Author Topic: Fursuit Fragments: End or Beginning?  (Read 7989 times)

Jonas

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on: October 16, 2010, 06:12:11 PM
As most of you probably know, I've been working on my half of a trade with Traxer and have been trying to come up with a story about a person who turns into an animate fursuit. The result of my efforts is the scene below which takes place after the character becomes an animate fox fursuit. I'm posting the scene in order to get some feedback about whether it should be the opener (thus making the rest of the story 'what happens next') or the finisher (thus making the story 'what happened before').

===

The smell of batter and the sizzling of fresh pancakes filled the kitchen. I wedged the spatula underneath one of the golden-brown discs and flipped it onto a plate.

A yawn came from behind. “Eeauwgh... what’re you doing in here, Notchy?”

I turned and saw Laura by the kitchen table with a tired-but-amused look on her face.

“Making breakfast!” I yipped happily as I flipped another pancake onto the plate.

She giggled. “Aren’t you a bit too flammable to use the stove?”

“Naw, I’m careful.” I shrugged as I delivered the plate to the table.

A raised eyebrow. “So where’s your left foot?”

“Huh?” I looked down at the empty space where my footpaw should have been. “Oh, right. I spilled some batter on it when I started and threw it in the wash since I’ve got the ad shoot today. Thanks for reminding me—mind grabbing it out of the dryer while I finish up here?”

Laura rolled her eyes but left for the laundry room. I turned back to the stove and turned off the burners before cleaning up. A sudden tickle rushed through me just as I finished loading the dishwasher. “Heeheehee! Watch how you hold it! Just ‘cause my pawpads are foam doesn’t mean they aren’t ticklish!” I laughed.
 
“Sorry!” Came the answer from the other room. Laura re-entered holding my left foot. “Honestly,” she said as she passed it to me, “if you keep relying on me to notice these things you’ll literally lose your head one day!”

“Aww, but you’re so good at it!” I teased as I put my paw back on. I gave it a wiggle. “There! Now then, I’ve gotta run or I’ll miss the shoot!”

“You’re not eating?”

I shook my head. “Naw, eating slows me down. Gotta be bouncy for this.” I hopped playfully for emphasis.

“Nervous?”

“You know me, Laura, I’ve got thread nerves.”

A laugh. Laura gave me a hug. “Thanks for the breakfast. Remember to have fun at the shoot, ok?”

My tail wagged as I nuzzled her back. “Don’t worry about me. I always do.”

"Technically speaking, phoenixes are actually pretty flammable." --Donnie


William Swiftfoot

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Reply #1 on: October 16, 2010, 10:28:13 PM
Hmm...the way it sounds it seems to be an interesting beginning in my opinion, as all you need to do is foreshadow the event that caused the change.



Virmir

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Reply #2 on: October 20, 2010, 08:26:41 PM
I'll agree that it sounds more interesting as a beginning.  More of a, "Huh, what?" start,  and then you slowly give tidbits of why he's like that.  Best of luck!

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Jonas

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Reply #3 on: October 24, 2010, 09:28:42 PM
alright, got two more quick scenes out. The first is a direct continuation of the above, and the second is what I would call the "discovery" scene. My current plan is to just write the scenes I think of first and then try to string them together later.

===

A refreshing breeze rustled my fur and danced between my ears as I made my way to the bus stop. I was sure a weatherman somewhere was reporting about wind-chill factors, but to me it was just part of a nice day. The contrast between cool air and warm sun always made me feel snug. The bus arrived at the stop at the same time I did. I fished my pass from my bag and flashed it to the driver before boarding.

“Hi everyone!” I yipped happily before taking a seat. A few fellow commuters mumbled ‘hi’ back. Most didn’t even look up. It was natural, of course. There were only so many times you could share a bus ride with someone in a full body fox costume before it stopped registering. The regulars had stopped staring almost a year ago, and right now the only people who even noticed my presence were the young woman and her son seated across from me. The child looked at me with a huge eager grin that I was more than happy to return. His mother on the other hand was looking everyone but at me, as if trying to convince herself that she was not sharing a bus with someone in anything other than normal clothes. I chuckled, oh if only she knew. I wasn’t wearing a costume—I was the costume.

Yup, that’s right. I’m the costume. My eyes are plastic, my tail is plush, and my skin is some of the fluffiest cloth north of Niagara Falls. No one can tell just by looking at me, but I’m completely hollow inside. You can even store stuff! Whenever I go to movies I always sneak some snacks inside my foot. Laura doesn’t like it when I do that for some reason, but it’s her right I guess. I used to be human, but that was a while back. No idea what happened. Got some theories, but what use are they? All I know for sure is that I’m a giant fuzzy.

A pleasant stroking on my tail alerted me to the fact that the child was now sitting directly beside me. I murred happily and let him continue. Kids were something I had to be wary of on occasion, but I had enough experience to tell that the one next to me wasn’t a ‘puller’. 

====


*beep* *beep* *beep*

My arm shot out reflexively from under the covers and hit the alarm. Monday...right. I had been so wrapped up in my weekend activities that I forgot there was an actual world going on during the week. I slid out of bed and plodded downstairs. I needed some food to wake myself up. Last night had been pretty hectic. Fun, but hectic. I mentally grinned as I recalled the antics I had gotten up to in the club. Tiring too, for the life of me I couldn’t remember what I did with the costume once I got home. Better search for it after breakfast, the rental only lasted until tomorrow morning.

I opened the freezer and noticed that I wasn’t feeling much cold from the frigid air. My brain turned off autopilot and registered the fuzzy white handpaw currently holding a box of frozen waffles. Whoops! Guess I was so tired last night I forgot to take off the costume! I put two waffles in the toaster and returned the box to the freezer. Better take off the glove before going for syrup though—the bottle was sticky as glue and there was no way I’d get it all out. I took off the glove and reached for the syrup.

Eh?

I blinked. Then blinked again to make sure I was seeing things right. My hand wasn’t there. There was the sleeve of the costume and then...nothing but empty air. But I could still feel my hand. I tried wiggling my fingers and saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I turned and wiggled again. The disembodied glove I was holding followed the motions exactly. I squeezed the glove and felt a pressure in my hand as the hollow cloth contracted in my grip. I turned my handless arm towards my face and saw emptiness inside it. Cautiously, I returned the glove to the empty arm. It stayed in place, once again attached to my body. I raised a hand to my face and felt soft fuzz press against hard plastic—actually felt.

The toaster popped. I decided against having syrup.

"Technically speaking, phoenixes are actually pretty flammable." --Donnie


Tallyn

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Reply #4 on: October 24, 2010, 09:41:51 PM
^w^ Lookin' good, nevertheless!

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Dragyn

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Reply #5 on: October 24, 2010, 10:24:24 PM
Is it weird that reading this, combined with the title, makes me think of an RPG quest in which you have to find all the fragments of a suit to assemble/reassemble a party member?



Jonas

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Reply #6 on: October 27, 2010, 10:17:48 PM
“You...want me to wear this?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

Mr. Evans nodded. “We’ve got a whole campaign set up. The idea is ‘Forest of Flavour’ and for the first add we’ll be starting off with a fox.”

I looked at the orange and white costume in my hands. “Well, that makes sense. But why do I have to be the one in the suit? Isn’t Greg the one who does this?”

Mr. Evans scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “Err, well, as it turns out... Greg has a bit of a...well... phobia when it comes to certain animals.”

“A fear of fuzzy woodland creatures?”

“Evidently. He saysit doesn’t come up very often. We’ve already got everything set up and shooting starts in an hour. I know you’ve been asking for some camera time and this is as good a place to start as any. If it goes well we can discuss something more long term. Sound good?”

“Deal.” I looked down at the costume again. At least no one would know it was me...

It was comfortable at least. I had to strip down to my boxers but apart from that the costume was a lot cooler than I had expected. It was snug, but not so much as to restrict movement. I examined the effect in the changing room mirror. I waved. The grinning fox waved back. I tilted my head. It tilted back. I did a jumping jack.  It—

“All ready?” Mr. Evans said as he poked his head into the changing room.

“GAH!”

“Oh, good! You’re all changed! Excellent!”

Without waiting for my heart rate to return to normal, my boss grabbed my arm and dragged me down the hall to the shooting area. He let me go in front of a large green screen.

“This is Nick, one of our assistants who’s kindly filling in for Greg.” Mr. Evans explained to the cameraman. I twitched inside the suit. I didn’t like being called ‘Nick’. Mr. Evans sat down in a nearby chair. “We’ll do a few dry runs before filming actually starts to give you a feel for the role and script.” He mentioned to me, gesturing to a nearby prompter screen. “Just act natural.”

"Technically speaking, phoenixes are actually pretty flammable." --Donnie