utter “best thing that could happen to me” from inside the bottom of his throat.

James didn’t have too long to process the sensation of a VOICE NOT HIS OWN talking from beneath his windpipe, but soon his chest began to stretch, and with alarm he felt his own heartbeat THUMP against the intruder, his lungs panicking and trying to breathe in faster as they were pushed at from inside his very own body.  It all felt like his body was turned into some squishy blanket against the squirming, writhing kobold who was still hissing in unnatural glee.  Glee!  At forcing his way down into a person’s... stomach!?

With that thought, James felt an audible sizzle, as his stomach expanded.  His mouth was now cupped over the kobold’s middle as he sat shocked, not even tugging at the ropes holding down his arms.  Excite’s neck and upper body were strained and bent in such an unnatural manner, he felt he might accidentally snap the kobold’s spine!  While he was at an utter loss to explain just what the hell was happening here, he still didn’t want anything to happen to the little guy!

“Good, gooood, I make it!” James heard Excite call out from inside his own stomach and began writhing harder, pulling in his hips as James found himself involuntarily sucking at the base of the intruder’s tail like a cartoonishly oversized noodle.  He winced and tried not to let the little guy’s claws lacerate anything, but even as his feet crawled past his sensitive mouth and throat, Excite seemed to be taking extra care not to cut anything.

Finally, James felt the tip of the tail slide in, and he struggled for  a moment to breathe and speak, but had to wait for the writhing little tail to suck in fully past his windpipe.  After an eternity, he felt the kobold slip down past his chest... and the entire mass of the 3 foot tall kobold now visibly stuck out from his stomach like it was some kind of thick balloon!  Writhing in alarm, disgust, shock... James wasn’t sure what he should be feeling now, he just gasped.  “Wh-what... what... what...” he repeated, unable to get a sentence out as he glanced at the kobold legs and tail visibly sticking out from his distended stomach, pushing the whole thing well out past his shirt.  The intruder maybe only weighed 30 pounds but the difference on James’ gut and hips was MASSIVE.

The crowd of kobolds, meanwhile, were all staring in rapt attention, with not a single sound escaping them; it was as if they were afraid the slightest whisper could shatter the whole room like a fragile mirror.  They stared at him, and his stomach.  “Wh-what did your... what did Excite do!?  What is this all about!?”

Muffled snickers echoed disturbingly from his own gut in reply.  A little kobold snout pushed visibly against the inside of his tummy, looking less pointed then before somehow.  “Stranger help!  This wonderful, better than Excite dreamed,”  came the voice from within, sounding softer and softer with each syllable.  James felt and saw the unnaturally intruding kobold curl up, trying to scrunch up into a ball as much as possible, which at once made his stomach less unnerving to look at but also made him even MORE uneasy, somehow. 

“Uh... Excite?  Little guy, are you ok in there??” James gulped, as he heard no reply, just shallower and shallower breathing.  He started to wiggle, but the ropes held his arms and legs firmly in place seated with his back against the stone alter.  Excite squirmed less and less inside, and James felt... strange.  It was like heartburn, but not.  Nothing was retching up into his throat to scald him with bile, but there was a definite feeling from it all.

It all felt...

Acidic.

Alarm flooded James as he struggled more, his stomach growling as he felt soft hisses and gurgles that were amplified up to eleven from anything that should have been natural.  “Excite?  Excite!?  Are you ok in in there!??  Excite!!” James’ frantic calls were met with some last little hisses of glee from within, as the gurgles built up, and his stomach practically SIZZLED from within.  The shape of the kobold’s face receeded from sticking out from his stomach, almost as if it was whithering.

Pressure began building and... a belch forced its way out.  A belch that TASTED of something.  Of scales, of a... rare, no, raw meat. 

Oh...

Oh god.

“Excite!?” He desperately looked up at the other kobolds who were all staring.  “G-guys, your friend, you have to do something or else he’ll!..”

But somehow even as he begged, James felt it was too late.  The gurgles intensified, and his stomach churned in a strangely pleasant way.  He started to feel full.  VERY full.  Fuller than he should ever be.  So full that the fullness was threatening to burst out!... and it did. 

James blinked, looked down, and realized he had a harder time making out Excite’s shape from his distended stomach.  Everything seemed smoother out.  And GETTING smoother, as he felt his digestive system somehow turn into an impossible overdrive, squishing and squelching and turning and...

He gaspsed in horror at the thought that just ran through his mind; he was DIGESTING someone.  A living being had crawled into his stomach and he was now helpless as his body busily got to work breaking them down and absorbing... oh god.

His pants felt tight.  Hips squeezed against them from the sides, his rump fought against its constraints, his thighs swoll.  Every heartbeat he could feel something extra flow through his veins, as his stomach gradually got... less distended.  James looked down in... horror?  Shock?  Fascination?  All of the above, as each breath, each heartbeat started to shuffle around mass, and he felt it distribute itself.  His chest thickened, his arms... ripened, his throat even squeezed outward and his cheeks bloated.  He gasped, shuddering looking down at himself...

...Why were there scales glistening on his stomach?  He blinked, managing to wiggle it against his strained shirt, and the texture felt very off.  Very smooth.

“What... what is going on?” he repeated again for what felt like the hundredth time even though he desperately wanted an answer to that question. 

The throng of kobolds, however, met his question with cheers.  Taken aback, he grunted and hefted his body against the stone altar, trying to sit more upright... wincing as he felt his poor victim’s mass weigh him down literally.  He couldn’t stop staring at his distended stomach as it slowly squeezed itself down.

Each little heartbeat, each pulse of his blood carried the “nutrients” further through, and in real time he felt in amazed, shocked horror as they bonded to his body, his hips audibly creaking at one point as they felt heavier... “G-guys help, you don’t understand, I just just, I’m DIGESTING YOUR FRIEND!  Don’t you get it!”

Somehow, James desperately hoped that this would snap the dimwitted kobolds to their senses against all odds.  But they didn’t seem confused.  They didn’t contradict him, argue with him, question him in any way.  Instead several of them reached forward to pat his stomach.  “Good, Excite taste good yes?  He very tasty, very nutritious for you!”

It took the longest time for James to figure out why his cheeks suddenly felt so blazingly hot; without a mirror the realization that he was blushing with the brightness of a sun was one that hit him slowly.  “Bu-but.. he was... he was your friend!  Your fellow kobold, clan member, whatever you call it!  That poor guy... He’s toast!

“Toast?” came the confused headtilts, before they shook their heads.  “He taste goooood, eeheehehehehehe!” the kobolds laughed, the purple one, Bouncer patted James’ belly with both clawed hands.  “He good fat now!  He... you now!  You Good bones, good everything for new dragon!”

“New... what?” James stuttered, the realization taking time to hit him, and in the process he was so distracted that he almost didn’t notice that Bouncer had applied the mysterious potion upon himself and was now sticking his snout into his mouth too!

“No not you to-rrffyooumrooo, mphhhh!!!!” Despite James’ frantic attempts at protest, the purple kobold snorted in glee as he pushed.  And just as before, the human felt his jaw stretch unnaturally, give way, his throat parting around the tip of that snout as a whole kobold head forced its way in.  He sat writhing, helpless as another kobold crawled and writhed in straight for his stomach.

The motion only disturbed said stomach more, as he felt another forceful belch escape, this one tasting even more of fresh meat.  His cheeks flushed hotly as Bouncer forced his way into his stomach, and the acidic bubbling began. 

It was at this point, as James winced and tried not to think of the happy dissolving kobold that was pushing its way into being digested in his stomach, while a thick purple tail was sticking out of his maw, that he noticed the line.  The kobolds were no longer just watching, they were lining up...

“Mm, Excite already in here, me join good... so many of us join and be happy,” Bouncer softly gurgled from within, as James felt him squiiiish his way through and he... tried to resist, but let out an ear splitting belch that tasted so much of raw meat!  He whimpered as the purple tail finished sucking in, and his bubbling stomach and intestines started their nefarious work of... digesting their newest meal.  His newest meal.  He wanted to cover his face and just crawl under a rock at the VERY least, but all he could do was strain at his ropes as his thighs started thickening. 

“Pl-please,” he gasped, his breath tasting of meat, meat that to his horrified embarrassment tasted pretty good, “You don’t have to do this, you’re all cute little guys, you don’t want to throw yourselves away like this!... do you?”

Such pleading only produced chuckles.  “Silly dragon, we make you big!” a green scaled kobold laughed and poked his stomach, which now glittered with a soft yellow sheen, thick belly scales lining themselves horizontally.  His feet strained tight, and his shoes began to pop violently!  As he looked down, he saw his nails sharpen thickly into claws.  It was almost as if he could feel the calcium pumping through his body into his feet, thickening his bones and causing them to expand... Though nothing was quite as dramatic as in his hips, which began the work of reducing his jeans to tatters one forcefully snapping thread at a time.

Bouncer had barely gotten time to settle before the green kobold started pushing in.  And a yellow one was right behind him; they were both crowding each other, and somehow James still found himself freshly shocked as his jaw and throat obliged and gave way to TWO of the intruding beasts at once! 

This time there was quite simply more of him to stretch around, as his heart THUMPED, and POUNDED, and pushed his “nutrients” all around.  That heartbeat grew stronger, as he felt... mass accumulate there.  He winced, cheeks reddening even hotter feeling the digested little kobolds pooltoy together as his heart literally grew three sizes that day... and KEPT growing. 

The heartbeats pounded, with a thickening, pulsing muscle growing stronger by the second that was vastly outmatching the puny body it inhabited... for now.  A momentary splitting headache burst in above his ears before resolving itself as, thick, growing... horns!?

He tried to reach up and touch his head, but the ropes still held firm even as his arms thickened and he claws burst from the small pitiful human nails that preceeded them.  All the little bones o and claws of those poor kobolds pumped and rushed through his surging veins, creaking and swelling his new thick claws larger and larger.  And as the kobolds pushed and jostled and snapped at each other (inside his throat!) for space, James found himself looking down crosseyed at his one mouth, his own lips as they did more than stretch; they GREW.  Soft, berry colored scales glistened before his eyes and his nose pushed out to meet them as a thick snout began to dominate his face.

“Mmmmmphhhhhhhhhffhfhfmmmmmh” he tried to protest, to say anything really, but even when it seemed like the two kobolds had pushed their way through his throat and were now all subsumed except for the tails, James eyes widened as another pair of kobolds snapped at each other for the rights to be right behind them, and his snout was tugged and stretched even more! 

He mentally clutched at his stomach, as the first pair of kobolds squimed their way in past the already digested Bouncer, adding yet more mass.  They were all pretty small individually, but at this point he was on the verge of having his original mass doubled, with more queuing up more or less in an orderly fashion behind!  His tried to shake his head, warn them off but by now they weren’t even waiting for pairs; while the second whole pair was only torso into his maw, a TRIO was now pushing forward!

It felt like every other second the gasses built up and he let out another forceful belch, the taste of fresh meat omnipresent upon his growing tongue.  And the worst part was, it tasted good.  His cheeks radiated burning blushing heat as he tried not to think about how tasty it all was.

Calcium and other nutrients swirled in his body like a storm, and quickly put themselves to work.  Those horns were now starting to tower over his head, and his thighs and hips thickened with meat. 

And that little vestigial human tail was becoming not so vestigial anymore.  It was slow at first, but by the time the tenth kobold was squeeling loudly and SINGING into his maw, a thick, writhing mass of a tail was slapping around underneath him.

At first he was perplexed and just plain embarrassed by the notion, but quickly he tried to twist the tail to trip up his would be dinner, trying to bat them off or dissuade them.  But that only seemed to egg them on more, like he was making it a game! 

“See!  Big dragon!  Stranger become big dragon!  We make dragon VERY big!  Very happy!” the kobolds exclaimed.

James watched helplessly as the happy little kobolds pushed past each other to crawl to their doom, cheerily sacrificing themselves to his ever expanding gurgling gut. By now there was very little indication of the human that had been tied up to the rock only minutes earlier.  Now a thick, berry scaled monstrosity was growing, dazed and confused and suffering from the mightiest food coma ever felt, and it was only growing more intense!  By now the fact that he had broken past the puny ropes that had tied his limbs down was offset by that overwhelming food coma; he was barely able to slump over onto his side as he just GREW on his backside, tail extending toward the entrance of the cave and limbs splayed limply outward.

To say it was all overwhelming was as much of an understatement as one could get.  As the kobolds kept pushing past his dizzy, occasionally crosseyed snout, James felt his new scales shiver with intense sensitivity, that thick tail wriiiithing, his belly gurgle with each new willing meal.  And...there were other things too.  Unlike the kobold swarm before him, he didn’t seem to lose his ears.  If anything they grew larger, more pointed.  And the same with his hair, which he felt starting to grow longer with each passing second, spilling and spreading down his entire spine all the way to the tip of his tail.  It looked actually quick luxurious.

But nothing was as much of a shock as the other changes.  Since he was in less than an anthropomorphic form, the changes weren’t as immediately noticeable, and given that his entire body was changing, gurgling, shifting it was understandable that he failed to spot the deeper change at work. 

In between one gaggle of kobolds climbing on top of each other to crawl into his elongating neck, he managed to cough out a small protest.  And while it sounded bigger, more befitting of a huge creature like a dragon, it also sounded.  Softer. 

More feminine. 

Eyes widening, James’ gaze slapped hard downward.  The gut, it gurgled, shifted, and the hips widened.   And widened. 

“Big dragon!  Big dragon will be big mama to us all!” came the excited cheers.

James gasped, a heavy yet feminine voice doing the gasping, as SHE looked down at herself, the mass of dozens of kobolds literally having adding themselves and reshaped her very being... and her gender. 

The fact that she had always secretly imagined and admired the thought of being female, and had loved dragons, well, that was all nice but, but this was a bit much!  She struggled to right herself, as she mrrrmphhed, a trio of kobolds stuck in her throat as she liiiifted her neck off the ground, and she felt them “wheeeee!” audibly as they slid down faster, joining their fellows in adding their mass, adding their being to her.

She slapped at her hips, her tummy, feeling her newfound mass squish a bit, and she nearly passed out on the spot from the lightheadedness her blushing produced.  She looked down at herself and she... looked cute.  Very large.  Very much a dragon.  But very cute, as she slapped and rubbed her flushed cheeks.

“Y-you... I’m a dragoness.  I’m a dragoness” she repeated, not quite believing the words coming out of her draconic snout, the FEMALE voice coming out.  The fact that she was able to speak at all was due to the fact that she was no longer being swarmed, one that it took her several moments to process.

For a moment she registered a note of disappointment that her happy body mass wouldn’t receive more company, a moment that made her want to crawl under a rock and die. 

...but they had tasted good, even if she didn’t want any more of those cute little kobolds to sacrifice themselves!  They looked even cuter and more harmless now, now that she towered over them. 

...but that didn’t stop them from literally dropping onto the ceiling.  As she stumbled about confused, a whole train of cheering excited kobolds dropped from a stalactite onto her snout, literally jumping in at the moment of her surprised gasp.  And she felt the now familiar wiggling of her more than willing prey... PREY!  As they pried and wiggled their way in. 

She tried to reach up and stop the kobolds from sacrificing themselves to her, but more cheered and bounced at her arms (forelegs??) and held them down by sheer weight of numbers... all the while a dozen or so used the opporitunity to crawl up her side and up her neck.  She tried to swat at them with her legs, her awkward, thick new tail even, but like swarming ants they crawled their way over her.  Their little claws and tails batted against her new scales, as her new enormous form was forced to be even more enormous as the little critters pried her maw open and forced their way inside.

Her eyes rolled almost into the back of her head dizzily, overwhelmed by the TASTE, the feel of a meal that tickled her rising new draconic instincts.  It felt so right, even as she writhed thinking of how bizarre and wrong it was!   That didn’t stop the swarming hive of kobolds, as her throat gorged itself and grew swollen as they squirmed their way inside, audibly splashing into her stomach like rambunctious kids jumping into a summer pool.  She again tried to protest, but again such protests were unable to escape as half a dozen kobolds at once pressed into the roof of her throat against her windpipe.

The new dragoness was on her back, dizzy and entirely disoriented as koblds just coming.  Her tail kept lengthening, her limbs kept growing, her scales kept spreading, her very head and brain surged in size... Every minute the former kobolds added to her body, the overwhelming weight of muscles and bone that would have absolutely crushed her human body in the morning just grew to take up more and more of the cave.  By now whatever mass had been from her human self was just a drop in the bucket next to the sheer tons of mass that now made up her form...

A form that looked down in meek embarrassment at the size and shape she had been “gifted” with.  She finally managed to roll over without kobolds constantly trying to make themselves her prey, putting weight on the bones and joints that dwarfed a human, exercising those enormous muscles that could crush cars.  All that mass that she had been involuntarily fed, which now moved at her merest thought as her own, because it WAS her own.

“You... why did you.. I get that you wanted a dragoness, but you... you made me EAT several of you!  Your friends are gone!” she exclaimed, blushing her new ears against her skull with a voice that sounded like it should have been the peak of feminine authority and power.

The surviving throng of kobolds, which was still quite sizable, swarmed her legs and jumped up to pat her belly and hips.  “They not gone, they you!” the little gremlins cheered.

“They’re.. but I felt them in my gut, they got digested!  They,” she motioned at her whole body, her body that she... admittedly felt her heart thumping in joy seeing that it was HER own. “They’re me, but they’re toast!”

“Toast?” the kobolds repeated, confused, before one of them in the back began cheering.  “They toast now, you Toast!  You big happy dragoness Toast!  You look much better as lady dragon!”

James’ retort was immediately cut short, as she stammered in embarrassment and blushing, but in a very different sort of way.  But the kobolds were now onto something. “Yes!  Hail our big dragon, our big dragoness Toast!  Toast is our happy dragon and we help her forever and ever! Yiiipeeeeeeee!!”

James, or Toast, rather, opened and closed her massive maw several times, unable to formulate a reply as she meekly wiggled, a motion entirely unfitting to her massive, regal form. 

As if to emphasize this regalness, kobolds began swarming up, this time not to offer themselves as mass and a meal, but with gold, jewels.  She mutely watched shyly as massive golden jewels were linked around her legs, and her forelegs, while other kobolds climbed over her jangling and jingling with precious metals as she find a massive golden necklace draped around her neck and a glittering tiara placed into her violet mane.

“All hail our new dragon!  Our wonderful new princess!  She be a great dragon and a great mother!”

Toast felt her new wings spread over her neck and head as she used them to try and hide behind... especially the SMILE that she was now sporting, a smile that despite herself she could not surpress.  Her whole body swooned at being called a princess. 

It was all so much, she almost didn’t notice the gurgling in her stomach.  At first she thought it was just residual effects of her, er, massive “meal.”  But this was different, it lingered, and it wasn’t in her stomach; this was a feeling centered much lower, below her gut.  Much more around, in between actually...

...her hips.

Toast’s eyes started to widen in shock, as she felt something form.  SomeTHINGS.  The kobolds kept chanting about her being a mother, and she realized they weren’t just talking about being a mother of sorts to THEM.

As if to emphasize, one of the  kobolds raced up her legs and patted her hips enthusiastically.  “See!  Friend kobolds part of Toast, but also more!  Lots of kobold souls together can make dragon souls!  Toast have many dragon souls with her now!”

Someone was squealing somewhere.  Toast began looking around in confusing even amidst her shock; it took her several moments to realize a sound was coming from her throat, and that SHE was the one squealing in JOY.  Immediately she started coughing, covering her face with her wings and peeking her embarrassed eyes out from behind, as the kobolds chanted her new name and patted at her.

It wasn’t at all how she thought the day was going to proceed waking up, but somehow Toast the confused, blushing pregnant dragoness figured it wasn’t the worst that could have happened... Sure she felt bad about the kobolds that made up her body but... gosh she was a pretty dragoness now, and she had a swarm of kobolds practically worshiping her; they’d be certainly lost at this point if she just left so... best to look after them?  For now, yeah.  And the fact that she might need their help, she wasn’t sure at all how to be a mother!

Yeah, it wouldn’t be so bad, just go with the flow.  And be a pretty dragoness named Toast.  Yeah, as flushed as her whole body was with embarrassment... probably was the most rational course of action.  Totally.

3
Writer's Guild / The Bakesale
« on: February 25, 2020, 10:12:48 PM »
Hell froze over.

For Chase featuring Virmir (also rather rough so I'm only posting it here and going to give it a good reread after TFF and edit it for a published on FA form).  As always if you think of anything you want changed feel free to mention .

One day Chase decided to hold a bakesale.  It is generally agreed that this was a poor decision and was responsible for all the chaos and destruction that followed.
   The worst aspect may have been simply the location; right across the way from Virmir’s out of the way treehouse.  Fed up with annoyingly restrictive city permits, Chase came to the conclusion the endeavor wasn’t worth the effort to set up shop anywhere within the overbearing reach of city hall.  Hence the move to hold his bakesale in a more pristine, open area.  Perhaps it wouldn’t receive the same traffic, but the picturesque surroundings more than made up for the slight remoteness.  The customers seemed more than happy to browse through and purchase the many baked goods Chase had been working all week to prepare.  The very orange fox himself beamed at the smiles and the success he was raking in.  Everyone was happy as could be.
   Except for Virmir of course.
   It being still winter, the gray fox was already in a thoroughly miserable mood.  Snow, cold, cold and snow, more snow, then a plunge in the thermostat into even colder temperatures.  Before rising, threatening everyone with hope before dumping another foot of snow atop the already frigid, frozen, and quite thoroughly dead landscape and then plummeting below zero again.
   Suffice to say Virmir had already had enough winter and the frozen white “sky vomit” that plagued him during this season. 
Fortunately, his primary trade above all else was that of a fire mage.
Unfortunately, launching indiscriminate fireball bursts off to melt enormous swaths of snow at once tended to make neighbors upset. 
Fortunately, Virmir had selected a residence in which neighbors were few and far between and reasonably distant from his tree-built abode.
Unfortunately, Chase had just set up his fantastic winter bakesale in the next lot which was now packed with people. 
The first inkling the orange fox had that something was amiss were the ecstatic squeals of glee from the children.  They saw huge roaring walls of flame gushing out and melting snow en masse and, coming to logical conclusions that half-baked demonspawn often come to, rushed to get as close to the glorious fire as they could possibly witness.  Predictably the excited squeals almost immediately gave way to startled shrieks and screams as flaming embers caught onto clothing, bits of fur, and before long a small stampede of half lit children came barreling over the hill.
Immediately parents and adults shrieked just as loud if not louder than the children, racing into the half-flaming horde to scoop up the incendiary devils who proceeded to rub their faces against their parental units and largely anything else flammable that was in reach.  It was this scene that Chase now looked up from innocently behind his stall filled with freshly breaked bread.  “Loaf’s up!... er...” he blinked before sweating profusely as a small forest fire began to light itself as screaming half baked adults rampaged into the foliage and park.  One particularly brightly self-light combustable in the shape of a skunk rampaged up to the table screaming, stopped for a moment, snatched one of the cakes without paying so much as a penny, then proceeded to remember he was aflame and got back to it, cries muffled between stuffing his face full of cake. 
“Er...” the orange fox wasn’t actually sure how to immediately respond, before he noticed the figure rising over the crest of the hill.  It looked as though it had stepped forth straight from an arctic expedition, covered in so many layers it resembled less a person than a bouncing ball with puffed out limbs and the barest figure of a head sticking out the top.  The only other feature that could give away identity was the figure’s miniscule height, barely three and a half feet tall.
Oh and the ball of flame that seemed to rise from the newcomer’s fingertips. 
“Virmir?”  Chase called out still a bit dazed.
Immediately urocyon eyes of judgement latched upon the intruding orange fox, quickly divining his purpose with all the tables and baked goods lying about.  “YOU,” crackled the accusing voice.
Ok, the gray fox was displeased, but still; “Uh, Virmir, can we talk about this later?  People are sort of on fire here,” Chase watched with concern as a chastising mother cow chewed out her flaming calves while lighting aflame herself, making remarks about how none of them had better be well done by the time they got home.
“Ah yes, keywords,” Virmir held up a heavily gloved paw with his digits barely protruding and thus visible, “People.  Here,” the urocyon’s tail swished angrily.  “On my property.”
By this point Chase was no longer entirely paying attention; he was doing his best trying to throw snow onto some of the scurrying self guided candles.  Couldn’t the little devils at least roll in the snow to put themselves out??  “On fire!”
Virmir rolled his eyes.  “Well of course they’re on fire!  That tends to happen when they run straight into my fireballs!”
“Around children!”
“Who shouldn’t be here ON MY PROPERTY!”
“That’s not your property!” the orange fox waved frantically at imaginary points on the half burnt snowfield.  “Your line begins just before that ridge!”
“The children were over here!”
Chase wanted to tear his fur out.  “Who ran over after attracted by your irresponsible fireballs!”
“It’s not my fault they’re stupid!” 
“Uuugh!!” Chase actually did pull some of his fur out, and ran over to another drooling youngster, a kitten who starred in fascination at the burning fur on his arm and spun around in circles with it.  He threw a bunch of snow on him.  The child blinked, lowed his ears disappointed, then ran over and hugged one of his ablaze friends to rekindle his own self destruction, this time all over his body.  Momentary glee was very quickly replaced by ear shattering screaming.
Atop the ridge Virmir folded his arms.  Or tried to; it was a hard maneuver to pull off with the 7+ layers he was wearing.  “What did I tell you,” he scoffed smugly.
Clearly throwing snow wasn’t going to work; a more radical solution was needed.  Mind frenetically thinking of possibilities, Chase recalled the book of spells that he kept in his vehicle.  Rushing past the random pillars of yawning, screaming or prancing pillars of flame, the vulpine snatched his trunk open and revealed his Fantastic Book of Spells.  Carefully, of course; this one was a library rental and obviously he didn’t want anything terrible happening to it.  So he whipped it out, cautiously running over to the numerous flaming children screeching around him like banshees.  Quickly he brushes his paws through the pages, to the... the water spells!  Yes, that was it.  Granted they might be a bit cold, it being winter and all, but as long as they warmed themselves up it shouldn’t be bad.
   So he muttered under his breath a hope that this wouldn’t go terribly and cast at the nearest youngsters!  And.. HISSSSSSSsssssiizzle.  A whole bunch of steam burst forth from their confused smoky figures, harmlessly dissipating the offending flames.  Right!  That worked, it... what spell was it on this page that he had just cast?  Er, right, just try that one... and
   This time instead of the first thing being noticeable that of a wall of steam, this time there was a rather more noticeable torrent of water, like buckets had materialized from nowhere and extinguished the fires below.  Well, ok, they’d have to be warmed and dried immediately lest niggling annoying things like hypothermia set in, but those flames were well and truly drenched.  Everything was chipper!
   Aside from the fact that some of the nearby onlookers also got drenched randomly; the falling water hadn’t been very precisely aimed.
   Oh also Virmir was now also soaking wet.
   Immediately conscious of his own mortality Chase took a step back.  “Gah, sorry Virmir that was my fau-,” he began.
   That might have worked if the gray fox had been in a normal, productive mood drawing cartoons all day.  But at this point the waterfall during frozen winter was the last straw for Virmir, who stared intently at Chase before whipping off one of his drenched gloves and began summoning a ball of flame.
   Those tended to end badly.  In the mood that he was in, Virmir was just as likely to lob a 20 foot fireball as a 5 foot one and blast a whole heck of onlookers out with Chase, something the orange fox considered a rather negative outcome.  So without thinking he snapped open the book and read the first spell on the water page he could find.  “Alakazamaquamarine-a-floos!”
   Somewhat to his surprise, Virmir was not drenched in water.  No steam.  Nor ice (thankfully, that would have killed him but would have made him even more irate once he respawned).  No, instead Chase witnessed Virmir wobble and...
   FLOP
   One second Virmir was there, in his ridiculously packed ten layers of drenched coats and then he wasn’t.  The clothes were all there, but unceremoniously splayed all across the ground.  Oh no, Chase hoped he hadn’t!...
   Gingerly the vulpine moved toward the crumpled mass, ignoring for now the retreating horde of his former and would-be customers.  He couldn’t see anything but there was a smell.  Something... fishy?  Had Virmir packed a fish sandwich in his coat or something?  That didn’t sound like him at all.
   Only when Chase pulled up one of the sleeves did the wiggling make itself known.  “Virmir?” Chase called again and begin digging through the wet crumpled mess, until his paws bumped into something wet and scaly. 
   The fish blinked and then glowered at Chase as the orange fox pulled back the coats.  “What.  Did.  You.  DO,” Virmir demanded, his fishy tail slapping about angrily. 
   If there was a witty reply to this situation, Chase couldn’t think of it.  Instead he flummoxed and opened and closed his mouth a few times.  “Well... glad to say I’m not really hungry for fish right now after all that bread, hehe?” he attempted to joke.  The new fish thrashed about wildly and somehow succeeded in smacking Chase in the muzzle.  “Alright alright!” he cried out, and spun around to snatch the book.
   Somehow he must have cast a fish transformation spell while digging through the water spells.  Well, he just needed to try and find a reverse spell?  His paw traced through the page as Virmir flopped angrily behind him.  “Is that the spell book?  What’s taking so long?” the fish demanded. 
   “I’m trying!” Chase fumbled through the writing.  “This isn't one of my spells so I can only reverse it with one of the book's own spells!” Blast, why wasn’t this book laid out clearly; they couldn’t even lay out separate lines for each spell!  So after a few impatient minutes, he just picked one that looked right? 
   Shazam!... and Virmir blinked, now rather much a trout rather than some generic fish Chase couldn’t identify. 
   “... why you, you think this is funny, do you even know what you’re doing!?” the trout snarled and hopped on Chase’s lap, slapping a flipper down on the pages.  “Aquakadoodle-zam!” he shouted pointing at one line.
   “Wait Virmir that-!” Chase started to object.
   Of course he didn’t, since he found it a little disorienting having been suddenly shrunk down into the compact shape of a crab. 
   The two literal fish out of water stared at each other before Chase snapped an irritated claw at Virmir.  “HEY!!” the trout snarled, trying his best to summon an angry fireball with those flippers.  This went about as well as could be expected; it was actually quite an accomplishment that he managed to produce an ember or two.  So it was that he couldn’t do much more than wiggle and thrash as Chase clamped down on his tail hard with his claw.  “OOW!  Let go!!”
   Chase ignored Virmir’s protests, which only led to the trout thrashing more, knocking the book about.  “Dang it Virmir, now I’ve lost the page!” Chase huffed irritated as he awkwardly tried to flop his claws through the book.
   As much as a trout could roll its eyes, Virmir did so.  “You weren’t doing any good on that page anyway, we don’t NEED to be turning into more fishy things anyway!  Now hurry up and look for a reversal spell,” he growled.
   Chase gave Virmir a good slap to be quiet, while he tried to search and read.  And search and read.  And search and read.  Until finally the trout let out a looong exasperated sigh.  “Do you eeeeven know what you’re doing?”

   “There’s a lot of spells in here, alright?  And it’s laid out like it was written by a clueless intern.”
   “Good trees, just let me have it!” Virmir finally managed to squirm free of Chase’s grip and flopped down to try and examine the book. 

   But the former orange fox wasn’t ready to give up.  “Hey I didn’t say I was ready to throw in the towel, alright?  I’ve almost got it, I’m sure the reverse transformation spell is somewhere in this index.”
   Growling as best as a trout could, Virmir slapped Chase in the face with his tailfin.  At this Chase, instead of just snapping with his claws again, immediately slammed down on one of the visible transformation passages in front of him and called it out aloud while pointing at Virmir.
   THUMP.
   What was... Chase’s crab eyestalks glanced upward, and upward, as the trout was replaced by the white feathery form.  “Ba-gawk?” Virmir the chicken blinked several times and then glared down at the offending crustacean...
   Chase decided it was a good idea to run, which proved wise as that penetrating beak slammed down where he had been standing a second before.  Angry BAGAWKs rang out as the farmbird ran circles around the book, trying to catch the medling crab.  Clearly outmatched unless he could snatch a lucky shot with his claws, Chase scrambled around to the front of the book, desperate to try and find a better form for himself!  But that second of frantic searching was enough time for Virmir to catch up and stomp him in place, while a feather angrily slapped down to another passage. “Let’s see how you like this!” Virmir shouted while shaking his feathers. 
   And Chase was left blinking, a touch smaller, though he certainly felt more familiar.  More mammalian at least!  But things were off...
   Squeak!!  Chase found his mouse tail snatched up in the air and unceremoniously dangled in front of the disgruntled bird.  “Virmir, don’t you think we could just call a truce?”  But something told the new rodent that the chicken wasn’t going to leave it at that, so before he could move the mouse slapped down at the pages, starting to read another one of the transformation passages.
   Immediately the mouse was flung backward, hard.  He had quite the flight before he crashed into the snow bank behind him, dizzily trying to unbury himself. 
   And immediately spotting Virmir swatting through the pages.  “Well, maybe he’s just finally reversing all this...” he thought to himself, before an impatient BAGAWK followed then by a...
   “...GAH!!”
   Virmir cried out and tried to shiver with his short-ish arms, now a quivering alligator stuck in the snow.  “Blasted spell book!  That clearly said Carnivora like the Order of Mammals!” The gator thrashed his tail about angrily, and that’s when Chase saw his opening and darted in, scurrying undetected.  Virmir blinked and snarled out but Chase had already pounced on the book, spouting.-.. “Lemkazarkle!”
   Aaaand zap!  Whatever momentary disorientation the former fox was hit by wore off quickly when he saw the Virmir-gator’s glare and the opening of his jaws.  So that book was snatched up as was lemur-ly possible as the new primate scurried off, book held tightly. 
   Chase probably thought that Virmir would have a hard time keeping up.  For one, being a gator, his body was rather awkwardly proportioned for speeding through the snow. Second, he was cold blooded and given his already formidable intolerance of cold, this made it even worse.  He’d be incapacitated within moments surely.
   Unfortunately, while it had most certainly not been Virmir’s first choice of forms, this was the closest during this entire debacle that he had the nearest thing to hands. 
   Chase didn’t know what was coming until it was nearly too late.  Shivering with his tropical primate body, he caught his breath near the base of a tree... only to see a sudden RAGING TORPEDO OF FIERY FURY barrel toward him.  Fight or flight instincts rather quickly assumed control and Chase bolted up the tree, only for the whole plant to be rocked near off its roots when Virmir smashed into it full force.
   “Virmir just stop!” Chase pleaded while hanging on awkwardly to a branch, having only one hand to hop around while holding the magic book. “I promise I’ll change us both back!”
   “What’s that, not listening right now to the person who invited screaming children onto my property~” the gator hissed will visibly dizzy, soon backing up with deliberate intent as he crossed his claws about, his whole reptilian body seeming to light aflame.  Gulping, Chase tried to distract him by throwing down small branches, debris of any kind to distract the flaming gator to no avail.  Nothing could stop the headbutting gator, the impact crashing into the tree with such force it cracked with an almighty SNAP.  And, oh, also managed to be caught up in a rather sizable shockwave of fire that light half the tree aflame. 
   Letting out a sharp scream of shock, Chase let go of the book before he realized it, but that was momentarily put aside in favor of hanging on for dear life as the tree careeeeeeeeeeeeeeeened and crashed into the ground below.  And also as mentioned, on fire; as it was Chase had to throw himself into the snow to keep himself from becoming a rather crispy critter.
   Undigging himself dizzily, Chase struggled to come to his senses as he saw the gator perched in front of the flaming tree, snatching up the book and rifling through its contents.  “Who wrote this blasted thing!?” he complained as he searched its contents. 
   Fearing for his safety, the lemur groaned and once again felt no choice but to jump at Virmir.  The gator was certainly far more powerful and capable of biting the offending lemur in half, but again Chase was a lemur, and his agility literally wound Virmir's eyes around in circles until the fire mage spun around dizzily.  Sadly, this was not enough to incapacitate him to the point where he let go of the book.
   Snap! Went the gator's teeth.  Swipe!  Went the lemur's paws.  They rolled over each other in the snow, wrestling awkwardly for control of the book.  But in the current environment Virmir was on borrowed time and the alligator knew it.  So instead of fighting Chase with all of his formidable might, he started reading.  And Chase, fearing for what revenge Virmir might be plotting, snatched and started reading himself.  The first non garbage animal that the each could spot, something better than what they were!...
   KADOOSH!
   Chase felt himself changing, and midair he found his whole form growing out as he WHAMED into the ground behind him, hooves flailing about... uh, hooves?  He flailed his hard nubs, neighing like the horse he had become squirming to get a good view.  Somehow Virmir had flung him away with great force very suddenly-
   “BLASTED TREES, REALLY?”
   The new bear stared down at himself, not at his immense rending claws, his impressive bulked up physique; no, he was starring down at his behind, gazing in dismay at the lack of tail that adorned his ursine body.  Chase really couldn't help it, he burst out in a chorus of hysterical neighing. 
   With a mighty roar Virmir slammed all four of his and charged the surprised equine.  “No more horsing around!!” he lept forward, leaving Chase scrambling and only juuuust escaping the claws of the enraged bear.  But in the enraged process of attempting to swipe at him, Virmir left the book wide open.
   Raising up on his hind legs and letting out a mighty neigh, the horse stomped forward into the snowy wastes, summoning up a mighty dustup of snow in his wake.  Surely he'd be leaving Virmir in the dust-
   Oh right the the whole barrelling firecharge thing.
   This time as a 500 pound bear.
   A super charged firebear DESTROYED a straight path of snow in front of him, vaporizing it in a trail of roaring steam that clouded up the entire premises.  Chase's horsey eyes widened in alarm as he snatched down with his mouth to snatch the book up.  Normally he'd be leaving Virmir completely in the dust, but the steam generating ursine was now just barreling thorugh the brush and small trees that were in his way, CRACKcrashing his way through the woods (and presumably also doing a fair number on his own property at this point). 
   Runing the clearest way he could, Chase ended up leading Virmir toward his own treehouse; surely he wouldn't try and set fire to his own place!  Granted, the door was something that Chase as a horse had difficulty using.  But a good brute force kick managed to remove that obstacle, though it left him wiggling fiercely to manuever his way inside. 
   “THAT WAS MY FRONT DOOR!” the bear raged, and Chase was half convinced Virmir would just smash his way through the remains.  Instead, silence.  Then scratching; why wasn't he just moving in?  Was he just too big?
   Scraaaatch scratch.  Up the wall.  That was when Chase remembered bears could climb.  He could run again, or he could just fix things with the book.  He had to have at least a few seconds!
   He silently cursed his clumsy hooves as he slapped the book down, awkwardly flipping through pages and always accidentally turning far more pages than he intended.  Was it under this page?  Nono, it had to be... blast it, was this under transmutation/transornamentation?? 
   Where was the dang reverse spell listed under!?
   CRASH!!!  And Chase yelped as a heavy bear shattered the ceiling smashed into the floorboards just behind his hooves, throwing him upward and upside down atop a desk and utterly smashing it. 

   “Grrrrrr, STUPID FLOORBOARDS!! They're supposed to hold up a greater weight than this!” Virmir slapped at his own pudgy weight, then immediately eyed the book. 
   Both the bear and the horse lunged at the book, nearly smashing each others faces off with each others claws/hoof.  Chase spun around and tried to THWACK Virmir with his back hooves, missing, and succeeding in taking out one of the windows.  The bear meanwhile also tried to deliver a powerful blow, also also missing, and leaving a nice smashed hole in the wall where a bookcase once stood. 
   Immediately both lunged for the book, trying to snatch it, tearing at each other for the pages!  “I was almost ready Vir-mmpmhh!” he squirmed as Virmir twirled his body around to pin Chase's head against the wall.
   “Do you know how much it's going to COST to fix this place up?  All the contractors I'm going to have to put up with for a week or more while I try and work!?” Virmir snarled and clawed at the pages.  A spells, H spells!
   Claws and hooves smashing against each other.  F spells!  Spells under D!  Virmir started incanting, Chase's eyes widened in alarm and he dove in, trying to read back, both of them speaking over each other in spell-riddled jibberish!..
   KaZAAAAM!!!!
   The force of the magic shook the whole house, a shockwave blasting apart furniture and shattering all the remaining windows. 
   Chase blinked, feeling groooggy.  Face was a bit different, definitely not equine.  He had far more of a tail this time, felt more right?  No, it was too thick, and he moved to poke himself.
   But his arm was moving not of his accord?  It reached down to poke his side, and his right leg tried to push up!?  Chase tried to steady himself, to stop the random motions, only succeeding in unbalancing himself and sending himself toppling forward  “Ah!”

   “Gah!”
   Wait what?  Why was Virmir shouting at the same time?
   Chase's head slammed down, and his first sight was looking down crosseyed at a very distinctly draconic orange scaled snout.  Well that was one mystery solved.  The other grew worse as Virmir's head fell next to him.  Also looking very draconic.  “Oh great, you just had to try and make yourself a dragon didn't you?” Chase rolled his eyes. 
   Virmir growled and moved to try and hit Chase with a claw! 
   “Ow!”  “Yeowch!”
   Both blinked after a moment, realizing they both cried out in pain.  It was only then that both slowly panned their gaze down, their necks retreating into their bodies.  Or rather, body.  Virmir's gray dragon scales bled into Chase's yellow right down the center, and the former gray fox cupped his head in his talon. 
   Chase sighed... blinking as he spotted a cinnamon roll laying on the window sill. Somehow it must have gotten blow all the way up here in the confusion and explosions?  Sighing, he snatched it up and ate.  Virmir's eyes widened in alarm.  “Don't eat that!  That's going to go in my belly too!”  And Chase, staring Virmir right in the eye took the most deliberate bite out of a dessert he had ever taken in his life and smiled.

4
Random Topics / A stupid poll
« on: July 30, 2017, 06:58:39 PM »
I've been obsessed with that alicorn pic I got from Amethyst if no one noticed.
That and a certain individual has egged me on about being stuck in forms for long periods of time YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE
Anyhoo it seemed kind of silly and pointless and a hassle until I just realized what Arro's been doing and thought "...why can't I just put that to a poll"

SO THERE IT IS

SHOULD I BE STUCK AS HALF A YEAR ON THIS SITE AS PRINCESS RADIANT HOTCAKES OR NOT

Form in question since attached images seem to be borking https://www.furaffinity.net/view/24304144
(and Twatter backup in case FA is intent on being Failaffinity https://twitter.com/RadToast/status/891119212957233153 )

5
Random Topics / TF Forms To-Do list
« on: January 03, 2016, 01:11:27 PM »
Because boredom and I'm half curious what other people are wanting to TF into as well.
This refers to TFs in PICTURES, mind.

Salamander?
Dolphin-(inflatable)
SEA INVERTEBRATES
Tribrachidium (Trichordate)
Horseshoe crab
Megalograptus

Tapeworm

Avian (only done by Shiro)
-Chocobo
-Avali

Sea serpent
hydra
(maaaybe another Wyvern)
Flammie
-Flammie plush
Aquatic dragon

Moogle-dragon
Bubble dragon

Argonian
Kobold
Maybe some form of digimon
Slightly shiny skinned kirin gal

Inflatable Yoshi

Pokemon
-Shaymin
-Charmander
-Mega Charaizard X/Y
-dragonite
-Eevee
 -Vaporeon
 -Flareon
 -Sylveon
 -Espeon
 -Umbreon
-Mega Ampharos
-Flygon
-Floatzel
-(inflatable) Goodra
-2Chaotic's Lycanroc
-Salazzle
-Primarina
-Furfrou
-Alolan Sandslash
-Nidoqueen
-Vulpix/Ninetails
-Golduck
-Growlith/Arcanine
-Rapidash
-Tentacruel
-Magneton
-Alolan Marowak
-Rhydon
-Kingdra
-Mew
-Tyranitar
-Salamence
-Latias
-Zebstrika


Cow (done Miltank already though)
Antelope/gazelle
Goat
Coyote
Various dog breeds that I haven't done already
-GShep
-Corgi
Dingo
Jackal
Gray fox
jaguar
leopard
panther
tiger
donkey (maaybe)
Possibly more deer (fleshy)
hyena
camel
Kangaroo (fleshy)
lemur
Otter (girl, preferably by Jearic or someone)
skunk
squirrel (maaaybe)
Inflatable snow leopard

Gator
Croc
Lizard
Snake
Naga

spider
scorpion
Hornet
Queen bee
Mantis
Mosquito

Dinosaurs
-T-rex (fleshy)
-RAPTOR
-Nessie
-long neck
-Triceretops

Helmasaur King
Trinexx
Metroid variants
Metroid Queen
Deathclaw
xenomorph

Inflatable raft

Plane-dragon

Goodyear blimp

Other ideas:
Puffkissed by PinkPrincessDestiny into a toy version of her
Put on demon amulet exact same time as demon summoning and get TF/TG'd into lady demon in the middle of their pentgram
Plane-dragon chemtrails
Plane-dragon TF via airplane mode
Plane-dragon TF headshot sequence with growing nosecone via sneeze
Keys' character Laura getting playful
TFTG or femboi TF triggered by stockings
TG'd by a magical squeezing corset
Puffkissed by the Mane Six into a pony parade balloon
Reality shift into schoolgirl dragoness
TFing Beo into "Beatrice"
-TFTGAR Beo into young Beatrice with me as a magical plushie
TFTG with Beo into dragonesses in wedding gowns
Plushed by being forcefully filled with cotton stuffing
Need to demonically possess a host and forcefully TF them
hOI!! im temmie!!
Comic of Medik and Virmir magically insisting with TF effects that I'm a dragon
Costume TF
Squeeing so hard that it TGs me into a fangirl
Black and White TF w/ the diety hand
Booping a hewmon nose triggering a furry TF
Hipbumping a guy into a girl anthro
Puffkissing Rune into Runa

Toast and Kouryuu fighting over a victim who is midway TFing into a kobold

TFing into Princess Cadance while sleeping

Thrown into a dumpster and popping out as a raccoon

TF into Cadance along with Blue who is Shining Armor

TF possessed by Princess Toy Time/Viola to be "borrowed" for an emergency

TFTGPreg pic triggered by walking into a baby shower

Dragonair-succubus TFTG

Stranded on Otter Island and inflated into an otter inflatable mascot

TFTG'd into a big shiny raichu at Keys' teasing

Using ToyCritter as adaptive spy gear where it becomes essential components for another species disguise

Blowing up an animal balloon when blowback  occurs.

Selden causing inflatable otter TF on contact and chasing me half transformed with a huge otter tail dragging along behind me

The song In The Navy plays triggering an aquatic TF

Turning into an inflatable orca with a huge warning label

http://art.by.virmir.com/art/girly_rod remade but as a sequence

VALVEPOX

Rigged TF-cursed dice that always rolls up a rainbow and turns me into Rainbow Dash when playing D&D

Not TF, but Space Dandy Toast

TF into a toon roo by putting on boxing gloves

Chased by a magical floating mullet and TF'd into an 80s esque cartoon

TF into a pony toy like https://twitter.com/balloonpup/status/872620220573155328

"What, your [insert own username] is evolving!  And your B button is broken"

Relent on eating one vegetable which causes a snap dragon TF

Turning into a dragon plush Christmas/birthday present for someone

Puffed up and transformed by Cyrin into an inflatophin

Forced to listen to the Narwhals Song for 10 hours and TFing into a Narwhal

TF inflating someone while I am a air hose hydra

NinjaRobotPooltoyPlushCerberusTaurpedeSuneMultiwingedBugDragonPonyGirl

Draw me like one of your French Toasts

Losing a bet and having to get a tattoo, and it turns out the tattoo is an MLP cutie mark and pony TF ensues

Someone treating me with excessive chivalry (opening doors for me and the like) which slowly turns me into a beautiful lady.

Eating magic skittles causes a Rainbow Dash TF

I'M DRIVING DOWN HIGHWAY 40 IN MY BIG OLD PICKUP TRUCK

6
Writer's Guild / If Only
« on: August 31, 2015, 02:19:54 PM »
   There was no song anymore.  Its light chipper lyrics absented themselves from the stage, abandoning the surroundings to a display of violence and depravity that repainted the walls in brightly colored smears.  Children no longer danced, hopped, and skipped around to a lighthearted beat; no longer was there any joy to be had.

   The poor victim hadn't had a chance.  His attackers had descended upon him like wolves with nary a second thought.  It had been so sudden and so brutal that there had barely been a second of warning, just the attack that descended and laid waste to the life that had once been so cheerfully going along its way in singsong.

   Happiness had reverberated with abundance, before suffocated and squelched with hunger.  Ravenous, all consuming hunger had assaulted reason, beaten it into submission, pummeled and ground it into the ground until only the irrepressible desire to devour remained, alone and fully in charge.

   The smears on the wall brightly shone in their colors, alternating between their deep, penetrating reds and the splattered yellows.  Those had begun after the feeding had begun, sprayed about with reckless abandon upon the victim.  To “give him flavor,” they had said as they busily stuffed their faces.

   His clothing hadn't survived the changes unscathed; few garments could have withstood the changing shape that the boy had undergone, the thickening plumpness that had encapsulated him from his loins to his head, swelling it all into a single round shape.  The collar of his shirt seemed to have ripped apart first,  though on the whole that garment was merely stretched and untorn; at least until the hungering mob had descended upon him like wolves, leaving it shredded and and in split rags strewn across the floor.  The pants on the other hand, were destroyed from the word go, their bottoms torn out by the expanding fleshy form of the boy before his demise.

   The scene of the crime was littered with pieces of him, at least those that hadn't been outright devoured before police arrived on the scene.  There was barely anything left; the arms and legs that had been the only things to survive shape-wise from his original form had been utterly ravaged; not a piece remained that was bigger than an inch or two.  Not a trace remained of anything resembling a person anymore.

   And it had all started because the boy had wished.  He had wished for everyone to be in love with him.  Such a grisly demise and tragedy could have been entirely avoided.

   If only.

   If only he hadn't wished to be an Oscar Mayer Wiener.

7
Random Topics / TOD IS DOING ICON DAY AGAIN
« on: August 25, 2014, 03:57:25 PM »

8
Random Insanity / Continue the Story Type Thingie
« on: January 23, 2014, 07:16:10 PM »
Once upon a time there was a man named Antidisestablishmentarianism who tripped over a small rock one morning.  Being a reasonable fellow, Antidisestablishmentarianism decided the rational response to this situation was to figure out a way to kill the rock...

9
Random Insanity / Dice test
« on: September 23, 2013, 11:25:26 AM »
May be deleted later

10
Role Play Theater / DoW the 3rd
« on: June 19, 2013, 03:00:17 AM »
Putting together some map making and learning how to work the Doku wiki...

So are there any who would be interested in a game of it?

Rules would basically be the same as found in the last game; post once a week, the rest of the mechanics are there.  Though when I jumped into the first game I found it more informative to see how other people played in their own posts, so newcomers may want to glance through the thread linked.

Edit: I don't have Fax's time constraints, so as soon as everyone posts, the next turn can resume.

11
Random Topics / Toast, you, and RP
« on: April 13, 2013, 07:05:53 PM »
Ok, this has been an issue that has long bothered me but I usually just keep quiet because I don't want to stoke drama.  But I'm going to say it here just to let it be known because people can't read minds, and I don't end up telling them usually until I get pissed and it boils over into something ugly.

When I want to RP, I'll let you know, not the other way around.  I like to RP sometimes, but only when I feel like it, not on other people's timetables.  This includes when I'm in chat; just because I'm logged in and talking does not mean I want to engage in an RP.  To be perfectly honest, it feels like a violation of my personal space when people try this.  80% of the time when this is attempted and I don't respond, I'm not AFK; I know what's happening but I keep my mouth shut because I judge it not worth starting anything over.  Yes, I hate causing drama to a fault, that is precisely why I'm posting this now.  I would rather avoid spectacular blow ups.

If you don't like this, that is your prerogative.  I'm not the type to jump on people out of the blue without knowing how they'll feel about it, because I treat people with the respect that I want to be treated with in return.  I make sure that I'm not stepping over the line when I interact with someone, and that's all I ask for in others.

12
Writer's Guild / The Squeak Around the Corner
« on: December 17, 2012, 10:57:03 PM »
   Virmir grumbled as his paws squished in the wet late-winter mud of his lawn while trying to keep his flamethrower balanced.  It was a minor nuisance, however, merely necessitating a quick wiping of his footpaws with his towel when he climbed back into his treehouse.  Mud was an inconsequential thing in comparison to the hellish white material covering his lawn by several inches.  Mother nature was finally getting its act together and delivering its blessed sun and terribly paltry excuse for heat to start melting the horrid frigid snow from his property, but the gray fox toon deemed this far too slow a process and was determined to expedite it.  Pulling his paw on the trigger once again sent a spewing torrent of glorious flaming liquid spraying across the lawn, purifying the unholy cold evil from his premises and at least revealing non-white grass that had hidden itself away for several months.

   Triumphant "Ha!"s bellowed out of the fox’s mouth, crowing at his victory against the dreaded cold element, so caught up in his glory that he almost failed to notice the burnt and scorched blades of glass that had been liberated from their icy captivity only to be ingloriously roasted the moment they were free.  The triumphant noises coming from his muzzle were immediately replaced with scowls, and for a moment, the fox considered tossing the flamethrower aside so as to spare his lawn from further wasteful burning that would result not in luscious green grass come spring but charred ash.  But...  maaaaaybe he could just be a bit more careful.  After all, the magnificent bursts of flaming liquid this marvelous device shot out were just a little too cool to ignore.  With a shrug and a grin the flamethrower was lifted again and fired, rending the snow piles, annihilating them with waves of blistering flame. 

   Alas, the gray fox’s glee was not to last; in no less than five seconds his grand device rocked and bucked like a panicking bronco, sputtering and filling the air with puffs of gray smoke.  Scowling and wrenching open the top, Virmir was greeted by a dismal sight; the fuel gauge arrow dropped to the giant "E" for empty symbol... and fell below it, coughing and wheeeeeeezing.  "Whhhhhhhhhhe... at little pick me up buddy?" the arrow pleaded as it panted toonishly.

   "BLAAAAAAAAAST!"  Of COURSE, right when he was really having fun and getting into the hang of things it would all come screeching to a halt because of something so lame as running out of blasted gas!! 

   Pounding his way back to his treehouse garage, the toon stuffed his magnificent machine away for another time, or at least for when he returned with more fuel.  It was downright insufferable that he had to interrupt his precise and orderly schedule for something some infuriatingly stupid as running out of gas!  Grumbling and grabbing another identical cape from his closet to replace the one he had sullied a bit from the yard work, the gray fox stamped his paws out his garage and through his small wood to the City.

   Those around him often commented that the fox should simply up and buy himself a vehicle so that he didn’t have to hoof it all the way back to civilization on foot every time the need to obtain goods arose.  Virmir scoffed at this notion, reasoning that 1: cars were evil loud monstrosities prone to careening around aimlessly (especially when dealing with ridiculous uncivilized city drivers) and ought to be all sent to the scrapyard the world over, and 2: he didn’t live THAT far into the woods, more a quick walk’s worth.  Virmir may have been a solitary hermit who liked his trees, but he was by no means whatsoever what could be considered a "country fox."  Nature was nice and pretty and all, but it just couldn’t give you internet connections and space heaters on a whim!

   Strolling down into the city on his bare paws, Virmir’s claws clicked on the sidewalk as he followed it casually into town, though always, always keeping a close eye out for cars.  Today was a fortunate day in that there were few deranged impatient five year olds behind the wheel, but there still were a few that were driving a little too quickly and recklessly as Virmir traversed the crosswalks.  Fortunately these were sent to a screeching panicked halt with a few well aimed warning shots.  Oh, they were uninjured and mostly undamaged; the fireballs were aimed to fly past or to graze, not to obliterate, but one or two headlights or sideview mirrors were crispified this day.  No matter, just a few small blemishes, and the walk was actually turning out to be not so terrible today.  It was of course nowhere NEAR what the toon fox would call warm, but it was at least not life threatening or near freezing anymore.

   In fact, for a late winter day things seemed relatively well, with fewer homicidal automobiles on the road than normal and hardly any noisy pedestrians to pester him and push their faces into his muzzle.  Things seemed... ok oddly. 

   Speaking of oddly, there was a more unusual sight that he came across.  Down the side walk waddled a raccoon.  While this was not a terribly unusual sight, the fact that its pants were bloated and swollen, causing him to wobble with a tremendous bobbing gait.  What was he doing, walking with pillows stuffed into his pant legs?  The procyon waddled about, like he was suddenly slipping on his footpaws and unable to keep traction.  Flailing ensued as he fell right into the fox.

   *fwumph*  Ok what in blazes was that weird noise? Virmir thought to himself. 

   "Meep.  Sorry about that," the coon said, his voice oddly chipmunk like.  What was he doing, swallowing helium?  Weird people...

   Shrugging at the hapless raccoon, Virmir turned a few more corners to reach the gas station.  Snatching out a gas container from his toon hammerspace, he promptly filled it, ignoring the bumbling passerbys, and worse still, their automobiles.  One or two came up far too close for his comfort as they filed into get their own gas; one even got within 10 feet of him!  Glowering, the toon fox did his best not to make a scene and finished his business; paying with his credit card... great.  Great.  The card reader for the Pay at the Pump didn’t seem to be working.  More social contact; great.

   Walking inside, his arrival was proclaimed the gregarious and over the top bell ringing over the door.  Yes, like he needed everyone’s attention when he walked in anywhere he went so people could look at him, notice him, and proceed to initiate droll meaningless conversation.  He got a few looks, some raising of eyebrows and of course there was always some small child or another that pointed and exclaimed at the top of their lungs "Mommie look at the cute gray foxie!"  Uuuugh, he liked being a toon fox and all, even being fluffy and stuff, but the screaming children was just too much. 

   Moving to stand behind a chubby, haggard, and frumpy lady who alternated between wheezily inhaling a cigarette and coughing up small splatterings of green phlegm, Virmir tapped his paws on the grungy dirt caked floor and waited.  He tried very hard not to think about how poor the upkeep of this place was; before the Pay at the Pump had been installed he had deliberately not visited this gas station at all.  Now he was forced to venture into this unkempt Temple of Uncleanliness and trudge its unwashed domain.

   "Moooommie, can I pet him?  Can I can I?"

   Clicking his teeth together impatiently, Virmir tapped his paws more as the towering hulk of discolored flabby skin in front of him tugged at her ill fitting dress and coughed to the acne ridden youth behind the register in a wheezing diatribe that sounded so distorted it might as well have been another language.  "I ‘an’t get my gaaaas to work," she managed to say before being cut off by a earth shaking cough and hacking in the back of her throat.  "The ‘as," she said, streams of discolored spittle flying out between her teeth and splattering onto the counter and floor in front of her.

   Virmir’s trancelike state of jaw dropping speechless revulsion was only broken when the girl behind him began emanating a high pitched screeching.  "Mooooommieee, pleeeeeaase?" she begged as she waged a campaign to gain her mother’s attention by tugging at her shirt ceaselessly.

   Gulping, the fox tapped his footpaws even more impatiently waiting for the frumpy lady in front of him to hurry up!

   "Maam?" the weedy young man behind the register began, "the gas won’t work?  Did you raising the tray when you pulled out the nozzle?"

   "UcEEuuuhhhhc!  Ack, dumb ‘ough," the old lady rasped as she stuffed her cigarette back in her mouth and took a deep wheezing breath.  "I ‘an’t get the gas to run, what tray?"

   "Maam, the tray that the gas nozzle was sitting in," the clerk explained.

   "Tray?  Tray?" the hag repeated like she had just been delivered a dissertation on the finer incomprehensible points of quantum physics, "There’s no, no, AAAACHHHK."  Out came a colossal wave of coughing that blasted the room, ringing in Virmir’s ears like a sonic weapon.  Attempts to fold his ears on the thought that merely hearing the hacking would contaminate him had the benefit of making his eardrums hurt less from the shattering decibel level, but this didn’t save him when he opened his eyes to see the whole counter in front of him utterly covered in discolored green/yellow phlegm and mucus, dripping off in massive globs of puss that made audible *sclorch* noises as it dribbled down the side.  Virmir stared in horror at the toxic compounds splattered onto the already grungy tiled floor, splashing and sending mucus projectiles flying in all directions. 

   The toon fox yipped in almighty horror, unable to scurry backwards on his paws fast enough to escape.  Double disadvantage grabbed hold of him as not only was he unable to avoid having his fur splashed and saturated with mucus, he also found himself backing into the miniature human behind him.

   There was barely enough time to fold his ears flat against his head at her delighted screeching squeal before he was suddenly enveloped in squeezing arms that YOINKED him backward.  He found himself squished like a plush toy, momentarily emptying him of breath.  Nevertheless his whole body began fiercely kicking and flailing in a feeble attempt to grasp freedom from the iron clutches of this little girl who now deafened him with a very loud "Squeeeee!!"

   Muffled "Gah!"s and demands to be let go that very instant were suffocated from his muzzle as she constricted him, snuggling him like an oversized plushie and neglecting to show the slightest inclination of letting him go. 

      So caught up was Virmir in this predicament that he failed to notice the putrid tub of lard in front of the counter enter into another round of hacking.  "Aaaah!  Ferget this!  I’ll go ‘et mah ‘as somewhere else!" she thundered out and accompanied with a tremendous wheezing.   Spinning her bulk around with such force she could have spun her tubbiness like potter’s clay, her face scrunched like it was being stretched by a vacuum cleaner, as her nose twitched...
     
      "AAAAAACHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
     
   With that a tidal wave of discolored, quivering mucus was excreted explosively out the ancient hag’s sagging face, tumbling over through the air in heaps of wobbling opaque blobs.  Virmir’s eyes widened in horror as he was held rigidly in place by the pre-pubescent human, as the mass of phlegm tumbled straight at him.  His legs kicked fiercely, trying to escape before-

   *SPLAT-SQUIRK*
   
   Virmir’s world froze as time itself seemed to get itself caught in the hurling mucus, freezing mid air... before splattering into the gray fox, drenching him muzzle to footpaw with congealing, squishy puke-green pus.

   "EWWWW!" the little girl cried, having been spared from the onslaught by the fox shield aside from a small splattering on her shoulder, which she took as seriously as contamination with the Ebola virus and promptly shrieked, cried, and fussed so loud one could have lived on Mars and still have had to cover one’s ears.  Seeing that the cute toon foxie was now a soaked mucus sponge, she shrieked even louder and brutally thrust him onto the grungy tile floor.

   Virmir twitched, feeling the oozing, gooie, slimy, contaminated, filthy, unhealthy, grungy mucus soak his fur... and he creeeeaked his neck around to look up at the stunned customers surrounding him.

   Slowly but surely a fierce snarl cross his muzzle, his hackles raised like static electricity coursed through him, and he raised his right paw and summoned the first flicker of flaming fireballs to incinerate the putrid, wretched occupants of this blasted GAS STATION-

*   *   *

   The fire trucks blared their horns in the background as the traumatized occupants huddled around, collectively gasping and staring in disbelief at the burning and roaring conflagration that stood before them, a near constant ball of flame that billowed upward like a gigantic out of control smoke signal.  They stood mutely, occasionally hugging each other at the close call... then someone whipped out their phone to twitter about the event, and soon all of the escapees were busy on their phones, wiping soot from their fingers so they could text clearer.

      Out of the smoking burning ruins stumbled a blackened form, as a completely soot covered gray fox wobbled, coughing a couple times and blinking widely, before tremoring a long while and having to steady himself against a wall.  Summoning the energy and effort required to pull himself together, the fox toon sighed.  "I haaaate gas stations..." he raspily declared, before falling inward into a blinking pile of soot. 

*   *   *

    Ah, excellent!  Celery for lunch!  Virmir eagerly chomped down on his crunchy veggies, enjoying his quickly prepared meal;  all he had to do was grab it and munch!  No need for time consuming pots or pans, or any need for wasting time with a microwave!  The toon fox grumbled and wished everything could be this fast.  Transportation, taxes, phone calls...

   He stared out the window and GLOWERED at the last small pile of snow piled in his yard.  Winter.  Winter was most definitely the most deserving thing in the history of the world to be instantly cut short.  Blasted snow... blasted cold!  Wasn’t fit for life, not for any sort of habitation. 

   It was only after munching and swallowing two sticks of celery that the gray fox realized something was amiss.  The first sign was when he knocked into his kitchen counter three times in a row.  Concerned first and foremost with consuming his daily fiber allocation, Virmir only noticed this in passing, thinking perhaps he was just ambling about clumsily.  This was an assessment that was promptly challenged by his subsequent inability to fit through the doorframe.  There followed several seconds of incredulous staring before a chorus of groans and muttered "blast it!"s resounded through the house.

   Arrrrgh!  Blasted fattening celery!  The bane of healthy eaters everywhere, fattening celery was the most toonish of aberrations, something so twisted it went out of its way by its mere existence to make the world a more confusing (but arguably more interesting) place.  Instead of being the slimmingest of foods, celery could instead become a diabolical agent of obesity.

   Squeeeezing forward, Virmir pushed his bulge through the door at last, his balloonish belly wobbling like a mound of jello.  Perfect.  Now to spend the rest of the day wobbling around ungainly squeezing through doors and unable to trust the rest of his recently purchased celery.  Blasted wretched celery that didn’t behave itself like proper vegetables should!  Noooo, it had to act like a tub of lard!

   Fumbling out of his tree house, Virmir set off to the city to pick up replacement groceries.  His weight, however, was greater than he was guessing, a fact he belatedly realized as he was attempting to climb down the ladder to his tree house...

   One fox shaped hole in the ground later, the gray fox grooowled and pulled himself out, cursing once again the foul misbehaving vegetables that had landed him in this hole.  This would necessitate an UNSCHEDULED groceries trip, ruining his plans for the afternoon.  He had planned to go tomorrow, as was his custom to go that day every other week to accumulate a sufficient quantity of foodstuffs, but with an uncertain amount of his absolutely essential celery tainted, quite possibly the whole lot, then in order to maintain good diet and proper health he was forced to break routine and embark on a journey to obtain replacements.

   Embarking yet again into the morass of humanity that called itself the city, Virmir  set off huffing and puffing!  Hopefully by the time he reached the city it would qualify as a cartoonish scene change and he would have burned off all that fat...

*   *   *

   Gasping for air, Virmir stumbled down the sidewalk as the old balance returned to him.  Still, he was more or less back to normal, with the possible exception of a bit of flab hanging off his gut.  Steadily regaining his composure he hurried to the grocery store, eager to be done with all this nonsense so he could get back home! 

   There was one thing to be joyous about despite everything: it was HOT outside!  Glorious, wonderful, baking heat that roasted and warmed his fur and small frame.  It made him almost forget his troubles and brought a nice wide smile to his muzzle.

   One thing struck the toon as odd as he ventured deeper into town; there were remarkably less pedestrians, or even drivers, about today than there should have been.  At first he was relieved at the lack company and near death experiences, but soon his new relative safety became less interesting than his relative solitude.  It didn't quite make sense; this was the middle of a day on a Tuesday; where were the workers on lunchbreak and random city dwellers?

   Bah, what use was it to dwell on such things?  Probably just random chance, or something going on that he wouldn't give a tree about.  Waving a paw, he declared to himself that the whole matter was nothing of consequence; if there were less people to deal with all the better!  He could purchase his replacement vegetables with greater ease and less fuss!

   The path the toon chose to travel that day took him past a new building in town, a large steel monstrosity that loomed over the street like some ominous cloud.  Weird, part of it almost looked inflatable... a large part of it in fact.  A large sign hung over the front saying "Oceanside Laboratories" in a technology styled font, boldly proclaiming its existence to the city.  Funny, they had put up that building rather quick...  The construction crews had only been busy for a few weeks, yet now the thing looked pretty much finished; how had they gotten that up so fast?

   Whatever.  Such was no matter!  Virmir wasn't here to sight see or care about new businesses after all! He was here to get groceries!  Right turn, left turn, straight down and...

CLOSED FOR EXTENDED LUNCH

   WHAT

   It was the middle of the day!  The middle of business hours!  How was it possible, feasible, financially viable that a major grocery store up and close on a whim's notice!?  Aaaaargh!!

   Scowling at the sign and the darkened interior, Virmir briefly considered flame-blasting a window open and taking the groceries he needed, maybe leaving extra payment to pay for having the window replaced.  It would have been perfectly equitable from his point of view!  He would get his groceries now, they would have the funds to repair their window!  But that would mean cash practically wasted that could be spent on more useful things instead, not to mention it would make further trips to the grocery store a biiiit more uncomfortable in the future if they got a good shot of him with the cameras... BAH!  This wasn't worth his time! Maybe if he just checked another grocery store several blocks away.

   Seeeeething and fuming at his precious wasted time that he had to spend ambling about hoping to another grocery store for blasted celery, Virmir tried to nod politely whenever someone got too close for comfort in the hopes they would just walk on and he would be spared the expenditure of effort necessary to lob a fireball spell at them.

   Gazing downward as his thoughts furiously tossed and turned in his noggin, Virmir didn't even notice his crashing into another pedestrian!  "Gah!" the fox toon shouted, "Why don't you look where you'r- Medik?" he blinked in surprise.

   "Hiya, Vir!" the bouncy 7 year old jackal pup exclaimed, "I'm out grabbing snacks for everyone!

   Virmir blinked, dusting himself off and scowling a bit, imagining what unhealthy sugar bombs the jackal imagined as snacks.  Letting out a shudder, the fox brushed himself off as he stood up.  "Er, everyone?  Everyone being?..."
   
   The cartoon stripped jackal wagged his fluffy tail and practically wiggled with excitement, his eyes darting around like a pair of energetic yoyos.  "Y'know! Everyone cool!"

   "Uh huh" Virmir responded, losing interest in what was by default a social happening.  His eyes even started to drift off, when realization slapped him silly.  "Wait, you're getting snacks?  You know a grocery store that's actually open??"

      Medik beamed.  "Oh yeah! It's just around the corner! You gonna come to the beach?" he added in immediately.
     
      Virmir looked in relief down the corner, thanking the trees that he didn’t have to amble about any longer.  "Ah, thanks," he began, catching himself just a second later. "-and no thank you very much.  I remember what happened last time you took me to a large, crowded, packed, public amusement area..." the fox twitched as the memory uncomfortably assaulted him.
     
      "Whaaaaat," the jackal leered mischievously, "cuz you turned into an AWESOME coaster?"
     
      " Gaaaaahh" cringed the overwhelmed fox as he held his ears in an ineffectual attempt to keep the reminders out.  "Don't remind me.  That was horrible!"
     
       Medik pouted.  "Was not! It was cooooool!"
     
      The shudders made Virmir curl his tail around himself.  "Noooooo thank you anyway.   I think I'm perfectly fine with avoiding things that are terrifying, and that most certainly qualified as such."
     
      "Aw, fine..." the jackal said as his ears drooped, finally dropping the subject.
     
      Virmir sighed and ignored the jackal trying to guilt him in with puppy eyes.  "Anyway, thank you for telling me about that other grocery store.  It'll keep me from wasting another hour looking around for another one. Blasted stores going closed in the clear middle of the day..."
   
   The side-stripped jackal giggled in response.  "You don't have to worry about that silly stuff!  Cuz everyone's at the beach, Vir! Come on! You gotta join in!"

   It couldn't be said that Medik wasn't persistent about something he really wanted.  Unfortunately, Virmir joining in with "everyone" was about as likely as a cat gleefully jumping into a tub to get bathed.  He grumbled, sighed and moved on past,  "Bah," he said dismissively, "swimming entails people in large numbers!  I don't do the whole swimming thing anyway."

   Details, as far as the pup was concerned.  "You don't gotta swim at a beach!  You can just play in the sand if you wanna!"

   Blast, he was being persistent.  "Yeeeeeeah, well, thanks.  I'll just buy my celery and go back to being productive and happy," the fox said with a note of finality.

   "Ewww, celery!" Medik bleh'd, gagging and trying to shake his tongue of the imagined taste that contaminated it.  "Well, bye!  Maybe you'll change your mind later!" he said giggling, before scurrying back off in the direction of the beach.

   It was just something Virmir couldn't comprehend.  Why would one choose to spend such a nice, hot day at the beach swimming and being in close proximity to other people?  It was just absurd!  Much better to sit back and relax in solitude and draw cartoon foxes all day long!

   Heading off, a strong wind came off from the direction of the beach, brushing Virmir's nostrils with the scent of seaweed and... something else.  A faint whiff of something that he couldn't quite put his paw on even though he knew he should be able to.  That, and his ears swiveled around to hear large amounts of joyful exclamations and screams. 

   Uuuurgh.  He shuddered deeply, hurrying his legs up so he could get out of range of those dreadful noises of social activity.

*   *   *

   Whoooowie!  Nothing pleased Virmir quite as much as a heatwave, to soak and soothe the body and push the nightmare of winter far, far away.  It was delightfully above room temperature, enough for the toon fox to yank all his windows open and let the delightful torrent of warm, pleasing air flow all over the house.

   Munching on a carrot, Virmir sat and tailwagged as he ate his lunch.  Nice, solitary day, just by himself in the woods, just relaxing and chilling.  Finishing his meal, he stood up and stretched. 

   ART time!  Now he just had to fetch a ref he saw from earlier, wanted to draw... waaait a minute. 

   Of course, it would be just a wonderful time as now when everything else was going right that his internet connection would decide that working was an optional choice.  Blast it all! 

   Scowling, Virmir reached over and snatched his scarcely used phone.  Such a desperate measure as conducting vocal conversation in the privacy of his own home was a contingency reserved only for the most extreme of emergencies, but blast it his internet was important!  The ISP had to be called about the problem right away and badgered into fixing it! 

   Phone tone.  Phone tone.  Phone tone.  Phone tone.

   Virmir looked up at his clock impatiently.

   Phone tone.  Phone tone.  Phone tone.  Phone tone.

   "Hello."

   Finally!  An answer!

   "Your call is important to us.  Please leave your name, number and problem after the tone.

   Beep.

   Silence pervaded the room as the toon fox stared blankly at the wall for several seconds, before a scowl began twiiiisting upwards and took to dominating the whole of his face in a seething snarl.

   Ok, that was IT. He stood up, summoning a flame into his paw and incinerating the contemptible phone for good measure.  Answer machine HIM when his internet went out, huh?  Well, he knew where their offices were!  How were they gonna like it when he marched down there and gave them a piece of his flaming mind?

   Snatching his cape, Virmir cursed the numerous antics that his household appliances, food stores, and necessities had been playing on him.  Virmir wasn't the superstitious sort,  but he couldn't help look over his shoulder, a tinge of paranoid coloring his thoughts and forcing upon his uneasy mind the possibility that someone was out to get him...

   Bah, there was exceedingly trivial point to pondering on such things, especially when there was WORK to be done!  Virmir lept out of his treehouse dramatically, deftly landing on his footpaws and launching himself upright, quickly storming off back into the city.

   The one saving grace was that heat wave was still around; if anything, it had become even more pronounced.  Virmir wallowed and stretched in the soothing baking heat.  Muuuuuch better than the bone snapping flesh freezing coldness that had lingered around lately.  It had been as intolerably frigid as 60 degrees Fahrenheit!  But now, now it was summer, perfect baking summer heat.

   Even as the sun began to disappear and dusk settled into place firmly, the heat was still omnipresent and comfortable like a warm blanket.  Humidity stuck in the air, making the fox smile and tailwag his wonderfully fluffy tail.  By the trees, this would be such a wonderful day if it weren't for this intolerable internet outage. 

   Scowling, Virmir made his way to leave his forested glen to the city looming before him.  The glistening of the city lights bathed the area as he approached, making Virmir tense as he expected to have to deal with those nefarious contraptions called automobiles.  His ears, however, went undisturbed and unmolested by the roaring of engines and the honking of horns.  Things were strangely quiet... quite a bit bit too quiet.  He certainly didn't wish to complain about an absence of traffic, but something about all this made him ill at ease.

   Pedestrians failed to materialize, just empty streets awaited, animated only by passing wind that tossed newspaper pages to and fro with no one to notice.  Virmir shivered, darting his head around.  Eventually he caught the sound of a care passing a few blocks over, the hustle of a quickly moving passerby further down the street, but it seemed that the disquiet he felt was felt just as strongly by others.  That, or something was going on.

   Virmir's eyes narrowed, suspiciously combing his surroundings as he made his way to his ISP's office building.  Dark shadows loomed around the illumination of the street lamps, futily trying to light the dark city which bathed itself in black with so few car headlights shining out.  He scurried along faster, picking up his footpaws at a pace that more resembled a jog than any sort of walk.  Quickly he made his way to the office building... to find it closed.  Not just merely closed, but dark, locked, boarded up even. 

   The fox's tail twitched unevenly as he began grumbling.  Ok, WHAT was going on??  Did the whole city suddenly take NyQuil and conk out collectively?  SOME people surely were supposed to be up in the early evening! 

   Since a review of the premises yielded no answers, Virmir decided upon the drastic, unprecedented action of approaching a passerby and engaging in social conversation.  His tail twitched and his fur stood on end in protest of the mere thought of it, but it was the only way he could find out what the Trees was going on.

   "Uh, hey, you!" Virmir shouted down the street, gritting his teeth.  "Hey, could you tell me... hey, hey!"

   Despite his efforts to communicate, Virmir stared dumbfounded as the pedestrian barely gave him a second glance, scurrying down the street quickly and disappearing behind a corner.

   O...kay...  Maybe it was someone else like him who didn't appreciate small talk?  He padded along, spinning in circles looking around for another shape on the streets. 

   "Excuse me, uh, mister?  Hello?" He declared, spotting someone hunkering down low.  At his pronouncement the individual, instead of stopping to respond, lowered his head and scurried along faster.    "Hey, I need to ask you a question!"

   No such luck, as the reluctant individual practically ran down the sidewalk, bursting behind a corner and disappearing from Virmir's sight. 

   "Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."  Ok, this was just getting irritating now. 

   Marching along, Virmir stayed silent till he spotted someone close, carrying an overstuffed bag and cramming it into an already filled to capacity trunk.  "Excuse me, might I-" Virmir began.

   The passerby, a younger man, lit his eyes in annoyance.  "Don't bug me, I gotta pack, right now," he said abruptly. 

   The fox rolled his eyes.  "I just want to know-"

   Answers proved elusive as the young man slammed his trunk down, running back inside.  Virmir stood flabbergasted as the human quickly jumped out again, one smaller bag with him that he leapt into the car with and without preamble turned the ignition and spun off, the tires squealing and leaving black marks on the pavement in their wake. 

   The fox stared for a moment before snarling and stomping off.  URRG!!!  What was going on!?  What was so pressing that he couldn't get just a simple straight answer out of people?  Bad enough he had to try and talk to them face to face, but then it turned out to be for naught! 

   Furious thoughts pumped through Virmir's mind as he stormed down the sidewalk, eyes darting about looking for someone.  He noticed now that the din of occasional cars in the distance had disappeared, and as night settled in he was hard pressed to hear anything except the hum of the street lamps lighting up totally empty streets.  Every time a breeze blew his fur started to stand increasingly on end.  But.. BAH.  Silly nonsense, it was just the unease of the city being deserted!  Which... was more than a mite creepy in and of itself.

   Finally, after over 10 minutes of searching, the fox located someone hiding behind a dumpster, nibbling on a breakfast bar.  "You there," the fox pronounced.  "What the blazes is going on here?"

   A gasp of horror lit up the woman's face as Virmir spoke.  She darted her finger to her lips and went "Shhhh!!"  She darted her gaze around quickly, as if afraid of being pounced from any direction.  "Keep your voice down, you moron!" she hissed in a harsh whisper.

   Mounting irritation made Virmir just consider giving up and heading back home, but curiosity burned far too brightly.  Not to mention concern... "Fine," he whispered back, annoyed.  "Is that better?  Now tell me what's going on her, blast it.  The city's deserted, I can't get ahold of anyone, and my net is out in the woods because of it!" he whispered exasperated.

   "It's just been getting worse, just over the past few days," the woman said softly, almost more to herself than him as her eyes stared ahead blankly at seemingly nothing at all.  "It's been going crazy.  Everyone's been going crazy, getting all obsessed over-"

   A loud bang could be heard, a trash lid falling over nearby.  The woman froze and gripped the alley wall tightly, stopping so forcefully she seemed not to breathe for several seconds.  Virmir looked around alertly, scanning for any movement till he saw the shape of a small feral cat moving about nearby.  He sighed, lowering his tail and shaking his head.  "Just a streetcat, nothing to be concerned about."

   Anxiety still broadcasted from the woman's eyes, but she allowed herself the luxury of breathing.  "I thought for a moment... Glad that was just a cat.  I thought it was worse.  The past day it's been going absolutely nuts, people rushing off their jobs, absconding from work like mad.  No one was around to run the fast food or gas stations or anything.  It all just started falling apart, and that creepy Oceanside Lab place was just going crazy with everybody coming out-"

   A loud screeching MEOW burst out through the streets, then suddenly silenced itself.  The only thing that could be heard was a loud series of squeaks, squeaks that vaguely sounded of laughter.

   "Oh-" the woman began to curse.

   A car alarm went off.

   Before Virmir could react or ask further questions the woman bolted, bursting down the alley at a breakneck pace.  He snapped around to look in her direction, the looked back.  Something was moving, looming and casting a large shadow.  It looked like a huge puffed up car, floating and wiggling around.

   His eyes wide and gaping in horror, Virmir followed in the woman's general direction to promptly bolt the scene, intent on putting as much distance between himself and whatever demonic car shadow this was.  He didn't have a blasted clue what was going on, but he certainly wasn't going to stick around and find out if it involved an automobile! 

   Careening down the alley and bursting into the next street, the toon fox lost sight of the woman, but could easily hear the deep groans and low squirks of whatever it was behind him.  His immediate proximity behind him was bathed in the sudden unmistakable glow of car headlights.  Sheer blind terror made Virmir's face turn ashen white as he BOLTED faster, several times coming perilously to tripping over his own paws as he attempted to escape from the looming monstrosity groaning and squirking heavily behind him.

   His tongue hung out at an odd angle as he looked like a dog hanging his head out the window, but far more terrified, zooming down to the next alley to try and escape his pursuer.  A trash dump showed up in his vision, presenting a clear choice despite its unsanitary lack of appeal.  Diving in Virmir quickly but quietly pulled the lid down over himself, gagging silently at the stench as he quivered in place. 

   Waiting.  Waiting.  Slowly a flood of light cast overhead, glistening through the cracks in the trash bin's lid, the slow squirking and hum of some kind of engine could be heard.  Virmir's curiosity was rampant, but he just huddled down, not daring to risk taking a peak.  As it was he was terrified of the prospect that the headlights were already feasting their gaze on his location, ready to pounce.  Long, agonizing *THUMP* *THUMP* 's echoed in his skull, as with baited breath he waited, fighting the irresistible urge to gag at the horrid rotten stench that he shared the trash bin with.  Clearly someone had tossed out some food in here, which was now well on its way to rotting a most unpleasant odor. 

   Trembling as silently as possible, more than several times the fox feared he rustled the papers too much, creating a just perceptible enough ruckus that would doom himself.  With baited breath he tried to slow his breathing... He completely lost track of any sense of time; he wasn't able to say if it was seconds or minutes, heck even hours.  All he knew was that he was near frozen stiff, hardly breathing at all till the bright lights swerved around, that low squeaking and rumbling leaving him behind in the dark.

   It was several minutes before Virmir summoned the nerve to peek his muzzle out of the bin, very cautiously scanning his surroundings.  No sign of any lights, any movement.  Just the black of night and dim light of street lamps around the corner.  Gingerly the fox climbed out, one paw at a time, and once he was sure he was in the clear, he scurried to escape this blasted nightmare.  Huddling against the walls, he hurried and skirted till he was out of range of all of it.

   Panting as he returned to the woods, Virmir looked back, unable to answer what in blazes was going on...

13
Random Topics / So Bad It's Good and So Bad It's Horrible
« on: October 28, 2012, 10:21:31 PM »
What are the movies that you've personally seen that are So Bad It's Good and So Bad It's Horrible?

My personal nominations are The Man Who Saves the World (aka Turkish Star Wars) for So Bad it's Good and Monster A-Go Go for So Bad It's Horrible. 

The former being the most unintentionally hilarious ripped off cheese fest I have ever seen, and the later so mind numbingly awful Nagol described it as having physically made him dumber for watching it.

14
Random Topics / OS
« on: October 28, 2012, 05:41:11 PM »
The discussion last night about Windows 8 made me curious so posting this here.  Personally I use Vista on my desktop and 7 on my laptop.

15
Random Topics / Random question on dragons
« on: August 19, 2012, 12:37:14 PM »
Random discussion I forget exactly where I saw; someone suggested that dragons can be so magical that they livebirth instead of laying eggs like "common reptiles."  I actually recall this being used in a limited fashion in one story I read, where golden dragons were quite magical and gave livebrith, but all the other dragons came from eggs.

Sooo... thoughts?

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