Crimson Flag Comic Forums
Other Realms => Writer's Guild => Topic started by: Zavier on June 09, 2011, 04:59:02 PM
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Alright, I've discontinued my Death Knell thingy in favor of working on this. I may continue Death Knell later on, may not. Who knows? Anyways, on with the show.
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"Vel'klar xun udos sevir usstan?" I could remember those two voices...
"Sevir ukta wun l' ragrubah xuil l' cahlind lu' l' murrpau."
"Wha...what? Where am I?" I could barely even manage English. What were they saying?
"Zhennu, uk's naut doeb."
"Ghil, ori'gato uns'aa." Then, I got hit in the head by something metal and blacked out.
"Ugh...what happened?" The fennec shook his head and held it as he woke up. "I feel like I was hit in the head by a sword pommel..."
"So you finally came around." He suddenly looked up and looked around, not knowing where the voice came from due to there being no light. He could easily tell it was a female's voice, though. "I saw you getting dragged in here by the guards."
"What? What's going on?"
"You're in a Drow dungeon."
"Drow?"
"Weird creatures. I haven't seen them, but I've heard them talking. Their language is odd."
"So why was I captured? I'm just a farmer from a small village."
"I don't know."
"A new person?" Another voice came in, deep and clearly masculine.
"Who's that?" The fox had to ask.
"That's Kartik. He keeps quiet a lot, so pay him no mind."
"So what's your name? Mine's Jace."
"My name is Alia." A door on the far side of the room opens, but it stays dark like the Drow don't even use light.
"Dos llar, zu'tour phor!" A voice came from the door in an angry tone and the door slammed shut.
"...Uh..." Jace could only manage to say that.
"We should probably just be quiet now. He sounded angry." Alia said.
"...Right..."
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Alright, nice little short intro to put together the setting and the characters somewhat. See if you can guess what happens next.
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That is a cool language.
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Interesting
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It's a cool start, but not really enough to grasp much of what's going on just yet. In short: write more. [:)
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It's a cool start, but not really enough to grasp much of what's going on just yet. In short: write more. [:)
Well, Virmir, that's what I'm trying to do. The language of the Drow, the fact that the place they're in isn't lit at all, everything for now is meant to cause the reader to speculate and for the story to be very mysterious. The more the story goes along, the more everything is revealed. Right now, the main character, Jace, has no idea what's going on and only knows the voices and names of the two people he's in the room with. He's heard Drow, but can't understand a single word of it. That's basically how I also want the reader to be right now: lost and speculating, wondering what's going on.