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« on: October 02, 2016, 05:23:35 AM »
Oh god the formatting got destroyed in the copy and paste, I included a word link if you want to read that, it has proper indentation.
And after a long time, I have finally written another story and its... a redo of the first one. I remember writing the previous one, and my thought after I finished it was "this is like the best thing in the history of all time". I also remember two months later realizing the many faults within it, the lack of character development, the telling vs showing, even how it didn't even represent my fantasy world faithfully. I realized this to the point where I decided to rewrite it. I did actually start the sequel to the first story, and while I was doing it I realized just how much of a dead end it was. This time however, I won't redo it a third time, I will continue on regardless. That being said, after writing this version, I felt like "this is like the best thing in the history of all time". Of course I know it isn't, and in a few months I'll likely grow to see all of its faults, because I will have progressed in my knowledge of story telling. That being said, on to the story. I will give a fair warning before, it is meant to be very emotional and powerful. I cried a lot while writing it, but I 1) feel emotions to a great degree, cry like a lot (in an emotional way, and not in a bad way), and two, I understand the characters a lot more than any of you will, but through continuing to post stories, I am hoping to change that. In its original draft, it contains one cuss word, which I have edited it out with respect to the sites rules. I actually like curse words when they are used appropriately. Often they are used like "Krabs is a *dolphin screech*", and that defeats the beauty with them. Within a story, sprinkle it in once or twice in an appropriate situation, and it really can catch the reader off guard, and in my mind really shows the weight of a situation. To this end, I put a single * where the word would have been. There is also a bit of blood and violence, for purposes of spoiling I won't explain, but I don't think it is over the top, and the purpose is to bolster the storytelling aspect of it. If either of these is an issue I will remove it. But yes, this is my long rant about my thoughts on the writing processes, and constructive criticism is more than helpful. Though if you are going to needlessly criticize me, I want you to roast me like a marshmallow over a roaring fire, there is no middle ground with this. Anyhow, if you have gotten through this rant, then I hope you enjoy the story, and if this rant was painful to read and I should give a tl:dr at the start, I will do that for my next rant (Ranting is my third favorite thing behind faerie dragons and sherbet).
The cold starlight streams through the canopy, illuminating blotches of moss on the forest floor. Three shadows weave their way in and out of the light. The leader halts and holds his paw out, flowing wings come to rest against its obscure form. It looks around, before beckoning the other shades forward. Their red stripes appear as dim violet highlights against their dark fur.
The water silently laps against the worn stones. Darkness fills the sigils carved in to the foundation. The three figures make their way over the stones on to the circular platform. Two archways besides the disk reach up in to the trees. The leader stands between the structures, and with a movement of his arm, his 6 capes drop to the ground.
“It is time” he smiles as an ambient light illuminates the site. “Alex” he beckons with his paw for the smaller Woodrose to go to the center. Alex nods, but his paw is pulled downwards. He looks down to the smaller creature besides him.
“It’ll be okay Nova, I’ll be back with a hearthstone!” he smiles as he looks in to the smaller Woodrose’s wide black eyes. He places his paw over Nova’s head. “I’ll be able to do all the things Nestor did, okay?” Nova grasps the amber on his necklace and timidly turns his head.
“Okay Alex” he squeaks as he loosens the grip on Alex’s arm. Once he lets go, he wraps his arms around Alex and embraces him. “You’ll still be my big brother right?” Alex returns the hug, and nuzzles Nova affectionately.
“I promise” Alex gives him a kiss on his forehead as they release from caress. He looks up to the other Woodrose. “Misae I am ready”. Misae’s red stripes glow dimly like stars gliding across the night sky, he closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. Alex follow suit as he is surrounded by a curtain of light.
Nova shields his eyes from the glow, but as it dims, he peeks and finds that Alex is gone.
(Break)
“You remember this well…” the synthetic voice calls out from the empty depths.
(Break)
The small Woodrose rests against the wooden rail as he looks across an ocean of leaves. He looks down at one paw, then clasps the stone hanging from his necklace in his other. The amber gleams vibrantly within the pale sunlight. “Am I… Nova?“ the thought flashes over him as he turns.
“No, this can’t, but this… I… I…” his eyes go wide and he freezes in awe. The white stones shine as the path winds upwards. “This… is” his round ears perk up as they pick up a familiar sound. “No, that can’t, but he…”
“Alex!” Alex shivers as he gets down on all fours. Tears starts to come to the corner of his eyes as he whispers a single name. “Alex, where are you?!” the call rings once more.
“Nestor” Alex squeaks as he darts forward. “Nestor!” he rushes down the winding pathway. He breathes heavily as the wind whistles across his fur. “Where are you!” Tears stream down his cheek as he slips over the smooth tiles. His paws cross as he skitters on his side and collides into the tree. He closes his eyes and whimpers silently as he slowly slides across the trail, and falls towards the green depths.
(Break)
“You had me worried” Alex cowers in to the furry embrace. “Why were you wondering off like that?” Alex’s muscles loosen as his back is stroked. He opens his reddened eyes and looks up.
“Nestor?” he whispers softly. Nestor smiles, and gives the smaller Woodrose a kiss on his forehead. “I… I missed you, big bro” tears continue to stream down his cheeks as he smiles.
“I missed you too little bro”. Alex wraps his arms around Nestor and listens to the beating of his heart. He sniffles, and turns toward the being perched on Nestor’s shoulder.
“Even Aztal…” Alex reaches his paw up to the fiery creature. The bird lowers his head as he stroke’s its glowing feathers.
“I think he missed you too”, Alex taps its beak. Aztal recoils, then gives out a loud, shrill cry. The larger Woodrose turns to the bird, then, starts to laugh. The smaller Woodroses’s eyes light up, and joins with his own childish laughter.
(Break)
“Mom” Nestor chuckles as he lowers the squirming Woodrose. Alex rushes over the glistening tiles and eagerly rushes through the crowd. “Mom!”
“Butterfly” she smiles as embraces the small pup. His tears absorb in to the soft fur as he nuzzles her rounded belly.
“Look at how big you are getting!” she exclaims while lifting him up. “You’re gonna be as large as your brother Nestor”
“Bigger!” Nestor chimes in as he lowers his head so the two can exchange a kiss. Alex gives a slight glance with his eyes, then turns back to her.
“You are getting a lot bigger too!” he chirps innocently, causing an outpour of laughter from his kin.
She rolls her eyes as she sighs “You are going to have a brother, what can I say”. With eyes wide he continues to squirm.
“What should I name him!?” the conversation is cut short as from the corner of his eye he sees another Woodrose observing him. Alex turns his head and an aura of calm rushes over him as he looks in to Misae’s eyes.
He nods in the direction of Alex, then looks down at the creature next to him. “Lion, everyone is here” he whispers. Lion continues to stand still, the six wings cover him like blankets, and his long eyebrows hide his eyes.
Misae smiles as a curtain of light wraps around the small Woodrose before dissipating. “Hmm urg…” Lion jerks awake and looks up at the creature towering above him. “Oh yes, quite right Starglider”
Misae nods as he makes his way to the center of the platform. “Woodroses,” he croaks, “it has long been time since we have come to the Pearl Citadel. The last time we…”
Alex rests against his mother as she gently strokes him. He continues to stare in to the shining crown resting on Misae’s head. “And we, grfff… we…”
Misae interject “previous incid-”
“And we have been through many troubles” He draws in a raspy breath “But I feel confident…” A giggle escapes Alex as he continues to watch the long hair move across Lion’s face.
“…Without further ado” Misae kneels, and the sunlight in front of him weaves to form a small stairwell.
Lion pads his way to the top, and removes the crown from Misae’s head “No longer shall Starglider a Woodrose prince”. He places the crown on the step besides him and unties the binding fastening his 6 capes.
The wings glimmer a vibrant orange as he warps it around him “Arise, Starglider, Butterfly of the Woodrose”
Misae stands and fastens binding. “I will remember”
“I will remember” the combined voices of the Woodroses echo the words.
Lion’s heavy breathing is nearly inaudible amidst the cheers. “I’m sure you’ll be a great Butterfly” he pauses as he inhales hoarsely.
Misae in turn takes in his own breath, and roars in to the sky. Rose petals, radiant and golden rain down as Alex’s eyes grow heavy, and world grows dark around him.
(Break)
Alex nuzzles the soft cloth as his eyes begin to open.
“Did you enjoy your nap?” the voice calls softly.
“Yeah, I slept like a pup, it was…” his eyes shoot open as he throws the blanket off of himself. He sits up, dim moonlight shines through the thatched roof. He turns towards wooden door frame, and shrinks as he looks up at the imposing figure.
“You do not need to be afraid, I will not hurt you, I am a friend” A small smile swept across it’s ceramic face.
Alex’s large black eyes remain unblinking as he stares at its pupil less eye, he opens his mouth to scream, but his voice falters and is trapped deep in his throat. Its 6 ethereal wings thread seamlessly into the surrounding universe.
“Time is short…” it takes a knee down so it is at eye level with the cowering Woodrose. “… but I thought you would want to relive those moments with him…”
Alex closes his maw, and tears come to his eyes as he frantically starts to look around, “no, it can’t, he never…”
The Butterfly places a gloved hand on Alex’s shoulder, “I brought you here, so you can save him…”
His stutters go quiet as he looks down at his amber necklace “Even if I were my normal age” he shakes his head “I would still be too small, too helpless.” Droplets of water fall over his cheeks and dampen the blanket beneath him. “If his fire isn’t enough, I don’t even have anything…”
It places his hand beneath its chin, and raises Alex’s head and looks in to his eyes. “You have me, a Heliotrope butterfly!” Its wings glow red and green as they flow in an unfelt wind. “Take me, and together, we shall save him.”
Alex nods as he wipes off the tears from his face. “And if Nestor lives, then perhaps mom will too?”
The butterfly slides the amber necklace off of Nova’s neck. He hands Alex a necklace, with a golden string, and a different stone on it. He run’s his paw over the six-winged gem, then dons the necklace.
The mask, now unsupported, drops from the air and shatters against the wooden floor. A freezing wind cuts across Alex’s face as the room fades away. Snow covers the forest floor as fog clouds the surrounding world. Alex lifts the sword he is holding and runs his paw down the wooden frame.
“A macuahuitl…” its obsidian teeth gleam dimly as he grasps the handle with two paws. His ears perk up as a low rumble emanates across the tundra.
Snow builds upon his thick fur as he trudges forward. A chromatic visage emerges from the whiteness. Blood covers the tips of its blade like legs as its pupil less eyes lock on to Alex.
“Nestor…” he whispers to himself as his eyes go wide. His jaw clenches as his nails dig in to sword. His heart pounds as every muscle in his body tenses “You killed him…”
The thing crawls over the snow like a spider coming to claim the life of an insect. Alex’s face crumples in on itself as his eyes burn brightly, “You killed Nestor!” he screams as he charges forward. Memories of volcanos destroying cities, of artillery demolishing castle walls, of shattered shields and ravaging tornadoes, all roll across his mind like a thunderstorm.
Serpents uncoil from the thing’s sides, and from their gaping maws erupt torrents of flame. They rip asunder the mist, and steam rises from the roasted ground. The obsidian gleams a deathly orange as the fire washes over Alex like water over stone. The creature draws up its forelimbs as the Woodrose emerges from the flames, then it drives them down on to him.
War elephants trampling pike formations, hurricanes tearing through forests. “I am the unstoppable force, unfettered by all constraints before me!” Alex roars as he smashes his sword upwards at the spear-like appendages. A sound like a thousand shattering mirrors reverberates across the landscape. Its bloodstained legs fracture as the creature reels up from the blow. Golden ichor gushes from its wounds and splatter across the white snow.
A serpent springs forward, and with dagger like fangs impales Alex. Clamping down, they tear straight through him, blood runs out and darkens in the snow beneath him. He yells out in agony, his necklace burns brightly with an unquenchable inner fire. He scowls as he drops his sword, and digs his paws into the serpent’s neck.
Six wings of fire burn brightly in his eyes and on necklace he wears.
“I am a heliotrope butterfly, and I will destroy!” clenching its scales, he rips the offending creature’s head off its stalk. Its slit eyes roll back as its fangs slide out of him, and it lays motionless in a growing puddle of shimmering sludge.
The creature’s legs wobble as one of its headless stalks writhes wildly in the air. Alex’s piercings slowly scab over, his blood rising up from the snow to patch up his flesh. He clenches his fist, and closes his eyes as he whispers “die die”… memories of death and mortality dominate his mind.
The thing’s metallic shell bends and splinters as an unseen force tears it asunder. The covering over its blank eyes cracks and shatters, the remaining serpent appendages flail helplessly as their scales disintegrate and float away in the howling wind. “I will * destroy you for what you did to Nestor!” he screams as hot tears burn their way down his cheeks.
(Break)
“But you’ll still be my big brother right?” that single memory flashes briefly before being overcome by an ocean of destruction and death. “His large black eyes, long whiskers looking up at me, what have I become…”, the snow torn scene melts away, a Woodrose peeks from behind a wooden wall in to a room. “You can, you can come in Alex” she gasps a breath as she beckons him inside.
Alex fidgets with his amber necklace as he makes his way to his mother’s side. A high pitched crying permeates the room. “You have a brother… Alex” she whispers as she grooms the thin furred pup she cradles in her arms.
“Here...” Alex reaches out paws as she places the small pup in to his arms. The small creature opens his eyes, and the whimpering slows and stops as he looks in to his older brother’s eyes.
Like a dying fire, fragments of memories flake away from the fiery visage into the cold universe. The scene melds back to the snowy battleground, memories of the absence of his older brother, and of vengeance burn brightly with renewed vigor, like a cornered beast lashing out.
“I am not…” he recalls to mind every single memory of his brother, the sound of his voice, the color of his eyes, the warmth of his fur, even Aztal.
He looks down in to the large black eyes of his baby brother. “Nova” he whispers quietly as he runs his paw over the pup’s head. She nods as she pulls a blanket further over her. “Just like big bro named me”.
“I think that is a lovely name Butterfly” she smiles as a drop of sweat streams over her forehead.
“You’ll be okay mom, right?” he asks as he turns back to Nova, who’s eyes remain fixed upon his older brother.
“I promise Butterfly, I just… need some rest…” she closes her eyes, and breathes in her last breath.
The once bright being grows dim as memories drift away like embers abandoning a smothered fire pit.
Alex looks down at Nova, then with his nose, nudges the amber necklace off of himself. He clutches the amber tightly, then slips it around Nova’s neck. “In case big bro doesn’t come back, I want you to have something to remember him…”
The last memory drifts off the winged visage. Crystals spring up and freeze over the empty form, encapsulating it as the frozen gem drops in the darkness.
(Break)
Water silently laps against the weathered stones as moonlight streams through the canopy above.
“Alex, Alex” Nova merfs as Alex continues to embrace him head on. Nova wraps his paws around his older brother but feels something smooth against his round ears.
“I…, I…” tears stream down his cheek as he loosens his grip on his younger brother. The amber stone on Nova’s necklace drops and swings as it freely dangles from his neck.
“You did it” he whispers, tears freely flowing down his own cheek in return.
“I, no, I…” he looks down at his own belly, and from his neck, a necklace with a golden string, and suspended from it is a clear crystal, with six frozen wings.
Inspirations: Game of thrones-season 6 episode 10, World of Warcraft Harbingers – Khadgar, The Babadook, Pikman, Harry Potter – Order of the Phoenix, Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit – The Battle of the Five Armies, mythology of the Chimera, mythology of the seraph, Halo 2, Star Wars, neo-pagan magical properties of gems, Aztec and Native American (supposedly) culture, Heraclitus and Leibniz’s philosophic quandaries, and of course my own imagination and dreams.
Now for the end of the story rant. So after I finished, I realized there is very little within this story that is "original". A lot of the culture is based off of real world cultures and the likes, and a lot of the scenes are just almost directly copied from the inspirations I mentioned. The part with the death of his mom, yeah it was just GoT season 6 episode 10 with Lyanna and Ned all over again. I have a younger sister, so it hit home for me very much. The mask and the butterfly was just the Babadook "I'll soon take off my funny disguise... You start to change when I get in, the Babadook growing right under your skin..." - The Babadook pop up book. Even with the defeat of the Babadook, not as a battle but as an internal struggle. And again, even with the curse word, the same thing being nearly said in the Babadook. Maybe this should just be a Babadook fan fiction? Anyways, the flaming wings and such really is just Sauron from the battle of the five armies when he fights Galadriel. That sprinkled in with the World of Warcraft Harbingers – Khadgar trailer, when Khadgar expresses that no one could bestow the power of a guardian on to him, and Medieve says that he will give Khadgar the power. The monster in the creature is just a mixture between some of the walkers from Pikman, an AT-AT from star wars, and a Scarab from Halo. I wanted it to seem a bit more original and more fantasy-ish, so I included the serpents on its sides, something like a Chimera. Oh wait I have yet to discuss the story at all, ladies and gentlefurs grab your popcorn! So writing this story, well, I have been working on the showing and not telling, and well there is a lot I need to show. Despite most of the story just copying other things, I do feel I introduce a rather unique (though probably not) view and interpretation of magic. So yeah, it makes to me, though I have absolutely no read on how other people think of it, so it might have gotten across, or it might not of. The other thing that I really messed with me in the showing vs telling, was names. I try to do things fit the story, even if it is difficult to pull of. Specifically, I don't know how many of you caught this: Starglider and Misae are the same Woodrose. I'll expand upon this in my next story, but this is relevant. I did try to do some foreshadowing of this early on, but it is something that is easily missed. Then it comes to Woodroses. I have an idea of what Woodroses look like, but I want to know how it came across to the readers. Along those lines, I did my best to make the transitions clear. A lot of it is a recollection of memory and events, so the scenery switches back and forth. Anyhow, I think I am done with my rant, I hope you enjoyed it, and I will continue to work on post updates on the story.
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