I know what you're thinking...LOPEZ WROTE A TRANSFORMATION STORY??? NO WAI!
Yes, it is indeed true. But it's a little bit more than that. Read on.
I hate my morning commute. Most people can say this, but I hate it for a very special reason. It’s not the fact that my commute an hour and a half long one way, nor is it the fact that it requires both a train ride AND a subway ride to reach its conclusion. No, it’s the DRIVE to the train station that really irks me.
Now, most people wouldn’t have a problem with that. It’s just a fifteen minute drive. Sure, it’s at six in the morning, but it still isn’t that bad. However, the problem lies in the fact that I’m not exactly a people.
See, in this world there are some humans who have a sort of…animalistic nature. My animalistic nature is that of a fox. (Technically, the world has some animals who have a humanistic nature, but I don’t intend to blow your brains out just yet.)
Fortunately, I don’t have to spend my whole life rummaging around the forest hoping to drain the life blood out of squirrels. Like most other animorphs, I have the ability to “repress” my animal form, so that I look like any other normal human being. It’s handy. (Get it? Handy…as in…having hands…okay, I’ll stop now.)
However, there’s a slight catch to this ability. It requires quite a bit of attention to keep up my human form. The repression is not so much a switch that I can turn on and off, but more like a helium-filled balloon that I must keep held to the ground. I’ve suffered many jokes about how I sprout a pair of furry ears during math tests, and once while taking the SAT I had to stop because I lost the ability to hold my pen.
But that problem isn’t all that bad; driving is the one thing that nearly breaks me.
Driving requires attention, which is why public service announcements tell you not to text while driving. Beginning to see the conflict here?
Now, my driving would not be so bad if all I did was grow tawny fur and a bushy tail during my morning commute, but life never lets you off that easy. Instead, it proposes that you should go to a FULL animal form, with digitigrade legs that can’t reach halfway to the pedals, and forepaws that can only turn the steering wheel through proper application of friction.
Even so, I have found a few rules with which to fight back against the foxomorphism.
Firstly, give yourself a good wake-up time. You can’t expect to hop right out of bed and be ready for your drive. Normally, you should choose to wake up thirty minutes before you leave. This gives you enough time to calm your thoughts, but not enough time to get distracted again.
Adjust your chair properly. Nothing is worse than giving yourself a nice little nook for your little furry behind to try to adjust into. The chair should be at an 85 degree angle, almost vertical, and your chest should be one foot away from the steering wheel.
Hand should always be at the six o’clock position. This lets you more “push” the wheel to turn your car rather than grasp it to turn. Most of those who are not familiar with the fox situation say, “Can’t you just put your paws inside the little crevices in the steering wheel?” That should be avoided, since while it is the most stable configuration for paws, turning becomes nearly impossible. Good for highway driving, but little else.
Keep a drink in the car. Make sure it has flavor. Avoid warm drinks, as they tend to hasten the transformation, which is something you really don’t want. Diet soda works best, as anything with sugar will break you down rather than excite you, weakening you to the transformation’s effects.
Keep the radio on, but not for the reason you expect. Most people expect the radio to be another distraction that you don’t need while driving and holding off a transformation, but they don’t understand it in the proper context. While listening to the radio, focus not on the objective music itself, but rather your human reactions to it. How do your ears hear the music, as opposed to your true form’s ears? Also, singing helps, as your ability to enunciate rapidly declines as you proceed closer to foxhood, so it helps you keep track if your transformation gets out of hand.
Go the speed limit. It’s just not worth it to go any faster. You’ll be stressed enough as it is keeping all these things in balance, and going slower than the speed limit is acceptable as long as no one is behind you. This allows you to better divide your time between the road and your human form.
Know the road conditions. Ice can hit you hard if you’re not paying attention to it. That goes hand in hand with the “Go the speed limit” rule.
Find your emergency flashers. If the transformation completely takes hold, don’t be afraid to rap it with your paw until you get your legs back to braking length.
Know the street lights. For those that it applies to, colorblindness can broadside you when you least expect it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stopped at green lights, and just kind of SAT there waiting for someone to honk at me, so I knew it was green. Eventually, I memorized that green was on the bottom, but when you’re distracted, it becomes pretty hard to remember, believe me.
You also have to all of this while, you know, DRIVING. You still need to stay in your lane, and you still need to keep focused on who is behind and beside you. But what can we do? I’m just a fox in a human’s image.
And yet, every morning, I always seem to make it to the train station alive. A bit drained by my experience, but always on time, expect for that one day when the garage’s electronic gate opener failed to recognize my monthly pass.
Then, I take my backpack and wait for the train. When I board, I always wait in the aisles, standing, even if there are seats across the train. As soon as the door closes, I take off my jacket, lay it on the floor, and let my fox form finally take over. Then, I try to keep it out of my mind that tomorrow I’ll wake up and do the same thing all over again…
This seems all nice, right? But you know me...I don't write about something unless it's REAL. This doesn't seem very real, right?
If this isn't real...what's the real problem with 'I''s morning commute? Why is it written as a transformation story?(Pay VERY close attention to the last line, that's really the key to the story)
