Messages

361

Writer's Guild / Re: The Swoopiness of Ferrets, Genetics and Time

« on: June 26, 2009, 01:49:11 AM »

I think the point of this may have been the randomness. I mean the entire world the ferret wanted to take him off to was rooted in that. That said, I think I'd go with the ferret myself, so long as I could come back whenever I want. For me, it's not the grass on the other side that's greener, so much as having the freedom to dance from one side of the fence to the other on a whim.

362

Writer's Guild / Re: Spirit Hunter -- Another transformation story

« on: June 24, 2009, 10:45:18 PM »

I don't know, it didn't feel all that creepy to me. What I DID wonder is why they're doing this. What is it about the merging that draws them? Is it like a growing up thing? Or is it just that they all think it's cool? I don't think you ever specified and we're only left to guess and assume.

Aside from that however, it's a very interesting setting. It's sad the target has to die, but also understandable in a way. The only thing throwing me off is that it sounds like they're capturing the animal's souls in these crystals and that kinda creeps me out. If you want to know why, just read Vir's "Spells of Brigervan". I don't mind death and such, but when it gets down to soul manipulation and annihilation it just starts weirding me out.

363

Writer's Guild / Re: Ash

« on: June 19, 2009, 02:04:45 AM »

but where is it?

364

Writer's Guild / Re: Ash

« on: June 19, 2009, 12:15:04 AM »

Picture? What picture?

365

Writer's Guild / Re: Ash

« on: June 18, 2009, 09:57:54 PM »

Ah, MUCH better than your previous draft. Upon my first reading I thought the upper class to be in some sort of airship watching in the distance some machine moving around, its task long forgotten, unable to see the people beneath it whose lives were endangered in chaos. Now things are much more clear, including the title, referring to the layer of ash thrown into the air that separates the lives of the two completely different peoples. You may want to put quotes around the "faint web of orange-red streaks" to show it's what other people think of it rather than himself. When you said "It seems that I am not alone..." you briefly switched into the present tense whereas everything else was in the past. It's good that you changed a lot of this, although the end of part one where the two gentlemen end up talking about grotto fish needs to be changed too. It no longer fits the preceding story and is but a remnant of the previous work, awkward and outdated.

Also, if the people below cannot see the machine above because of the ash and the people above can't see the landscape or even the other shambler nearby, why can the people above see the lines of lava? Are they on the side of a volcano they're passing? Do they just glow so much they're visible anyway? You should probably mention near the beginning as he's describing the place around him that you cannot see past a certain distance (or is it just below them?) due to the omnipresent ash. You briefly bring up that the other shambler walks out of the impenetrable wall of ash, but that's the first mention of it.

Aside from all this though, it's a really neat work. I've seen stories written from the sides of two completely different people before, but never one where the two different people have no concept of the others existence whatsoever. This is really quite a good short story. ^.^

366

Random Topics / Re: The door opens and a gust of wind blows in...

« on: June 12, 2009, 09:42:50 PM »

Indeed, I managed to find that section before I even read your reply, and I must say... Swarmies is my favorite. And the low percentage of on topic topics does not surprise me in the least. What DOES surprise me is just how critique intensive you are... Vir's sketch is right on target I'd say. I think I saw you critique yourSELF in Responsibilities. O_o

367

Random Topics / The door opens and a gust of wind blows in...

« on: June 12, 2009, 01:23:18 AM »

Hey everyone, I'm Stormkit (or Kit for short) off from MKland. I've known Virmir for a bit more than a year now and he's been bugging me to join this forum ever since he started making his comic on a regular basis. Up until now I've been resisting because I have a thing against joining forums connected to webcomics, but it's become clear that too much is going on here with new people and conversations for me to stay away. I figured that since I actually know the author I could make an exception ^.^

Hobbies of mine include reading, science, reading, anime, martial arts, various random things, and reading. I say reading three times because I seem to do three times as much reading as anything else. I have torn through ten year long comic archives in a day, and if you don't believe me I have witnesses that can verify around the forum.

So now that you all know who I am, why don't you tell me who you are? I know a bunch of you from MK, but at least half of you I've sure I've never met, or only briefly, so stop by and say something. :p