Honestly I think you focused on making the change a liiiiittle too "pleasurable" and it comes off at a little TF-porn-y. The whole pleasurable sensation thing used several times kinda turned me off.
Cookie TFs are fun though. 
Eh, twas a spur of the moment kind thing. Kinda just went with the words that popped into my head and worked them into a readable TFTG narrative. Also...TFTGs are kinda my thing so.....yeah, in my head they generally will come out as such. ^^;;
Part of me has pondered an alternate version of this where I...I mean "Emien" becomes Marina, my fat charizard sona, instead. I also even considered a TF into a cookie too. x3
But yeah, I may go back and edit out some of that in the future if I don't get too distracted. Kinda wish I had someone to proof read this though. The person I normally would ask for help hasn't been online in a while (I often help her edit her own stories) and couldn't find anyone else to help among my friends. Well, hopefully next time I'l, find someone. Mainly cause I make a lousy proof reader of my own work. ^^;