I haven't said much here, yet, so be prepared for a dump of thoughts and text... XD
Remembering how the first version went, I can see how this would happen as it did.
Heh.
He was kinda brought gradually, by circumstance and need, to be what he simply has/ought to be.
There were personality jumps all along the way, through the last version, leading in one direction. It's good. But I can also see how some might be lost, along the way. It made sense to me, for the most part, until the end, in the last version. That was the biggest jump and a lack of understanding left something of a gap.
This situation I can understand, here. Especially with the fourth part up. But one might give a slight reference to Shei's reasoning while he's using it. Even if it's indirect.. like pointing out how Shei noted everyone's lack of answers or maybe a character he asked behaving in a bizarre manner or giving a strange look and him wondering to himself why that may be, thinking, one way or another, something like
"Well, I didn't mention demons and wouldn't do any of the things that they might be suspicious of." That could set up a direct answer, too, like adding to his train of thought that he just wanted to prevent another accidental summoning. That could explain his seemingly somewhat out-of-place curiosity, when it first seems out-of-place.
Also, you do say that he didn't want to travel. It implies he doesn't want to go about doing things like that which he is doing. Maybe put a tie in there. After you say the part of his lack of interest in travel and get to the point that he decides to leave his room, maybe add a trailing thought saying that he might have to go running about outside, after all, despite his preference to not. You could also answer the future questions about his curiosity by explaining the cause for his leave, in advance. Though I kinda like not knowing, right at first, as that information is not needed yet. You have to mix it correctly, though.
Else someone could be confused, before they reach the fourth part. That might make it difficult for them to enjoy the story until that point.
Yeah...
Readers are many things. Some of those things include lazy and impatient. :P
They want a book that tells them the reasons for things and connects events for them when they happen (unless it's crucial to the plot or an effect that they not know why (in which case they tend to prefer it that the writer indicates that is the reason for their not knowing by making it a minor/major focus or makes enough of a cover so that the reader may not even know that they aren't fully informed or so that the reader understands that no one else in the book understands it, yet).
They don't enjoy it when they see something that doesn't have a clear reason or connection, unless it's supposed to be something of a mystery. And they don't like to have to guess too much if it's something they don't feel they should have to guess at. They want to know why, or at least that they should simply not know the reasons.
They want this, whether or not the characters know or acknowledge it themselves.
(Lazy!!!
)
They don't want to have to guess at things, unless they know that they are supposed to be guessing.
If they're guessing unecessarily, that could leave all sorts of possibilities they don't really want to deal with.
What if they're wrong, and they're not actually supposed to have guessing wrong be an option?
Something could happen later on that would make sense, if they had guessed right... but with the wrong guess it would not make sense and perhaps not be explained enough the second time to make sense later.
Or what if it was something they were simply supposed to figure out, even if it's not referenced later? They have no second chance to try to figure it out.
These thoughts will have them wondering throughout the whole story,
"What was that... was I right about that?"At least until it is brought up again. Until that point, though, they will be wondering. And, if they were wrong, they may continue to wonder. It's distracting to one who just wants to enjoy the story.
They don't tend to like it, if they are left wondering by themselves and they don't know why. They would prefer to know, on the spot, or at least know that they aren't the only ones who don't know and/or that they might find out later.
(Impatient!!!
)
Sorry, that's a lot of rambling. :P
If you checked my notes for the last version of this story, you might see that I will definitely be doing that... XD
I am really liking this version of the story, much more.
You were saying something about your uncertainty of how to involve Elimar? It would seem that you found a solution, which I am glad to hear. I liked that character... XD
The word choice has obviously improved. Not as many exact repetitive words... and there are some great phrases that weren't there, before. :)
So has the plot improved, so far. It's better explained and pieced together. Also, it's more interesting. :)
I would guess that the first version served more as a rough draft... and this is coming out quite a bit better!
I'm looking forward to seeing how it comes out.
