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Author Topic: Magic Primer (WIP)  (Read 1378 times)
« on: April 13, 2010, 02:42:48 PM »

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Creator-Unreal
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So, after finally getting my desire to write again really recently thanks to some people in the chat (you know who you are) I'm finally starting to write a story in the universe I've been making for almost my entire life.

Right now I only have the prologue done but I'm planning on working on the next chapter either tomorrow or do it on a weekly basis to not get burned out. Also I've uploaded both versions of it (.doc and .rtf) just in case one doesn't work for some reason.

As for what its about, well I'll leave that for the story to say as it develops.

Attachment(s)
* Magic Primer Prologue.rtf (12.25 KB - downloaded 113 times.)
* Magic Primer Prologue.doc (28 KB - downloaded 108 times.)
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« Reply #1 on: April 13, 2010, 08:07:07 PM »

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Dragyn
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Well, it's certainly an interesting start. 

Base.  The base of all magic.  Nifty.  Sounds familiar though, so I don't think you're the first to use it.

I'll hold off for now, pending further updates.
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« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2010, 10:49:54 PM »

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Creator-Unreal
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Alright I finished up chapter 1 now, its another short one but I'm hoping in the next few chapters to actually have them be substantially longer than this. Once again I'm posting in two different formats.

Attachment(s)
* Magic Primer Chapter 1.rtf (16.93 KB - downloaded 105 times.)
* Magic Primer Chapter 1.doc (28.5 KB - downloaded 97 times.)
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« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2010, 02:13:05 AM »

Evil Feline Ice Mage
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KaiAdin
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Hmm! an Interesting world you have there CU!

I'm guessing our main character will be some what of a plot device to tell us more about the magic of the world?

Hehe sorry I cant say much yet.. its always kinda hard when the story comes in parts and all that Arctic Fox Grin
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« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2010, 12:43:39 PM »

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Creator-Unreal
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Although Unreal is the most qualified to talk about magic I'm going to be trying to have the magic system be revealed though other people and ways as well. This particular story may or may not touch on all 42 elements. It isn't like this is going to be the only story set in this world.

Also this post has chapter 2 in it.

Attachment(s)
* Magic Primer Chapter 2.rtf (14.79 KB - downloaded 102 times.)
* Magic Primer Chapter 2.doc (28.5 KB - downloaded 112 times.)
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« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2010, 05:39:23 PM »

Evil Feline Ice Mage
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KaiAdin
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Hehe! I managed to read Chapters 1 and 2 on the train today! Its quite good!

Though I found your description of Natalia's height somewhat dry in a way, more of a run down of a police report than a description.. if anything you could have 'shown' it instead of saying she was 5'9".. like perhaps comparing it to the other crew members or something. I knew the height but I couldn't quite get a sense of if she was 'bigger' or 'smaller' (in height and personality) compared to the others.

Anyway it was quite an interesting read! *pokes to write chapter 3 soon*  Happy Arctic Fox

Edit: yea.. I think you need to try to 'describe'/'show' things to us more, rather than just 'telling it' like.. talking about the Battle-Airship it sorta poofs from the edge of the wasteland to like where Unreal is.. you probably could have gotten a lot of good time there to describe Natalia, her motivations and how she managed to find Unreal in the ruins (and how she got there so fast)
« Last Edit: April 20, 2010, 05:47:44 PM by KaiAdin » Logged

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« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2010, 08:52:44 PM »

Chaotic Neutral Cartoon Gray Fox Mage
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Virmir
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I rather like where this is headed.  A few things though.

The intro is a little rough to read because you describe things in too much detail.  The spires are quite interesting to picture, but when you get down to the man's shoes you're going a bit too far. Gray Fox Wink  Also, just plain description can get a little boring without anything happening, so you want to avoid doing this right off the bat.  You're trying to hook the reader in your intro, and you'll have a lot of trouble doing that with just descriptions.

The best way to describe something is to do it as a way to embellish actions, rather than just pull out chunks description and set it aside.  For example, "The house was red, had a black roof, and was surrounded by brown grass," is very boring. "Looking around, he recognized the red house immediately-- he had helped apply the black tar to the roof last summer after all.  He stepped into the front yard and felt the brown grass crunch beneath his toes," -- This is way better because the description flows along side the action.  There's no separate description and action parts.  Just something to think about. Happy Gray Fox

Beyond that, I found this a rather enjoyable read. Unreal dodging the cannon blasts and flying through the air like that was good fun, and of course I love Natalia.  Best of luck reading this and I look forward to the next part. Happy Gray Fox
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Gray Fox Virmir
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