Rails's quest for the scrolls(medieval times)

[RailsDS95]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Qa2gEBonObcXnqWxC3QogP7WeSu01GqDbgoH7Jv48zM/edit?usp=sharing (Protologue) I need feedback to keep typing this story! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1n_QfKmo4AfcNBjqgYYGjrjqueiLA7LgsEYxQBbPUJpU/edit?usp=sharing (Chapter 1) I espessially want to see Virmir's opinion on this story.

[RailsDS95]

ya know, I think nobody is gonna give me any feedback, so, heres the prologue and chapter 1.
   Castle Question was just like any old castle, except that it belongs to the Question family. The overall kingdom was a circle shape. Its population was average. Everyone was ranked like every other kingdom would. In other words, the Question Kingdom was, average!
   Rails was a small kitsune and an only child. He lives at Castle Question with his father. He never really knew his mother. He always stayed shorter than average. At age 10, he was still only as tall as his father’s hips. Everyone at his school teased him on his height.
Rails, however had more important things on his mind. He was in his room after school got out at noon, relaying his day, at his drawing desk. His room as small. His bed was a bunk bed with the bottom bunk being replaced by a drawing desk and office chair.
‘ Today is my birthday,’ Rails thought, ‘but nobody’s celebrating it with me!’
Rails was sitting at his drawing desk  thinking about his day so far. It was currently 1:30 in the afternoon. He was deep in thought when his dad, the KING, and two guards walked into his room!
“ GAH!” He cried out.
“ Rails,” his father said, nervously, “ This is the king, King Q. King Q, Rails.” Rails scrambled to attention. He bowed.
“ A p-pleasure and a h-honor to s-see you, your highness,” Rails stammered.
“ There’s no need to be nervous, Rails,” King Q replied.
“ Th-there isn’t?”
“ Yes. No one in this room is in any trouble of any kind. All I want to do is talk.”
“ About wh-what?”
“ Let us talk in my throne room! Come! Come!”
With that, they all walk to the throne room. As Rails follows his dad through the castle, he notices that it is really big and spacy. They finally arrive at the throne room.
” Here we are! My throne room!” King Q says, quite proud.
’ This place is as big as a cafeteria!’ Rails thought.
“ Now for the matter of Rails’s question…” King Q started.
“ King?” Rails’s father started.
“ Yes?”
“ May I let myself out?”
“ Dad??” Rails exclaimed.
“ You may.” the king replied.
“ Thanks!”
And with that, Rails’s father quickly turned around and practically tripped over himself running out the door. Rails watched helplessly as his own father ran out on him.
“ Rails…” King Q stated, “ You are special. You fit a certain legend perfectly.”
“ L-legend?!” Rails stuttered.
“ Yes.”
“ What kind?”
“ Allow me to explain.” The King walked over to his throne and sat down.
“ A long time ago, I was a prince, protecting over this land day and night. One day, however, I heard of a legendary wizard...”
   Heart beating fast, Prince Answer sits in waiting for the so called, “evil fox wizard with antenna,” to take his daily walk down his trade route.
‘ This legend better be true,’ thought Answer, wiping his brow with a handkerchief, ‘ or those townsfolk will get punished!’
Hearing the sound of fox paws against the dirt, he quickly ducked down and watched for whose ever footsteps they were. The young prince’s eyes widened.
‘ It is true!’ his mind raced, ‘ its the wizard!’
He quickly and quietly pulled out his reference paper:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1vAYOXxuqkeQ1NSblQtM2YxWFk/view?usp=sharing
He looked back at the wizard just in time to see him cast a spell on a poor fox trader. The trader looked shocked as he changed from a furry, cuddly fox to a colossal, menacing dragon, who flew away in tears.
‘ What was that spell that the wizard cast?’ the noble prince thought.“ and what was that thing that the trader became?” Answer thought aloud.
The wizard heard him say that and turned in his direction. However, Answer had gone with the wind.
   Prince Answer walked into his dad’s hospital room, only to find it was empty. Sadness welled up inside the prince. The doctor came into the room. He bowed,
“ Your majesty, a grey fox wearing a black cape with flowers came into this room to see your father. 5 minutes after his arrival, I went in to check on your deathly ill father, but him and the gray fox both had vanished.”
The poor prince broke into tears,
“ WHAT?!?” shrieked Answer, “ My father… DISAPPEARED?!”
“ Y-yes your highness. They weren’t there when I came into the room.”
Prince Answer dropped to his knees, upset.
“ Why! WHY!!!!”
“ … And I never saw that wizard or my father again.” King Q finished, ” Rails, the prophecy you fit is called “The three scrolls of knowledge” and it states that, ‘ If someone wants the scrolls to be found, only with a kitsune that is small and has 7 tails will they get them. This kitsune can only find them on it’s 11th birthday. Then, that person will see everything.’ Tell me, Rails. What is special about today to you?”
Rails blinked and looked up in thought.
“ Hmmmm…. Today’s my birthday?” He replied.
“ More specifically, your eleventh birthday.” King Q said.
“ Just like in the…” Rails trailed off, then gasped.
“ That’s why I want you, young Rails, to fulfill the prophecy,” King Question explained.
“ But, your highness! What If I can’t find them?” the red kitsune asked.
“ This is why I prepared ahead of time,” King Q Stood up.
He walked with his long robe trailing off behind him.
“ I was afraid you’d be like this,” King Q said.
Rails watched in awe as he walked across the room.
“ So, I decided you would need a trainer,” King Q finished, opening the big doors across from his throne, revealing a really buff fox.
“ King wants Klaus to train puny red kitsune?” the buff trainer said in a gruff voice.
“ WAAAAAAAAA!” Rails yelled, running around to the back of the throne.
“ Klaus, this is Rails. Rails, this is Klaus,” King Q said. Rails shivered.
“ Y-you’re scary,” he said.
“ Rails wimp. Klaus will change that,” Klaus said.
“ Be strong, Rails,” the King said.
Rails looked at the king, terrified.
“ And please, find the scrolls after your training,” said the king.
With that, Klaus carried the red kitsune out of the castle.

That is when the journey started.
Chapter 1
‘ I officially wanna walk now,’ Rails thought.
Even though he didn’t want to do the training, Rails officially hated being carried.
“ Klaus, please, PUT ME DOWN!” yelled the brave little kitsune.
“ No,” Klaus said.
“ Why not?”
“ ‘Cause Rails would run back to the king like coward.”
“ Nuh-UH! Just because I’m small doesn’t mean I’m a coward!”
“ Klaus will no longer listen to squawking Rails.”
“ HEY!”
Rails finally gave up. As Klaus walked, the small kitsune was being swayed from side to side. It was making him sick! He was starting to get queasy. By the time that started to happen, they finally arrived. The training facility that they were gonna train in was the best in the land!
‘ When the king said he was prepared for me, he meant it!’ Rails thought.
“ This is where Rails will train,” Klaus said.
“ This place looks big,” Rails said.
“ Building small inside.”
“ Probably not.”
As the conversation ended, Klaus carried the red kitsune into the building. As they went inside the building, Klaus was right about the building being small! The room space was smaller than it looked on the outside.
“ Can you put me down NOW?” Rails asked.
“ Not yet.” Klaus said.
After he said that, he closed the door and put Rails down.
“ Rails and Klaus get training.” he said.
Rails stood up with a sigh. Klaus walked over to the weight set and gestured for him to come.
“ Wait, WEIGHTS?! ALREADY?! NO TREADMILL?!” Rails gasped.
“ Treadmill for legs. Rails need work on arms.”
Rails sighed again. Klaus gestures for him again.
’ This is gonna be a long month,’ Rails thought.

   Meanwhile at the castle, King Q was sitting on his throne, bored. One of his guards was out to lunch, while the other, was standing next to the large door across from the king’s throne, complaining.
“ ...and now, my feet and legs have completely fallen asleep. Do you know how long I have to stand here, guarding the door while you be treated with royalty?! I deserve a lot more breaks than I already get around here.” The king sighed.
“ Do you know my name?” he said.
“ No, but do you know MY name?” the guard replied.
“ Not at all. My name has been very unique. It is like no other.”
“ Ffft! So’s mine.”
“ If you say it aloud, foxes will will ask you,’ What question?’”
“ Hmmm… Will you let me guess?”
“ Can you keep my name a secret?”
“ Well… As your royal guard, yes!”
The king looked first to the door, then the windows, and finally back to the guard.
“ My full name is Answer The Question.” He whispered into the guard’s ear.
“ What?” The guard whispered.
“ I said, my full name is Answer The Question.”
“ WHAT?”
“ I SAID… N-never mind.”
“ Hey! You said that you’d…”
“ I KNOW what I said I would do. I-it’s just that…”
“ What? It’s just that what?”
“ It is very hard to do that when I am in my throne, leaning towards you.”
“ Oh. I see. Well… Would you like it if I came closer?”
“ Yes. That would be wonderful.”
The guard walked with his tail waving behind him. Once he got to the throne, the king leaned near the guard’s ear.
“ My full name is Answer The Question.” He whispered. The guard laughed.
“ Oh! I get it! First name, Answer! Middle, The! You are practically a command!”
The giant door creaked open and the other royal guard walked in, his tail waving behind him. He walked next to the throne to the left of the big brown door that closes on it’s own. It closed with a snap. The other guard yawned, stretching his arms and tail.
“ Oh yeah! That was another great feast from the royal chef! *BURP!* S’cuse me. You missed out, Shovern!” the other guard said. Shovern growled.
“ Well, you missed the part where the king revealed his name to me, Shadoom!”
“ WHAT?!?!” Shadoom gasped.
“ Alright, lets not get feisty…” the king warned. They both looked at the king, then at their feet in shame.
“ I’m sorry, King,” Shadoom apologized.
“ I’m sorry, too,” Shovern said. The king’s stomach growled.
“ Now that thats resolved, I am going to go eat,” said the king.
With that, the king got up and walked out of the throne room with his royal guards trailing behind him.




   Back at the training facility, Rails was strong! Klaus motivated Rails to train by telling him, ‘ By the end of your training, your arm muscles will be firm enough that, if you punched a punching bag with all your strength, you would’ve made a hole in it.’
From that time forward, Rails trained hard with the weights . He was almost done training his arm muscles!
“ … SevenTEEN... EightEEN... NineTEEN... TWENTY!” Rails huffed.
” Hooo... I am feelin’ the BURN,” He shouted.
“ Time to take break, Rails,” Klaus said.
“ Ok, Klaus,” Rails replied, looking at his stomach, “ I’ve had enough, anyways. Besides, I am a little hungry...”
“ Then we will EAT,” Klaus shouted.
He picked up a picnic basket and a backpack and walked to the facility’s door, opening it. Rails put away the weight set and walked outside, trailing behind Klaus. The two foxes walked out of the facility and sat down at a picnic table under a tree nearby. Klaus opened the basket, whistling. Rails took a peek inside.
’ So much yummy food! A loaf of bread, a butter tub, peanut butter, a cheese wheel, one gallon of milk, cups, a dozen cookies, and blueberry pie?! Awesome!’ Rails thought, eyeing the food in the basket.
” Mmmm! All that looks good,” Rails said as he looked.
Klaus put the backpack beside the table, taking out a portable battery the size of a car motor and a griddle. He set the battery down next to the backpack, plugging it into the griddle and starting it up. Klaus started to pour milk into two glass cups. As he did, Rails started to butter the bread, wondering what the scrolls were called that the king wanted so bad.
“ Hey, Klaus.” Rails said.
“ Huh?” Klaus replied.
“ What are the scrolls that the king wants called?”
“ King says they’re called ‘The Wisdom Scrolls’ and that there are three of them. Rumor has it, that, whomever opens all three of them at once, will forever be able to answer any question that is brought up. Even their own.”
“ So THATS why! Now I get it!”
Klaus got out plates, napkins and a knife. Rails handed him the buttered bread and started to spread some peanut butter on the crackers.
‘ I also wonder,’ Rails thought, ‘why I’m the one who has to retrieve them.’
When the food was ready, they heard rustling coming from a bush behind Rails. A shiver was sent up his spine.
‘ Somebody is behind me!’ Rails thought nervously.
He slowly turned around with a bewildered expression. Klaus readied into a battle stance. The thing that was behind the bushes quickly jumped into the tree and jumped to the front of the picnic table. It had its back turned when it landed. It seemed to be a grey fox with a black-tipped tail and a black cape. Rails signaled Klaus to come over to him. He walks over to Rails very slowly.
“ Who is that fox?” Rails asked.
Klaus isn’t able to answer. Just then, the mystery fox turned around and said, “ My name is Virmir.” Klaus suddenly weakens. Rails gasps as he starts to approach him.
“ My, my. Klaus is training another shrimp?” Virmir mocked, “ Weak. For once I thought you were going to train an athlete to become more athletic.”
“ What do you want with us, wizard?” Rails shouted.
“ Maybe, I want to have a little fun.”
“ Wh-what?!”
“ What if I went,” Virmir walked closer to them, ” and changed you,” He pointed a wand at Klaus, making him wince, “ into a form more suitable for training young whelps like this one! ” Virmir finished, poking Rails in the stomach.
“ Klaus does not need any help with training me!” Rails shouted, angry.
“ Virmir is right, Rails,” Klaus said sadly.
“ WHAAAT?!”
“ Klaus’s body is getting old, Rails,” Virmir said, satisfied, “ He’s been training for thirty years now. His body is weakening.” Rails is too shocked to speak.
“ However… Klaus does not like the idea of transformation too much.”
“ Klaus?! Is this true?!” Rails gasps. Klaus only sighs.
“ It was only a matter of time, Klaus. I would’ve come anyways. One of your ‘great king’s’ messengers came to my Castle study and gave me a scroll saying, ‘ the great King Q requests that blah blah blah change Klaus because his body is weakening, blah blah blah and so on,” Virmir said while reading a paper scroll.
“ So? What will you do to him?”
“ To make him as fiery as his spirit is.”
With that, Virmir traced the infinity sign in the air with his wand and pointed it through the middle of the sign at Klaus, blasting him with a wild beam of red, orange, and yellow. Rails winced as the beam struck Klaus. At first, he became too bright for anyone to look directly at him. Rails turned his eyes away from the light’s intensity. When the light diminished, Rails blinked out the glare in his eyes to see, a very bulky Blaziken in Klaus’s place. Virmir chuckled softly. “ However, he has never known about Magic transformation!”
“ H-how?!” Klaus the blaziken stuttered, “ B-but, it wasn’t itchy, o-or anything!”
“ Thats because it was magic!” with that, Virmir disappeared into thin air. Rails watched in shock as Klaus flexes his new limbs.
“ Klaus… Y-you’re not mad at him?” Rails stuttered.
“ N-no. He actually fixed me, Rails,” Klaus finally answered.
“ What are you saying?!”
“ I-if it wasn’t for him, I would’ve died overnight. It was just about my time.”
Rails just stood there, blinking in surprise. Klaus stared at him.
“ Well? Don't just stand there! the food is gonna go bad!” Klaus urged.
With that, the uneasy kitsune and the blaziken got to eating the rest of their picnic.

[Virmir]

Okay, pretty cheesy, but amusing in parts. Probably the first thing you want to do for future stories is space out your lines to make them easier to read when posting in the forums.  You also flop from president to past tense a few times.  You want to stay with one or the other, probably past, all the way through.  Some of your scene switches happen pretty quickly with no indication, so those are a little confusing.

I am of course amused by your Virmir portrayal.  Looking forward to seeing where you go with this.

[RailsDS95]

thanks! i had some help, though, from friends.