The crisp autumn air filled my lungs, generating a most pleasant sensation - rather perfect for waking up to. Ah, the blessed sun! Whatever would we all do without ye, the shiner of light! In my morning daze, I found myself lucky to behold the great fire in the sky right above Urgug's palm. The thrice-cursed palm! And by what decree does the vile Ugrug hold claim to it? One of these mornings, if the brightest eye of all wakes me early and I find it obstructed by the palm of the villainous Ugrug, a duel shall most certainly take place! The consequence of which, naturally, shall be the downing of the vexatious tree.
But - lo - behind the morning's sand upon the orbs of mine eyes, I had at last spied the noble Maklud coming back from the hunt.
"UUUUUURRRrrrr---GAAAAAAAH!" the seemingly successful huntsman proclaimed in triumph. "Maklud club mothmoth!"
The most exaggerated of claims! Maklud, a man whose nobility is second only to his strength, would still be hardly a challenge for the wicked mothmoth. Yet, I dimly recall his father Urara succeeding in this boastful feat... could he be speaking the truth?
"Mothmoth see," I sharply retorted in disbelief. "Mothmoth big?"
"Huu huu huu," Maklud chuckled urbanely. "Maklud no club mothmoth. Mothmoth big. Buba dummy!"
My word! Hardly can I ever recall an occasion at which I would have warranted my being played for jest in this way! The rage of a thousand mothmoths burned with the ferocity of a thousand suns in my chest, pouring out all at once!
"RAAAAAGH!" I execrated, pounding my breast in anger. "Buba Maklud angry!"
"Maklud no want angry! Eee! Sorr!" Maklud uttered apologetically. Truly, wherce another man may have challenged the offender, Maklud's diplomatic skills took over. Instead of dueling, he merely chose to apologize. An honourable man, indeed!
"Buba forgive," I gave in, sighing in exasperation. How could a gentleman ever stay mad at another gentleman? In retrospect, the situation indeed was rather amusing. "Huu huu. Maklud trick Buba. Buba dummy. Maklud smart!"
"Men kill Awu sleep!" The voice of the fair Awu rang true through our spacious cave. By the mothmoth's tusks! The volume of mine and Maklud's conversing must have roused the beautiful Awu from her dreams. O, how could gentlemen ever allow such a dreadful thing to befall a lady?!
"It he," Maklud pointed out with conviction. "I hunt. I bring toothtooth."
Though crestfallen by betrayal, I could do naught but agree. Had I not overreacted as I have, Awu's volumptious body would still rest peacefully upon those softest mothmoth furs Maklud and I had foraged in our hunts together. In all the rudeness of such a gesture, I could not force myself to break contact with Awu.The eye-enchanting layers of life-preserving fat! The artistically feminine drooped breasts! The arousingly chaotic mangled hair!..
"RAAAAAGH!" The curvaceous Awu's roar filled my entire being from top to bottom, as water may a jug plant. "Buba voice make Awu pee bed!"
The proverbial mothmoth's tusk had pierced my heart through and through as I came to comprehend the horrid news. A villain am I, for no other man could ever make a maid spill forth the contents of her bladder with his voice. Nay... this cannot be... could I be walking the Left Hand Path with Urgug in hand?!
"Uuuuuuuuuu! Bad Buba! Bad Buba!" I repeated this terrifyingly true mantra while forcibly contacting my head with the cave wall in a fit of noble masochism. "Sorr!"
"Who sorr?"
The new, booming voice may nearly have shook the foundations of the cave. It cannot be! The wicked croaking of the terrible Urgug!
Tune in next week for another exciting episode of Cave Warriors!
*theme song*
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Done purely for fun. :P
