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Author Topic: The Aether Sword - Crimson Flag OC tournament.  (Read 10410 times)
« Reply #75 on: October 07, 2011, 04:33:53 PM »

Chaotic Neutral Cartoon Gray Fox Mage
"Oh, BLAST."
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Virmir
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I was recently informed that Draykin posted a wrong version in error and uploaded the correct one recently. While I do appreciate the typo corrections, I don't think it's fair for me to reconsider what I already posted. Perhaps the corrected version will influence the other two otherwise. Happy Gray Fox

* Virmir POKES.

Would be nice if the other two judges... judged... sometime... Gray Fox Wink
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Gray Fox Virmir
« Reply #76 on: October 08, 2011, 12:53:28 PM »

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Cirr
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Well, here is my judging.

It won't be very long, because I don't really know what to say...
You two are really good writers, I can't judge or say anything on this point.

So, to choose a winner, I'll say that, as I'm the creator of this tournament, I'll choose the one that is closer of what I have in mind.

That would be Draykin.
You seem to really get the mood of the tournament, and this and your writing skills will rewards you with my vote.
I'm sorry DV, your submission is really good too, but well... it's just a little something that Draykin' submission has that made my choice.

I'm not good at explaining things...
Anyway, here is my vote. ^^'

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« Reply #77 on: October 08, 2011, 02:06:02 PM »

That one dusty marsfox.
"Anything can be solved if you'll try hard enough."
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Tvorsk
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I've written the following (except the parts in italics) over a week ago, and emailed it to Virmir and Cirrulean. They can confirm, tho of course you may not believe me or them.

-----------------------------------------------------

Dr. Keem vs. Inuri

Vulp:
As always, nicely written, full of humour and puns.
I'm not sure what to think about the change of motivation, honestly - it's kinda cliche, but it's also kinda appropriate.
Nicely described the environments, too.

You indeed fought dirty there... I can't say it's not practical, tho. And Hanse would probably approve.
I'm not sure if you're playing Inuri in-characted of Inuri, or more of in-character of Draykin himself, honestly.
I also like that the battle was quite balanced until the last moment, despite your start at advantage.

-5 points for using Comic Sans in the RTF, tho. Red Fox Wink

Draykin:
Well, your story, also as usual, is "fuller", and more serious.
You spent quite a lot of time in the "opening", and stretched the fight itself with descriptions and thought... that's giving a quite different feel to the story. Good. Also good you did have the reyn tagging along with you say and do some things; tho I think I'd like it even better if you'd have them (re)act during the fight itself.
You haven't done a half-bad job with playing Kemm, tho there was some room for improvement left.
I'm quite unsure whether "playing" the Sword itself in the opening and the epilogue was a good idea, it may go against Cirr's plans, but nothing forbade you from doing this, right?

Fight itself was "written long", but pretty short in what happened. I think I'd like it more if you'd let him try some more, and did succeed partially, instead of Inuri being just that good to thoroughly outclass the opponent. It was supposed to be a challenge, after all. Red Fox Wink

Addendum: The proof-read one you uploaded recently is sadly only this; it fixes grammar, it re-phrases a few things, but it doesn't change events themselves in any noticeable way, and I've done a side-by-side comparison. Makes me sad, I hoped you've expanded the action some more.


All in all, both of your works are very good; and they damn well should have been, this is the final!
Neither of you give me obvious reasons to vote for subjectively; but it'd be absurd to try to judge mostly on the base of technicalities.
But...
With heavy heart, the vote is cast like a 15lb lead weight... and it's on the white fox of the scientific variety. Congratulations to both of you, you've did great. It's just that Virmir won't let me abstain from the vote again.
Addendum: I'm sorry, Dray... I know you'll hate me for this, and I knew it even before Cirr posted a vote at your side. That's why I hesitated and did not post what I wrote when I wrote it.
Seriously, you've done great; and considering what Cirr said about "matching the mood he intended", it may be I did judge wrongly. But that's what I think: both posts are great, but I liked DV's more. You've done great. Don't get all depressed over "not great enough". Please... :(
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Thanks for reading,
-- Tvorsk

Quote
Draykin: And blast it, what is the world coming to when one cannot find a decent metal remix/cover of the Imperial March?
« Reply #78 on: December 11, 2011, 10:09:49 AM »

A digital fox in the quantum age.
""Ion cannon activated" "Oooh, shiny...""
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So... I suppose that means I won?  Rather unexpected, but cool nonetheless.

Since I'll be at home for 2 weeks starting next Saturday, I should be able to knock out whatever epilogue you had in mind for this then.  As for the prize, I'll try to work something out based on how the epilogue turns out.

[EDIT] Ninja'd the request in light of newly discovered parameters.
« Last Edit: December 19, 2011, 03:42:28 PM by Digital Vulpine » Logged

"Old soldiers never die, they just fade away for a little while..."
« Reply #79 on: January 21, 2012, 08:01:10 PM »

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Cirr
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Final Act.

As the winner was about to get the sword, Cirr steps in and tells the truth about the sword.
It is not a prophecy weapon, not something that would save them all... it is the key to the machine they were on, built in this very volcano.

It was a wishing engine, created long ago by a certain gray fox... this machine could only activated with the sword which was it's key. The condition was to be declared the bravest hero... which means being the one who would take out all the others.
Aside from the sword, the machine itself was gifted with consciousness, and from that a spirit appeared...

Seeing it was too dangerous, its creator decided to shut it down, as the machine was ripping the dimension and causing chaos and the sword was hidden... that was many years ago.
However things changed when a foolish gray reyn, a treasure hunter, made his way to the machine and reactivated it... causing the spirit to be released...

Being conscious of its own nature, the spirit searched a way to have a wish for himself, and then manipulated the treasure hunter into finding the sword.
Many years passed and the hunter was slowly diving into madness as he could not unlock the sword...

The spirit then had another occasion, as a young bunny wind spirit, looking for a way to shut this machine down once and for all, found the volcano as well.
The machine possessed the bunny... and set up a tournament to find the sword...

And now, as the sword being revealed... The machine is about to finally have its wish...
It, while still possesing Cirr, grabs the sword and face the Doctor for a final showdown...
Something unexpected then happens...For an unknown reason the sword shatters and every contestant receive a shard of it, taking the appearance of their favorite weapon, while Cirr? holds a incomplete version of the sword...
Feeling like loosing the upper hand, Cirr? summons Zaharl to face all the others players, as well as Virmir and then face the doctor...



Cirr? fighting style while being short and light is incredibly fast and... well... brutal.
Expect a hard fight...

Zaharl on the opposite hand, is buffed up to take on every other player...
So, don't hesitate to team up on him!

The two fight are separated, and no players can interfere with the final fight between Cirr? and the Doctor.

Up to you to imagine how this is going to end. You can also try to fill any plothole you see. ^^

When Cirr? is defeated, it's up to you to think of an ending and a conclusion... and  it's up to you to decide what you do of the released true Cirr.

Have fun!
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« Reply #80 on: April 27, 2012, 01:27:03 PM »

A digital fox in the quantum age.
""Ion cannon activated" "Oooh, shiny...""
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digital_vulpine@hotmail.com cyberfoxfinal View Profile
Digital Vulpine
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Well that took a while, but I'm not leaving this thing unfinished.  Here it is, the final act.

I don't really feel like I quite got the impression I was going for in the fight, but after a lot of work and worrying I couldn't really come up with an alternative that felt better... so there it is I suppose.

Attachment(s)
* AetherSword-Kemm4.rtf (38.98 KB - downloaded 65 times.)
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"Old soldiers never die, they just fade away for a little while..."
« Reply #81 on: May 02, 2012, 09:38:19 PM »

Chaotic Neutral Cartoon Gray Fox Mage
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Virmir
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That was an awesome ending, Vulpine. Happy Gray Fox Definitely your best work of the whole tournament! Cheesy, funny, and climactic. Good show!
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Gray Fox Virmir
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