Muhmorpaguh

[Jonas]

This is my Christmas Exchange story. I'm posting it here to get some feedback before I actually send it to the person on the 25th.

[Virmir]

*grins* I think he'll like this.

I really like how you *don't* have a realization moment in there.  He just becomes part of the game without thinking about it.  I would suggest putting a few more details in towards the end to make it more obvious though.  Add some smells, how the water or fur of his ferret friend feels, or maybe he eats the meat and notes the taste (you do mention it's tasty, but he doesn't actually eat it).  Would make for a good "total immersion" and show he's really become the character in the game without a doubt.

Cool stuff, either way.

[William Swiftfoot]

Gotta agree with vir, the style of slow immersion with no realization point is pretty cool, and the story seems somewhat well thought out :)

[Tvorsk]

What they said above... which's the same as what I told you yesterday in chat.

[PrincessHotcakes]

Hehe, fun little transition.  And Doh!... I'm dumb; it took me until about a minute ago to realize what the title means. XP