After a considerable amount of discussion and
bribery hard work, I have regained access to my computer, for now. I won't be rejoining the D&D game until I'm reasonably sure about my ability to ensure continued access, or I move into the college dorms, whichever comes first. Condition Red will be reactivated tomorrow, since I can move that along on my own terms anyway.
Long story short, my parents ended up having a large project they needed help with, and in return for a considerable amount of help they let me have my computer back. Wasn't expecting an opportunity like that at all, but it worked out nicely.
So I'm (temporarily?) back. Yay!