Author Topic: Character Developement  (Read 21496 times)

Raf_Cian

  • Mage of Caerreyn, Level 2
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on: January 02, 2013, 06:56:13 PM
Deep in the forest of Crimson Flag, no one can hear you scream. Correlation, deep in the forest of Crimson Flag, no one can hear a multi kiloton explosion from all the way back in town. Conclusion, when Raf Cian told two of his best friends they couldn’t miss his house if they just followed his directions... he might not have meant the sixty meter crater right behind the mailbox with his mailing address on the side.

But then again this is Raf we’re talking about.

Of the two furs standing next to the mailbox, the brown otter probably looked the most concerned. Wearing nothing but a bandolier with a decorative blue strip on the right side of his face, the otter known as Selden radiates apprehension bordering on the edge of panic. Not that the otter wasn’t feeling panic at the moment, but the internalization of fear was a sure sign of a green protagonist.

Signs of panic was completely absent from the red fox standing just on the other side of the mailbox. A black belt ran from shoulder to waist, a metallic letter A on the front to mirror the natural while A in the middle of his red backfur. Daren Crevan didn’t internalized his fear, but dominated it as a seasoned protagonist. It was only out of a concern for further upsetting Selden that he softened his edges at all during this moment of uncertainty as he analyzed the situation.

“So,” the otter spoke up tentatively, “...do you think we have the wrong address?”

Thinking things through, the vulpine checks the mailbox again, this time examining the contents as well as the siding. “Not unless someone else named Raf Cian could already be a winner of ten thousand dollars.” Tossing the junk mail over his shoulder, Daren produced a small metallic object which immediately started producing a yellow light when he pointed it at the crater. When the light turned blue he elaborates, “The grounds only been transformed into this state for a few hours. Also there appears to be an extensive underground structure still intact. We should investigate before we jump to any conclusions.”

Practicing what he preached, the Daren jumps down onto the edge of the crater, letting gravity and unstable soil pull him down towards the epicenter. Selden follows somewhat more hesitantly, crawling on all fours to attempt to retain control of his descent. The otter arrives at the epicenter first when his attempt at control fail and he rolls down the slope to land flat on a hard metallic circle.

Coming to a stop next to Selden, Daren helps the otter up as he once again points his little metal object at the metallic circle. A small look of shock crosses the vulpines face when his device emits a soft pink light... with green polka dots.  “Well if we needed any more evidence this was Raf’s house we just found it. Physics just took a nose dive off the edge of reason and belly flopped onto an ocean of fish finger custard.”

As if to confirm the statement, a small assortment of watermelons choose this moment to fall from the sky to the left of our protagonists. Strange enough on their own, they shatter open to reveal a viscous brown substance. Putting his metallic device to use again, Daren declares that the substance is “...maple syrup.”

Scratching his head, Selden looks around. “Actually... that makes a worrying amount of sense. Raf was always bringing strange produce from his garden of SCIENCE into town. I guess that means this really was his home.”

“You mean really is his home,” a machine filtered voice emanated from the metallic disc. Irising open, the golden haired head of a certain black ferret pops out.

“Raf!” Selden shouts as he glomp tackles the ferret, almost sending the mustelid plummeting down fifteen meters into the shaft he was still halfway lodged in.

“Wow,” the ferret who is apparently Raf Cian exclaims as he tries to maintain footing, “I’m glad to see you too Selden, and I know this is where I should be apologizing for worrying you but you guys really need to get down here now. Well maybe not right now but soon before the saber celery starts falling.” As if on cue yet again, a single stalk of celery falls into the ground... blade first. “...like maybe about five seconds ago.” A second celery blade spears the ground, followed by a third. The scene pans out as the protagonists look up to the sky to see hundreds of celery blades hurtling towards the gentle furs on the ground.

Lab reflexes kicking in Raf returns Selden’s hug and then intentionally drops himself off the ladder, pulling the otter forcefully down the shaft. Daren is just behind them, the iris door closing just in time to prevent a hail of sharpened vegetable stalks from creating fur kabobs.

What follows next is a scene of in the dark slapstick as two nimble tube rats navigate down a circular shaft with a cumbersome fox following in their wake. Which is the story we’re going with even if Raf and Selden are the ones prone at the bottom while Daren is just standing there taking in the intricacies of the metallic corridor.

Picking himself up from prone, Raf dusted off his lab coat as he addressed the others. “Sorry about that. I really wasn’t expecting much in the way of debris after that explosion.”

“Yeah,” Selden responds as he’s helped up by Daren, “What exactly was up with that?”

“...you know that meat tree that has been giving me problems?” Raf sets up his explanation with a sheepish grin. “Well, I thought I finally found the perfect anti-canine deterrent... artichoke grenades. Would have been perfect except I miscalculated the yield. Rather than a shrapnel cloud of point prickly things...”

“You ended up redistributing the local topography for a good thirty meters in all directions,” Daren finishes. “For just plant life, that was impressive. Planning on perfecting the design?”

Raf looks slightly uneasy, “...I try not to build weapons. I know they’re only as evil as the people who use them... but when a weapon goes wrong... well you’ve seen what happens with something intended to be defensive.” Moving back to the matter at hand, the ferret turns to address Selden. “I’m sorry if I worried you. Once I realized what had happened, I was so caught up on recreating what we would need that I forgot to get out there to greet you.”

Selden finally seems to relax, and with him Daren. “Yeah, it’s ok. So what was it that you needed both of us to test out?”

Raf beams slightly at Selden’s enthusiasm. “Telling you would ruin the surprise. Come on, I’ve converted one of the shielded testing rooms into a lounge.” Without waiting for a response, Raf starts bounding down the metal corridor. Selden and Daren glance at each other with some trepidation, but they already knew what they were getting into by accepting the request of such an... eccentric individual.

Bolting down the corridors, the protagonists mostly find nearly identical doors with only ambiguous signs differentiating them for each other. Signs like ‘Data Sharks’, ‘Dimmed Darkness’, and ‘Regal Rocks’. Aside from the colorful signs, the whole scene is very... “I will say, I really wasn’t expecting your home to be so utilitarian Raf,” comments Daren, finishing the narrator’s line of thought.

The ferret shrugs, “It’s a side effect of the constant reconstruction. If you guys had shown up five hours late, you might not have even noticed the the botanical destruction.”

“Seriously,” Selden yammers as he struggles to keep up with Raf and Daren’s almost professional corridor bolting, “How do you manage that?”

“One part toon construction speed,” Raf answers with a grin, “one part nanofactory in my back pocket.”

Before any followup questions can be asked, Raf leads his guests into a room labeled ‘Perfectly Safe Danger’. Inside the room was a large transparent blast shield and a single door. Seen through the blast shield was a rather pedestrian layout; three recliners, one television, an entertainment system, and a mini fridge. The entire arrangement was pulled away from the industrialism of the room by a large rug, creating an island in the center of the steel room.

“Wow... twentieth century conventional,” Daren comments, a noticeably more relaxed fox as he walks into the room behind the blast shield. “Was kind of expecting some space grade chrome... or at least some retro sixties science fiction bubbles.”

“I like it,” stated Selden as he flopped into a recliner, “It’s comfy. Very homey”

Raf smiles as he started tinkering with the gaming system, “I don’t believe in uncomfortable furniture. Space age stuff looks shiny and curvy, but it’s all camouflage for uncomfortable edges and unnatural angles.” Finishing with the console, Raf stands up straight and turns around to address his guests. “So... do you two want any refreshments before we begin? The kitchen was destroyed this morning, but I managed to harvest carpkelp and milkshrooms fresh from the labs.”

Selden’s eyes glazes over temporarily, head cocking over to the side inquisitively. “Fish?”

Chuckling at Selden’s atypical otter response, Daren broke the water weasel out of his trance with a firm pat on the shoulder. “Let’s see what you have planned, Raf. May as well work for our supper.”

Nodding, Raf stepping to the left and raising his arms to the right theatrically. “Gents and gentlemen, may I present the Marcro Games 5000! This system, along with it’s in the box peripherals, seeks to be the standard in competitive e-sports. No longer are your bragging rights limited to digital scoreboards; now with every victory you grow just a little to show how much above the competition you really are.”

As if on cue the gaming system starts up, it’s boot up screen displaying on the television. The silhouette of a rough rendered fox looking up pans out to reveal another fox who was slightly taller and also looking up at another fox who was taller still and also looking up ad infinitum until all the foxes blur together into an exponential curve on the screen. Below the curve fades in the number 5000 with the letters MG overlaid on top of it.

After that the system displays a radial game selection screen. As Daren anxiously browses the the game selection, Selden looks a bit... apprehensive. “A Macro TF gaming machine? Are you certain I’m the right otter for the job? ...more importantly, isn’t this room a little small for upsizing TF?”

Glancing at the ceiling, Raf takes out a remote from his labcoat and presses a button. With nothing but a light humming of motorized gears, the ceiling and walls immediately began to expand. Once the room was approximately 40x40x40, it stops.

Redirecting his attention back towards Selden, Raf answers “As for your first concern, your second concern answers your question. You work at a magic potion shop, Selden. A potion shop specializing in transformation. You’re the perfect person to have for these kind of tests. Besides... I need testers other than myself and you two are the few associates I’d be bold enough to call friends at Crimson Flag.”

An awkward silence follows, during which Selden almost takes Raf’s hand... but that hand is quickly filled a game controller shoved to him by Daren. “Ok, enough of that emotrip or I’m locking you into the goth chick for Princess Brawl.”

Raf looks at the control in shock for a moment, and was all but flabbergasted when Daren firmly pushes him into a recliner. “But... but I’m supposed to be an impartial observer! The big robotic overlord that silently makes sure nothing goes wrong. I need to remain removed from...”

“What you need,” Daren interrupts as he holds the ferret firmly down, “Is some male bonding time. Seriously, we’re not your only friends Raf, but since we’re the ones who are here,” he pauses to toss Selden a controller, “We’re the ones who are going to kick your tail. And dibs on the cross dressing tomboy.”

What follows next are two hours of thumb twitching fun. As it turns out not even the cross dressing tomboy can beat Selden and the mermaid princess in Princess Brawl. Daren gets his revenge as his police box dominates the competition in Box Racer Cars. The trio were having so much fun it wasn’t until the fifth round of being camped in Third Life that Raf notices something very important.

“...I think something's backed up in the G-Coil processor,” the ferret says as he gets up to check the game console.

“Oh come on,” jeered Daren, “just because we’re both better at your games then you are isn’t reason to blame the system.”

“If you’re so much better than me, how come I can still look you in the eye,” Raf counters as he shut down the system so he could check under the hood. Daren and Selden exchange a glance between each other before looking up at the ceiling. Sure enough the stainless steel paneling was still several yards away, just like it was at the beginning of the gaming marathon.

Getting up from the recliner, Daren produces his small metallic device as he walks up next to Raf. A small analysis later the vulpine’s device comes up with the result of... lime green with pastel zigzags. “Well, physics is still just as absent as any of your other inventions.”

Raf hmms as he looks up from the purple glowing cylinder he was examining. “Oh, that’s not my inventions. That’s me. Physics kind of disowned me when I figured out how to make an indefinite amount of matter from a single photon.” Looking back down at the cylinder, Raf taps it once with a wrench before sighing. “But yeah, this doesn’t have any built up energy at all. Even if it wasn’t working correctly it should at least have a static charge.”

Smiling, Daren puts a hand on Raf’s shoulder. “Hey, the important thing was we had fun. Admittedly it would have been even more fun if we had been towering over you after that massive winning streak you were just served, but it was still a blast. Right Selden?”

Both ferret and fox look over at the otter, only to find Selden nose deep in the fridge. Reacting to his name, Selden pulls his head free and looks around. Completely covering the otter’s muzzle was a seaweek like substance with an usual white and red coloration. Holding up a single finger, Selden takes a moment to inhale the vegetation before responding. “Technically I think this is koikelp, not carpkelp. But yeah, it’s been fun.”

The ferret grins sheepishly. “Thanks guys. Still feels like I’ve been a lacking host. If there’s anything you...” Raf suddenly stops as his eyes blank and the rest of his face flatline. For a total of five seconds he gives no response... five seconds that become six, and then seven...

It’s around ten when protagonists start to worry. “Raf... is everything ok,” queries Selden. Daren takes a more direct approach as he tries his metallic device again. Given its track record today he wasn’t expecting much... and he certainly wasn’t expecting what he got.

“You asked him WHAT!” exclaims Raf’s voice from the end of Daren’s device, a golden light emitting from it’s tip. “Why... What... Fine! I’ll be there in five.” There was a small pause. “I’ll be there in two! No arguments.” Daren’s device powers down as Raf snaps out of his trance.

The ferret, not realizing that his guests were just privy to his side of a private conversation, bore a look of staged panic as he tries to explain, “The... um... ham! I left the ham in the oven! I need to get it out before it turns into a turkey.” Springing up, Raf rushes towards the door. “Selden, go ahead and keep doing what you’re doing. Daren, try out the single player options. I’ll be back in... I’ll be back.”

And with that the ferret is gone, leaving the two furs exchanging very worried glances. Selden was the first to speak up, “So how bad do you think it is?”

“Considering he told us earlier his kitchen was destroyed,” Daren replies as he starts walking out of the room, “Bad. Very bad.” Selden pauses for a moment to make sure the electronics were actually turned off before following as well. Out in the hallway, though, there was no sign where the ferret had disappeared to.

Selden gives the hallways a long hard look before finally turning to Daren for a solution. What Daren provides is his thrice unreliable device.  “Assuming Raf was correct on the disturbance being focused around himself,” the vulpine sweeps the device across his field of vision, stopping where the light emanating from it switches from yellow to pastel purple with neon green stars, “we just follow the atrocity to good taste and we’ll find our ferret.”

Following neon stars, the protagonists walk down the corridor, eventually coming to a stop in front of a nondescript door. Nondescript that is except for the vague sign labeled ‘Head Case’. Staring at the door for a moment in dramatic tension, Daren makes to open the door.

Selden’s paw stops him, “Are we sure we want to do this? This is the realm of mad SCIENCE. Raf is more equipped to handle any problem in there than we are.”

Daren broke his serious face for a moment to flash a smile. “Never underestimate one of the last of the Athru.” Serious face returning, “Doubly important, never underestimate me when one of my friends are in distress.”

Selden pauses before making one more try, “But it sounded like Raf was going to help someone else who was in distress.” That made Daren pause, but only for a moment. The vulpine puts his hand firmly on the door and pushes forward.

On the other side of the door was another corridor. Unlike the one they were standing in, this one was made of bricks with a hardwood floor. The contrast against the steel was stark, but ultimately not unnerving enough to keep Daren from marching into the unknown. Selden follows him just before the door has time to close.

The protagonists walk the corridor in silence for awhile. Every once in awhile the lights would flicker, as if to say that something really was happening somewhere in the building but just not here. Eventually the silence grows too much and someone says something. “So, when did you change cloths,” queries Selden in idle conversation.

“What are you talking awhatthe,” Daren exclaims when he realizes that his attire has changed. His belt has readjusted itself from being a baudelaire to holding up a pair of blue jeans, while a green undershirt with red hawaiian overshirt have taken it’s place across his chest. “...these are my cloths. Weird.” The fox checks himself over, giving the otter next to him a brief glance as well. “But not weird enough. Allons-y.”

Pushing forward, the protagonists move deeper down the brick hallway. The occasional flicker of lights slowly getting more and more frequent was the only sign that time was actually progressing as they moved. At one point the lights cut out entirely, only to have emergency lights come on five seconds later. Finally, after what felt like hours, they emerge into a large open room.

The room was vast. Multistory walkways supported by pillars of various styles; brick, concrete, pipe, and even marble. Littered throughout the rooms where wall dividers trying to make the place look more smaller, or at least modular, but they only succeeds in turning the room into a three dimensional maze.

“Selden,” Daren states as he draws a katana and starts scanning the room, “if you’re having second thoughts, now’s the time to turn back.”

“I’m not having second thought,” Selden says halfheartedly. It was a true statement, he was well on his way to seventh thoughts.

“If that’s so, why are you crying,” Daren states flatly as he turns to confront the otter, only to be taken aback slightly. Even in the dim emergency lights, it was clear Selden’s eyes were dry. A silent conversation quickly takes place with only hand gestures and head tilts as the two furs actually use their ears to look for the real source of the crying.

What they finds is plump brown rat on the other side of a dividing wall. Wearing an orange shirt and brown shorts, the rat was thoroughly unimpressive without the help of his thin frame glasses. With the thin frame glasses... this was not a rat to be threatened by.

Sniffling once more between deep breaths, the rodent looks up at the approaching protagonists and does a double take. “Who... what are you two doing here?” Panic enters the rat’s eyes as the hints of hysteria got ready for it’s second round.

Daren does his best to take control of the situation. “We’re here to help. We can’t help if you’re a hyperventilating mess. What’s going on here?” Short, clear, and to the point...

...about the opposite of what someone on the verge of a panic attack needs. “You can’t help,” the rat begins, “No one can help. I tried to tell Raf, but he wouldn’t listen. Now... he’s back there... getting himself hurt and it’s all my...” And there goes the hyperventilating.

Daren sighs as he facepalms with his free hand. With the same free hand, he gestures Selden towards the rat. Taking the cue, Selden cracks his knuckles before delivering a full three sixty degree glomp. The rat went into shock at first, but he did stop hyperventilating.

...in fact he stopped breathing entirely. The otter lets go of the rat and looks him squarely in the eye with a concerned expression, “Better?”

The rat takes a few moments to breath again before reaching behind himself and pulling out a pair of blue hawaiian swim trunks. “Could you please put these on before doing that again,” the rat asked with a slight blush, averting his gaze from the otter, “or maybe just put them on right now just because.”

The otter looks at the swim trunks with a raised eyebrow before waving them off dismissively. “That’s nice, but I don’t need them. My fur covers up enouwhatintheworldisthat!” Selden finishes in exclamation as he quickly grabs the swim trunks and covers his nether region.

“That,” Daren says with a chuckle, “is an automatically correct anatomy.” Shaking his head, the vulpine manages an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I noticed when you pointed out my clothing adjustment earlier, but I don’t carry emergency pants and you didn’t seem to care.”

“I didn’t care because I didn’t know,” Selden says some indignity as he turns around to pull on the swim trunks. Fully dressed the otter turns around to give the rat an apologetic look. “Sorry about that. Seriously, I have no idea where... those came from.”

The rat looks to the side sheepishly, still not managing to make eye contact with the otter. “That’s because you’re no longer in Crimson Flag, Selden.”

There’s a dramatic pause as protagonists stare at the rat who's been causing so much commotion by basically doing nothing. Eventually it’s the otter who speaks up, “...when did I tell you my name?”

Before the rat can stutter a response, a yellow blur flies into the area and impacts the ground... hard... just a few yards away from the protagonists. Daren goes into an immediate defensive stance while Selden takes cover. The rat... winces slightly in shame. It takes a moment of dynamic tension for the smoke to clear, and when it does... well some readers might have been expecting Raf by this point, but the protagonists certainly weren't expecting the Raf standing before them.

Raf’s lab coat has been traded in for full length leather trench coat with matching yellow pants. Counterbalancing the yellow was blue vest with matching boots and gloves. The entire ensemble was redirected by a steampunk monocle and glass blown water blaster, because without them one could almost mistake him for... “Hey Tracy,” Daren jeers, “Mind making the entrance a bit louder next time? I think I still have a few nerves that aren’t on edge yet.”

The ferret jolts for a moment as he takes the necessary processing power to parse who was around him. “Daren? Selden? What in the world are you two doing here. It’sgetdown!” Raf finishes in exclamation as he scoops up the rat and dove behind Selden’s cover, just in time to avoid several orbs of blue light peppering the area. Daren remains where he was, unperturbed.

“So, Raf... mind telling us what’s going on here,” Daren asks as he readies his katana into an attack stance, “Or can we just assume whoever’s attacking you needs to be put down?”

“What? No,” Raf exclaims in panic, “This is nothing more than a really elaborate game of laser tag. A realistic, elaborate, and dangerous game of laser tag. You two need to get back to Crimson Flag,” Raf pauses in his explanation as a spectral blue sword suddenly came flying around the corner at him. Raf parries it with the butt of his gun as Selden held on tight to the rat. “Now!”

Reacting to what was going on rather than Raf’s words, Daren leaps in the direction of where all this blue light was coming from. Landing on one of the walkways the next story up, the fox momentarily observes a white housecat clad in antique green breastplate. The rod in the cat’s right hand that was projecting the light was all the information needs before he launches his attack.

Inhumanly fast, and justifiably so, Daren closes the distance between himself and the cat and severs the rod. The moment of shock on the felines face didn’t belay a counter attack with the shield in the feline’s left hand. Daren’s speed was enough to keep him from getting hit with the shield, but the shockwave of blue energy that emanates from it was a bit more persistent.

Knocked back good two yards, the vulpine comes to a stop on his feet. “Right,” he said smiling, “So you’re the type of mob who just doesn’t fold on the first hit.” Daren prepares a defensive stance with his katana as the feline draws a mace. “Good, I could use a little bit of a sparring match.”

With no comment, the feline advances. Daren blocks the first blow blade side first, his katana greeted by light blue aura around the mace. Locked in the grapple, the vulpine follows up with a kick to the stomach. Inertia alone carries the feline back a yard where he makes ready with his shield again. Prepared for the shockwave, Daren was in the air before the light left the shield. Twisting in the air, Daren comes down hard on the felines back, cutting into the breastplate and the flesh beneath.

The feline’s mace hits the ground hard, but rather than an act of folding it instead the start of a counter attack as a ward of blue light erupts from the ground beneath both Daren and the cat. Daren bounds backwards as the cat spins around, just barely falling short of clipping him.

Standing up to full height, the cat flings the shield as he charges again. Daren finds the shield easy enough to part with his katana, but soon finds himself with a shoulder to the gut not a second later. Which would have been completely manageable if he wasn’t suddenly covered in blue fire just a second after that.

Attempting to withdraw, Daren finds that his opponent was just about as fast as him when he wanted to be. Still, the blue flames engulfing them both seemed to be emanating from torch that was now in the cat’s left hand, so one good blow could tip the balance back into... the feline suddenly drops his mace, allowing a body shot to land firmly on his torso... at which point he grabs the blade of Daren’s katana with his now free right hand.

Not seeing any other option, Daren abandons his sword and makes an attempt at long ranged options... only to get hit with a fireball the instant he manages to put some distance between himself and the cat. Finding himself prone on the ground, Daren silently wonders when he’d run into a fire that didn’t resist his Spiorad as his opponent closes the distance between them again.

Before any finishing strikes could be attempted, a blue vial crashes down between Daren and the feline releasing a blue mist onto the battlefield. Despite how annoying the blue energies have been up to this point, Daren finds this one to be surprisingly soothing... energizing even. Before he could act on this feeling a thicker green mist rolls over battlefield and he finds himself grasped two furred paws and dragged away.

Once his vision clears, the vulpine finds himself between Selden and the rat. Raf was just a few feet away, his strange glass blown rifle pointed at the battlefield emitting the green fumes. When the fumes stop everyone held their breath for a few seconds waiting for a counter attack... that never came. Sighing, the ferret turns around to address the others. “Ok, he’s withdrawn.”

“Mind telling us what this is really about then,” Daren said as he shrugs off Selden’s and the rat’s paws, “That guy didn’t let up once during the fight and then suddenly he disengages with a little smokescreen? A fight, I should add, that was actually starting to put me on my toes. He might not be out for the kill, but this was certainly more than a game to him.”

Raf looks sheepish for a moment, putting a free hand behind his head. “Ryan does kind of have a habit of pushing himself as hard as he can. Kind of why I didn’t want you guys to get involved. Seriously, you two should just turn around and...”

“Raf,” Selden interrupts, moving towards the ferret and away from the rat “We can tell you're just trying to protect us, but we’re your friends. We’ll just keep on trying harder if you don’t tell us what’s going on.”

Daren nods, “Besides, that Ryan still has my sword in his gut. Do you know how hard that is to find? Not just a sword that can cut through almost anything, but someone who can take it to the stomach and not spill his entrails over your good shoes. So spill.”

Raf gives his friends a look of exasperation. He shot the rat a worried look, who shares it in turn before giving a firm nod. Sighing, the ferret starts up the explanation. “Selden, Daren... allow me to introduce my player Benjamin Mahir. Welcome to his brain.”

There was a dramatic pause as protagonists process this. It was eventually Daren who speaks up and says, “So when you two kept on making references to Crimson Flag like it was somewhere else...”

“We meant you were in my head,” the rat, apparently Benjamin Mahir, interjects. “Or at least a domain where me and the creations of my imagination can interact with each other, without context or limitation of a defined setting.”

“Yeah,” Raf continues, “All this,” he gestures at the maze like walkways, “Is just inefficient office space to represent how scattered brain he is. There’s some character housing down that way, and some personal space for me and Ryan to use to our own devices, but ultimately everything in here is a part of that rodent’s projection of the inside of his brain.”

“Right,” says Daren, shaking his head with his eyes closed as he just accepts that at face value. Selden was a little more hesitant, glancing back at Ben with a raised eyebrow. Benjamin, if anything, looks a bit embarrassed.

“Now not only is this place connected to Ben, but so are me and Ryan. As I said, he’s my player. Both me and Ryan started out as roleplaying characters on different venues a long way away from Crimson Flag. But from those early beginnings we’ve grown into rather centralized parts of his imagination, otherwise known as muses.”

Raf keeps talking even as it looks like he might be losing Selden, monolog mode all but fully engaged. Daren, for the most part, appears to be just absorbing the information showing no signs of comprehension or confusion. “Muse are inspiration manifest; though in what form depends on the creator. For Ben it’s positive traits he finds himself lacking; Ryan is willpower, while I’m levity.”

Daren interjects with a whistle, “We’re up against rat boys concept of a will greater than his own?” The fox glances at Benjamin, who in turn averts his gaze down towards the floor “The lower we put ourselves down, the higher we envision our heroes. We really might have a problem... ”

“We’re not up against him. We’re... I mean I’m,” Raf corrects as he reminds himself that he was still trying to convince Daren and Selden to go home, “trying to help him.”

“By fighting him across the mindscape of your player,” asks Selden with a disbelieving face.

“No... well kind of,” Raf waivers, not sure exactly how to explain before they ran out of time.

Eventually it’s Ben who finds the words, “Just because they’re muses doesn’t stop them from being my characters. Over the years I’ve found it a growing disservice that my two most important characters to have only existed in other people’s worlds but never their own. In preparation of creating such a world... in writing such a story... I’ve been reexamining their character traits to make sure they’re representative of who they really are and not arbitrary baggage of what they had to become to fit in other people’s settings.”

Daren shakes his head, “Right. Well it’s kind of obvious where this is going. So what prospective change set the grim swordsman on the warpath?”

“Let’s just say I’m nobodies dog.” The hard edged statement resonates from up above the protagonists. Even knowing they shouldn’t, the laws of dramatic tension inevitably draws all four pairs of eyes to gaze upwards. Standing above them was the feline known as Ryan. Gone was the encumbered breastplate, and in it’s place was a green swordsman robe with a black bodysuit underneath. On his head he wears a metal forehead protector, while in his hands he carries Daren’s katana.

“...and he switch skillset to BvS. Run,” whispers Raf before the he bolts for cover underneath the walkways. Ryan, despite the dramatic entrance, ignores the furs remaining down below and takes off after Raf using the high ground. Without saying a word Daren produces a pair of semiautomatics and joins the chase, apparently still not convinced that backing down was the option. That just left Selden and Ben...

The rat, looking at the otter, says, “You really should just go. There really is nothing we can do but wait for it to blow over.” With full signs of exhaustion and defeat, Benjamin finds a bench against one of the room dividers and sits down.

Selden with a bit of hesitation looks back towards the corridor he and Daren used to reach this place. It would be pretty easy just to walk on out of here, and yet... the otter sits down next to the rat. “So... what exactly was it that set Ryan off like this?”

Back at the chase, Ryan had finally catches up to Raf, landing in front of the ferret with a light thud. Backing up against a marble pillar, Raf braces himself for the inevitable... which never came as suddenly Ryan was peppered with bullets. Coming to a stop next to Raf, Daren lowers his guns, “...ok, no way it was that easy.”

True to point, before Ryan hits the ground there was a cloud of smoke and only a wooden log hits the floor. “BvS... Billy vs Snakeman, a browser based anime parody game. Basic ninja technique are the least of what he can do right now.” The ferret circles around, making sure to keep his back to the pillar. “Is there really no way I can talk you out of this? I’m the one who volunteered to be a punching bag.”

“He has my sword,” Daren jests as he fell into a defensive position next to Raf, “besides, you don’t exactly appear to be just sitting down and taking hits.”

Raf shrugs, “There wouldn’t be much venting if I didn’t make him work for it.”

Before any more banter could take place, there was a brief swishing sound that causes them to both to look down at their weaponry... all of which have been rather thoroughly cleaved through. Looking up rather knowingly the ferret and fox stare at the feline before them. “Working implies effort,” the cat says grimly. “You should be taking your own advice Raf. Fold.”

“Not until you let go. You need this Ryan. And more importantly...” Raf suddenly grabs the pillar behind him and pulls. When the marble structure came free it takes all of Daren’s speed to get out of the way so the ferret didn’t take his head off with a three sixty spin. The pillar was easy enough for Ryan to cut with Daren’s sword, but unfortunately a moving slab of marble is still a moving slab of marble no matter how you divide it’s inertia.

As the cat was sent flying through a room divider the ferret pants from the exertion as the rest of the skillset switch kicks in, Raf’s trenchcoat shifting into a sleeveless cadet uniform, complete with beret. “...people always forget I was rolled as Karuk on Vindictus.”

Looking through the rubble briefly to see if he could find his sword, Daren retrieves the katana before regrouping with Raf. “So, all this was mostly physical activity for some pent up brooding swordsman to let off some steam?”

Raf shrugs “In a very blunt way of putting it. Ryan used to be a little bit of an emo character. When he got over moping outwardly about things, he just started brooding internally which really only looked healthier. Ben asked him his opinion about a possible change and he just bottled up, so I came to get him to at least vent the emotion if not express it.” The ferret glances at the pile of rubble. “Admittedly I didn’t expect it to take so much but...”

Suddenly a pressure shock wave emanates from the rubble where Ryan was last seen. The emergency lights, which have up to this point not faltered, start to dim as a tangible darkness seeps into the air. “So... what was that about him used to be emo,” Daren comments as he readies his sword.

“Let’s put it this way,” Raf said as he braces his pillar against the building pressure, “have you ever felt angry enough that a small part of you wanted to destroy the world?”

Daren scoffs, “Kind of like asking if I’ve ever been a teenager.”

“Well aren’t you glad now you didn’t have that kind of power back then,” Raf finishes as the pressure finally reaches a critical mass and Ryan bursts out of the rubble. His form is covered in a dark aura, mostly conforming to his actual body with the exception of a second and third head on top of his left and right shoulders respectively. The beast within lets out a howl, a dark harmony that threatens to strip hope from the hearts of those who heard.

“Right,” Daren states as if this was just another day for him, “Once more into the fray?”

“I let this out,” Raf breaths shakily, “I’m putting it back in.” Without waiting for a signal from Daren, Raf charges. Just before impact, Raf slams his pillar into the ground and lifts himself up, allowing inertia to carry him into a dropkick... that the beast that is now Ryan catches with one hand. The feline effortless flings the ferret in the direction of the incoming fox, but Daren just as easily dodges without halting his run.

Blade side down, Daren swipes a body blow that Ryan catches before it penetrates the skin. Grinning, Daren turns around as if to retreat and instead uses the leverage of the new position to flip the cat holding onto his sword. Shock not even registering on Ryan’s fact, the feline let’s go of Daren’s sword so he’ll be in control of his fall. That’s when Daren really strikes.

Launching into the air after Ryan, Daren lands a blow, lands on the side of one of the overhead walkways and launches at the cat again. He repeats this process over and over again for as long as the cat is in the air. Then, just as he’s about to hit the ground, Daren goes in for a downward stab... only to have Ryan catch the finishing blow with both hands.

And yet again, Daren grins, breaking off to the side. It’s then that the shadow over Ryan becomes obvious. Pillar grasped in both hands, Raf brings the hunk of marble down hard on the sword, forcing the blade down to hilt Ryan’s chest. There’s a moment of stillness...

...followed by a pressure wave of darkness that blasts Raf backward. Daren manages to catch him before he flies too far, leaving the two protagonists to watch as dark beast stands once more, a katana blade driven directly though it’s heart. Lifting it’s three heads it howls one more time, this time the darkness exploding into the form of a full two story feral cerberus.

Daren... is actually slightly taken aback by this development. “...right, where you being serious about that destroy the world thing? Because if this really is just a hissy fit, I’m tempted to just let it run it’s course.”

“Then go,” Raf pants, “I’ve been asking that of you since the beginning.” The ferret begins to advance again but finds a restraining hand on his shoulder.

Holding Raf firmly back, Daren sighs, “Raf... I asked you to be honest with us, but apparently that was a step too soon. Be honest with yourself... why is this so important to you?”

“Because his brother is in pain,” says a voice from behind them. Raf and Daren turn around to see who spoke, and are a little surprised it is Selden. A slightly larger surprise was the rat standing behind the otter; Benjamin almost looks... confident.

Raf in contrast looks defensive, “I never said that he was like an older brother to me.”

Selden steps forward and places a hand on top of the one Daren already had on the ferret’s shoulder. “I never said anything about older. I just said brother.” Raf tries to avert his gaze, but with Selden and Daren standing right next to him the only place left to look was back over towards Ryan. The darkness was still seething around the cat, but he wasn’t advancing. It’s like he was just... waiting.

Sighing, Raf looks the otter in the eye. Beaming, Selden reaches into his bandolier and pulled out two soda pop potions, “Come on. Me and Ben came up with a plan.”

--- --- ---

First story in awhile. True writer commentary coming with the rest of the story... since apparently my short story exceeding the 50000 character limit.
« Last Edit: January 02, 2013, 07:07:46 PM by Raf_Cian »



Raf_Cian

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Reply #1 on: January 02, 2013, 07:04:52 PM
Five minutes later, Daren was four stories up on the raised walkways and looking down at cerberus that was Ryan. He was pretty certain that at least one of those three heads had their eyes on him, though with a body made of shifting darkness it was hard to tell which. Still, secrecy wasn’t necessary for his part of the plan, so he popped the top of his ‘Way Up’ and chugged the thing as he jumped over the edge.

Phase 1: Hit Him With Our Best Shot Only Bigger

Finishing the potion before he even reaches the third story, Daren tosses the bottle aside as he prepares both hands for a grapple. Unfortunately he was still only about eight feet tall when he grabs onto the head trying to snap him out of the air, but in the two seconds it took him to kick the other snapping heads it was ten feat. Five seconds to wrangle his way to the back of the neck, twelve feet. After ten seconds he was twenty feet tall with two heads pinned and the third trying to twist around to bite him.

Of course Daren didn’t just have to contend with heads, and soon the other four limbs turns the small conflict into a bucking bronco match. Daren eventually is launched high into the air, breaking several raised walkways on his way down. Daren being Daren, though, lands on his feet. The cerberus turns around to face him with a growl, which the vulpine returns with a smirk and a brief point back behind the cerberus.

Of course, the cerberus doesn’t react until there was a shadow blocking out the light.

Phase 2: Show Him Our Best Shot Isn’t Our Biggest

Raf Cian cracks his knuckles for emphasis before he reaches down to grab the three headed hound. Raf was still in his Vindictus cadet uniform, but was standing at a towering fifty feet, making the two story dog an easy handful... you know, if it wasn’t for the whole biting claws things.

Thankfully even at his current size Raf was mostly support for Daren. Charging forward, the vulpine manifests the fires of his Spiorad and solidifies it into a solid red and white longsword. Armed with a blade proportionate to his size, Daren manages to land one solid blow right in the chest while Raf held the hound still.

A blade other than Daren’s Spiorad flies from the wound, revealing itself to be Daren’s own katana once it embeds into a dividing wall several yards away. Like a bottle uncorked, a shockwave of darkness explodes from the cerberus as it’s current form flew apart. Daren is knocked back, and even Raf is knocked off his feet.

And there, briefly at the epicenter, Ryan resumes his normal form.

Phase 3: Hope Our Smallest Shot Is Our Most Accurate

Waiting for that opening, a little bit closer than he felt comfortable with, was Benjamin. Once the shockwave of darkness passes, he steps out into the open twirling a simple leather sling. Trying to muster up what hope he could, the rat channels his early D&D days and made a True Shot with the sling, sending a small bit sized otter sailing straight for Ryan’s open maw as a third howl engulfs the room.

Phase 4: Survive The Third Form Until I Can Reach THEM

Awaking from the darkness, Selden pushes himself off of white tile. White tile with black motor. Looking around his surroundings, the otter finds himself in the middle of yet another corridor. Aside from the floor, this corridor was made from black bricks and white motor walls, with the occasional black iron gate.

Without any distinguishing markings, Selden didn’t have much choice but to pick one direction and start walking... and walking... and walking. So much walking. First it starts to hurt the otter’s calves, but he keeps on walking. Then it starts to hurt the otter’s soles, but he keeps on walking.

Eventually when almost every single body part was in pain, the otter felt his heart ache. It didn’t ache because it was tired, but instead because he was sure he had taken too long and the others had fallen. With this thought the otters feet drags to a stop, and for a very long moment he just stood there. Then, with great determination, he keeps walking... for about six more feet before his legs gives out and refuses his hearts orders to get back up.

For what felt like a very long time, the otter just lies there, unmoving but never falling asleep.

And then, something unexpected happens. A pair of very small shoes appears in the otter’s field of vision. The otter stares at the shoes for a very long time before it occurs to him to try and look up at what the shoes were attached to. Finding that his neck still obeys his brain’s commands, the otter looks up.

What the otter saw was a small little boy, a dog boy so really he was a pup. The boy was a border collie with slightly odd coloration and extremely deep emerald green eyes. Looking down at the otter with his white shorts and black shirt, the boy asks a question. “Who are you?”

The otter has to think on this question for a very long time. It seems like such a long since he needed a name. Eventually, he manages to recall. “Selden. My name is Selden.” Yeah, that felt right.

The boy smiles, “Hi Selden. My name is Not Yet, on account that I’m not supposed to be just yet. Or at least that’s what THEY tell me.” The boy holds out a hand, which the otter somehow manages to take. The otter, Selden his name was Selden, almost lets go out of shock from the contact. It was like touching a live wire connected to a bottomless well of resolve. There wasn’t simply the strength to stand up with that touch, there was the strength to move mountains.

Standing up, Selden’s memories return to him like summer deluge. “It’s very nice to meet you, Not Yet, but I’m searching for something. Do you happen to know where I can find a multiheaded dog?”

Not Yet smiles. “Of course, THEY sent me when you passed the test.”

“Test,” Selden asks with a bit of hesitation. He knew he had to hurry, but part of him felt like this was important.

“Yeah, the test of resolve,” says Not Yet, “You kept your resolve to find THEM ever after you had been stripped of the hope, ability, and even memory to find them. That’s the kind of resolve it takes to be of this mind so anyone with that level of resolve is treated as a welcome guest, all doors open.”

As if on cue, all the black iron gates up and down the corridor unlock themselves and throw themselves wipe open. The otter looks up and down the corridor with feeling of reverence. Access to an entire mind entrusted to him... a great burden of trust, though one that somehow made him feel lighter. “So... where can I find THEM?”

Back outside Ryan’s mind, things were reaching their final straw. Sure, Daren looks like he could go a few more rounds, but Raf was knocked out to his original size and Benjamin wasn’t leaving his side. This left the fox standing protectively over the two furs, knowing that the next attack was probably going to decide everything.

As for the cerberus, it wasn’t tall... it was simply the horizon. The three heads loom over the protagonist getting ready to strike... and they do exactly that. The head on the left and the head on the right both open their maws wide and attack the center head. The room shakes with it’s howl of pain, and slowly the darkness recedes back to that one spot that was the center of their attack.

That one spot, once again, just happens to be Ryan... who was a few hundred feet up in the air.

As the cat’s body fell limply, Daren withdrew his Spiorad back into his heart and races to reach the Ryan before the ground did. Daren being not only Daren but also twenty feet tall, doesn’t have much trouble with that. Landing on firmly on the ground, Daren examines the small fur in his arms with at first concern and then curiosity.

While the darkness has completely receded, the two canine heads on his shoulder remain. Rather than attacking him like they were a few seconds ago, they were... nuzzling him, quietly whispering that everything was going to be ok. The cat himself was in the fetal position shivering.

Finding a soft bench to put the cat down on, Daren lays Ryan down before pulling out his small metal device again. Pointing it at himself, the device glowed yellow as Daren starts to decrease in size. Once the fox was back to his normal size the device glows blue. Back to normal, Daren approaches the cat and waits.

After a few minutes Ryan calms down, but when he makes to sit up Daren puts a hand on his shoulder. “Just a little longer,” the cat tilts his head in query, causing the fox to move his hand to his jawbone. “Try not to move your head.” Comprehending the what if not the why, Ryan holds still. More minutes pass.

After what feels like an eternity, a small brown otter in blue hawaiian swim trunks crawls out of the cat’s ear. “Everyone ok,” squeaks Selden, causing Ryan to flinch from the proximity. Acting fast, Daren scoops up his friend before the the otter falls back into the cat’s brain. “...thanks.”

“No problem,” Daren responds as he raises his device again and points it at Selden. “And yeah, everyone is ok. Raf got knocked out, but Ben is watching over him.” As the otter increases in size the fox lowers him to the ground. Pretty soon Selden was back to his normal bouncy sized self. “Honestly, I think the person who took the the brunt of it is sitting right in front of us.”

All eyes fell on Ryan, who in pulls back in shock. “Me? You two are the ones who risked themselves in someone elses problem. Raf is cold on the ground because of me. Ben...” the cat trails off, hand raising to his temples, “In what way am I the one worst off?”

“Well one,” Daren starts, holding a hand up to silence Selden, “You’re blaming yourself for everything that’s happened despite the fact any of us could have walked away at any moment. You only chased Raf when you were in control, and when you lost it... you didn’t engage unless we did first.”

“Two,” Daren continues as Ryan averted his gaze, “Benjamin was a mess over what we you were feeling but not doing anything about it, at least until he talked it out with Selden here.” The otter blushes slightly, but still keeps silent.

“And three, this all started... to the best of my knowledge... because Raf asked you to take your frustration out on him.” Daren raises an eyebrow when Ryan flinches, “Not quite how it happened?”

Slowing bringing his gaze back towards the fox, Ryan sighs, “Ben contacted Raf that I was ‘moping’ after being asked about how I felt about the species change,” that last part got Daren’s eyebrow to raise, but he doesn’t interrupt. “Raf barged in and told me I had to let it out. How was up to me. I honestly thought he would back down, but he said something about kicking his tail would be good ‘male bonding’. No clue where he picked that up.”

Selden chuckles a little bit, and Daren coughs before continuing. “So, point is that all that has gone on here was to make you feel better... do you honestly feel any better Ryan?” The cat’s downcast gaze was all the answer the fox needs

Selden chooses this moment to speak up, “How about you tell us what’s so bad? I’ve been in your head... being upset about something like this is ok, but not talking about it is just hurting you.”

“Yeah,” chuckles Daren, “If there’s anyone you could come to for support about species TF, you’re looking at him.” This earns him a small glare Selden, which Daren returns with a raised eyebrow.

Ryan eventually speaks up to resolve the silent conflict. “It isn’t a transformation... it’s a change. Not a rewrite of all I have been, but a new me for all futures I will have. I was Ben’s first roleplaying character on the internet. A lot of my beginning were arbitrary choices made to just allow him to get started. Still took about a month, and I’ve grown into most of them... but being a cat was never one of them. It took years of reflection, but he eventually started to feel I was more dog than cat.”

This almost gets a reaction from Daren, but Selden holds him back with a firm hand on his shoulder. Ryan continues, “We’ve been spending the past few years brainstorming the best way to represent that revelation. Obvious ideas like lycanthrophy have been discarded, but the concept of a cerberus evolved from just being demonic possession to actually be a full true cerberus soul. And while the nature of what that would mean is still in flux, it’s something we both agree fits...”

“But then... he was browsing dog breeds in order to select species for something else... and he looked at... and it clicked,” Ryan stammers, taking a moment to breath in and out. “...just because I never clicked as a cat doesn’t mean I clicked before as a dog. But when he looked at the tricolor border collies, mixed with the current affirmation of a cerberus soul... it just felt right.”

There was a weight of acceptance in Ryan’s voice, bringing up images for Selden of the little Not Yet. The otter squeezes Daren’s shoulder as the cat continues, “We went over ideas of alternating between lives, cat dog. Spending time as one during the day and the other during the night like. Even considered just making me a hybrid... and then he just thought why not go cold turkey? It does make sense; while I’m staying who I am this is also a new beginning. It’s just... so...”

“Different,” finishes Daren, shrugging off Selden’s hand. “You’ve been a cat all your life, identifying with it more than anything else even when you’re in worlds where having whiskers and a tail aren’t an option, and then suddenly you’re asked to be something else. Do you want to know the key point in all that is,” the fox says as he reaches forward to put his own hand on Ryan’s shoulder, “You were asked. I’m not going to pretend to understand what it’s like to know you’re a character, but I’m pretty sure the fact that you do is an expression of how much Benjamin cares for you two.”

Ryan smiles slightly, “Actually he mostly just likes stories where the meta of the story itself becomes a part of the narrative, but yeah. I know he cares even when he’s putting us through what might be considered ‘abusive’ situations.”

Daren grins as he lifts his hand off Ryan’s shoulder only to bring it back down in a firm pat. “Yeah, he likes you two a lot. So much so he’s kind of given you two a tour of the multiverse. Which raises an interesting point,” the fox turns around and walks away a few steps before spinning back around, “During all the fighting you and Raf were wielding a wide range of powers. Too big a range to have allover wherever you are. That means that right here, in this place, you two actually have as much control over what you are as Benjamin does.”

Ryan raises an eyebrow. “...I guess.”

“Good,” Daren says as he sat down on his heels, “Then show me.”

“What,” was the cat’s response. Ryan eyes widen as he tries to answer his own question... he doesn’t seem to like the answer.

Daren keeps on smiling despite the cat’s apparent apprehension, “Show me what this perfect image of you as a dog looks like. Well, maybe not perfect. It’s still a work in progress after all. But go on... you can change back any time you want, so what’s the harm.”

Ryan still looks hesitant. The cat looks pleadingly at Selden, searching for a reason why this is a bad idea. Selden was tempted to say that the fact Ryan doesn’t want to was reason enough... but looking into Ryan’s deep emerald green eyes, the otter can only find one response. “It’s time for Not Yet to be.”

The cat winces aback as he was left hanging. Looking around helpless for something he could use as an excuse, his eyes fall on the approaching figures of Raf and Benjamin. He pauses at the sight of Raf’s slight limp and Benjamin’s uncertain concern... and then the steeled resolve Daren recognizes from their earlier engagement returns.

For a moment it was unclear what that resolved indicates, but as Ryan’s fur color starts to shift it was clear what his choice was. His fingers twitch slightly as the minor details in his nail claws shift. His tail stiffens as longer fur bristle down it’s length. As his ears twitch limp adjusting the cartilage and ligaments, Ryan braces himself for the worst. The former cat’s jaw is firmly shut against the pain of it’s own slow expansion outwards into a more pronounced canine muzzle, pink nose shifting black. The changes doesn’t stop at the muzzle, but most likely only Daren notices all the minute changes in the transformation from a feline to canine skull.

Once all the changes are done, a tricolor border collie with unusual coloration stansd before the protagonists. It wasn’t the colors of the coloration that was unusual, but the layout of the pattern. Ryan’s markings covers the right side of his head and his right arm, and appear again on his left leg and tail, leaving his left arm and right leg white. His eyes are still the same deep emerald green. “Right... so how do I look?”

“I’d say you look like about time,” Raf speaks up, alerting Daren and Selden finally to his approach. Walking past his friends, the ferret walks up to the dog... his fellow character, muse... and brother. “You look good Ryan. Complete. I can only hope I come out as good after my redesign starts picking up speed.”

Selden and Daren exchange a worried glance. “You’re redesigned?”

Spinning around, Raf steps back to stand side by side with Ryan. “Oh yeah. I’m pretty sure it was mentioned somewhere in those monologues, but I can understand if it got overshadowed by the Ryan’s issues.”

“We’re already in the brainstorming stages,” Ryan says as Raf put his arm around his shoulder. “He’s staying a ferret or course, but Raf has never had as defined skill set as I do. Choosing one has been difficult...”

“Still have my doubts about the macro upscaling,” Benjamin comments, a little bit lost in thought, “It has potential, but it still feels more of a sometimes thing rather than a major ability.”

“Mind leaving it in for a trial period?” Daren asks, “I can think of a few things I’d like to get up to with a twenty foot mad scientist back at Crimson Flag.”

Selden chuckles, “Right... speaking of Crimson Flag, I think it’s time to head home. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster, one with a few good high at the end, but this otter could use a lazy drift with a clam bushel.”

“Are you sure,” Raf says, “We’re in a realm of pure imagination right now... admittedly Ben’s pure imagination, but we can at least get you food and maybe show you about.” Ryan elbows Raf in the side lightly, “What? They’re my friends. Now that they know, I’d like to show them where I really live.”

With a sad smile, Benjamin waves his hands behind the group. In the direction where he waved the room appears to grow rapidly smaller until the border wall is right next to the group, the doorway to the corridor back to Crimson Flag in clear view. “Sorry Raf, but I think even you don’t want to confuse people with the you of the Crimson Flag and the you of the multiverse... one’s not exactly rated for the other, among other thing.”

Sighing like a dejected child, Raf releases Ryan and headed down the corridor. Selden was quick to follow. Daren was as well, but he was delayed by a hand on his shoulder. “Before you go... there was just something I realized I haven’t said,” says the dog to the fox.

Smiling, Daren waves him off, “If it’s goodbye, I should warn you I hate endings.”

“Then I’ll just have to phrase this right,” Ryan says, pausing just a moment in consideration “Hello, my name is Ryan Galen. I look forward to sparring with you again.”

Smile still plastered to his face, Daren responds, “If we’re ever in the same time and space again, I’ll consider it.” And with that, the fox was off. Back to Crimson Flag, off to another adventure.

This one was just getting started.

--- --- ---

And... done. I'll need to edit the first post in a bit since apparently my browser has a better spell checker than google docs. But my player's first story since part two of Beach Wars is done.

This doesn't mean that Beach Wars is terminally stalled, but I'll be honest... the direction for that one ends after the next part, so it's close. It does mean my player is writing again, and getting serious with his OC world for me and Ryan as the 'us' that will inhabit that world comes into focus.

Thank you for Selden and Daren (foxgamer01) for being OK with the use of their characters. I apologize for any remaining typos, but after changing the tense of at least half the verbs we felt like most of them had been caught. While this is mostly a personal piece, we all hope you have enjoyed reading.



foxgamer01

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Reply #2 on: January 02, 2013, 09:39:32 PM
I love it very much, Raf. Thank you for including me in your story. ^.|.^

(19:14:28) Virmir: All of Foxgamer's pics are either super happy or BATTLE.
(19:14:53) Virmir: Except that one roo one.
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Selden

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Reply #3 on: January 03, 2013, 04:47:01 PM
I hope everything works out for Ryan, and you... and Benjamin!

Thank you for giving a silly otter a chance as a protagonist.  It means a lot to me.  |:)

Tyla: Ty Ty ty Ty Ty Ty
Tyla: we need more tys
Selden: No, no, no. Then we'd need a tybreaker.
* Tvorsk snickers!
Tyla: ...
Tyla: that was...
Tvorsk: Tyla, the word you're looking for is "beautiful". {;)
Virmir: I need to hire Selden as an editor. [;)


Virmir

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Reply #4 on: January 03, 2013, 08:37:54 PM
Wow! Great story!

Really like how we are thrown off at the beginning with what we think the story is going to be about. The move from a very silly plot common to a lot of stories here to something much darker and eventually introspective tale was a nice unexpected shift.  Pacing and action are very good, and all the characters are interesting all the way through.  I think I like Selden's portrayal the most.

The setting itself is pretty fascinating. I've read a few author-character interactions before, but this is definitely among the best. The "reason" why stuff happens revealed at the end is quite clever, fits with the setting, and believable. Well done.

I don't quite like how the part with the, erm, anatomy was done. Basically the way you do this leaves the reader to make one of two assumptions. Either 1) The lack of "bits" comes from being in the CF community universe, and all people there are forced into being that way (definitely not true as we have a wide variety of "non toons" and being "PG rated" is as simple as wearing pants and making the conscious decision not to do creepy things-- no magical toonification surgery involved. Would never force such a thing on anyone anyway.) or 2) since we are in Ben's mind, Ben has, erm... problems seeing pantlessness any other way?

Here is a suggestion on how to fix it. Keeping important toon facts in mind, Selden is appropriately, yet sparsely dressed when he leaves CF (going by his normal toon rules), so he's also going to be appropriately, yet sparsely dressed when he enters Ben-world-- just now according to Ben's rules. So a magically appearing wardrobe would fit the bill here better because the "undressed" part is a violation of his character. See what I'm saying?

I am nitpicking though. This was a great story. Definitely looking forward to reading more!

[fox] Virmir


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Reply #5 on: January 03, 2013, 09:11:06 PM
Here is a suggestion on how to fix it. Keeping important toon facts in mind, Selden is appropriately, yet sparsely dressed when he leaves CF (going by his normal toon rules), so he's also going to be appropriately, yet sparsely dressed when he enters Ben-world-- just now according to Ben's rules. So a magically appearing wardrobe would fit the bill here better because the "undressed" part is a violation of his character. See what I'm saying?

I honestly had considered suggesting that, but decided that a little embarrassment was okay since it was kind of humorously overdone and then totally ignored thereafter. 

Tyla: Ty Ty ty Ty Ty Ty
Tyla: we need more tys
Selden: No, no, no. Then we'd need a tybreaker.
* Tvorsk snickers!
Tyla: ...
Tyla: that was...
Tvorsk: Tyla, the word you're looking for is "beautiful". {;)
Virmir: I need to hire Selden as an editor. [;)


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Reply #6 on: January 03, 2013, 10:38:04 PM
Really like how we are thrown off at the beginning with what we think the story is going to be about. The move from a very silly plot common to a lot of stories here to something much darker and eventually introspective tale was a nice unexpected shift.  Pacing and action are very good, and all the characters are interesting all the way through.  I think I like Selden's portrayal the most.

Thanks. A few of the things you listed are among the things my player is working on improving. Though to be honest he does need to watch himself on the shift to darker and introspective bit. He's a bit of a repressed emo, and analysis things reflectively; it's completely OK to channel those things when needed into his writing, but he has to make an effort that isn't all he writes. Of course, he hasn't written enough for it to be a true pattern, so maybe it's nothing. Beach Wars was certainly not going to have a darker or introspective edge to it.

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The setting itself is pretty fascinating. I've read a few author-character interactions before, but this is definitely among the best. The "reason" why stuff happens revealed at the end is quite clever, fits with the setting, and believable. Well done.

Yeah, that's kind of what Ryan meant when he said our player likes the meta story to become part of the narrative. It might just be feigning schizophrenia on the internet, but our relationship with him is rather established by now.

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I don't quite like how the part with the, erm, anatomy was done. Basically the way you do this leaves the reader to make one of two assumptions. Either 1) The lack of "bits" comes from being in the CF community universe, and all people there are forced into being that way (definitely not true as we have a wide variety of "non toons" and being "PG rated" is as simple as wearing pants and making the conscious decision not to do creepy things-- no magical toonification surgery involved. Would never force such a thing on anyone anyway.) or 2) since we are in Ben's mind, Ben has, erm... problems seeing pantlessness any other way?

Here is a suggestion on how to fix it. Keeping important toon facts in mind, Selden is appropriately, yet sparsely dressed when he leaves CF (going by his normal toon rules), so he's also going to be appropriately, yet sparsely dressed when he enters Ben-world-- just now according to Ben's rules. So a magically appearing wardrobe would fit the bill here better because the "undressed" part is a violation of his character. See what I'm saying?

Basic thought process here:
1) Daren has a fully clothed description in his chat profile that isn't his toon description shown in your pictures of him.
2) Selden doesn't. In fact to my players knowledge Selden doesn't have a clothed description anywhere. ...at least until he wrote this.

But yeah, in hindsight we should have considered any impact this would have on the reader's logic process without having access to all the source material. Might be possible to fix with a single line... but that line sets up that line and was set up by that line. He could change one with a pronoun, but the other is a bit more unflexable in the narrative.

...going to go with Selden on this one. It was a bit of humor that was done and then totally ignored thereafter.

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I am nitpicking though. This was a great story. Definitely looking forward to reading more!

Thanks again! If anything comes up in that is set in Crimson Flag or at least involves me (and is rated for the forum), he'll certainly share it. Honestly he'll probably share it as long as it's rated for the forum and not terribly embarrassing. Right now he has two things to do: start writing something else off his list of story ideas, and start transcribing me and Ryan's character bibles.