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Author Topic: Micro-Stories  (Read 4758 times)
« Reply #30 on: February 09, 2010, 04:35:26 AM »

Evil Feline Ice Mage
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KaiAdin
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Um, back to my point.

The cat on the roof represents the character's unconscious mind, ( obviously, Happy Arctic Fox) and what he's been avoiding for all this time. He has this idea in his head that the world would be better if his parents were just SEPARATE, rather than fighting all the time.

But, he comes to realize that his parents' fighting is actually.....(wait, you're going a different direction with this.)

Er....ending, conclusion, what? You end with him drawing his "mother's and father's styles" together, and the cat (his unconscious!) departing. But what does this tell him to do? Stop trying to separate his parents? He seems to still dislike his parents' arguments.

* KaiAdin can't really see the point you're making here Lopez. You recount they story... then kinda drop off..

The main story isn't about resolving the conflict between the parents, nor is it the boy learning to deal with their rift, The story is actually about the boy in trying to win his parents approval or more likely the lack of approval from his mom.

The boy is simply trying to impress his mom by painting the mountains and trying to be original about it, adding the trees and the snow in an attempt to enhance whats already there, hoping that she would slowly come around. The cat as says he is trying too hard, not as you suggest to somehow resolve the parental conflict, but in fact to just stop emulating her style and changing a few things here and there.

This is supported by the fact that when he produces the city scape... he makes a masterpiece, thats the mixing that alias means. The mixing of Mom's painting talent, with the subject matter being the buildings his dad has designed downtown. Once we've gotten to this point, the cat is actually the representation of the realization that shouldn't worry so much about what his mom (and dad thinks) and by extension not to worry so much about his parents fights.

One can even extend this further and hope.. that possibly the Boys art would help in reuniting his parents.

TL;DR: Its not about the boy coming to terms with his parents fights, but actually him coming to term with and realizing he shouldn't care so much at what his mom (and dad) thinks and do things his own way combining both their talents. Happy Arctic Fox
« Last Edit: February 09, 2010, 04:40:48 AM by KaiAdin » Logged

* (Kai|MentosKitty) is Fresh and Full of life!
(Kai|MentosKitty): X3
Tvorsk: Kitty - The Mewmaker.
« Reply #31 on: February 09, 2010, 09:07:12 AM »

Crimson Flag no Kuro Neko
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Lopez, Lopez >.<

Did you read the whole thing?  Maybe reread the paragraph that starts "His mother has a wonderful painting of these mountains..." once or twice?  Anyway, his parents aren't that different.  They're both artists in their own way.

Also, this is still Alibi, so talking cat does not automatically equal unconscious.  Also I've never known an unconscious to be so helpful.  Not everything is about psychology ^.^  The cat is actually meant to be Seer, one of the mythic figures from the Alibi universe, but if that were important in any way her name would be in the story.  The essential thing is that the cat sort of nudges him towards resolving something.

Kai, you've got it for the most part, except for a few unimportant things I can't really make clear in a story this short.  My english teacher once suggested that to seriously analyze a book, we should consider drawing a picture of it, that was part of my inspiration for this; to tell a story that has a very clear sort of a structure.

West                                                                                                                  East
Mountains------------------------------------Roof------------------------------------City
Mother                                                       Son                                                   Father


I think this young man's family deserves further exploration, so I might come back to this story and do a longer piece after  I've had more time to think about it.

Kenku I like your suggestion, but I'm gonna do Kit's first because I see a way to write a fun story about it and the last couple have been all serious.  Also, I might work more on the GUIDE before getting to those.
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(22:59:49) Niro: OMG WAFFLES IS EVIL!
« Reply #32 on: February 09, 2010, 06:26:07 PM »

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Lopez
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It appears that my 3 AM musings are a slight bit off from my usual performance. Sad Arctic Fox I'll wait a day next time so the story can sink in better.

However, there were some points that I wanted to bring up.

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One can even extend this further and hope.. that possibly the Boys art would help in reuniting his parents.

BAM. This is the argument that I was trying to make. The problem is that there just aren't any major threads in the story that lead to this point.

And yes, Kai, looking back on it, he does seem to like his mom a lot more than he likes his dad. He's trying to impress his mom in this story. In fact, a couple lines even suggest that he dislikes his father:

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Odd, that a man with so little ambition could rise to greater heights than such a driven woman.

I'll avoid describing his repressed oedipal complex towards his mother in favor of a more valid argument; he likes his mother more. Therefore...

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The boy is simply trying to impress his mom

I agree with this. Let's move on.

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by painting the mountains and trying to be original about it, adding the trees and the snow in an attempt to enhance whats already there, hoping that she would slowly come around.

I disagree with this. See quote:
Quote
He has darkened them and added imagined snow and trees in an effort to salvage his vision, but it has only shattered the realism of the image,
so doesn't this imply that he is using the snow and trees to HIDE his errors, (and it is the reason why he thinks the painting is worthless? Because he can't capture the exact object, he tries to repress his errors but ends up just failing at drawing?

*Reads through that long paragraph twice. Again.*

Yeah, his parents aren't that different. But they're fighting. Hense, conflict. They're definitely not the same. And he is DEFINITELY leaning towards his mother's side. I don't hear much about how he respects his father and wants his attention. So his relation to both parents certainly isn't equal.

Lastly, end quote:

Quote
That is certainly true.  His parents, he feels, would be much happier if they ever talked to one another about anything that really mattered.  They are like strangers in the same house.

He begins to draw by the light of the streetlights, carefully marking out every sparkling piece of stolen starlight, catching the barely-visible variations of light and dark and taking hold of them, making a city that stands out vividly against the darkness, holding the night at bay with its thousands of tiny artificial suns.

As the drawing takes shape, the cat departs, unnoticed, satisfied that her task is complete.

The conclusion that Kai makes "he makes a masterpiece" shows in the second paragraph here. This is what you both paid the most attention to. My problem was that I was reaaaallly hung up on the first paragraph.

My problem was with the idea that the story was about the painting. In my opinion, it's not ABOUT the painting. Yes, "realizations" involving artistic talent are noteworthy, but if his realizations remain confined in an artistic sphere, this kid might live a pretty sorry existence. He can be the greatest artist in the world, but he'll still be up on the roof away from the rest of his family.

Instead, I decided to focus on what the painting would DO, namely, stop the parents from fighting. But the boy doesn't even seem to CARE about his parents by the end of the story. It was all him, HIS work, ME ME ME.

By the end of the story, I wanted him to come down, say nothing to his parents, and simply hang up his drawing outside his room for his parents to see, eventually. Instead, at this point it seems like he's going to keep his achievements for himself.

Again:

Quote
His parents, he feels, would be much happier if they ever talked to one another about anything that really mattered.  They are like strangers in the same house.

That's the only interaction he plans with his parents by the end. Thanks, you're a great kid!

GRRRRRRR... Arctic Fox

....lol, I tend to want other people's stories to conform to my standards a lot of the time. I apologize for that. Arctic Wink

...I also apologize for this absurdly long post. I'm still trying to come to grips with your story, so thank you for your comments and time. Happy Arctic Fox
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...but that's just my opinion, so don't let it bother you too much!
« Reply #33 on: February 10, 2010, 05:15:54 PM »

Crimson Flag no Kuro Neko
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Alright, I think that's enough for now.  I'm going to finish Kit's suggestion, then next I'm planning to do a medium-length story about Alibi, although still with a somewhat limited length (I'm thinking around 5000 words.)  I'm planning to work Kenku's suggestion into the longer story, which I think will be called "Days without Nights", though that might change.
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(22:59:49) Niro: OMG WAFFLES IS EVIL!
« Reply #34 on: February 11, 2010, 09:24:45 PM »

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Virmir
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Just read Alibi (plus the accompanying world info/ mini-stories).  Great stuff!  Also enjoyed the cat story.  Love what you're doing here. Keep it up!
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Gray Fox Virmir
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