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Author Topic: Unfinished: The Second Most Dangerous Game  (Read 23799 times)

AlexShrub

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on: January 24, 2010, 08:42:13 PM
First story I've written and I'm currently typing it to put in on the Intardnet.
TF by corporation into a raccoon.

Striving for grammar, although one of them has a small POV discrepancy, but its minor.



Compiled em in preperation for getting off (or on  [:P) my lazy bum and continuing my story.

Added Superchapter 2 - in progress, I'll update this file and not have the separate thingies people seem to hate  [fox]


« Last Edit: March 01, 2010, 02:21:02 PM by AlexShrub »

Now crime only goes up if you don't turn the graph upside-down. Turn it upside-down, and it has halved. Halved! Under me, Alex Shrub.

Vote Shrub! You'll get richer, and won't feel guilty about it!

Lopez

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Reply #1 on: January 25, 2010, 07:35:07 PM
I like the originality! The twist ending gave the story an especially good punch to it, in addition the escape from the fox. It was a very colorful depiction of a raccoon's world (and I must admit, it gave me an idea for a story as well.)

I hope to see more of your stories! (though, perhaps, as one document?)

...but that's just my opinion, so don't let it bother you too much!

Virmir

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Reply #2 on: January 26, 2010, 08:43:42 PM
Fun story so far! (But gah! Poor fox. [;))

Yeah, you might want to consider consolidating them all into one attachment, or pasting the parts into the forum itself.  Either way, looking forward to the next part. [:)

[fox] Virmir

AlexShrub

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Reply #3 on: January 27, 2010, 02:11:22 PM
Quote from: Virmir on January 26, 2010, 08:43:42 PM
Fun story so far! (But gah! Poor fox.)
Don't Worry, the fox was a Red. 

Now crime only goes up if you don't turn the graph upside-down. Turn it upside-down, and it has halved. Halved! Under me, Alex Shrub.

Vote Shrub! You'll get richer, and won't feel guilty about it!

Geary

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Reply #4 on: January 27, 2010, 02:20:08 PM
Quote from: AlexShrub on January 27, 2010, 02:11:22 PM
Quote from: Virmir on January 26, 2010, 08:43:42 PM
Fun story so far! (But gah! Poor fox.)
Don't Worry, the fox was a Red. 
But red's aren't the overly egotistical ones, seeing as they don't think they can escape all harm by climbing trees!

Geary: That means you get a companion for four levels, then it gets an upgrade.
Draykin: A very PAINFUL upgrade.
* Digital_Vulpine eeps, since the rules don't specify that I'm exempt from the psychic link that Wizards have with their familiars. o_o;
Geary: GET YOUR PET DRUNK.

Stormkit

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Reply #5 on: February 09, 2010, 01:05:58 AM
The ending seems a little abrupt. It doesn't say anything about WHY the organization is doing this cover up or how they plan to avoid repurcussions, etc. It's an interesting idea and pretty well written out, but it sort of leaves you wondering what the point was.

Of the four elements,
None is predominant.
Of the four seasons,
None lasts forever.

AlexShrub

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Reply #6 on: February 09, 2010, 09:33:18 AM
Quote from: Stormkit on February 09, 2010, 01:05:58 AM
The ending seems a little abrupt. It doesn't say anything about WHY the organization is doing this cover up or how they plan to avoid repurcussions, etc. It's an interesting idea and pretty well written out, but it sort of leaves you wondering what the point was.

But its not done yet!

Now crime only goes up if you don't turn the graph upside-down. Turn it upside-down, and it has halved. Halved! Under me, Alex Shrub.

Vote Shrub! You'll get richer, and won't feel guilty about it!

KaiAdin

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Reply #7 on: February 10, 2010, 06:34:02 PM
Oh alex! maybe you should just reply to this thread with the new chapters  instead of editing the original post, that way whole thread gets Bumped up to the top and people know its been updated!

(especially if they wern't on the chat when it was announced! / don't read the chat logs!) ]:)

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AlexShrub

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Reply #8 on: February 10, 2010, 06:36:44 PM
Quote from: KaiAdin on February 10, 2010, 06:34:02 PM
Oh alex! maybe you should just reply to this thread with the new chapters  instead of editing the original post.

Well than that leads back to the "Too many sections, ARGH!" complaints  [:P

Now crime only goes up if you don't turn the graph upside-down. Turn it upside-down, and it has halved. Halved! Under me, Alex Shrub.

Vote Shrub! You'll get richer, and won't feel guilty about it!

AlexShrub

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Reply #9 on: February 10, 2010, 06:37:20 PM
not really on this site, but on FA

Now crime only goes up if you don't turn the graph upside-down. Turn it upside-down, and it has halved. Halved! Under me, Alex Shrub.

Vote Shrub! You'll get richer, and won't feel guilty about it!

KaiAdin

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Reply #10 on: February 11, 2010, 01:04:55 AM
ah true!
haha probably the best idea then is to update the OP with the combined file and just announce it with a new post! ];)

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AlexShrub

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Reply #11 on: February 11, 2010, 05:01:39 AM
Thats the plan!  [:)

Now crime only goes up if you don't turn the graph upside-down. Turn it upside-down, and it has halved. Halved! Under me, Alex Shrub.

Vote Shrub! You'll get richer, and won't feel guilty about it!

Virmir

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Reply #12 on: February 11, 2010, 09:22:21 PM
Personally, I would just copy+paste each new part directly into the forums with a new post each time. [;)

Anyway, looks interesting so far.  Looking forward to reading more. [:)

[fox] Virmir

Lopez

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Reply #13 on: February 13, 2010, 06:16:54 PM
Chapter 2. We now know more about the characters! But what are they planning? Are they Gonna go in like Solid Snake, like Ninja Gaiden, or just not go in at all and call it a day? ];) We shall soon see...

...but that's just my opinion, so don't let it bother you too much!

AlexShrub

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Reply #14 on: February 14, 2010, 10:01:08 PM
Quote from: Lopez on February 13, 2010, 06:16:54 PM
But what are they planning? Are they Gonna go in like Solid Snake, like Ninja Gaiden, or just not go in at all and call it a day?

Indeed you shall, in about a week  [fox]

BTW I have no idea how those games do things.

Now crime only goes up if you don't turn the graph upside-down. Turn it upside-down, and it has halved. Halved! Under me, Alex Shrub.

Vote Shrub! You'll get richer, and won't feel guilty about it!

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