Messages

31

Art Gallery / Re: Hold Me Down: Fan comic

« on: February 13, 2010, 08:36:07 PM »

Thanks for your comments, Kai and Vir. They really keep me going. ((*Is building up a big list of things he needs to practice drawing once he gets this done*))



That begs the question: What's Sir Vance think about all this?

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Writer's Guild / Re: Unfinished: The Second Most Dangerous Game

« on: February 13, 2010, 06:16:54 PM »

Chapter 2. We now know more about the characters! But what are they planning? Are they Gonna go in like Solid Snake, like Ninja Gaiden, or just not go in at all and call it a day? We shall soon see...

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Ekwara / Re: Comic 32

« on: February 13, 2010, 05:55:41 PM »

DUDE! THERE'S MY CAR!

Nice page...amazing coloring.

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Art Gallery / Re: February -- Sketch Month 2: Dark Revenge of the Sketch Month

« on: February 12, 2010, 04:16:34 AM »

He's going he's going IT'S IN! For the world championship! Thanks to this, now "cat-like reflexes" is an antiquated term.

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Writer's Guild / Re: Geary's Request: Crimson Flag RPG

« on: February 10, 2010, 06:21:34 PM »

Curses...without the proper scrolls I'll NEVER be able to determine the cause of the rise of the dramatic artistic community in the pre-first-war era!

I liked how you could switch between the world and the world IN the world practically seamlessly. Great job!

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Writer's Guild / Re: Micro-Stories

« on: February 09, 2010, 06:26:07 PM »

It appears that my 3 AM musings are a slight bit off from my usual performance. I'll wait a day next time so the story can sink in better.

However, there were some points that I wanted to bring up.

One can even extend this further and hope.. that possibly the Boys art would help in reuniting his parents.

BAM. This is the argument that I was trying to make. The problem is that there just aren't any major threads in the story that lead to this point.

And yes, Kai, looking back on it, he does seem to like his mom a lot more than he likes his dad. He's trying to impress his mom in this story. In fact, a couple lines even suggest that he dislikes his father:

Odd, that a man with so little ambition could rise to greater heights than such a driven woman.

I'll avoid describing his repressed oedipal complex towards his mother in favor of a more valid argument; he likes his mother more. Therefore...

The boy is simply trying to impress his mom

I agree with this. Let's move on.

by painting the mountains and trying to be original about it, adding the trees and the snow in an attempt to enhance whats already there, hoping that she would slowly come around.

I disagree with this. See quote:

He has darkened them and added imagined snow and trees in an effort to salvage his vision, but it has only shattered the realism of the image,

so doesn't this imply that he is using the snow and trees to HIDE his errors, (and it is the reason why he thinks the painting is worthless? Because he can't capture the exact object, he tries to repress his errors but ends up just failing at drawing?

*Reads through that long paragraph twice. Again.*

Yeah, his parents aren't that different. But they're fighting. Hense, conflict. They're definitely not the same. And he is DEFINITELY leaning towards his mother's side. I don't hear much about how he respects his father and wants his attention. So his relation to both parents certainly isn't equal.

Lastly, end quote:

That is certainly true.  His parents, he feels, would be much happier if they ever talked to one another about anything that really mattered.  They are like strangers in the same house.

He begins to draw by the light of the streetlights, carefully marking out every sparkling piece of stolen starlight, catching the barely-visible variations of light and dark and taking hold of them, making a city that stands out vividly against the darkness, holding the night at bay with its thousands of tiny artificial suns.

As the drawing takes shape, the cat departs, unnoticed, satisfied that her task is complete.

The conclusion that Kai makes "he makes a masterpiece" shows in the second paragraph here. This is what you both paid the most attention to. My problem was that I was reaaaallly hung up on the first paragraph.

My problem was with the idea that the story was about the painting. In my opinion, it's not ABOUT the painting. Yes, "realizations" involving artistic talent are noteworthy, but if his realizations remain confined in an artistic sphere, this kid might live a pretty sorry existence. He can be the greatest artist in the world, but he'll still be up on the roof away from the rest of his family.

Instead, I decided to focus on what the painting would DO, namely, stop the parents from fighting. But the boy doesn't even seem to CARE about his parents by the end of the story. It was all him, HIS work, ME ME ME.

By the end of the story, I wanted him to come down, say nothing to his parents, and simply hang up his drawing outside his room for his parents to see, eventually. Instead, at this point it seems like he's going to keep his achievements for himself.

Again:

His parents, he feels, would be much happier if they ever talked to one another about anything that really mattered.  They are like strangers in the same house.

That's the only interaction he plans with his parents by the end. Thanks, you're a great kid!

GRRRRRRR...

....lol, I tend to want other people's stories to conform to my standards a lot of the time. I apologize for that.

...I also apologize for this absurdly long post. I'm still trying to come to grips with your story, so thank you for your comments and time.

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Writer's Guild / Re: Micro-Stories

« on: February 09, 2010, 03:08:50 AM »

Wow. I'm really speechless. I was going to bring in a quote from that story to show a point or something, but I would just use the entire story as a quote.

This story is powerful because it connects with a common problem in modern society. Rather than being about fanciful worlds, it's about a very REAL kid with a very REAL problem. He's frustrated by his parents, and by how apart they are, (they might be divorced soon, due to their differences,) so he goes up on the roof to draw as an escape from their conflicts.

He has drawn the mountains, not as they are, but as he wishes they were

Nice.

Um, back to my point.

He turns back east, to the lights of downtown.  He has never drawn this view before; has felt it would be somehow wrong to mix his mother’s art with his father’s.

“Don’t you think they need to mix a little more?”

The cat on the roof represents the character's unconscious mind, ( obviously, ) and what he's been avoiding for all this time. He has this idea in his head that the world would be better if his parents were just SEPARATE, rather than fighting all the time.

But, he comes to realize that his parents' fighting is actually.....(wait, you're going a different direction with this.)

Er....ending, conclusion, what? You end with him drawing his "mother's and father's styles" together, and the cat (his unconscious!) departing. But what does this tell him to do? Stop trying to separate his parents? He seems to still dislike his parents' arguments.

Hm.....

Great story. The emotional content didn't feel at all weighed down by the imagery and scenery.

((As for your next story, my recommendation: He's a normal kid, but without warning he starts doing UNSPEAKABLE behaviors, such as doing his chores, finishing his homework, and SHARING WITH HIS SIBLINGS. How will these acts of ANARCHY stand in his household?  ))

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Art Gallery / Re: Arts

« on: February 08, 2010, 12:04:09 PM »

Ha ha...I can see Sir Voltar now...

"I don't care if it brings down the hole ship! I'M GETTING THAT HAT"

I love how you use dark-shaded colors.

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Writer's Guild / Re: Micro-Stories

« on: February 05, 2010, 09:15:05 PM »

Hm.....very surreal. Very Surreal. I don't really know if any other word works here. A lot of talk of the "between" world and such and such an idea, which is very nice. But I don't seem to be connecting with the characters all that much. In fact, this concept of the "between" seems to be the main character in both these stories, rather than the characters you pretend to follow. I see this a little bit in the first story, and a lot more in the second. So, I might recommend either giving us more about the characters we can relate to, or simply making the concept of "between" the main character. (I know its a bit abstract, but you can handle it right? How's that for a recommendation of a story? Make a CONCEPT the main character of a story. ]:)I think you can handle it.)

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Writer's Guild / Re: Micro-Stories

« on: February 03, 2010, 02:12:15 AM »

Hooray! Short stories are really fun to write.

How about....

Anthro; High School Setting.

Everyone is in a normal, human world. But gradually, one kid starts seeing all of his classmates and teachers becoming anthro representations of themselves.

((February must be request month. ))

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Writer's Guild / Re: Paws hitting a keyboard

« on: February 02, 2010, 03:04:33 AM »

Wow, I can't believe how much I still like science fiction. It's been so long since I've written or read any of it.

Good work with the first person perspective. I felt really inside this character.

The Wing leader is a human Ace.  He told me that most humans would rather work on capital ships,  but that he's a 'crazy SoB'.  After seeing how he flies in the simulator, I just might agree with the 'crazy' part.

This line is just beautiful. Keep it up.

There's still a lot of high tension. Will he survive? We'll have to see.

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Art Gallery / Re: February -- Sketch Month 2: Dark Revenge of the Sketch Month

« on: February 01, 2010, 02:17:01 AM »

Fox going for the (soccer) goal! (Try this one on for size. )

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Writer's Guild / Re: Accepting Story Requests!

« on: January 31, 2010, 07:51:40 PM »

Write a story about a psychologist who has to deal with the victims of a transformation setting (such as pig and whistle) as they struggle to adapt, (but it's actually really a role-reversal! as he has to deal with how his OWN psyche reacts to being transformed at the same time as he helps his patients.)

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Crimson Flag Comic / Re: Comic 076

« on: January 31, 2010, 06:52:41 AM »

Hmm. Is he perhaps the kind who remembers people but has trouble with names? Not sure we've seen enough to tell.

Developing on this, perhaps he remembers people not through names, but through actions. Lucian remembered her as "The girl who made the shield really well that one time" rather than as "Sierra."

More interesting, however, is her developing OBSESSION with him. Why is she so obsessed about whether he remembers her or not? Crush/Love Interest? It'll take a bit more time to tell.

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Art Gallery / Re: Hold Me Down: Fan comic

« on: January 30, 2010, 04:24:41 PM »

Marching to the tune of progress...but slightly slower, because I had to cut this page in half.



Hmmm...it's a flashback...in a flashback! I apologize for more upside-down words, but I didn't see any other way of doing this.

What? A really anti-climatic ending??? Could it be???