Snippets

[MHD]

I am a bit of a hobby writer, although I can never commit myself to a story for long... (look at my sig.)

Most rescent, A story parralell to a webcomic I might make:

Dream as if you'll live forever…

It was a nice and sunny day. 5'th of march to be precise.
   He felt the changing materials under his feet as he made his way through the inner parts of the city. Rhythms being pumped into his ears by an mp3 player, he felt joy, just running, jumping, climbing, landing, evading. He scaled a wall and were just about to cross a street…

 “I am sorry, Mrs. Wells, your son is in a coma.” The doctor said, “we can't estimate when he'll wake up or if he will even do so.”
 “No. no this cant be, our Jacob was such a good boy.” Mrs. Wells said and began to cry. Mr. Wells comforted her and asked the police officer standing next to the doctor.
 “Is there any trace of the culprit?”
 “Not yet, there were very few witnesses, only thing we know is that it was a black Mercedes. No license plate, no driver profile.” The officer said. “I'm sorry.”

Weeks passed and the nurses gradually lost interest in telling the family how the visiting hours was hours, not days. After the first month, the only faithful visitors was his sister and best friend. They came every day, the sister bringing him new flowers, reading the newspaper to him and talking to him about how the family was falling apart in his absence. His friend talked about school and how exams was coming up.

When the summer holidays came his family went to Greece. His sister, although against going on vacations without Jacob, had agreed to follow. Thus, the only one visiting him through the summer holidays was his best friend, Michael.

It was near the end of the summer holidays that Jacob finally showed progress. His neural activity was normalizing to a sleep-like pattern. On the 1st of august, Jacob opened his eyes for the first time in a little less than six months. He turned his head to see Michael sitting next to his bed.
 “Hi,” Jacob said in a whisper.
 “Hi buddy,” Michael replied.
 “Where the hell am I?” Jacob asked in the same whispering tone.
 “Oh, you're at a hospital…”
A few nurses and a doctor came to check Jacob. They put him through a variety of tests for reflexes and took him to two different scans. Then he was put back in the room he came from where Michael was still sitting.
 “What happened?”
 “Well, it was a pretty tough party last night and… No, just kiddin'… Really you have been out for nearly six months.” Michael said.
 “You serious Mike? I hoped you weren't joking with the first part.”
 “Car hit you at 80 km/h, driver got away.” Mike said.
 “Really?.. Like “Really, really?” Jacob said and got a nod both questions. “Wow… just… wow.”
They sad in silence for a few minutes.
 “You seem different, Mike?” Jacob asked.
 “You can tell?” Mike said and looked deeply surprised.
 “Shouldn't I?”
 “Well… Actually, no.”
 “Why?” Jacob looked confused.
 “Er… Maybe we should save this conversation for later.” Mike said and turned towards the door.
A nurse came in and greeted Jacob, he then proceeded checking various probes attached to Jacobs chest.
 “Well then, welcome to the wake world, Jacob.” He said.
 “Thank you very much.” Jacob replied. The nurse gave him the creeps for a reason he couldn't quite figure out.
 “Just press the red button if you need anything.” The nurse said.
 “Actually, could you wait about 20 minutes before notifying me family?” Jacob said.
 “Of course.” He said and left the room.
Jacob turned to Mike.
 “Did you see his skin? It was scaly!” Jacob said in an agitated whisper.
 “Yeah.”
 “How can you take this so casually?”
 “I've always been living with this. So have you.” Mike said.
 “Liar.” Jacob snorted.
 “Well, consult your excellent memory.”
Jacob tried to remember scenes from before his coma, he found them… Unfamiliar… They were his memories but not his own, they were from a different world. When he looked deeper he could find his own memories underneath the altered ones.
 “Whoa… What the hell?” Jacob said.
 “Yeah.”
Michael and Jacob spent the next twenty minutes talking about what Jacob had missed. After which Jacob borrowed Michaels laptop and they browsed news sites, Wikipedia, political sites, company sites and whatnot.
 “So I guess I missed the exams.” Jacob said.
 “Yes. But there's the extra one in three months for people who oversleep. You can go to that one.” Michael said and grinned.
 “Well… I'm getting pretty tired.” Jacob said after a pause.
 “You go take a nap then 'cause I'm hungry. Don't sleep another six months will ya?”
 “'Course not.”

[MHD]

Next a previous work:

A smell of hospital.

 “She's going unconscious. Stay with me, miss!”
 “Administer another dose of anti-histamine.”
 “She's going to have a cardiac arrest, get the defibrillator.”
Lynn heard the paramedics' voices like barely understandable mumbling. Her vision was blurred, her entire body was hurting, she had trouble breathing and unconsciousness was creeping in on her. She felt a tube being slid down her throat, into her air pipe.
 “Am I going to die now?” Lynn thought. “Did I live a good life?” She lost conciousness.

Lynn awoke in a hospital bed, her vision slightly blurred still. Her right leg felt funny, so did her right arm. She looked at her right arm and gave out an ear-tearing scream. Two nurses (one human, one android) came rushing in and saw Lynn sitting in her bed, screaming of the top of her lungs.
   Two hours and a lot of comforting later Lynn had calmed down enough to be able to think rationally.
 “What is this? How did this happen?” Lynn asked with tears welling up in her eyes.
She was looking at a four jointed structure encased in an exoskeletal shell, as long her body, taking up the place where her right arm used to be. It ended in something resembling a hoof and she could move it at her will. As if suddenly having a leg as your arm wasn't enough, her right leg was also gone. Instead was twelve strong, slender tentacles moving idly as if they had a will of their own.
 “Well, you had an accident.” The nurse said. “You remember being a pupil of the shape-shifting academy in the Caster guild? You tried to shape-shift into something. We don't really know what. It backfired and you almost died of Anaphylaxis.”
Lynn looked like a question mark.
 “Powerful allergic reactions” The nurse said.
 “Oh... I remember finding a Mythozoology book... Then nothing.” Lynn said, sobbing a little.
 “There are some good news and some bad news.” The nurse said. “Good news is that you'll probably die of old age. Your physical strength has been amplified too and we have stabilized you skeletal structure to fit you new physiology. Bad news... You will probably be like this for the rest of your days. Since shape-shifting derives from memory, even if you do become a master, you'll have forgotten how to change back.”
Lynn lowered her head.
 “Are you hungry dear?” The nurse asked.
 “Yes, I'm famished.” Lynn said in a sniffle.

Lynn was a seventeen year old girl born in the western city quarters from a technocratic family. She had (much to her family's protest) been attending a shape-shifting academy before her accident. Her parents had always been loving and caring and she was a spoiled only child. She had always treasured her beauty and perfect body and had always been popular with boys. After her farther had been injured on the battlefield, she had decided to learn how to fight. And since she lacked technical knowledge and physical strength, she choose to affiliate with the Caster Guild.

The nurse brought in a tray with break feast.
 “Is it morning already?” Lynn asked, looking out the window.
 “Yes dear, you were out for almost 50 hours.” The nurse replied in a kind tone.
As Lynn ate, she studied the nurse. She was a middle-aged woman with short brown hair, a kind face and a well trained body. She was quite beautiful thought Lynn.
 “It's quite fortunate that I am left handed.” Lynn joked and the nurse laughed. She checked a panel next to Lynn's bed and Lynn noticed that she was equipped with a number of skin-attached probes.
 “You condition seems fine. You circulatory is doing well and you immunity system is showing normal activity...”
 “What's you name?” Lynn asked.
 “Huh?”
 “You name.”
 “Andrea.” The nurse said and paused. “You condition is perfect. If you want to we can start the rehabilitation and training today.”
 “Yes please. I never like being bed ridden.” Lynn said.

A few days passed and Lynn was getting closer to walking efficiently on one arm and one leg. Only tripping and falling once in a while. Her tentacles taking up her right legs position she had a harder time controlling. A CAT scan had shown that on her hip twelve small spheric bone structures had sprouted, each containing a nerve-centre. Effectively making her similar to an octopus (she had disliked that part). It was like controlling and autonomous third arm. They were heavily enchanted and was capable of extending from less than a meter to over four. Also, she had been able to lift five kilograms with only one of them.
   Two more days passed and her parents visited her for the first time. They were shocked when their daughter came limping down the hallway, but relieved to hear that she was doing fine.
 “I can almost walk properly now and it has only been four days!” Lynn told her parents in an exited tone. “But I still need practice with my right leg...”
 “But dear, are you going to continue studying magic?” Her mother asked nervously.
 “Why of course!” Lynn said, slightly insulted.
 “But after this accident. I am worried about you.”
 “Don't worry Elena” Lynn's farther said in a calming tone.
 “But I'll cut down on shape-shifting and look into pyromancing instead.” Lynn said.

The following morning Lynn woke up to find that her previously empty two-man room now having another occupant. As the nurse came with break feast Lynn asked her who her new roomy was.
 “He's another magic accident.” The nurse said. “Came in yesterday afternoon. Reportedly he's been playing with lightning.”
Lynn looked oddly at the young man in the other bed, completely bandaged up.
 “He has 3'rd degree burns on most of his back.” The nurse said. “He has undergone artificial skin transplants, but his back will never look the same.”
 “Oh.” Lynn said.

A few hours later, the boy awoke.
 “Hi.” Lynn said.
The boy mumbled a tired-sounding “hi” in return. Then he realized who had said it and looked like he had just seen a pink elephant walking by on stilts whilst singing 'row row row your boat'.
 “I head you got struck by lightning.” Lynn said.
The boy said nothing.
 “What's you name?”
Still no reply.
 “God damn it! I know I look like a total freak, would you mind not reminding me by staring at me like I was a talking cactus?” Lynn yelled.
 “Sorry I just... I...” The boy paused then got out of bed, kneeled down and bowed with his head touching the floor.
 “I am very sorry, It was rude of me to stare.” He said.
That made Lynn raise an eyebrow. She had though he was just some punk, but now he had acted as if he had insulted a person of royal blood. The boy stood up.
 “Am am Ethan Willow, I'll be sixteen next month.” The boy said.
 “I'm Lynn Redwood, seventeen, nice to meet you.”
A nurse came in and looked angrily at Ethan.
 “Get back into bed young man! You are in no condition to be out of bed.” The nurse scolded.
 “I'm fine miss.” The young man said.
The nurse looked at him in a sinister glare and the young man obeyed.

A few days later Ethan and Lynn was sitting on a bench in the rehabilitation garden.
 “So you're out of a Technocratic family?” Ethan asked.
 “Yeah, they were strongly against my decision to learn magic.” Lynn replied. “I guess they were right.”
 “No, no. I think it's great... I mean that you are studying magic and still doing so after your incident...”
 “That came out wrong.” Lynn giggled.
 “Yeah.” Ethan said and grinned.
 “You're quite mature for a fifteen year old.” Lynn said.
 “I never really had a childhood. I have been trained as long as I can remember.” Ethan mumbled.
 “Oh. Why?”
 “My farther is Natural and my mother Caster.” Ethan said.
 “Inter-guild marriages are rare.” Lynn concluded. “If you have trained all your life, you must be strong. Do you want to arm wrestle?”
 “With you?” Ethan looked surprised,
 “I am stronger than I look.” Lynn said and smiled mischievously.

They found an empty chess table and sat down.
 “Oh. Wait I am left-handed...” Lynn said.
 “Don't worry, I am ambidextrous.” Ethan said an smiled.
They joined hands and put their elbows down.
 “3... 2... 1...” Lynn counted.
 “Go!”
Lynn could see Ethan tightening his muscles and she realized how strong he looked, and how strong he was. She had no trouble holding up to his strength however and steadily she gained on him before letting out a growl and slamming his left hand to the table.
 “You're strong.” Ethan said and wiped the sweat of his forehead.
 “Likewise.” Lynn said and smiled. “It's not all bad to be like this.”
 “I'll beat you someday. Promise.” Ethan said.

[Lopez]

Wow, I really like your blend of the magical world with the medical world in the second story. It feels almost...surreal.

The first story REALLY reminds me of "A Small, Good Thing" by....some author I can't remember. In that story a boy gets hit by a car, but it takes the perspective of the parents as the kid is in a coma for a week.

It takes the mind of this boy, and how he absorbs everything everyone tells him...in his sleep. His family and friends talk to him all the time, and even though he's sleeping, when he wakes up his memories are there. So, his memories are being filled in by the people around him.

But then, the people start leaving, and he gains no more memories, since no one is there to tell him them. At THAT point he wakes up. This means that he was accepting of this form of creating memories from other people's perspectives. Only once that is gone does he finally realize the illusion he was trapped under all along. And, in the end, he says, "'Course not," to show that he finally realizes how the illusion was not good enough for him to generate his life on. Interesting.

The second story is REALLY interesting. It involves this girl, who is obsessed with activism. She always has a goal to obtain, and is never in stasis. The period of stasis was childhood, but once her father was injured she became completely obsessed with action. She always needs to be...DOING something. “Yes please. I never like being bed ridden.” Case in point.

But then, with this injury, she is terrified of reaching another period of stasis in her life, where she cannot change the world anymore, because of what she has become. Because, for example, she loses one of her arms, a major tool for changing things. Instead, it becomes another leg, reverting her more into a period of stasis.

However, at the end of the story, she meets the other boy who has received injury as well. However, instead of going from a period of stasis to action, he starts out as "active." Therefore, his injury has reverted him into a stasis mindset, "...and the young man obeyed." He simply obeys the call of stasis, rather than fighting it like Lynn does.

Lynn then challenges him to...an arm-wrestle. This shows that Lynn wants to help him break out of his own stasis. When she beats him, he says “I'll beat you someday. Promise.” which shows how he has permanently broken out of the period of stasis that the injury placed him in.

So, it all relates back to Lynn's tentacles. Even though she did lose some of her ability to perform action, she gained the abilities of a DIFFERENT sort of action. So, we should never resign ourself to our flaws, we should see how they can be used for the benefit of others. Yay! Great stories, I look forward to seeing more of your work. Just make sure you proofread, for I spotted a few minor errors here and there.

[KaiAdin]

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.

Oh, I couldn't agree more MHD, I couldn't agree more!

I read Your first snippet "As If You'll Die Today..." and it was quite cool! I hope you'll be able to expand on the world a bit,  hopefully when you start your webcomic!

Also... Welcome to the Crimson flag forums!

[MHD]

Wow, I really like your blend of the magical world with the medical world in the second story. It feels almost...surreal.

-snip-

Why thank you. I do (secretly) take some pride in my imaginative ways of combining functional magic with technology.
Also thank you for analyzing it, I didn't post the second chapter because it starts involving swearing and adult business... Maybe I should continue it in the summer holidays.

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.

Oh, I couldn't agree more MHD, I couldn't agree more!

I read Your first snippet "As If You'll Die Today..." and it was quite cool! I hope you'll be able to expand on the world a bit,  hopefully when you start your webcomic!

Also... Welcome to the Crimson flag forums!

I ceartainly will, I am in the process of getting way better at drawing. I can already reveal to you that it will be an un-inked, un-coloured comic (save for a few occasions and guest comics).

[Virmir]

Late reply!

I enjoyed these both, particularly the second due to the sheer strangeness of the transformation.  I'm glad to hear you plan to continue the first as a webcomic. Best of luck!