Tales of The Stone-Woods

[Geary]

My first 'real' story that doing, I'll be posting it chapter by chapter and editing it based of critique. To start off this train wreck, crappy two paged prologue!

[Tvorsk]

Welllll, it sure has a "stream" feeling... like you'd be talking to the reader, as opposed to writing with proofreading and thiking over it. Good, probably means you're writing the diary because you want to leave the note of events quickly, instead of making an adjusted and coloured "Noble Diary".

Now, well, the worldbuilding is a little bit rushed... but hey... rabbits are quite hyper and scatterminded, and it seems to be passing through what you had in mind.
One thing I'm confused about is the last paragraph... did you mean to write "I would happen to fall into the second category", or will it be the foundation of the plot? (as in, Chris somehow passing for a vixen and taking classes?)

[Virmir]

Cool setting so far, and I'm interested in seeing where you go with it.

However, almost all of this is an info-dump.  You've got a cool setting worked up in your mind, and you want to lay it all out for the reader so he knows what's going on before you start the story.  This is generally a bad idea.  It will make both your plot and your world more vibrant if you introduce all of this info as your plot progresses piece-by-piece.  Instead of telling us the background in one huge chunk, show it to us through character dialogue and interactions and in bite-sized bits here and there. 

If I were you, I'd take this whole section above and keep it as personal notes and not part of the main story.  Start your story on the next page, where you were originally going to begin the next part here, and introduce everything in the original as it is needed.

Best of luck!  Either way you do it, looking forward to reading more.

[Geary]

One thing I'm confused about is the last paragraph... did you mean to write "I would happen to fall into the second category", or will it be the foundation of the plot? (as in, Chris somehow passing for a vixen and taking classes?)

It was referring to the section about the Jack's professions, will edit to make that more apparent.

However, almost all of this is an info-dump.  You've got a cool setting worked up in your mind, and you want to lay it all out for the reader so he knows what's going on before you start the story.  This is generally a bad idea.  It will make both your plot and your world more vibrant if you introduce all of this info as your plot progresses piece-by-piece.  Instead of telling us the background in one huge chunk, show it to us through character dialogue and interactions and in bite-sized bits here and there. 

Point taken, but it's meant to be a journal of sorts, and people writing journals will usually get things like economics, politics, and racial tension out of the way before starting to account events. Especially when you care nothing for any of the above, like our main character. Having to risk interrupting a plot point or dull it down in order to give information people about the world isn't really something people do in journals (excluding those in which the character knows nothing about the world he's living in).