Author Topic: The adventures and misadventures of Tech and friends!  (Read 9501 times)

DigitFiredrake

  • Fluffwolf of all trades
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 2
  • ***
  • Posts: 131
    • View Profile
on: September 11, 2012, 02:05:32 PM
Here we go! Its story time! I thought I'd try my hand at this! :3 I hope you enjoy part 1

Also, I do need more ideas for more parts! So, after reading feel free to drop me ideas. ^w^


The adventures and misadventures of Tech and friends!
Part 1

             It had only been a few seconds since the small cartoon character like wolf had used his interdimensional gateway before he had garbed a carton of milk, and skipped over to the checkout counter to pay. His face carried its normal smirk as he started talking to the young man behind the desk. "Well hello good sir! My name is Technology Tea Tiberius the wolf the third! But my friends all call me Tech! I'd like to buy this milk if you wouldn't mind!"

             He said nothing while rubbing his eyes. "W-what? T-this can't be real... I, I'm sorry... b-but..." The young man said studding. The wolf blinked, then spoke again. "It can't? You never had other worldly travelers before? I would have thought for sure you'd know there are more worlds then your own. I mean, you have particle accelerates?  No? Or did I misread those intercosmic readings again?" The wolf looking worried that he again made a mistake. "n-no... w-we have those... and I guess we thought there were other worlds... b-but this is a STORE! Why on earth would a traveler come here... for MILK!?! Either some one is pulling my leg or I'm going crazy!" She stammered. The wolf, tho only three feet tall hoped up onto the checkouts conveyer belt and looked down at the checkers feet. "I don't see anyone there... maybe you are imagining things. But don't worry, I'm sure your not crazy. I sometimes think something tugged on me when there was nothing. And I'm not crazy.... much." The wolf finished with a giggle.

             The man only stood there trying to figure out what has happened and why there is a humanoid wolf standing on his conveyer belt. "...." A few seconds passed before the wolf broke the silence. "That was a joke." Tech said looking a bit embarrassed. "How much will this be?" the wolf asked. "Umm.... err...." the man thought for a bit before shaking his head and scanning it bottle of milk, after all, why not at lest do your job as you think you're going insane? "that will be 3.24$" The wolf gasped at that, taking a step back! "three twenty four?!?! I only have two do- MEEP!" The wolfs ended that line of thought as when he moved, his paw triggered the belt to move... catching his foot paw between the front end of the belt.

             For most this would be no more then a pinch and then they would go about their day, however Tech is not most. This wolf so happened to be made of fluff, a soft easy to deform "cartoon" like substance that weighed very little and felt like cotton when relaxed, but could also some how lift a few times its weight when needed, a good thing as Tech weighted less then a small dog. The wolf yelped as his paw started to deform, flattening between the belt and the counter! Tech's soft fluff like substance quickly pressed down, some what like a plush or memory foam would. "H-hey! S-stop this thing! Save me!" The wolf yelped. "w-what the HECK?!" The man said stepping back a step, trying to figure out what to do!

             "Please! I don't wanna be stuck here! Please get back to normal! I d-MPHHH!" the wolf was cut off as his head too was squeezed into the counter. The man blinked, the wolf now gone, he paused and sighed, as if he had just been freed from some hallucination. "well... that was o-" He stopped mid word as a pair of feet and tail appeared on the far side of the belt. He waited as the flatted image of the wolf rolled across on the belt, stopping the belt with the flip of a switch as the wolf came close. "GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" the man yelled is surprise as the wolf blinked at him, Tech eyes looking quite sad. "... normal you said? .... I have not seen anything normal about you yet.... GOSH! Why did this have to happen to me?!" He said. Feeling the wolfs paw, the paw softer then anything he had felt before. ".... I'll see what I can do." He said peeling the flattened sheet, of what was once a human like wolf, off the counter. He then gave it a hard tug snapping him though the air, that oddly enough seemed to be what the wolf needed. Tech instantly returned to his "normal" shape.
 
           The man stood there, holding the wolf upside down by his paws, finding the light weight not surprising, as he still thought he was imagining the whole scene. "Thank you VERY much sir!" The wolf giggled. "Most have been those new allergy meds,  I might just be having those weird dreams they said they could cause, I'll wake up in a b-OOOOOOOW!" The man screemed as Tech had tried to take the milk bottle, still hanging upside down, but had lost grip, dropping it on his foot. "NOT A FLIPPING DREAM!" He cursed dropping Tech. "I...I'm sawwwy!" He said standing up. ".... and to make it worse, I don't have the money to pay for that...." He said shaking off some milk in his fur.... the man now noticing the broken bottle.

           The man said nothing but stood in shock still. "Know what? I bet you have enough money to pay for that mister! How about I make up for all this by doing something for you! I'll give you a wish! I'll try my best to fulfill it! Hows that sound" The man paused... "... you haven't got but two dollars, and your telling me you can grant a wish?" He had giving up on fighting it, he had already given in to accepting what was happening. The wolf nodded. "I can't make money silly! That's against the law!"
The wolf said smiling and laughing. "Ok... why not my day can't get any worse."

End part 1
« Last Edit: September 11, 2012, 03:20:16 PM by Tech »

-----------------------------------------------------------
There are two kind of people in this world those who are wise enough to know they are crazy and those who aren't.


Jonas

  • Writer Fox, Glasses Fox, Book Fox, Bouncy Fox!
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 3
  • ****
  • Posts: 656
  • Yip!
    • View Profile
Reply #1 on: September 11, 2012, 03:08:57 PM
Interesting. Very fast-paced but still easy enough to follow. You may want to add a space between each paragraph though for readability. I'd like to see how this story turns out.

"Technically speaking, phoenixes are actually pretty flammable." --Donnie


DigitFiredrake

  • Fluffwolf of all trades
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 2
  • ***
  • Posts: 131
    • View Profile
Reply #2 on: September 11, 2012, 03:21:04 PM
Thank you very much! Andddd spaces added, your right it does look better.

-----------------------------------------------------------
There are two kind of people in this world those who are wise enough to know they are crazy and those who aren't.


Jonas

  • Writer Fox, Glasses Fox, Book Fox, Bouncy Fox!
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 3
  • ****
  • Posts: 656
  • Yip!
    • View Profile
Reply #3 on: September 11, 2012, 03:45:32 PM
When multiple characters are speaking, you should make each charact'ers dialogue their own line. For example, this:

"H-hey! S-stop this thing! Save me!" The wolf yelped. "w-what the HECK?!" The man said stepping back a step, trying to figure out what to do!

Would become this:

"H-hey! S-stop this thing! Save me!" The wolf yelped.

"w-what the HECK?!" The man said stepping back a step, trying to figure out what to do!

"Technically speaking, phoenixes are actually pretty flammable." --Donnie


Tizocoatl

  • Ambystoma Mexicanum
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 1
  • **
  • Posts: 88
  • Axolotl. axe-o-loh-tal say it with me people...
    • View Profile
    • Deviantart
Reply #4 on: September 11, 2012, 04:20:29 PM
heheheeeeee...i hope you do more of these soon...i love it

Loop-Dee-Loop-Dee-Loopity-Doop


William Swiftfoot

  • Grey Fox Transformist
  • Enchanted Weapons Expert
  • *****
  • Posts: 1103
  • "Join for drinks and enojy the side effects!"
    • View Profile
Reply #5 on: September 11, 2012, 08:30:05 PM
As asked

Human Name: Charley
Wish: To win the lottery!
« Last Edit: September 11, 2012, 08:45:54 PM by Kenku »



Virmir

  • Chaotic Neutral Cartoon Gray Fox Mage
  • Administrator
  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 4
  • *****
  • Posts: 2273
  • These sorts of things happen.
    • View Profile
    • virmir.com
Reply #6 on: September 14, 2012, 09:33:01 AM
He he, nice toony silliness. Looking forward to reading more!

As Jonas notes above, yes, it's important to separate each speaker's dialogue into it's own paragraph. You also have a number of typos and misspellings, so you need to do some more proofreading. I understand you have trouble with spelling, and that's no big deal in a chatroom environment, but in written work you need to take time to reread and fix these things.

Looking forward to the next part!

[fox] Virmir