Crimson Flag Comic Forums
Other Realms => Random Topics => Random Insanity => Topic started by: PrincessHotcakes on January 23, 2014, 07:16:10 PM
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Once upon a time there was a man named Antidisestablishmentarianism who tripped over a small rock one morning. Being a reasonable fellow, Antidisestablishmentarianism decided the rational response to this situation was to figure out a way to kill the rock...
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...which of course means taking a trip to the local pancake outlet to gather up a fellowship of eight adventurers to throw the rock into the volcano from which it was forged. This of course had the immediate and unfortunate consequences of awakening the seven wraith lawyers of the Tolkien estate, who immediate set out to sue Antidisestablishmentarianism before his quest could even begin, riding out astride...
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...the monster from Centipede, which would let them stay together while traveling but split up and surround their target as soon as they were attacked. Unfortunately they ran into a giant mushroom and by the time they stopped arguing about the legal use of the controls they were halfway across the continent. Meanwhile Antidisestablishmentarianism was having trouble of his own - the pancake outlet was besieged by...
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Space Moose from the Seventeenth and a Half Dimension. Though the moose invasion was somewhat hampered by a gramatical dispute among their own number over whether the plural of "moose" should in face be "meese" ...
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... however, this argument has been cut short by the breakthrough discovery: This alternate spelling was actually a rewrite of the Space Moose history, sneakily made by the evil Meeces from the Center of the Earth as part of their ploy to lure the Moose down onto this particular pancake shack...
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...because it was situated above a maple syrup geyser, formed long ago by a catastrophe that buried the bottom 2/3 of Canada. The geyser had lain dormant for centuries and was now approaching the needed pressure to spew forth in a mighty blast that would eliminate the Space Moose once and for all. And it would have worked if it hadn't been for...
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BICYCLE REPAIRMAN (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U01xasUtlvw)
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(operating on the assumption that it was the Monty Python sketch, because I'm not going to click).
... whose heroic deeds allowed the Moosenger to arrive on time and deliver these news before it was too late.
The siege has been called off, and moost of the invaders - except for some hungry ones still finishing their platters - trickled away.
This permitted Antidisestablishmentarianism to order a Triple-Cinnamon-Special, and then after a moment of hesitation, top it off with ice cream.
Unbeknownst to him, however, that particular dish was a secret code...
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...which got him whisked into the back room faster than the eggs for the french toast. There he was met by the Short-Sighted inSurgents Society, who myopically mistook him for one of their myriad messengers. Antidisestablishmentarianism found himself back outside with a black market consignment of rifles with special prescription scopes. Unfortunately Antidisestablishmentarianism had perfect vision and couldn't see a thing through them so instead of using them to further his rock-destroy ambitions he...
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...decided to hang it up in on his wall, but not before he went to find the party of adventurers. Do you mind? Antidisestablishmentarianism finally got some very random people to go on the quest. No doubt he was also very random. You have apparently not learnt your lesson. Now, before going to get the rock they had to get a tote full of random foods, then before finding the rock they...
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...discovered three gigantic, invisible doors! No one knows quite how the adventurers saw these doors, but however they did, they weren't impressed. But when they tried to bypass the doors, which were now more similar to expensive pancakes than anything else, the guardian of the Universal Gateway of Inconsistency appeared and offered the brave travelers a challenge: Pick the correct door and they could pass, as well as acquire the large fortune hidden behind it. Now this all seemed quite like a game show to approximately 17.563 (repeating) percent of the heroes, of which exactly several were deathly allergic to. So those several turned back towards home, and the remaining contestants utterly perplexed the guardian by choosing door number...
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... three. Before they opened the door, the gaurdian of the gateway of Universal Inconsistency opened up door number one, revealing a...
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Tear in the fabric of reality quickly.....
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... dragging Antidisestablishmentarianism, his team, and rhe rock into a parallel dimension where...
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Virmir was knocks off his feet by the blasted portal. After saying how much he hates it when that happens he looks at the random people and glares. "Who in the blazes are you?" He asks. The adventures and (pet rock) say:
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“MORE LIKE WHO ARE YOU?!?!”
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He said impatiently, "I'm the owner of this blasted tower and this level is off limits! Can't I draw one fox in peace without some trees-blasted dragon or monster or whatever the frazz you are breaking my concentration?"
The adventurers replied, "Well, reality tore and we have a pet rock, so I guess we're here now? Which is where?"
Virmir shifted his eyes and pointed to a sign on the wall that said "Necessary Exposition Notice: You are Now in the Outer Realms, Domain of Virmir," and then looked back down to his scroll, scribbling something productive.
One of the adventurers, who did not yet have names in this universe (though the rock was known as Albert von Invisibility II), replied,
"Ah, I get it! This is the Domain of Virmir, so you must be Virmir's desk secretary!"
Virmir shifted his eyes once more in disapproval and reached for a conveniently placed wand. He held it up, pointed it straight at the adventurers with an annoyed sigh, and-
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...Transformed them all into sentient statues. However...