Author Topic: Moon Light Phase. thing  (Read 8332 times)

Fireboy224

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on: March 31, 2010, 10:44:20 PM
This is something I did during one night as I was looking at the full moon as it rises. It might not make sense, but remember this is his dieing breathe on this last page. but in the real story it won't be in diary format unless at chapters start. Konner's tone in his diary is more on shakespeares lines in a sense. but in his own speech patterns, its rare. Its on study of a rock fallen from the sky that they believe is the Moon Light Phase, Every 24 days they study on its full moon rising as yellow to white. Its a gift and curse they say. But this has nothing to do with town revolting. so its not a clone to something else. cough cough. thanks if you read.

   Hello Moon Light Phase, your shine of light on the dark the roads show, only 24 days you show yourself, you keen eye, your subtle signs, but your own tears you drop, on the doorstep of my father. To study he rushed and soon to be meet its only by 'were' was it been.

Its the teen that has a change, a feeling of purged minded but a split personality. you know of lunatics, but know not I. would it be me to be mad if the change on skin shine on the moonlights full moon. To 'were' it been. I say you know not of my father. he studied well, and by howl.

But its not only deifying what he know of right, but 3 days is the trial for final confrontation. The moment you emerge and notice that new shell by yourself. but by day of the change you wake up as if by sleeping, but only to be awoken but chilling cries and weeping men. to see that a beast has been led into town. Whats next on day, by accidentally.

You sleep to forget but you forget to sleep, a phrase that is front and back, but choosing one line as to memory. Do you remember, that you can cast yourself into a great discovery only to be cruely cursed on this down-hole. Once your complete you never know what might happen, murder of your family, friends or town pets. or the common way of hunting down deer or bear. This is not what he expected, but you and I are the same.

The only way to stop the 3 days process is I lock myself into a Clinic and ask that a room with no windows, glasses is metal and no disturbance as I cocoon myself. Locked in prison to feel the heartbeat of this changing feeling to notice its over. I was dead. But that isn't me, But my father

but alas Im writing this how, with the last stained blood on the tip of my pen, I cough to write but I still continue. but not dead, no Death I do not knock on his door of disturbance. This study of ours father is what we needed, and Moon Light Phase has brought us into the final Phase. Darkness into Light and Light into Darkness. Has you learn.

Write I say, as my face stopped the beast of father from murder, he knew what is wrong but he knew not. Perfect maybe be but I am ready for this madness to set in and finish my own trial or nomination.

But alas, alas, alas, I hurt, I bleed. It cries. save me. (last few marks unreadable big line drags down)

~Konner A, Sown
« Last Edit: April 05, 2010, 08:31:39 PM by Fireboy224 »



Lopez

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Reply #1 on: April 05, 2010, 08:16:30 AM
*Stares at Konner A. Sown for a while to make sure that he's not being "Lou C. Pher"ed.*

I like the tone you're going for, but it's hard to follow. It requires the reader to read incredibly slowly, which drags the intense tone of the story.

I understand that it's the story of a werewolf who isolates himself to stop himself from destroying that which he values. Then he tries to stop his father from killing...? and ends up dying?...

Consider writing this as a poem. It would give it the structure that it seems to be lacking right now.

I hope you contribute more to the writing forum! Even though it was a bit hard to follow, the timbre of your story really rang through. ]:)

...but that's just my opinion, so don't let it bother you too much!


Fireboy224

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Reply #2 on: April 05, 2010, 08:15:35 PM
*Stares at Konner A. Sown for a while to make sure that he's not being "Lou C. Pher"ed.*

I like the tone you're going for, but it's hard to follow. It requires the reader to read incredibly slowly, which drags the intense tone of the story.

I understand that it's the story of a werewolf who isolates himself to stop himself from destroying that which he values. Then he tries to stop his father from killing...? and ends up dying?...

Consider writing this as a poem. It would give it the structure that it seems to be lacking right now.

I hope you contribute more to the writing forum! Even though it was a bit hard to follow, the timbre of your story really rang through. ]:)

Its a study case. Yes his father gets turned into one. but there are things they he knows that his fathers does not. For one Moon Light Phase is a stone that his a limitations for infection. To there case they call it 'were' but for us yea its werewolf. but during Konner's study from day 1 of the trial they say, He notice that his father had control but chooses not too for his lust on revenge. Konner knew this but couldn't disrupt his father study for his anger. This bought to show that it can be a gift and a curse. Gift to be something new in the evolution change, curse that your emotion for anger and revenge can cause the mind to go insane. Thats how the true werewolf term comes to show. you know, transforming and not knowing anything but to kill things. Thats what happens, during his last life he did try to explain and got hurt badly. Now Thats all I got for the story, Konner is never straight on his writing, which is why I did that. He was learn to study and observe anything, Writing was his element from reading many books of Shakespeare and other lang. Poems and authors. He copied that and written to sound insane. Reason, so no one can continue his research on the MLP, because its not just a wolf involved. Its involved with 15 species from stone to body.

Yea I got deep with the story :P



Lopez

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Reply #3 on: April 06, 2010, 08:40:28 PM
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Yea I got deep with the story :P

Excellent! That's far better than what I seem do be doing nowadays, just writing and then trying to forget what I just wrote about.

However, I'm just going to elaborate writing rule #1:

Show don't tell.

It's great that you can write me a paragraph describing the world, and it's  great you know so much about this concept, but you might take a bit more time making sure that these concepts are coming through in your story, and don't just sit in your head, (gosh, read through some of my old stories and you'll see what a hard time I had with this concept. I was lucky some of my stories were even coherent.)

I hope to see more of your stories soon. ]:) Do you think you will write more on this topic?

...but that's just my opinion, so don't let it bother you too much!


Fireboy224

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Reply #4 on: April 12, 2010, 10:25:35 PM
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Yea I got deep with the story :P

Excellent! That's far better than what I seem do be doing nowadays, just writing and then trying to forget what I just wrote about.

However, I'm just going to elaborate writing rule #1:

Show don't tell.

It's great that you can write me a paragraph describing the world, and it's  great you know so much about this concept, but you might take a bit more time making sure that these concepts are coming through in your story, and don't just sit in your head, (gosh, read through some of my old stories and you'll see what a hard time I had with this concept. I was lucky some of my stories were even coherent.)

I hope to see more of your stories soon. ]:) Do you think you will write more on this topic?

On MLP? like in someone else POV besides Konner or something?