Interesting. Let's start with what I liked.
I liked the opening section. Trying to turn on a lighthouse is a very creative way to start a story, I'll have to say. In addition, I loved the main character, Shei, because he seemed very much like me. Your writing style fits Shei perfectly. While some people may say that your writing is "Too short and choppy", it fits Shei very well, since he lives a very choppy kind of life. He doesn't seem like the kind to be determined at all. This likeable character made me keep always keep reading.
Now, here's what I don't like; (don't be afraid, for what I strike down on is just what you made.)
You chose to write an anthro story. I saw you develop a little bit off of your character, but it's really not the focus here. How does the fact that this is a "cat person" change the meaning of the story?
Oh, and on "meaning". I liked how your story began. I liked the middle of the story. But...what happened to the ending? I feel like...you planned to write a sequel, but never got around to it. By the end of the story, I felt REALLY lost as to what was happening.
You use a short and choppy style for all of your story. It fits for Shei. It does NOT fit for the demon, nor for Cerulean. When you use third person close, you stick behind a character, and adapt your writing style accordingly. While the choppy Shei is all nice and cute, Gear, who plots and schemes and is all intrigue and scandal, should be far more eloquent. For an example of how I think Gear should sound, read...ANYTHING here by D.Ein. ((Note, Shei is not a "bard". A bard would be eloquent in speech, very self-confident, and not ever, EVER use the word "um.")
The gnome character is forgettable. I did not care that he died, nor did I care that he was revived. Nor did I know what was going on with that end battle sequence.
On other notes:
I was forever intrigued by the name of the main character. SHEI. You didn't intend this, but in Chinese, the word "Shei" means "Who?" That absolutely fits the character of Shei throughout the story. He goes on unnoticed, but still provides an impact in his own way, even though not through his reputation.((Everyone doesn't care who he is, they only care about what he does.))
That's it for me, (I hope that others come and see,); If you intend to fix this story, do it fast; for otherwise you'll realize you'll drop this story from your past.
