Hold Me Down: Fan comic

[Lopez]

So, it turns out I was reading up on Chinese history one day, and I happened upon the part involving where all the western countries(+Japan) made China pay huge indemnities and territory concessions everyyyyy....ten years or so. I thought that was pretty cruel.

Then I listened to the song "Hold Me Down" by Gin Blossoms. I thought that was pretty cool.

Then I logged onto the CF website. Then I was like: "Woah, it all fits!"

So, I decided to create a comic based on it. It is short, at the max 20 pages, but more likely 15. But, in addition, this is the first time I've really tried doing Pencil texturing rather than coloring, which I've found is much more my thing. It's still a learning process, so if any of you have solutions to the problems that you see, feel free to critique.

Since good things come in threes, I'll be posting updates 3 at a time, so I can review them and improve my style for the next 3.







((Yes, I know it's a cardinal sin to include song lyrics in art works, but I couldn't resist doing it for the first 3.))

Question: Go to computer text for next 3 or just try to do cleaner Pencil/inked text?

[KaiAdin]

Hmmm, The Pencils are quite good, its easy enough to understand/read.

The only think that may be a problem is the upside down text/sideways text.  Easy enough to flip over and read on a piece of paper but kinda hard on a computer monitor XD

It looks cool, but I'm somewhat lost as to what is happening . I shall google the song, maybe that'll help a bit! But then again its only the 1st 3 pages I'm sure the story will become apparent soon enough.

[Virmir]

Awesome, Lopez.

The song lyrics are kinda jarring wrapping around like that.  Makes me think this is all some sort of weird dream (though maybe that is your intent. )  The one text bubble in the upper right of page two is indeed very hard to read.  Computer text on a pencil comic usually doesn't look that great, but on the other hand it's vital that the text is clear and easy to understand. So yes, either put effort into making nice, clear pencil text (I would recommend going with all capitals-- don't just hand-write it like you're taking notes) or go with computer generated.

If you go with computer text, I'd recommend picking up a Blambot font, and doing the font in a dark gray instead of jet black. (Black type on a gray pencil comic is kinda jarring too, I think.)

Either way, this is awesome!  Keep it up!  I'm definitely interested in seeing where this goes.   And your foxes aren't half bad either.

[Lopez]

Going with hand-done font. Learning how to write in block caps. Next 3!



Question: Does this work?



Question: Did you read through this one too fast?



Question: Fiddling with levels to make it darker, yes or no?


....now that I look back on it. It TOTALLY did not make sense if you just read the first three. Then again, even now it's not making too much sense yet. My advice: pay close attention to the character's attitudes toward each other.

...I have yet to find a good way to portray a song in written form. I will plod onwards, then. Thanks for the comments!

Does the story start to make sense a little bit more with these next three?

[Virmir]

Playing with levels is a definite improvement.  Also try increasing both the brightness and contrast. Should help produce clearer, darker lines.

You did an insane text dump on page four, which you should never ever do in a comic.   But your striking out parts shows that that characters aren't paying attention as they should, and helps us gleam the important parts.

Page five is very refreshing after four.  Yes, it does go faster than four, but you're showing us things with pictures. That's good.

I like it so far.  Looking forward to the next part.

[KaiAdin]

Hmm whatever you did to Page 5 is really good.. looks clear and readable.

From what I gather, the Main character, Sir Vance, is the representative for his province of Larelis? and that hes been summonsed to sign/whitness the signing of a treaty? His territory has been captured? (he seems to be quite civil about it)

Yea like I said on the chat, and as Virmir saidL total TL;DR on page four, but I was also annoyed by the small font, (but you are fixing that now with a bigger scan)

As you probably can tell I'm not getting much of the subtle attitudes and such but there are only 6pages up.. I'm sure things will become clearer as time goes on.

[Lopez]

Thanks for your replies! They keep me encouraged! You're a bit off, Kai, but only because I forgot the name rule for short stories (repeat characters names OFTEN. Don't just assume the readers know them because you do.)

Here's where things start to get dicey.



Question: Why on earth is he doing this? (How was he acting towards the character sitting at the head of the table, earlier?)



Question: LOL THE TEXT IS EATING HIM! (That was not really a question.) (Real question, did you follow the text on the bottom correctly? ((It goes from "...what?" to "...what?")))



Question: Oh my. Now what?

End Question:I threw a lot of text in there. Feeling wall-of-texted by it or not?

[KaiAdin]

Ohh I get it now (maybe), hes one of the conquerors then. It seems somewhat anachronistic that he would be asking for mercy.. especially, questioning a superior member of the peerage... if anything it would be treasonous to even question the monarchs decision.

And seeing as I think I understand the comic more.. this whole 'treaty' ceremony seems un-ceremonious... having conquered another country I would have expected something more flashy, more celebratory for the victors and humiliating for the conquered. (Like the Surrender of Japan, at the end of WWII)   

End Question: Actually not really, with lots of (pretty) pictures between the text it wasnt wall of texty at all 

[Virmir]

Nice.  There was no text wall here because you broke it up with pictures.  Particularly like the increasing anger from the one-eared fox.

Also, your art is improving!  Look at the last pages compared to the first.

Looking forward to the next part!

[Lopez]

A ha ha ha you can't stop the updates....

I'm only posting these two for now...both because it makes sense that way, and because page 11 was a MENACE to draw. Count them. 30. Ow. Painful.



Awwwww how cute. But what's going on here?



Hmmmmm...now what's going on HERE??? This page would be so AWESOME if I could actually draw CONSISTENTLY.

Looking back, I was actually unconsciously influenced in the way I drew this page. See http://www.lackadaisycats.com/exhibit.php?exhibitid=216 for the influence that I received.

Thanks for all your reviews! It helps me to know what ideas are getting through to you and what ideas are a bit too dense.

[Virmir]

Great job, Lopez.  Love these two pages.   Nice touch with the awkward pauses.  Keep them coming.

Edit: I also just noticed you consistently shade Vance with diagonal lines, and other characters with other directional lines.  This is a very subtle and great way to distinguish characters in a black and white comic.  Very nice.

[KaiAdin]

Hmm, I didnt notice the Slanted lines, for Sir Vance untill Virmir pointed it out, and I was going to poke you on the somewhat similar looking-ness of your fox characters.

I still dont understand some what The relationship to CF here actually, and to that song you initially alluded/mentioned in the comic , to clear things up this isnt really set in the Cf Universe right? (this seems to be my major reaction here,)

Hmm so...so Far, we have one Region or Kingdom thats just conquered another region, and now a meeting between the lords of those regions has been made to agree to the terms of surrender. Sir Vance wants to be lenient to the conquered regions, but his Superior (that black dude with the damaged ear) has been affected personally... and thus its clouding his judgement a bit. And in this latest update, Vance is Visting a friend? (thanks to virmir helping me puzzle that one out)

Have I gotten the sequence of events right so far? Now to Puzzle out the meanings behind the latest update

[Lopez]

Yeah.....sorry about the confusion to relation to CF. The crucial line was in the "Wall of text comic" (the part which was not lined out)

"...the surrender of the gray province of Myna to the United Red Army...Arxas, Merins, Larels, and Geornas..."

Now that that line is cleared up, it should make a bit more sense.

((Notice...the friend he's visiting...it's the same guy as before???))

Also, because no one picked this up, and I was just waaaaay too proud of what I did there to let it go, in comic 11, the one with all the heads, the 4, 8, 12, 16 panels are slightly different. Read them top to bottom.

After a two-week hiatus and one-week of drawing...



Oh my. Ouch. Poor guy. Next update things will hopefully become more clear.

((Question: do you think it's better to have one small head per text block or have a few large heads for multiple text blocks?))

[Virmir]

Hmmm, you've got an interesting style going on for this one.  I got slightly confused on the ordering as the text and images looped around like that., but figured it out in the end.

I'm not sure I like the tiny heads in boxes approach.  I understand where you're coming from exactly though-- you want to match an expression with each line.  It's a challenge when drawing comics to pick out one expression and pose for each group of speech bubbles.  I also find myself putting a single line in one comic panel because I think it's important.  But for the most part, I think you want to draw a full panel and match that character's pose and expression to one line, and allow the reader to deduce what's happening for the rest of the lines.

But to end on a positive note, the very last facial expression,  "Last year before the war," is very nicely done.

[Lopez]

Used auto-levels in Photoshop, because Paint.net(What I previously used to do levels) went completely bonkers on me. Better or worse?

This is EXPOSITION...good or no?