Author Topic: Binding  (Read 13870 times)

Jonas

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on: April 09, 2010, 04:59:13 PM
Yes! It is not some trick of your eyes! I have actually written a new story after many months of procrastinating! It is based on Virmir's magic foxification wand picture, and I have no idea what kind of tone I was trying to give it XD

"Technically speaking, phoenixes are actually pretty flammable." --Donnie


AlexShrub

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Reply #1 on: April 09, 2010, 09:31:53 PM
Very nice story, well done.

Now crime only goes up if you don't turn the graph upside-down. Turn it upside-down, and it has halved. Halved! Under me, Alex Shrub.

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Dragyn

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Reply #2 on: April 10, 2010, 04:21:34 AM
Hmm...an interesting and enjoyable read.  Not much focus on the Transformation itself, but perhaps that is at it should be, considering the content and context.

Hmm...mayhap I should try my hand at writing again, sometime...



Lopez

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Reply #3 on: April 11, 2010, 07:41:43 PM
Yes, Dragyn. You SHOULD.  ]:)

Good job with the story. Well-developed setting, obvious conflict, pointed resolution. Your stories are always very solid. However, it might be interesting to spice up the relationship with the apprentice and his master a bit more. Do they REALLY like each other? (Interpret that both ways) What in their lives has come between them to bond them, separate them? How does this next transformation determine the shape not only of their physical forms, but of their mental forms as well? Is he going to be able to write back with a fox's paws very well?

What I mean is, your story is very solid, but a few good details might give it the punch it needs to become a sick-nasty story, rather than just a great one.

It's a good thing you're writing again!  ]:) (I ought to get around to reading all the stories you've written...)

...but that's just my opinion, so don't let it bother you too much!


Jonas

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Reply #4 on: April 12, 2010, 10:03:08 PM
Yes, Dragyn. You SHOULD.  ]:)

Good job with the story. Well-developed setting, obvious conflict, pointed resolution. Your stories are always very solid. However, it might be interesting to spice up the relationship with the apprentice and his master a bit more. Do they REALLY like each other? (Interpret that both ways) What in their lives has come between them to bond them, separate them? How does this next transformation determine the shape not only of their physical forms, but of their mental forms as well? Is he going to be able to write back with a fox's paws very well?

What I mean is, your story is very solid, but a few good details might give it the punch it needs to become a sick-nasty story, rather than just a great one.

It's a good thing you're writing again!  ]:) (I ought to get around to reading all the stories you've written...)

Thanks a lot for the praise, Lopez! The "parting of ways" thing sort of just came up as I was thinking of a way to end the story, so I'm not sure how well it holds together with the rest of the piece. But honestly, a foxification wouldn't be the best thing to base a story like that around though I may give it a shot in the future.

Oh, and just for clarification, his hands became paw-like, so he could still do stuff with them. Plus, you know... he's a wizard XD

"Technically speaking, phoenixes are actually pretty flammable." --Donnie


Virmir

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Reply #5 on: April 13, 2010, 08:30:00 PM
*Love* this, Jonas!  You've managed to paint a vibrant and interesting world in a very short amount of space.  I'm really flattered my random doodle inspired such a fine little tale. [:)

[fox] Virmir