Javed vs. Erwin

[Shifting Sands]

Kain rubs his knuckles, picks his teeth, and looks down at the fighters already assembled. "Oh, you two. Yeah, you look kinda boring. Have at it, I guess. GO!"

[Zavier]

Javed, who was busy wondering what was going on, who these people around him were, why he was where he is, and various other things when Kain spoke. It was enough to rip him from his train of thought. "H-hey!" he shouted at the demon...god...thing. "I am not boring!" Javed then looked over at his opponent, not even certain who he was facing. And also not certain as to what kind of name 'Erwin' is.

[PrincessHotcakes]

Heavy clanks of armor echoed, as out of the contestant tunnel came a massively armored humanoid form, glistening with the brightest cyrstals and reeking magically of the most potent enchantments.  It was a form meant to inspire fear, terror, intimidation and despair amongst those who faced it.  It was meant to win half the battle for it's contestant by itself.

Erwin could probably be counted on to deliver only a tenth of that.  Thlliak facepalmed behind his contestant as the armored boy stumbled forward, nearly tripping for the 4th time.

"It's too heavy!" the youth protested.

"Nonsense!" the demon exclaimed, using his best poker face.  "Nothing to worry about my boy.  You practically don't have to fight in this thing, just let the armor and your magically augmented strength do the fighting!  And when in doubt, just use the spells I gave you!"

The youth shifted his visor'd gaze over to the demon.  "Uh... Flamicus.. flame...what... um... what was the flame spell again?"

"Flamoricol Inkorthi'i of course kid!" he shouted quickly as he shooooved the armored pseudo-warrior forward, causing him to nearly stumble again.

"H-hey, I can't keep my balance as it is!  How am I supposed to do any fighting in this thing!?" Erwin demanded.

"Just let the armor and the spells do the fighting kid!" Thliak repeated to for the fiftieth time.

"But you said that befo-"

"GO!"  Came Kain's resounding boom that commenced the match. 

Erwin spun his gaze back, just in time to witness Thliak bolt back into the tunnel as spiked gates rose between them, closing off the arena.  The youth blinked, and gulped.  He took a deep breath... and reached down for the glowing red mace at his right!... er... his left!

Snatching it in his cumbersome gauntlets,  he YANKED it out!... only to send it flying from his grasp and land it two feet in front of the two-legged kommodo dragon's feet.

[Zavier]

Javed just stared blankly at his opponent, his face seemingly unable to produce an expression worthy of showing his emotions. After a short while of staring, all he could say was a flat "...You're kidding, right." Clearing his throat, he did the one thing a warrior-in-training could possibly do in this situation.

Lecture him.

"You've never even wielded a weapon your whole life, have you? Or even worn armor at all? You're as clumsy as an easily-distracted hatchling." He then picked up the glowing mace and looked it over. "And this? A club with a spiked ball on the end? And why is it red and glowing, what's the purpose of that?" He tossed the mace to his pathetic 'opponent' and pulled a javelin from the bag slung across his back. "I get by just fine with simple weaponry. No need to amaze your opponents with bright lights. And then there's your armor! Not only do you not seem trained at all in heavy armor, but look at it! Crystals may be hard, but on that set, they seem more like jewelry than protection. In fact, why are you wearing heavy armor and wielding a mace when you're fighting me, a lightly armored opponent with ranged weaponry? Do you realize how poor of planning this is on your part? It's sickening how some people just grab a weapon, put on some armor, and call themselves a warrior. I have been training to be a warrior since I could walk. You obviously have not had the prior experience I had. Should I continue going on like this, or let you flail that mace around in a vague attempt to attack me?"

[PrincessHotcakes]

Erwin stared at the... creature in front of him.  While he had been told to prepare for strange sights, the reality of being in front of a talking lizard wasn't a thing he had quite prepared him for.  Such was the preponderance the critique in his tone, that it was clear this was someone very used to lectures.  Typical of someone in training.

And he went on... and on.  And on!  Dear god this guy was like a Teaching Assistant, blathering his mouth off and barely stopping to take a breath it sounded like.  Instantly Erwin found himself thinking of college classes, sitting up near the front listening to the TAs yapping and blabbing and lecturing on about crap more than they knew how to actually practice it, just there yammering their mouths off...

But this time Erwin realized he had weapons at his disposal.

Screaming with years of pent up frustration at his tertiary education, he stomped forward and charged with all the suit-agumented strength he could muster to punch Javed right in the schnoz!

[Zavier]

Javed faltered at the charge, not quite done with lecturing the newbie warrior, but managed to push himself out of the way and put some distance between himself and Erwin, pulling a javelin out of the bag just in case. "You're making it way too obvious when you're going to attack. And why scream in rage? I'm just pointing out the numerous things wrong with how you're approaching this. Look, if you want, I'll give you a demonstration of how to properly attack. If you feel like you don't need one, then you're just being over-ambitious. Also, you're not even using a weapon. If you have one at your disposal, it's better than just your fist. And again, I'm lightly-armored. You're slow-moving. This isn't going to work out in your favor. String-limbed hatchling."

[PrincessHotcakes]

Erwin collected himself, pulling his balance back and glaring knives at the lizard and he gushing lecture.  "Oh yeah!?  Well... your fly's undone!"

[Zavier]

Javed blinked, pushing himself out of fighting stance and standing upright, allowing himself to wear a quizzical expression. "What is my fly, and how is it undone?"

[PrincessHotcakes]

This prompted Erwin to similarly stop, dumbfounded for a second, as he slowly realized that he wasn't exactly in Kansas anymore, and the lingo probably wasn't the same.  "Wait, that probably wouldn't make sense..."

A frown crossed his face as he looked down in contemplation.  "Wait, how does everyone here know English?" he asked to his boots stupefied as he left himself totally open.

[Zavier]

Javed blinked again. "English? What's that?"

[PrincessHotcakes]

"Erm... it's my language, silly lizard!" the ill-armored human responded.

[Zavier]

Javed just stared before his expression changed from confused to anger. He stomped up to the clueless human and poked at said human's armored chest with the blade of the javelin he was holding. "How dare you have the audacity to call me a lizard, you shiny-armored baboon! After I tell you all that you're doing wrong, you insult me! You ungrateful, unchivalrous whelp! You unscaled primate! You dimwitted ignoramus!"

[PrincessHotcakes]

"Baboon?  Ignoramus??" Erwin repeated the words, unable to keep agitation from his voice as he took a taller threatening stance and glaaared knives.  "Hey, watch your tongue you slithering sweatless... erm, egg layer!" he shouted, not quite sure if just listing reptilian anatomy was a good insult but went with it nonetheless.

[Zavier]

Javed just snarled and glared back. "I am not an egg layer! Are you calling me feminine, you flat-toothed fool?"

[PrincessHotcakes]

"Well... maybe I am, slime-tongue!  You certainly lecture and go on jib-jabbering enough like a woman!  Dear god you sound like my sister, so much talk and smug big-headedness that if you hopped on a boat it'd sink from the weight!"