Author Topic: "Abysses"  (Read 15585 times)

Virmir

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on: January 24, 2009, 03:27:29 PM
This one is very short... Less a story and more a random idea.  I do need to get in the habit of jotting down random ideas more often, though. [;)



"Abysses"
by Virmir


He sat in the open field, ears folded and head hanging low.  The false sun beat on his fur, and the false grass rustled with the breeze.

He felt this one coming for a while now.  Edging closer and closer to his domain.  His trap.  Oh, how he wished he could turn them away.  But it was far too late.  She appeared at the edge of the world and took her time inching through the forest, marveling at his trees, no doubt.

Too ashamed to look, he turned his head and shut his eyes as she approached the edge of the clearing.  She came closer, heart full of wonder.  He could feel it.  He could also feel the rules of the world begin to claw at her form.

"Hello?" she asked timidly.

His ears swiveled and he opened an eye.  They sounded different each time they came-- the work of centuries of evolution upon the spoken tongue.  How long had it been since the last one?  He did not know, nor did it matter.  "Hello, my darling."  He folded his ears, his tone sad.

She gasped as if she didn't expect him to speak.  The language was different-- far older.  But they always understood.  She stood on two legs, cloths covering her furless body.  He was like that one time, wasn't he?  Long ago, before he became what he was.  Forever.  Yes, he thought he remembered hands.

"Where... am I?"  Already she began to scratch at her skin.

He dug his paws into the dirt, turning his attention there.  "You've fallen into my trap, I'm afraid."

Another gasp.

"I'm... sorry."

Wide-eyed, she regarded her hands as they stiffened and darkened.  "W-what's happening to me?!"

"You cannot exist here...  No one can.  No one but me..."  It was his curse.  A curse he brought upon himself.  What a fool to think he could create his own world...  And now he was trapped.  Forever.  He stood and turned to walk away.

She attempted to grovel, but her knees froze halfway, legs fusing into a wooden trunk with roots burrowing into the ground.  "I-I'm sorry to offend you!  Please, make it stop, fox-god!  My entire village will worship you!  We will sacrifice in your name!"

He sighed, powerless against the rules.  "There are no such things as gods."  He'd seen mankind invent each one.  Worshiped until forgotten, then replaced by the next.  He walked away though the grass.

She screamed one last time.  Leaves sprouted from her head and her face became featureless, unmoving.  A sole tree stood in the open field.  A false tree, surrounded by false grass and illuminated by a false sun.

He sighed, alone once more.

He curled up to sleep at the edge of the clearing.  The tree would probably die before he next woke.  Then he could forget it. Just like all the rest.

----

He awoke to darkness.  Darkness?  No, this was wrong.  The sun never set.  His world was eternal, unchanging.

He stood, the dead grass crunching under his paws.  The trees were but skeletal frames and the sky was black.  What happened?

"Ssso, you ssstill live?"

He spun to face a shadowy thing.  Crimson eyes dimly glowing in a murky shape.

"The End of All has come," the shadow hissed.  "All other existence is gone.  I tried to steal your world, as it has stood as a refuge.  But no more.  The nothingness comes here too.  There is no escape."

"The End of All?"  He looked about, finding the edges of his world disappear into blackness.  The end had finally come.  It was finally over.  "So be it."

The shadow faded.  The trees disappeared, followed by the grass and the ground.   The black nothingness wrapped itself around him.  Crippling.  Crushing.  He closed his eyes and waited for it to claim him as well.

Was this what it was like to not exist?  He waited in the abyss, the coldness binding him.  Unmoving.  Unchanging.  Another eternity of nothing... how was this any different from his world?  Despair welled in his heart.  So it wasn't the end after all...

He opened his eyes after a long while, watching luminescent silvery paws float in the void.  No, he most certainly did still exist. But the rules-- the rules were gone.  His mistakes and failures were gone.  Nothing existed but him.  The slate was clean.

He could try again.

But no, this time it could be different.  Not a pocket dimension.  Not a prison.  But a real world. Determination welled in his heart.  He opened his mouth and bellowed.

"Let there be light!"
« Last Edit: January 24, 2009, 09:29:57 PM by Virmir »

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Pontos

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Reply #1 on: January 24, 2009, 05:22:01 PM
Interesting |fox|
I understand the fox is like a really ancient human turned kitsune (by unknown reasons) who unwisely tried to create his own world with his power, unaware of the consequences.
I don't know if you thought of an actual background for him, since you said this is more a random idea than a deeply elaborated story.

The end is confusing though. Is he creating another personal world once again? It may not be "pocket" as the first, but it will be fake yet again, I suppose.
Unless this "end of all" was really the end of all, so he is in fact creating a new "real world"?
That way he would be a real god |;)

And yeah, never let an idea slip away without writing it down on paper first |;)



Virmir

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Reply #2 on: January 24, 2009, 09:18:39 PM
Thanks for reading!

Yep, I was trying to convey the idea of someone gaining some sort of power, but then not using it properly.  Or rather tying to modify pre-existing rules.  I wanted the ending to be left open for interpretation somewhat, but yes, the End of All was really the end of all existence. [;)

EDIT:  Added a sentence to make the End of ALL thing more clear. [;)
« Last Edit: January 24, 2009, 09:33:16 PM by Virmir »

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Lopez

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Reply #3 on: February 22, 2009, 11:17:15 PM
Sorry I haven't been around very often! I've been sooooooo busy...o.O.

Hm.......the ending reminds me of Asimov's "The Last Question." ((Type this into google, read the story, and you'll see what I mean.))

In addition, I think that what you're talking about here is not the end of all existance, but more the end of a perception. Because nothing really exists, it's only perceived to exist, inside his head. The world he created isn't corrupt, only his interpretation of the world he created is corrupt. Due to his belief in the world he originally came from as being an example of the perfect world. Therefore, the sad part about this story, is no matter how many times he attempts to create a "good" world, he will never be able to succeed. In order to create a perfect world, he needs to alter his perception of what the "perfect world" implies. He says that he could create a world with "new rules", but his rules will always be flawed, since his perception of the perfect rules lies in the world from which he came.

This probably isn't quite what you were going for here. But...I don't think other people will read into it quite like I did. The story does feel a bit light, but that's natural for a jot-down. Fleshing it out will come through time, (well, however much time you want to spend working on it.)

"Thing", like "got", is just one of those words that might do better with a suitable replacement, "He spun his face to a shadowy thing."

I'll try to keep up with your stories more often next time, I swear! {:)

...but that's just my opinion, so don't let it bother you too much!


KaiAdin

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Reply #4 on: February 22, 2009, 11:32:05 PM
Oh Yea I loved "The last question" made me cry the  first time I read it....  {:)


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Virmir

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Reply #5 on: February 23, 2009, 12:23:51 AM
Oooo, very nice interpretation, Lopez.  Yes, you are seeing it quite differently than the way I intended, but that's what I love about reading other people's interpretations. [:)

Never read that story.  Will check it out sometime.  Thanks!

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Reply #6 on: June 12, 2009, 08:40:52 PM
"Let there be light."

And nothing more needn't be said.

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.