My first story, Frozen wings - Coming of Age

[LordofLizards]

    Hello everyone, I am relative new here, so I figure I would contribute to the vast amounts of literature on the site. Anyhow, I hope you like it, and criticism is always welcome. I will give a bit of a warning there is quite a bit of blood, although it isn't human nor animal blood. The word doc for it is posted in the reply below, and my comments and discussion on this story is after the written story below the writing in this post.

A pale blue light peaks through the thatched roof. As if it were a feather, it tickles the fur covered muzzle of the creature inside. He twitches ever so gently, then slowly opens his eyes. The lemming stares blankly at the temporary walls around him as the light trickles in to the room.
He closes his eyes again and takes a deep breath. He sits up, his makeshift blanket of flowers and moss fall to the side as he stands. He shakes the dust off his fur and grooms his paws before going outside.
   Clouds frolic in the heaven as they block the stars with their shifting forms. Inconsistent patches of light and shadow create a blanket that drapes over the world below, even the brown and red fur of the lemming displays the pattern projected from above.
   He turns his gaze away from the stars, his big black eyes scan the world around him. “Today must be the day” is the only thought in his head as he instinctively starts to prepare for the most important day of his life.
   …
   Alex grinds two silver rocks over a pit of dried brush. Sparks flicker on to the shrubbery as he gently blows on them order to give life to a fire. He tries this several before the flames actually come to life.
   The nut squishes as Alex drives a stick through its core; he lowers it gently above the fire. His dark eyes look in to the bright flames as he prepares his breakfast. He draws the nut out and pours a bit of water on it. Hissing steam rises as the crisp nut starts to curl ever so slightly.
   He can’t help but smile as he tastes the roasted chestnut. He finishes it quickly, then licks his paws off in order to get every vestige of the nut in to his maw. He licks off his licks, giving himself a moment to savor the flavor.
   It isn’t long before the fire consumes all of its fuel, after which the flames sputter and promptly die. Alex kicks some dirt over the dying embers and walks over to his make shift shelter. He straps his backpack and belt over his shoulder. He places his short bow over his back, then draws his spear from the ground, and holds it in his mouth.
   …
   The grass stands upwards; no wind disturbs it. Large flowers dot the landscape, silently communicated with each other with strange colors collected from the void. The soft sound of Alex’s paws against the ground, and of his breath are the only things that break the crystal like stillness of this land.
   Alex walks down a winding path, hours pass until another sound joins his lonely symphony, a river, the rhythmic song of water. Otherworldly creatures with rainbow wings and scales perch on aquatic flowers and watch as Alex stops at the shore.
   He looks up and down the flowing water. He sees where the river ends, the water flows off the edge in to the endless void that exists being the floating landmass. The other direction, it travels by a lonely tower whose form could barely be discerned from the surrounding expanse of stars. It is surrounded by bushes of Black Flowers.
   A gentle pop as Alex removes the lid from his water skin. He skims off the pure liquid until the leather bag is full. He places the cap back on, then lowers his maw to the stream and drinks. He closes his eyes as he feels the universe around him.
   “Your beauty is beyond comprehension, your form magnificent. Even though your kingdom lay in ruin, it’s design cannot be expressed nor matched by any word nor craft we know.” He submerges his head in to the water as he continues his silent prayer. “Protector of all, I am still a pup, shelter me so that I may receive your greatest grift to us. Guardian of the universe, give me the strength so I may join my brethren as a true member of the clan. Polara, please…”
   Alex draws his head from the water and takes a deep breath. He reflects on what he needs to do, and all the things that need to be just right. Doubts start to cloud his mind, “what if I miss, what if the powder doesn’t work, what if... No” a deep breath in, a deep breath out “I will succeed, I will overcome, my plan will work”.
   …
   He remembers when and where he left. It was beneath a giant archway of granite engraved with symbols whose meanings have long since been forgotten to the passing eons. The trees had spread their boughs high above the forest floor, moss covered the ground.
   “One month” the words echoed in his ear. “You must be back at the gate” his expression was grim “with or without it, until the moon is full again, else you will be trapped”. Alex shuttered visibly as he looked around at his brethren.
   They all had one, had all gone through this journey and returned. He even remembered some faces that were not there. Stories of those who were slain on their quests, or didn’t make it back and were never heard of again.
   He double checked his things. He had prepared, but one can never have prepared enough. Powders, blunt arrow, arrows, water skin, spear, all things he had with him. “But make sure to come home” the shaman placed a paw on his shoulder. He smiled, then, with the help of his staff, he left, and all of his clan left too. He was alone beneath the archway.
   When he would awake next, his quest will have begun.
…
   The sickening sweet smell of the Black Flowers assaults Alex’s nose. His eyes water as he approaches one, the stinging sensation intensifies as he pulls out a small bag. He undoes the string holding it together and pours the white powder in to the deep mouth of the flower.
   He coughs as he staggers away. He drops to the ground and closes his eyes. He blocks out everything except for his memory of that tower. It reaches far in to the void above, a circular bastion with a singular bridge that juts out the side, crosses the river, then promptly crumples as it protrudes off the end of the world.
   He opens his eyes and draws his bow. He strings it, then backs up behind a tower of grass. He draws a single arrow from his bag and readies it. He waits, he knows it will come, it must come. “One, two, three…” he counts to himself in order to keep his focus. “Four, five, six… what color will it be, will it be large?” he shakes his head “one, two, three”. Minutes pass, hours pass, but it comes.
   Alex gasps ever so slightly as he makes out its unmistakable shape. Long bladelike projections for forearms, and flowing, fleshy tentacles. It’s three, pupils-less eyes and an eyestalk on the top of its head complete its horrible form. From its maw extends its large tongue that licks up the nectar from the bottom of the Black Flowers.
   Alex draws the arrow back and aims. He needs to be far enough away so the rakskar won’t notice him, and equivalently slice him in to disfigured bits. He holds his breathe, “please…”, then releases. The arrow swiftly digs itself in to the bush with Black Flowers.
   Alex isn’t anything amazing when it comes to archery, so he decided he wouldn’t bank on impaling the creature. With a blunt arrow he would hit the bush, much larger and easier to hit considering how far away he would be.
   The powder takes flight in to the air, expanding outwards it attacks the rakshar’s vulnerable eyestalk. The creature writhes and screeches in pain. Its main eye closes as it instinctively runs towards the river; at once it dips its eye stalk in to refreshing water.
   One step in front of the other, Alex slowly approaches the creature. It’s three eyes stare blankly at him. To them, Alex appears to be another nameless shadow created by the clouds. Holding his breath, he continues to approach until he dares approach no more. From his belt he draws a single pointed arrow and nocks. The creature turns towards him as Alex releases his breath, but it is too late.
   …
   The rakshar screams and slashes around itself as it feels the sharp arrow dig itself in to the eye on its stalk, its only good eye. It thrashes around with its bladelike appendages, destroying everything around it as it charges blindly through the flora. Golden streaks flow over its drab scales and fur.
   Alex drops his bow, his belt and pack. As quickly as he can he retrieves his spear, then follows the trail of golden blood. It runs for nearly 20 minutes until it stops panicking and starts to clean its ruined eye with its alien like feelers.
   Alex stands, and slowly takes his spear from out of his maw as he approaches. A crystal like silence falls upon them both, but once he knows the rakshar isn’t noticing him, Alex breathes a sigh of relief. As if on cue, his eyes widen in a sudden panic.
   The raskshar turns to Alex and with his feelers probes the area. Those disgusting things from this demon, it is trying to find him. Holding his spear, he yells as he slashes as one of the feelers, severing it from the abomination’s body.
   The raskshar bellows and slashes downwards toward the lemming.  Alex yells in agony as the blade like arm slices his shoulder, but he brings his spear down in time to parry the other arm. The creature’s strength is too much, and it sends Alex flying backwards, and his spear skitters under the dreadful creature.
   There is no time for him to address his wound, Alex holds his breathe, staying perfectly still as the creature scans around for him. Unable to see him nor hear him, the rakshar vents its anger by tearing up the ground around itself.
    He knows he needs to be quite as he closes range, Alex clamps his mouth shut, stifling his instinctive war-cry. He rolls up and charges forward. Not knowing exactly where he is, the creatue digs it’s arms in to the ground where he hears the noise. He lets go of his voice only after dodging the blade-like arms, he rolls under the beast.
He snatches his spear and slides in between its legs so he is behind this terrible foe. In a fluid motion he drives the point in to the back of the rakshar’s knee. He digs his blade deep in between the two hardened scales.
He pushes the shaft upwards, golden blood oozes as he rips his blade out, the rakshar falls to its knees. Passion overtakes him, he rolls back under the rakshar and faces the beast. Anger boils through him as he sees the nearly broken form of this, this thing.
No words can he form, but no words does he need. A yell from the depths of his soul the pure expression of passion and fury, an inner fire burned deep within his black eyes. Staring through the demon, he leaps up, spear first and drives the point in to its chest, sending the creature crashing on to its back.
A crack as the spear pole breaks off. The lemming tosses the shaft down then draws the golden hued blade from the belly of the beast. Blood oozes from his shoulder as he walks on the rakshar towards its head. It’s vicious arms flail wildly, unable to reach the lemming.
He places his paw on the broken shaft, then drives the blade deep it to the center eye of the creature’s head. Golden mist sprays out, covering the blade and Alex’s face as he drives it deeper in to its brain. The rakshar gives a final roar, then goes silent and limp against the blood soaked ground.
Alex releases his grip; he breathes heavily as he stares in to the creature’s lifeless eyes. The adrenalin starts to leave him; he grasps his shoulder. His rush finished, his sight goes blurry, and he falls on the carcass of the demon.
…   
   His eyes slowly open, the large black orbs look up in to the heavens above. Shades of purple and blues cloud the night sky, accompanied by an uncountable number of stars of nearly every color and size. “Where am I?” he thinks to himself.
   The memories start to come back to him like stars poking behind the curtain of the void. The disgustingly sweet scent of the golden blood mangled with his fur. He places his paw oh his shoulder as he feels it throb in pain.
He shakes his head as he recalls how he got in to this mess. He gets up, but then that specific memory of his purpose returns. His eyes widen, and he looks down at the creature in disbelief. His breathing intensifies as he draws the spear blade from the eye.
“Is this it, is it here?” he doesn’t waste a breath as he rushes to the belly of his felled foe. He drives the blade in, and starts to carve away the flesh. The scent assaults him again, but he shrugs it off, his eyes and mind are set on one thing now.
He cuts away the flesh which promptly sloshes to the floor. He tosses the blade on the ground, then starts to dig in to the creature. He feels around it’s chest cavity until he feels something glossy and hard. “is this...” he plucks it from the core and jumps out of the empty rakshar. He wipes some of the blood off of the perfectly round object.
He takes a deep breath as a gentle glow emanates from the stone. He watches it, his whiskers twitch nervously as he can scarcely believe this is happening. A smile creeps across his face.
…
He sets down his spear head and orb as he steps in to the water. It is cold, the gold haze fades from his red and brown fur. Alex dips his head in the water and cleans off himself with his paws and maw, while doing his best not to disturb the scab on his shoulder.
He washes his blade off; the grey steel shines dimly in the starlight. He sets it aside, then takes the ball and rises it off in the clear water. The gold is carried away to reveal the gem beneath. A white glow emanates deep within the crystal; it is in the shape of a winged creature.
He walks out of the water and shakes off his fur. It stands on end, but he is still looking deep in to the crystal. “This is it, the frozen wings” he rubs it in its paws, “my passage to adulthood, my gateway to magic, my gift” his face lights up like the crystal as the thoughts cross his mind. “My Heartstone”.


    Welp that is the first part of the story, I will work on other parts if people are enjoying it. Even if people aren't enjoying it, I will probably continue it anyways.

    Now for my thoughts about this. I read a lot of pieces already on here. The most common critiques seem to be "Your tenses don't agree" so I made a conscious effort to make sure everything agrees.
    As for the story itself, I tried to integrate the descriptions with the actions, though I will admit it may sometimes feel a bit forced, and it does occasionally break the flow.
    I also may not have been completely consistent with Alex's personality, which is something I will continue to work on.
    I do need to work on battle choreography, as this battle wasn't too original, just some over the top stuff as well as drawing some inspiration from the GoT Oberyn vs The Mountain duel.
    I also haven't really explained magic or the world within this snip it. I figure I would focus on the character and the likes just to start. This is a preface and such.

    Anyhow, if there is anything else you noticed, questions, suggestions, comments, criticisms, I am eager to hearing them. Also, I tried to copy and paste this from the word document. When typing however I pressed the tab key, which proceeded to submit the post before I had finished it. Now I don't actually know how to link the word document without redoing the post entirely. I will assure you the paragraph formatting is correct on the word document.

[LordofLizards]

I figured it out.

[LordofLizards]

Oh god the formatting got destroyed in the copy and paste, I included a word link if you want to read that, it has proper indentation.

And after a long time, I have finally written another story and its... a redo of the first one. I remember writing the previous one, and my thought after I finished it was "this is like the best thing in the history of all time". I also remember two months later realizing the many faults within it, the lack of character development, the telling vs showing, even how it didn't even represent my fantasy world faithfully. I realized this to the point where I decided to rewrite it. I did actually start the sequel to the first story, and while I was doing it I realized just how much of a dead end it was. This time however, I won't redo it a third time, I will continue on regardless. That being said, after writing this version, I felt like "this is like the best thing in the history of all time". Of course I know it isn't, and in a few months I'll likely grow to see all of its faults, because I will have progressed in my knowledge of story telling. That being said, on to the story. I will give a fair warning before, it is meant to be very emotional and powerful. I cried a lot while writing it, but I 1) feel emotions to a great degree, cry like a lot (in an emotional way, and not in a bad way), and two, I understand the characters a lot more than any of you will, but through continuing to post stories, I am hoping to change that. In its original draft, it contains one cuss word, which I have edited it out with respect to the sites rules. I actually like curse words when they are used appropriately. Often they are used like "Krabs is a *dolphin screech*", and that defeats the beauty with them. Within a story, sprinkle it in once or twice in an appropriate situation, and it really can catch the reader off guard, and in my mind really shows the weight of a situation. To this end, I put a single * where the word would have been. There is also a bit of blood and violence, for purposes of spoiling I won't explain, but I don't think it is over the top, and the purpose is to bolster the storytelling aspect of it. If either of these is an issue I will remove it. But yes, this is my long rant about my thoughts on the writing processes, and constructive criticism is more than helpful. Though if you are going to needlessly criticize me, I want you to roast me like a marshmallow over a roaring fire, there is no middle ground with this. Anyhow, if you have gotten through this rant, then I hope you enjoy the story, and if this rant was painful to read and I should give a tl:dr at the start, I will do that for my next rant (Ranting is my third favorite thing behind faerie dragons and sherbet).

The cold starlight streams through the canopy, illuminating blotches of moss on the forest floor. Three shadows weave their way in and out of the light. The leader halts and holds his paw out, flowing wings come to rest against its obscure form. It looks around, before beckoning the other shades forward. Their red stripes appear as dim violet highlights against their dark fur.
The water silently laps against the worn stones. Darkness fills the sigils carved in to the foundation. The three figures make their way over the stones on to the circular platform. Two archways besides the disk reach up in to the trees. The leader stands between the structures, and with a movement of his arm, his 6 capes drop to the ground.
 “It is time” he smiles as an ambient light illuminates the site. “Alex” he beckons with his paw for the smaller Woodrose to go to the center. Alex nods, but his paw is pulled downwards. He looks down to the smaller creature besides him.
“It’ll be okay Nova, I’ll be back with a hearthstone!” he smiles as he looks in to the smaller Woodrose’s wide black eyes. He places his paw over Nova’s head. “I’ll be able to do all the things Nestor did, okay?” Nova grasps the amber on his necklace and timidly turns his head.
“Okay Alex” he squeaks as he loosens the grip on Alex’s arm. Once he lets go, he wraps his arms around Alex and embraces him. “You’ll still be my big brother right?” Alex returns the hug, and nuzzles Nova affectionately.
“I promise” Alex gives him a kiss on his forehead as they release from caress. He looks up to the other Woodrose. “Misae I am ready”. Misae’s red stripes glow dimly like stars gliding across the night sky, he closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. Alex follow suit as he is surrounded by a curtain of light.
Nova shields his eyes from the glow, but as it dims, he peeks and finds that Alex is gone.

(Break)

“You remember this well…” the synthetic voice calls out from the empty depths.

(Break)

The small Woodrose rests against the wooden rail as he looks across an ocean of leaves. He looks down at one paw, then clasps the stone hanging from his necklace in his other. The amber gleams vibrantly within the pale sunlight. “Am I… Nova?“ the thought flashes over him as he turns.
“No, this can’t, but this… I… I…”  his eyes go wide and he freezes in awe. The white stones shine as the path winds upwards. “This… is” his round ears perk up as they pick up a familiar sound. “No, that can’t, but he…”
“Alex!” Alex shivers as he gets down on all fours. Tears starts to come to the corner of his eyes as he whispers a single name. “Alex, where are you?!” the call rings once more.
“Nestor” Alex squeaks as he darts forward. “Nestor!” he rushes down the winding pathway. He breathes heavily as the wind whistles across his fur. “Where are you!” Tears stream down his cheek as he slips over the smooth tiles. His paws cross as he skitters on his side and collides into the tree. He closes his eyes and whimpers silently as he slowly slides across the trail, and falls towards the green depths.

(Break)

“You had me worried” Alex cowers in to the furry embrace. “Why were you wondering off like that?” Alex’s muscles loosen as his back is stroked. He opens his reddened eyes and looks up.
“Nestor?” he whispers softly. Nestor smiles, and gives the smaller Woodrose a kiss on his forehead. “I… I missed you, big bro” tears continue to stream down his cheeks as he smiles.
“I missed you too little bro”. Alex wraps his arms around Nestor and listens to the beating of his heart. He sniffles, and turns toward the being perched on Nestor’s shoulder.
“Even Aztal…” Alex reaches his paw up to the fiery creature. The bird lowers his head as he stroke’s its glowing feathers.
“I think he missed you too”, Alex taps its beak. Aztal recoils, then gives out a loud, shrill cry. The larger Woodrose turns to the bird, then, starts to laugh. The smaller Woodroses’s eyes light up, and joins with his own childish laughter.

(Break)

 “Mom” Nestor chuckles as he lowers the squirming Woodrose. Alex rushes over the glistening tiles and eagerly rushes through the crowd. “Mom!”
“Butterfly” she smiles as embraces the small pup. His tears absorb in to the soft fur as he nuzzles her rounded belly.
 “Look at how big you are getting!” she exclaims while lifting him up. “You’re gonna be as large as your brother Nestor”
“Bigger!” Nestor chimes in as he lowers his head so the two can exchange a kiss. Alex gives a slight glance with his eyes, then turns back to her.
“You are getting a lot bigger too!”  he chirps innocently, causing an outpour of laughter from his kin.
She rolls her eyes as she sighs “You are going to have a brother, what can I say”. With eyes wide he continues to squirm.
“What should I name him!?” the conversation is cut short as from the corner of his eye he sees another Woodrose observing him. Alex turns his head and an aura of calm rushes over him as he looks in to Misae’s eyes.
He nods in the direction of Alex, then looks down at the creature next to him. “Lion, everyone is here” he whispers. Lion continues to stand still, the six wings cover him like blankets, and his long eyebrows hide his eyes.
Misae smiles as a curtain of light wraps around the small Woodrose before dissipating. “Hmm urg…” Lion jerks awake and looks up at the creature towering above him. “Oh yes, quite right Starglider”
Misae nods as he makes his way to the center of the platform. “Woodroses,” he croaks, “it has long been time since we have come to the Pearl Citadel. The last time we…”
Alex rests against his mother as she gently strokes him. He continues to stare in to the shining crown resting on Misae’s head. “And we, grfff… we…”
Misae interject “previous incid-”
“And we have been through many troubles” He draws in a raspy breath “But I feel confident…” A giggle escapes Alex as he continues to watch the long hair move across Lion’s face.
“…Without further ado” Misae kneels, and the sunlight in front of him weaves to form a small stairwell.
Lion pads his way to the top, and removes the crown from Misae’s head “No longer shall Starglider a Woodrose prince”. He places the crown on the step besides him and unties the binding fastening his 6 capes.
The wings glimmer a vibrant orange as he warps it around him “Arise, Starglider, Butterfly of the Woodrose”
Misae stands and fastens binding. “I will remember”
“I will remember” the combined voices of the Woodroses echo the words. 
Lion’s heavy breathing is nearly inaudible amidst the cheers. “I’m sure you’ll be a great Butterfly” he pauses as he inhales hoarsely.
Misae in turn takes in his own breath, and roars in to the sky. Rose petals, radiant and golden rain down as Alex’s eyes grow heavy, and world grows dark around him.

(Break)

Alex nuzzles the soft cloth as his eyes begin to open.
“Did you enjoy your nap?” the voice calls softly.
“Yeah, I slept like a pup, it was…” his eyes shoot open as he throws the blanket off of himself. He sits up, dim moonlight shines through the thatched roof. He turns towards wooden door frame, and shrinks as he looks up at the imposing figure.
“You do not need to be afraid, I will not hurt you, I am a friend” A small smile swept across it’s ceramic face.
Alex’s large black eyes remain unblinking as he stares at its pupil less eye, he opens his mouth to scream, but his voice falters and is trapped deep in his throat. Its 6 ethereal wings thread seamlessly into the surrounding universe.
“Time is short…” it takes a knee down so it is at eye level with the cowering Woodrose. “… but I thought you would want to relive those moments with him…”
Alex closes his maw, and tears come to his eyes as he frantically starts to look around, “no, it can’t, he never…”
The Butterfly places a gloved hand on Alex’s shoulder, “I brought you here, so you can save him…”
His stutters go quiet as he looks down at his amber necklace “Even if I were my normal age” he shakes his head “I would still be too small, too helpless.” Droplets of water fall over his cheeks and dampen the blanket beneath him. “If his fire isn’t enough, I don’t even have anything…”
It places his hand beneath its chin, and raises Alex’s head and looks in to his eyes. “You have me, a Heliotrope butterfly!” Its wings glow red and green as they flow in an unfelt wind. “Take me, and together, we shall save him.”
Alex nods as he wipes off the tears from his face. “And if Nestor lives, then perhaps mom will too?”
The butterfly slides the amber necklace off of Nova’s neck. He hands Alex a necklace, with a golden string, and a different stone on it. He run’s his paw over the six-winged gem, then dons the necklace.
The mask, now unsupported, drops from the air and shatters against the wooden floor. A freezing wind cuts across Alex’s face as the room fades away. Snow covers the forest floor as fog clouds the surrounding world. Alex lifts the sword he is holding and runs his paw down the wooden frame.
“A macuahuitl…” its obsidian teeth gleam dimly as he grasps the handle with two paws. His ears perk up as a low rumble emanates across the tundra.
Snow builds upon his thick fur as he trudges forward. A chromatic visage emerges from the whiteness. Blood covers the tips of its blade like legs as its pupil less eyes lock on to Alex.   
“Nestor…” he whispers to himself as his eyes go wide. His jaw clenches as his nails dig in to sword. His heart pounds as every muscle in his body tenses “You killed him…”
The thing crawls over the snow like a spider coming to claim the life of an insect. Alex’s face crumples in on itself as his eyes burn brightly, “You killed Nestor!” he screams as he charges forward. Memories of volcanos destroying cities, of artillery demolishing castle walls, of shattered shields and ravaging tornadoes, all roll across his mind like a thunderstorm.
Serpents uncoil from the thing’s sides, and from their gaping maws erupt torrents of flame. They rip asunder the mist, and steam rises from the roasted ground. The obsidian gleams a deathly orange as the fire washes over Alex like water over stone. The creature draws up its forelimbs as the Woodrose emerges from the flames, then it drives them down on to him.
War elephants trampling pike formations, hurricanes tearing through forests. “I am the unstoppable force, unfettered by all constraints before me!” Alex roars as he smashes his sword upwards at the spear-like appendages. A sound like a thousand shattering mirrors reverberates across the landscape. Its bloodstained legs fracture as the creature reels up from the blow. Golden ichor gushes from its wounds and splatter across the white snow.
A serpent springs forward, and with dagger like fangs impales Alex. Clamping down, they tear straight through him, blood runs out and darkens in the snow beneath him. He yells out in agony, his necklace burns brightly with an unquenchable inner fire. He scowls as he drops his sword, and digs his paws into the serpent’s neck.
Six wings of fire burn brightly in his eyes and on necklace he wears.
“I am a heliotrope butterfly, and I will destroy!” clenching its scales, he rips the offending creature’s head off its stalk. Its slit eyes roll back as its fangs slide out of him, and it lays motionless in a growing puddle of shimmering sludge.
The creature’s legs wobble as one of its headless stalks writhes wildly in the air. Alex’s piercings slowly scab over, his blood rising up from the snow to patch up his flesh. He clenches his fist, and closes his eyes as he whispers “die die”… memories of death and mortality dominate his mind.
The thing’s metallic shell bends and splinters as an unseen force tears it asunder. The covering over its blank eyes cracks and shatters, the remaining serpent appendages flail helplessly as their scales disintegrate and float away in the howling wind. “I will * destroy you for what you did to Nestor!” he screams as hot tears burn their way down his cheeks.

(Break)

“But you’ll still be my big brother right?” that single memory flashes briefly before being overcome by an ocean of destruction and death. “His large black eyes, long whiskers looking up at me, what have I become…”, the snow torn scene melts away, a Woodrose peeks from behind a wooden wall in to a room. “You can, you can come in Alex” she gasps a breath as she beckons him inside.
Alex fidgets with his amber necklace as he makes his way to his mother’s side. A high pitched crying permeates the room. “You have a brother… Alex” she whispers as she grooms the thin furred pup she cradles in her arms. 
“Here...” Alex reaches out paws as she places the small pup in to his arms. The small creature opens his eyes, and the whimpering slows and stops as he looks in to his older brother’s eyes.
Like a dying fire, fragments of memories flake away from the fiery visage into the cold universe. The scene melds back to the snowy battleground, memories of the absence of his older brother, and of vengeance burn brightly with renewed vigor, like a cornered beast lashing out. 
“I am not…” he recalls to mind every single memory of his brother, the sound of his voice, the color of his eyes, the warmth of his fur, even Aztal.
He looks down in to the large black eyes of his baby brother. “Nova” he whispers quietly as he runs his paw over the pup’s head. She nods as she pulls a blanket further over her. “Just like big bro named me”.
“I think that is a lovely name Butterfly” she smiles as a drop of sweat streams over her forehead.
“You’ll be okay mom, right?” he asks as he turns back to Nova, who’s eyes remain fixed upon his older brother.
“I promise Butterfly, I just… need some rest…” she closes her eyes, and breathes in her last breath. 
The once bright being grows dim as memories drift away like embers abandoning a smothered fire pit.
Alex looks down at Nova, then with his nose, nudges the amber necklace off of himself. He clutches the amber tightly, then slips it around Nova’s neck. “In case big bro doesn’t come back, I want you to have something to remember him…”
The last memory drifts off the winged visage. Crystals spring up and freeze over the empty form, encapsulating it as the frozen gem drops in the darkness.

(Break)
Water silently laps against the weathered stones as moonlight streams through the canopy above.
“Alex, Alex” Nova merfs as Alex continues to embrace him head on. Nova wraps his paws around his older brother but feels something smooth against his round ears.
“I…, I…” tears stream down his cheek as he loosens his grip on his younger brother. The amber stone on Nova’s necklace drops and swings as it freely dangles from his neck.
“You did it” he whispers, tears freely flowing down his own cheek in return.
“I, no, I…” he looks down at his own belly, and from his neck, a necklace with a golden string, and suspended from it is a clear crystal, with six frozen wings.


Inspirations: Game of thrones-season 6 episode 10, World of Warcraft Harbingers – Khadgar, The Babadook, Pikman, Harry Potter – Order of the Phoenix, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit – The Battle of the Five Armies, mythology of the Chimera, mythology of the seraph, Halo 2, Star Wars, neo-pagan magical properties of gems, Aztec and Native American (supposedly) culture, Heraclitus and Leibniz’s philosophic quandaries, and of course my own imagination and dreams.


Now for the end of the story rant. So after I finished, I realized there is very little within this story that is "original". A lot of the culture is based off of real world cultures and the likes, and a lot of the scenes are just almost directly copied from the inspirations I mentioned. The part with the death of his mom, yeah it was just GoT season 6 episode 10 with Lyanna and Ned all over again. I have a younger sister, so it hit home for me very much. The mask and the butterfly was just the Babadook "I'll soon take off my funny disguise... You start to change when I get in, the Babadook growing right under your skin..." - The Babadook pop up book. Even with the defeat of the Babadook, not as a battle but as an internal struggle. And again, even with the curse word, the same thing being nearly said in the Babadook. Maybe this should just be a Babadook fan fiction? Anyways, the flaming wings and such really is just Sauron from the battle of the five armies when he fights Galadriel. That sprinkled in with the World of Warcraft Harbingers – Khadgar trailer, when Khadgar expresses that no one could bestow the power of a guardian on to him, and Medieve says that he will give Khadgar the power. The monster in the creature is just a mixture between some of the walkers from Pikman, an AT-AT from star wars, and a Scarab from Halo. I wanted it to seem a bit more original and more fantasy-ish, so I included the serpents on its sides, something like a Chimera. Oh wait I have yet to discuss the story at all, ladies and gentlefurs grab your popcorn! So writing this story, well, I have been working on the showing and not telling, and well there is a lot I need to show. Despite most of the story just copying other things, I do feel I introduce a rather unique (though probably not) view and interpretation of magic. So yeah, it makes to me, though I have absolutely no read on how other people think of it, so it might have gotten across, or it might not of. The other thing that I really messed with me in the showing vs telling, was names. I try to do things fit the story, even if it is difficult to pull of. Specifically, I don't know how many of you caught this: Starglider and Misae are the same Woodrose. I'll expand upon this in my next story, but this is relevant. I did try to do some foreshadowing of this early on, but it is something that is easily missed. Then it comes to Woodroses. I have an idea of what Woodroses look like, but I want to know how it came across to the readers. Along those lines, I did my best to make the transitions clear. A lot of it is a recollection of memory and events, so the scenery switches back and forth. Anyhow, I think I am done with my rant, I hope you enjoyed it, and I will continue to work on post updates on the story.

[Virmir]

I only managed to get to the first one so far before I ran out of time, but a good bit of action here.  Seems like an interesting set up so far.  I will compare with the second part next time I get a chance to do some reading!