Story Preview

[Zavier]

I've decided to give part of an early scene in a story I'm in the middle of making. This is just a rough draft of sorts, so feel free to give criticism, but remember that this is early, but not the very beginning, so the characters mentioned have already been introduced and the setting has been formed. Enjoy the little taste of what I'm making.

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   She could practically hear her heart pounding over the roar of the crowd.
   How could she not? She was about to fight what could only be described as a monster, in which she is virtually guranteed to die.
   Focusing on a technique taught to her by her father, Akilah closed her eyes and just focused on breathing in and out.
   Inhale . . .
   Exhale . . .
   Inhale . . .
   Exhale . . .
   It didn't take long before focusing on the steady flow of air through her lungs had managed to calm her. She gripped her quarterstaff and stood up, preparing to fight her opponent.
   She quickly went over what she knew of Ganzorig in her mind. She has yet to see the brute of a creature fight, but she'd assume it would involve crushing or smashing, considering his size and strength. She would fair badly with nothing but a quarterstaff. The tarantula could probably snap it in two as easily as she would snap a dry twig. And considering the height difference—
   Akilah caught herself and shook her head. Thinking of the numerous disadvantages she had would not help her. She had to think of what she could use to her advantage.
   Ganzorig was large and strong, but due to that, he was likely also slow. So perhaps she could get onto his back and choke him into submission. But he might just throw her off, considering his strength and the fact that he has six usable arms.
   Akilah stopped her thoughts of how to best her adversary when she heard the accursed announcer call out that it was time for the match. Taking a deep breath, she popped her neck and rolled her shoulders as the gate in front of her opened, filling the room she was in with daylight as the crowd let out a fearsome cheer at the battle that was about to begin.

[Virmir]

This is a nice little tidbit here, Zav. You have me interested in the character and the setting.

You say this is mid-point snippit and is supposed to happen after character intros. I caution you not to fall in the very common new writer's trap of over-explaining things in the beginning of stories.  I say this because what you have here actually works as a pretty good intro.  We're built up on the anticipation, and knowing nothing about what's going on, we are slowly given hints (nicely shown and not told to us, mind you) about the character's situation.  It's a narrative technique I'm quite fond of.

Write more!

[Zavier]

Oh, trust me, I hate when we just get an exposition dump at the very beginning of stuff. I will do everything I can to give information over the course of the story.