Fraggle's Silly Characters

[Fragmaster01]

This was an application for an irredeemably silly Pathfinder game. Posted here because it involves foxes, and the three tail rule.
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Genesis was a well-adjusted, up and coming Astral Kitsune. Indeed, having the genetic fortune to be lava-based(a fire mom, a water dad) and a death glare recorded to have literally melted mountains, she was set on the path to greatness. Even if she had been rejected from fourth-tail positions for holding the heretical belief that it was "Really Hard" to sit down with more than three tails, she was still a highly valued member of society.

Then there was him. "Hey sis! What's up?"
"My, someone's eager. Let me refresh you." A gavel was pounded, not for any real reason, but because she liked the *thwack* noise it made. The courtroom was quite empty save for her, the guard, and sadly... Skieyl.

"Skieyl, when last we left off, you had a reasonably clean record and were off to perform more legitimate tasks. Apparently you did well at them for a good 2 years, until... well, I'll just read these off..."
"Ahem. You were sent on a mission of OBSERVATION to a medieval world, Class C3, to ensure that all was being handled well since their great cataclysm 100 years ago. This continued properly until an ancient evil was released. At which point, you did NOT call the office for a Hero Liason, but rather took matters into your own hands."
"Not my fault the phone was broken. Anyway, clearly I'm cut out for the hero work. Not my fault they won't let me in."
"The heroing is not the concerning part. You did, indeed, vanquish the ancient evil and save that region of the world from a dire fate."
"So no harm done."
Genesis glared, but relented enough to avoid setting him on fire with her mind. "In the process, you committed 23 acts of first and second degree grand arson, many on historical artifact sites..."
"Can't stop a bad guy without setting him on fire, no."
"...had a minor cult set up in your honor..."
"I told them not to!"
"...and consorted with no less than three high ranking leaders of the world in... celebration."
"Public relations is hard!"
Clearly, she thought, though she wasn't about to let him have the pun. "We are trying to NOT make more mortal kitsune, yes? That was discussed at the last meeting? And how you have one of the highest rates of... propogation."
"Gotta leave some little heroes to take care of things in the future! Besides, they asked me!"
"Not even going to go there. Regardless, the court has decided that you are to do community service to make up for your actions."
"Can we at least do some hero work? I did good there."

Genesis opened her mouth, then closed it, then opened it again with no words coming out. "Hmm. You know what? Fine. I have Just The Job for You." Her grin was excellent and practiced, and her ears twitched with delight. "No one wanted to take this job, so I guess it can be All Yours. Class N2, recovery of a terrible artifact." Class N was short for Class NOPE, the sorts of planets and dimensions that no one went to. N2, specifically, was for dimensions where the laws of physics or causality were so bonkers as to be horrifying. "In addition, since you're on trial for misuse of station, no astral powers."
"What?! How am I supposed to be a hero then?"
"Figure it out. And since you love making new mortal kitsune..."
"Haha! Love." Dammit. He caught that one.
"We'll be instituting a forced rule of no relations with the mortals. None."
"F**K!" A bird fell out of its tree outside, but no one really cared except him.
"Yes, that's exactly what you won't be doing. In short, this is a case that even if you screw it up again, you can't make things that much worse. For your sake though, let's do a good job, okay? Not like you've tried it yet."
Skieyl harrumphed. Ah well. How bad could it be?

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Oh. That's how bad. More f**k words were thrown around, but by this time, she was planetside where no one of importance would hear her.
Name: Skieyl
Race: [STRIKE]Astral[/STRIKE] Kitsune, 2 tails.
Gender: Fe[STRIKE]male[/STRIKE]
Age: 164, physically 15 or so.
Class: Psion(Kineticist). Fire! Fwoosh...
Status: On probation, community service. Still needs to file Child Support paperwork.

Skieyl is not enjoying herself. No phenomenal cosmic powers, no deathcap, no license to fwoosh, and apparently the best incarnation they could find was a young foxgirl. This was quite possibly intentional. And apparently SOCKS now qualify as hero work. *phhhhbt*. Fine. She'll pal around with these junior mortal heroes, and save the day properly. But darn it if she isn't going to set everything in her way on fire in the process.

• Skieyl comes from a line of Astral Kitsune(fire type), the progenitors of the normal mundane variety. Where do the mortal ones come from? Well, usually from someone like Skieyl. You see, when a demigod fox and a mortal love each other more than society says they should...
• After the trial, Genesis went home and got really drunk. Then she played a game similar to, but not entirely unlike, DDR. This continued until she fell over and passed out. All in all, a good night.
• The 'No Boinking' rule is strictly enforced. Attempts to bypass it result in Skieyl becoming a stuffed kitsune for the time being. This makes her incredibly cuddle-able, but unable to do much with that newfound power.
  
• Skieyl is a firm believer in MORE DAKKA. Rather than shoot lasers of fire like any other psion, she fires tons of little 1-2 damage bolts that swarm on his target. Like a cactaur. Except burning.
• Skieyl eats when she's upset. Due to a celestial metabolism(stomach of holding), this can quickly lead to problems.
• Despite ostensibly being a higher level astral goober, Skieyl does not have much in the way of knowledge skills. This is because she does not pay attention unless it's Fun, Shiny, or Attractive. All three is a major plus.
• Skieyl used to set the bed on fire while sleeping as a kid. Awkward.

[Virmir]

Sounds interesting!  I do approve of fire kitsune and of course the three tail rule.

[Fragmaster01]

We continue in the vein, with a kobold for a Dungeon Keeper sort of game.

Name: Cecalia Ssam. Goes by her last name
Class: Alchemist. Probably that trapping bomb archetype, but we'll see.
Gender: Female
Race: LIZARD WIZARD
Age: 11
Background: Once upon a time, there was a masterful kobold alchemist. He posited that the real problem with adventurers wasn't that they were being violent, it was that the violence was used for the wrong purposes. A little mutagen here, some brainwashing here, and you'd have a perfectly servicable, expendable kobold. A bit addled in the brain, but they could die in place of the Cool Kobolds.

This is not his story. His story ends abruptly, when the lab explodes in a shower of lizard parts. It was gross. Someone found his eyeball in a nursery 3 rooms away, where the little lizards were so excited. That was cool! Do it again do it again!

He did have an apprentice though. We think. Either way, there was a lizard, and she was a great admirer of his work, and happened to now be wearing him all over. So the elders did what they could, attempted to pry previous knowledge out of her brain, before exasperatedly declaring that she didn't know anything useful about the transmogrification process. It's okay. She can go on the defense lines or something, where no one has to think about her.

They will rue the day. Just wait. She'll defend so many things, you guys. So. Many.

Appearance: She's a purple and dark red scaled kobold, being one of the haired sorts(which immediately disqualifies her from any appearance contests. Hairy kobolds are gross, you guys. Bald spiky heads are where it's at). Often seen with an open coat, pants that have an inordinate amount of belts and pockets, and a staggering amount of explosives, she looks the part of a WAR ALCHEMIST. This is good, because that's exactly what she'll get to do. Someone has handed her goggles, and a map, and told her to go farm adventurers for experience or something. She doesn't know how that works, but she'll give it her best shot. And her best explosions. And other sorts of things.

Personality: Gleeful. She revels in all things interesting, even if they shouldn't be approved of. People exploding is COOL. Massive trap chain reactions give her the vapors. She wants to see all the fun, and will be a great asset at Kobold Brand Fun(tm).

Trivia/Useful Notes

    She doubles as an out of combat medic. Here, drink this, and fill out this review on how it tasted. Like cough syrup? Eh, you'll live, that's the important part.
    Ssam bears a little blowpipe and needles. She has dubbed it the CAPTAIN TEEMO, after the legendary gremlin revolutionary she read about in a crude kobold comic book. She dunks them in something nasty, and spitooees at her enemies. Sometimes she even hits them!
    Ssam is tasked with researching the kobold mutagen of her predecessor. Being level 1, she sucks at it.
    Ssam's preferred sleeping spot is under a mound of fluffy things, like a nest of sorts. One can see her beady little eyes peering out from the darkness. My nest. *hissss*
    Ssam is very ticklish, and easily startled when surprised. This does not combine well for her.
    Ssam hopes to grow up to become a mighty princess, who rescues dragons from ravenous knights.

[Fragmaster01]

Now with added koboldy picture! This thread should probably just be FRAGGLE'S DUMB CHARACTERS, but so be it(soviet?). In any case, that's a trustworthy face. I'd trust her with all the warren's bombs. Wouldn't you? That's the face of someone who follows safety regulations.

[Fragmaster01]

http://i134.photobucket.com/albums/q90/Fragmaster01/Merani_zps41ac22cd.png
Now for one of my favorites. Sadly, these boards can't handle IMGL tags, which let you put the picture beside the text. Linky instead!
I'm not saying it was magic... but it was magic.
Name: Merani(pronounced Merr-awn-yi) Milliani. Lizard people have odd 'n' sounds.
Race: Massazi
Class: Self-Taught Mage

Personality: Merani is not a quiet, docile mage. You cannot put her in the box. Much of her magical career has been spent dealing with ingrates who insist that lizards can't be wizards, or that unlicensed magic is illegal, or blah blah blah. Such reactions have helped foster a legendary disdain for authority, legitimate or otherwise. She's the sort who will insist that she can do what she wants, even when someone's warning her about the deathtrap she's about to walk into.

The attitude problems have their perks, though. She's spunky, highly motivated, and filled with all sorts of gushy thoughts about cool spells to smite her detractors. Even if most of her enemies are only in her head, they do make for good target practice. Her weaknesses involve a lack of common sense, disdain for authority(benign or otherwise), and pastries(they taste so good, but burn holes in her pocket).

Background: Merani is a city lizard, though her time in Vexbright is only a few years. She moved from Arnurr when she was 13, with a pocket of money and a truly fashionable wizard hat. This would ensure her dreams: to become the best Lizard Wizard ever. Her caretakers wanted her to be something useful, like a healer or a diplomat, but no. She wanted to blow things up maniacally. Kids go through these phases, you know.

This was rudely interrupted by the Academy in Vexbright refusing her entry. She had talent, but it remained a tossup as to whether she was refused on ground of being a Lizard, or just being a mildly unempathetic magechild. You know the sorts, where if you look at a lineup of wizard students, she'd get voted "most likely to cause collateral damage". Merani, for her part, never doubted it was the lizard thing. She was not entirely sure what unscaled skin had to do with being a proper mage, but it was probably something stupid.

She never stopped trying, though. Asking for lessons from the street performers, following magi around as they did their daily work... she got quite a knack on the finer points of mana control, even if she had no theory to back it up. The result is a powerful yet slightly unbalanced mage, who does not actually know what cannot be done with magic, and bears a grudge against people she insists are waging a plot to keep the Massazi down.

No, the guards don't like her, why do you ask?

Thing of Doom: A mood cloak! It shadows her face when she's being moody, flaps about when epic battles are starting, and tend to stay clean despite the fact that Merani is technically a bum.

RP Sample: The boy entered. Bad move right from the start, but it was his game to lose. "Hello? ...anyone there?" Not perceptive, but that made it more fun. The human child was greeted to the upside-down face of one Lizard Wizard, hanging from a pipe by her tail and one leg. "Maaaaybe...!"
A crash and a squeal. Aww, they were so cute when they got frazzled. Still, best not to terrify the urchin too much.

"Oh! Well... yes. I'm looking for-"
"Merani? The Princess of Disaster? Scourge of Milligan's General Store? Thwarter of the Usual Patrols?"
"Maybe one or two of those. You see-"
"SILENCE!" The effect would have been more prominent, had she not still been dangling about. "You will not speak unless told to speak! Understood...?"
"Yes, maam, I-"
"FOOL! Again you talk out of turn. Learn your place, among the wizened wizards of lore. Now then, what do you desire from me?
"Well, um... I was having trouble with this problem, and I heard that you were good at this sort of thing..." Oh gods. Those fascists at the Arcane Academy had really crossed the line this time. To reject her noble quest was one thing, but this? Passing off their students on her for homework? Unacceptable. This demanded vengeance of the Highest Order!

"That depends. How far are you willing to go for that knowledge?" If he was to be taught, it would be Her Way, with much backstabbing of the foolish 'professors' of the Academy. They would rue that day, even more than they already had. Vengeance! ...and possibly corrupting the youth. What fun! Today was off to a good start.
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Teaching Magic
"You fool!" The words were sudden, and she clearly had practiced them a Lot. "You cannot practice without knowing what to practice. A starting point, a way to go to greater wonder! She is talking to me now, and we shall do the tests I do. Later she can sing to your spleen's content. After that, we can eat all the food, and use it to power our investigations. I'm going to level with you, I'm not entirely sure where we were going with this. But patience!"]

Merani's attentions were turned back to the acolyte. "You can do it! I believe in you. He believes in you too, just in a different way. *phhhbt*
Note: If Merani believes in you, this is both a badge of honor and a sign that something is Wrong.
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The Bakery
Merani was not decent with a bow. She had tried once, when a person was FOOLISH enough to leave one lying around. The arrow was not supposed to go sideways though, and she had quickly put the bow back before anyone realized her failure.

Bread was similarly awkward. She could have some, but the usual human servings were much too much too much, and gave her bad gas. When presented with sweet rolls or such, she would often lick the IMPORTANT PARTS off the top, and allow the grains to remain unmolested. Such was a sickening display, and she knew that it was a weapon against the morally outraged.

Still, Bardface wanted his grains. This was the perfect time to juggle biscuits while they waited.

[Fragmaster01]

Name: 'I am the one who forgets to knock!'
Calypso
Race: 'All planning is to be performed in the ball pit. No exceptions.
Feline Familiar
Class: 'Oh cmon. You weren't using it. I'll make sure it's properly bartered.'
Larcenist
Gender:|Purple
Age:|21
Status:|Unemployed
Hair|Red/Orange
Height|3'6"
Length|7'1"
Weight|270
Eyes|Blue
Primer: 'RAWR! I'm coming for your bank account!'
When Calypso wanted to learn magic, this was not how things were advertised.

Of course, it's hard to advertise the idea of familiar apprenticeships. Don't worry, it's very comfortable. You help around the house, act cute at the cool wizard parties, and you'll get to learn magic. Cmon, dude. Magic... AND belly rubs. You can even have a pile of blankets to sleep in. Every kitty loves the blankets.

Well, what every kitty does not love is sudden wizard teacher failure. Sir Bartlesby the Cosmic was a profound mage, with bizarre talents in the realm of innate magic and focusing talent on a few distinct spells so you could cast them over and over. Never be caught with your spell slots down! It's embarrassing. Sadly, to achieve these great powers, Bartlesby had to dump his Wisdom stat, and he was known for a variety of mild yet amusing mental disorders to boot. It made him unique, he said.

The coroner agreed! He had, to quote, "Never seen someone choke on a rubber duck before. And what was with the air horn... never mind. Some things mankind was not meant to know." Alas, Calypso was left without someone to undo the familiar pact, and was sure to be picked up at auction or some other nefarious wizard tool recycling effort. So she left, with some wizard clothes, a nice hat, and a bag full of fireworks. To be fair, there was not very much that was left out in the open to scrounge, but she would take what she could.

Now she is a proper mage. And by proper, we mean scandalous. Practicing without a license, no less than three acts of Robin Hood vigilantism, and at least half of the criminal clauses under the TRICKSTER section. This was pleasing to all the wrong people, and so she would have to take a cruise. Preferably one far away from the cops. And the magic cops. And that strange fangirl with the box. But mostly the cops.

Who is That?:

Swanky RP Sample!: 'Tales of mystery and intrigue! Don't you dare make a pun.'
Suave Fredrico was not entirely sure what he expected. He knew he needed a thief. A good one, with magic.

He got a giant, hungry tiger. With a hat. "Oh cmon, don't be like that. It's just dinner." Indeed it was, though dinner involved no less than 3 steaks, which bore an unpleasant resemblance to how he imagined he looked to the tiger right now. "In any case, elaborate hun. Details! Gimme gimme lookit."
"Well, uh. As we mentioned, I'm a member of the palace bodyguards. And we have, well... sort of a thief problem."
"Clearly. Well done, by the way."
"What? No no... just it takes one to know one. And so we need someone to catch the thief in the act. Of course, they've proven they know all the basic patrols and such, so someone who can look over the defenses and figure out how to help..."
"Sounds like a job for you, mate!"
"...I don't follow."
"Well, I mean, you've already got the badge ready and everything." She twirled a Royal Guard badge, with the name conveniently scrubbed off.
"What?! How did..." Fredrico started patting down all his pockets.
"Oh, don't worry, I've got all that in safekeeping. Like the map to the vault, the scrying stone you wanted to place on me..."
"No! I... I wasn't..."
"The ladder IS impressive though. How did you manage to fit that in your pants? Must be a lot of room in there..."
"Hey! How dare you!"
This was a mistake. Now Fredrico was anything but suave, as Calypso calmly reminded him that she was not done eating, and was also in possession of a Lot of teeth. "You come here, into My House, trying to pin Your Robbery on Me, and you're going to ask how dare you?"
"F**k you." He was trembling, and sweating, and trying desperately to resume control of the situation. The problem, of course, was he never had control of it in the first place. Cats loved to play with their food.
"Ewww, no. We haven't even dated. Besides, you're not really my type. I don't date people who fall down the trapdoor."
"The wha-" Ahhh... Calypso loved the screams from that one. It cost So Much Money, you guys, but it was always worth it. She calmly waved goodbye down the shaft. A pity she'd have to leave soon; the cops surely followed mister Freddy here. Still, it wasn't entirely a loss. She had been looking for a good retractable ladder.
...however it actually managed to fit. Somehow. Maybe in another dimension.

Random Trivia: 'Oh sweet graham crackers. No one can ever know of our forbidden love.'

• Calypso's favorite sneaking tool is the Cardboard Box. It fills her with inner peace. If it fits, she sneaks.
• Bartlesby actually died when a colleague told him his duck was stupid, and to put it somewhere uncomfortable. After a few inebriating potions, he wondered what that would actually be like. The air horn was a failed attempt to call for help, when he realized the magnitude of his mistake.
• Calypso one day hopes to have a little rodent, who can ride around on her and look like a proper knight. Most are too terrified to even think about the job offer.
• She misses thumbs. Telekinesis is swanky, but... thumbs, you guys.

[Fragmaster01]

You know that problem where you must choose between staying in character and doing something incredibly suicidal? Yeah, that happened. We'll have fun with it though, or else.

Merani here has helped end a scuffle by melting an enemy's mouth shut(which automatically ends after a duration, or them passing out). The party was, however, forced to explain their situation to, among other people, a Paladin at least 6 levels up on them.
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"As for you..." he cast his eyes upon Laurence and his company, "Most of you shall go free. But the young lizardling's use of Witchcraft has been corroborated by all sources. Do you refute this claim?" He grips the hilt of his blade with both hands, his lips set in a more grim frown than usual.
Sense Motive: You get the feeling that Lamuel almost hopes you're a witch.
Laxan Native: Considering that the punishment for performing witchcraft is a swift and brutal death, that doesn't bode well for you.


Merani rises, and offers to let the knight pet the chicken too. "Would you prefer he die? Be brutally maimed? Whatever it is you sword people do." Snickt, dear. It's called Snickt. "Everyone's all so violent. And now you're mad for stopping the fight without anyone getting hurt." She throws her arms up in the air, to gesticulate, though this has the effect of dropping the scared chicken. "Just can't have nice things. I should find a Nice Things store, and never leave." Well, one of those has already been accomplished...

"In any case, Witches are silly. *I* am an improperly trained lizard wizard, master of the sort of craft you can find in any academy bookstore. If you have a problem with the sorts of things they're teaching up at the fancy-pants school, you should file a complaint with them." She nodded. Clearly this was foolproof. Merani, of course, didn't have the vaguest idea what separated WITCHERY from Happy Lizard Antics, but she did know that witches liked frogs, and she did not. Frogs were icky, and some gave her hives. Thus, by astute logic, she could not be a witch. It was impossible.