Virmir vs. Kain

[Shifting Sands]

"Okay, next on the agenda..." Kain flashes his teeth and throws the paper he reads to the side. "Me!"

He leaps down into the arena and bites at his own skin on his hands, revealing claws under his knuckles. They shoot out, a bright crimson in color, and rubs them against each other, creating a grating noise and reminding all the audience of someone from another universe. Even so, the image is scary enough, especially with the skin bits showing in his fangs.

Kain crouches and gives an eerie growl. "I heard my enemy didn't like Gods. I don't like mortals who don't like Gods."

"And his opponent," an oddly attractive woman yells from the stand where Kain used to be, "Kendo Virmir, the only presiding fire mage in the arena as of yet!" She waits for the fox to enter the empty arena again, and presses a button on the wall behind her.

In the middle of the arena, a huge bronze dome rises up with holes all over it, making it look like some piece of kitchenware. Inside lies a large silver missile with tips of changing color - all colors of the rainbow.

The woman nods to both fighters, and yells for the fight to begin.

[Virmir]

(Some time before the match.)

Virmir regarded the charred, crumbling bits of letter in his hands.

"I... probably should have finished reading that."

His thoughts were interrupted by a gratingly high-pitched voice.

"HEY!"

A tiny gray blur spun around his head.

"LISTEN!"

A fluttering sprite hovered in front of his nose.

"I'm your spirit-guide!  I'm here to guide you in your quest-- GRRRK!!!"

With lightning-paws, Virmir plucked it out of the air and squeezed it until its eyes bulged. "It's YOU...", he rumbled, recognizing the fur color that matched his own, the tiny antennae-hair, the black ears... "You're that imposter that keeps plucking me out of my home and sending me on wild, horrible adventures!"

"Well yes, but-- GYRRK!!"

Virmir eyed his catch for a moment... "Except... you're tiny this time... and female..."

The Virmir-Sprite, or rather, "Lucile", gasped. "Happens... sometimes... can... explain..."

Virmir thought for a moment, came to a decision, then squeeeezed even harder.

Lucile's eyes widened and her teeth clenched. "GRRRK!! ... Look! ... girl... chest... very squishy... and you've got your thumb right over--"

Virmir blanched. Horrified, he flung the sprite into the wall and began frantically wiping his hands on his cloak.

Lucile peeled herself off and frantically fought to catch her breath, hovering.  Upon recovering, Virmir took the opportunity to conjure a ball of flame. "Okay, okay, listen, I'll explain!" Lucile sputtered.

"If you say 'hey' or 'listen' once more, you will die."

Lucile gulped, then very carefully ran a sentence through her head. "It's not my fault this time!!"

"What do you mean this time?!"

"I mean-- blast it, I'm trying to help you!!"

"You've done a horrible job so far!"

"... Okay, but I'm trying to help for real this time!!"

"What do you mean, this time?!"

Lucile toon-sweatdroped, then gave up. "Something sucked you through a wormhole and spit you out here, and I'm trying to find out what!"

"You mean, this isn't another one of your horrible ideas?"

"No!  I don't have anything to do with this at all!  In fact... I'm not even supposed to be here... and I had to change into something small and indiscreet so I could follow you.  It was either this, or come out with six legs..."  She thought for a moment, then added as an afterthought, "though at least I'd have some means of defending myself that way..."

Virmir lowered his fireball. "There are male fairies, you know..."

"There shouldn't be!!"

Virmir rolled his eyes. "I'll put off killing you for now since this isn't your fault... I'm going to find these 'gods' and kill them instead."

Lucile shifted her eyes and fluttered. "Heh... uhm... can I perhaps interest you in learning about z-targeting?"

Virmir responded with a steely glare. She wilted. "J-just a thought!"

Her eyes fell to his feet, where nearby rested a slip of paper. "He--" She quickly covered her mouth, wide eyed, shifted eyes, then fluttered down to investigate. "This ticket..." she hoisted it up with two hands and waved it in front of Virmir's face. "This could be useful!"

"I'm not interested in coupons!  Get out of my way!" Virmir swatted at her and she spun around in the wind.

Blinking, she looked at the ticket, then grinned.

----

A gray fox sat at a stand. He had a large hat. It was green.

A gray sprite fluttered over to his face, waved some sort of ticket, and whispered into his ear. He nodded.

*whisper* *whisper*

He frowned. "No... No, I'm afraid I can't do that..."

*whisper* *whisper*

He shifted his eyes. "Especially not for you..."

*whisper* *whisper*

He looked worried. "You don't understand, miss. I--"

*whisper* *whisper*

His ears perked. "Really?"

*whisper* *whisper*

"I'm not really sure if--"

*whisper* *whisper*

"Well, we always appreciate donations..."

They sprite reached behind her wings and pulled out something not too unlike a credit card. It said FOXCARD on it along with the FOXCARD logo.

They both shifted their eyes.

The hatted fox took the card with two fingers. "I'll see what I can do, miss."

---

After some time, Virmir circled back to the spot he materialized at.  "Blast it! There are no exits! No way at all!"

Fists balled, he glanced down upon a slip of the paper he charred. It still had some legible writing at it.

He picked it up. "Vimir versus Kain... isn't that the guy who--"

*POOF*

----

Lucile buzzed down the hall. "Hey MK-- erm... Virmir! Guess what I got for--"

She hovered for a moment, contemplating the dead-end. "Where did he...? ... Oh, blast."

----

He was big. He was nasty. He bit his hands and claws came out.

"... What."

Virmir glanced around. His opponent was grinning like a giddy villain. There was something colorful inside a giant noodle strainer. The crowd jeered all around.

Entertainment. They wanted him to entertain. That was all this was.

Virmir put on his best unamused-frown and folded his arms, sitting down with cross-legs.  He was tiny compared to the hulking "god".

"I'll not entertain you and your ilk."

[Shifting Sands]

Kain's grin widened and he leapt forward onto the bronze dome. The crowd jeered and booed at the BORING FOX, throwing sodas and hot dogs down onto him. Kain, however, was quite eager and cheerful at his enemy's choice. "You don't want entertainment? Fine, fine, I can provide more than enough!" And so he leapt forward with his claws pointed at Virmir's chest.

[Virmir]

The short monologue and display of theatrics allowed Virmir enough time to gather a well of energy under the tiled floor as he idly watched. A few feet from striking distance, he unleashed it all right under the menacing god's chest, a sharp spike of liquid flame bursting upwards from the ground. Taking no chances, the fox rolled to the side in case the spike failed to impale his target, or at least throw him off-kilter, rolling away as tiled debris bounced around.

[Shifting Sands]

The claws Kain had thrust out in the middle of his leap blocked and absorbed the fire spike, making the claws glisten and burn red hot. He shook his head as he landed and glanced at Virmir. "Oh, please. I've lost once, a few centuries ago, and it wasn't to a GUY. I don't think it'll happen again, especially not from a child. But you could provide some thrill if you keep running," Kain offered, and then chased after with blinding speed.

[Virmir]

Blast. Of course he had to have blasted magic-absorbing claws.

Virmir's general attitude towards combat was that if it couldn't be blown up, then it was the sort of thing other people should deal with.  So without a second thought, he turned tail and ran like blazes.  The giant noodle-strainer looked as if it could provide at least a moment's cover. Blast, he was right behind.  The openings were just big enough for him to fit through. Eyes wide and teeth clenched, he made a mad dive for the square hole.

----

Meanwhile, somewhere up in the overhanging bleachers, amongst the throngs of jeering spectators, two silent figures watched.

Virumiru was currently more interested in the bag of popcorn in his lap than the explosive battle below.  With great care, he plucked each individual kernel from the bag with chopsticks. Unfortunately he actually was not very good with chopsticks and only used them because, as a rule, kitsune should be as oriental as possible, and thus every third kernel was wasted upon the floor.  But he went about the task with the usual zen-like peace that defined his mannerisms. After all, is not a kernel upon the floor the same as a kernel within the sky?

A hot dog whizzed between his ears. He had mustard stains on his robe.

To his left, partially crowded by one of Virumiru’s fluffy tails*, the shiny metal form of VirBot sat, his glowing red eyes shifting about with the general disapproving unease he exuded when around so many people with a pulse.  He too had a bag of popcorn, but unlike the flesh-creatures, he had never quite gotten the hang of food.  Currently he tried to balance the known nutritional qualities of each kernel with the equations for creating a nuclear-thermo reaction which he could then harness to convert into raw energy.  He was somewhat stuck. Occasionally some errant food item would fly above his head, which he would pluck out of the air with the calculated accuracy of a high-school physics problem. After analyzing the material on a molecular level and updating his record of available materials, he would add it to his bag.  He didn’t seem to be getting far in the way of useful materials. The bag was bulging by now. It started to smell funny.


* Virumiru had one tail threaded through the back of the seat and the other two splayed over either arm rest. Being of the Virmir family, he observed the Virmirism that three tails was the maximum one could have before it became difficult to do to basic things like sit down, and thus, sat rather comfortably. Unfortunately this rule takes no account of other people in the vicinity.

[Shifting Sands]

The demonic God leaped up on top of the bronze bowl and began scratching at its surface, making both a grating noise and plenty of long, deep marks. "Come out, come out, wherever you are, little foxy. I do love a good hunt..." Kain grinned and tore open a huge metal square in the dome and prepared to jump down.

But before he did, he grabbed a hot dog professionally and took a bite out of it. Then he caught a soda from an adoring mortal fan and took a deep swig. And just to finish the act, he crouched, posed, and gave a long, inhuman roar.

[Virmir]

Virmir had never seen a rocket before, so he had no idea what the vaguely cylindrical object in the center of the cage was, or if the weird lights emanating from the tip meant anything more than decoration.  He was vaguely familiar with the concept of a wick though, having read about dragon dust and fireworks, and this thing had one at the bottom.  The cylinder was pointed up, rather conveniently at the hole his maniacal opponent was hovering over, doing whatever show-sporting he was doing. Perhaps this was for some end celebration? It was worth a shot.

With two fingers, he sent a pinpoint of flame across the distance and lit the wick ablaze, remaining near the hole he entered just in case the resulting display required a hasty exit.

[Shifting Sands]

Kain finished showboating before his victory and wiped his mouth free of any bits of his quick snack. He turned and looked down to peer into the dome for his opponent and -

"The... the he -"

The rainbow-tipped rocket exploded up into Kain's face, knocking him clear up into the sky and promptly starting a giant fireworks show intended for his win. Kain could only bounce around and scream while sustaining a whole lot of burns all over his form.

[Virmir]

Virmir watched Kain writhe for a few minutes, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head.  After he stopped bouncing, the fox bounded over to his opponent's smoking body, placed one foot on the deity's chest and drew his short sword (which was more like a dagger to normal-sized individuals).  Virmir pressed the tip of the blade against his prone neck and gave him a very disapproving stare.

"I don't want to win, and I don't care about your 'prize'. Send me back this instant, or I'll kill you where you lie!"

[Shifting Sands]

Kain blinked down at the weapon at his burnt throat, and then cackled without any difficulty; it was obviously practiced. "You kill me, you never get to leave because then I can't finish this whole arena - and I can't even send you back if I didn't bring you here in the first place! Hahahaha!"

He shakes his head and clears some soot from his hair, and pushes the sword aside while sitting up. "But, seeing as you did 'technically' beat me, I suppose you can win this match. So you move on to your next match, lucky little fox." He laughed again and spit on his knuckles, pulling the claws back in. He walks over to the wall and leaps up into his chair.

"Now, if you did somehow find the God who brought you here and you still want out, you might convince them," Kain said. "But good luck taking us on in a fight off the battleground! We don't care about fairness, and we have plenty of lives in the way..." He shrugs, and waves his hand to send a servant down into the arena with a tray of relics. "But I digress. Take your reward, move on, all that."

On the tray is a red rose, a small ankh, a shiny crimson shard, a chain of beads that seem to hold water, and a mirror with a shadowy outline. (THANKS FOR ASKING WHAT WAS ON THE TRAY VIR)

[Virmir]

Virmir reluctantly let the madman go.  So if he wasn't the one... who was? Though the fox-mage was fairly unscathed from the match and still on an adrenalin-high, he decided against climbing up after him and letting-loose firey-death-rage upon all who stood in the way. He was stuck playing the game, at least for the moment.

A tray of relics was brought before him. He resisted the urge to sniff them.

His first inclination was to smack the tray into the servant's face. But thinking back to the match, he had no chance against this fiend except for using what was provided for him.  And here he was provided more things... Virmir could detect magic upon them, but he did not know exactly what or how potent. Part of him wondered if they were cursed.  But wasn't this whole blasted setup a curse anyway?

The red shard of...whatever was the obvious one to take, at least from his point of view. So that immediately ruled it out. He would not be played.  He would take the watery-beads, since those would be least expected, however he wasn't quite willing to take the chance that they would cause some sort of water-related catastrophe which would seriously annoy his spell casting.*  Virmir never liked flowers. To blazes with the rose. The shadowy mirror was out. Virmir had a mild interest in the Shadow in the past, and learned through these experiences to never try it again.

He took the last one.


*Virmir can cast his usual spells just fine when wet. The issue of course is that he must first boil away the water before he can get any flame, and, apart from the delay, this tends to make quite a bit of steam and cause his fur to become very, very fluffy.

----

"You did it!! You did it!!"

Lucile buzzed around his head. He smacked her into the wall with the usual SPLORT effect.

"That was COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS!!!" He tossed the trinket upon the spartan table that was within his "room."

"Yes, but you won." Lucile tried to re-mold her head into the correct shape. "Should have just went with the bug..." she grumbled under her breath.

"It was a farce!" Virmir growled, chopping the air sideways in the angry manner protagonists in Playstation-era JRPGs tended to do. "He POSED in front of that colored-fire-tube or whatever-in-blazes it was! He wanted me to hit him! Blasted entertainment..."

"What is this?" Sensing the importance of a topic-change, Lucile fluttered over the trinket that had landed on the table. It was an anhk. Very Egyptian-esque. "Did you fight any Anubians? This is a common drop."

"... What?"

"Erm, never mind..." She shifted her eyes.

"They pushed some cheap magic junk on me for winning. I just picked one at random."

"Oh." She looked at it more closely. It had a golden shimmer to it. Being an experienced magic-user herself, she gave it a very professional poke. Nothing happened.

Virmir sat on the bed with fists under his chin and steamed. (Or rather, he would have if he were wet.)  Lucile discreetly moved the bedsheets and any flammable items away just in case.

They could do nothing else but wait.