Hm....while I can see why you took this route, I can't say that I agree with it. Your previous story was very much overly personal, to the point it distracted from the main point of the story. However, with this entry you swing in the entirely opposite direction, and churn out a tale that does a lot of plot advancing, but lacks the charm of the last entry. It seems that you need to find an effective middle ground between these two methods of tackling this story.
On the the actual story. As I said, this story is a bit overly filled with melodramatic flair. I remember a lot of "It's you," and references to "Them" and such. In addition, you focus so much on what happens that it seems like you're afraid to do very much with the actual character. You play around a bit with the world in the scene where he walks through the dilapidated town, but other than that the story begins to feel a bit rushed. Don't be afraid to let your character speak to you and say what he wants to say, that's what you did with your original story and it gave your story that personal touch that kept us hooked.
In addition, don't be afraid to develop Scott's relationship with the human character. Right now, it just seems to be a device used to advance the story to a meaning, rather than a relationship.
I do, however, like the direction the meaning is going. The world one in which humans used to make chaos and such, and the main character obviously fears their return for this reason. But should past actions be used to judge their actions in the present. We shall see.
![]:)](https://crimsonflagcomic.com/forum/Smileys/default/arctic_happy.gif "Happy Arctic Fox")
I hope you'll still be working on the next entry after you read this...
![];)](https://crimsonflagcomic.com/forum/Smileys/default/arctic_wink.gif "Arctic Wink")
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