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Author Topic: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)  (Read 18205 times)
« Reply #30 on: March 01, 2009, 10:55:33 AM »

DessertFox
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It was made in Gimp, and I lost patience with it several times.
I think you might have to be crazy to try and draw that in paint.
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« Reply #31 on: March 07, 2009, 06:22:59 PM »

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Virmir
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Short one, but here's part 3 at last.  Need to keep this thing moving. Happy Gray Fox

Part 3

Water awaited him when he woke up.  He expected it to be foul and stale, but it actually tasted cool and refreshing as he lapped it like a dog.  The bowl seemed hand- (or paw-) made out of clay.  While it was probably huge for his captors, unfortunately for Gavin it offered little more than a sip.

The bindings around his legs were gone, and the one around his neck looser as well.  He could actually move to the other side of the cavern to relieve himself.  It felt good to stretch his legs after being tied to the ground, even if he had to do so on all fours due to the low ceiling.  He hoped they would untie him altogether.  It wasn't like he could go anywhere without his lifestone...

Held hostage inside a cave, he could do little more to pass the time than run his claws through his tail and listen to the faint chittering voices that occasionally echoed down the tunnels.  He inspected the rope around his neck.  It seemed to be made of tough reeds wound together and looped like a chain.  He almost felt as if he could break it-- or at least chew through it.  But alas, there was no point while they held his lifestone.  He held a paw over his heart and shuddered, remembering how much it hurt when the elder ferret-thing squeezed it.

The second time he awoke the bowl was full again. This gave him an idea.  He went through his stretching routine, drank his water, and sat and contemplated just as he did before.  But before drowsiness took him, this time he shut his eyes and pretended to sleep, ears perked attentively as he curled into a ball and hid his nose in his tail.

It took a while, but eventually he heard the rasping clicks of tiny claws on stone, and half-cracked one eyelid to get a glimpse of the creature refilling his water.  It peeked from the tunnel mouth tentatively, and the smell he began to associate with the creatures filled his nostrils.  Carrying a sloshing clay container, it tip-toed to the bowl which lay only a foot from his nose.

He waited until it finished pouring the water before he opened his eyes completely, and he saw that it was they yellow-green female that had called the crotchety elder with the twig-cane "father".  "Hello,"  he said, softly as he could manage.

Her long tail stood on end, every stand of fur on her body bristling as she dropped the container, some leftover water splattering upon the floor.  They locked eyes for a long, awkward moment, before finally she managed a meek "hel-hello," of her own.

Gavin folded his ears and tried to look as least intimidating as possible.  After all, this one wasn't one of the ferret-things that mocked him as far as he remembered.  "Thank you," he managed in a carefully measured tone.  She nodded in response.  But when he moved forward to take a sip, she scurried off in a hurry.  He sighed and drank his water alone.

----

Gavin measured time by refills of his bowl, and it didn't take long for him to realize he wasn't getting fed.

It surprised him that his hunger stayed at bay for so long.  Could the berries really have sustained him that long?  Maybe it hadn't really been two or three days... Maybe he had only been captive for a few hours.  No, that couldn't have been right.  At the very least two days had passed.  He would have to ask Mara the next time she came.  Either way, he was getting hungry now...

He'd been able to pry bits of information from her each time.  The second time it was her name.  The third time he learned his captors were called turgan.  Odd-colored little tunnel creatures they were, guided by an elder.  Gavin sighed.  All he was able to do was sit around and think.

He heard the familiar click of her claws against stone and watched her enter the little tunnel room, painted by the orange torchlight.  At least he didn't have to pretend to sleep anymore, though she was still much more comfortable with him lying on the floor.  "Hello, Mara."

"Hello, Gavin," she said as she strained herself with the water jug.  There was always a tiredness in her voice.

"Mara, how long have I been here?"

"'Tis your fourth night, I'm afraid.  The first day ye were asleep."

Gavin folded his ears.  Blast, he was right... "I thank you for the water, but may I please have something to eat?"

She looked up from her task and regarded him with a hint of fear, as if she expected him to gobble her up at that moment. 

He turned his head to the floor.  At that moment his stomach chose to rumble.

"Nay, I'm afraid..."  She sighed.  "Father says not to feed ye.  Ye wouldn't be getting water either if I didn't anger him.  'Tis my punishment..."  She looked up to his eyes and smiled, running her clawtips along the edge of the water jug. "'Tis not a horrible one, though."

Gavin returned the grin, though he did his best to keep his teeth hidden.  He knew how much they scared her.  "Thank you again... I'm glad for the water.  But how am I to grant your father's wish if I'm hungry?"

Her eyes fell to the stony floor and she ran her toeclaws along the dirt.  "I shouldn't be telling ye this... but he wants ye hungry when ye attack the lelran."

Hungry?  What does that have to do with...  "What... is a lelran?"

Mara seemed taken aghast.  "Ye don't know what a lelran is?"  She ran her nails through the fur just behind her ear.  "Then again, ye didn't know what a turgen was either..."  She stared him in the eye. "The lelran are evil, Gavin.  They took... so much from us.  I know father is harsh to ye, but really, by killing the lelran, ye will be doing us a great service."

"Killing?  That's his wish?  He wants me to kill--"

"Mara!  Don't talk to the reyan!  Get back when ye are done!"  The elder's screeching voice echoed into the cavern room.

Mara's tail frazzled and she let out an animalistic chirp.  "Eee!  Coming, Father!"  She fell to all fours and scampered to the tunnel mouth before pausing .  "I'm sorry..." she whispered, then ran down the corridor.

Gavin sighed and rested his muzzle on his paws.  He didn't feel much like drinking water.
« Last Edit: March 08, 2009, 12:37:36 AM by Virmir » Logged

Gray Fox Virmir
« Reply #32 on: March 07, 2009, 08:21:54 PM »

DessertFox
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Ya!
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« Reply #33 on: March 07, 2009, 11:04:15 PM »

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"At the very least two days had past."  is grammatically incorrect...it should be "At the very least two days had passed."

Hmm...

Well, that's all I saw in my brief read-through that was incorrect either grammatically or spelling-wise.

At least, besides the words "Lelran" and "Turgan," which aren't words, in the strictest sense.

Interesting work, though...
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« Reply #34 on: March 08, 2009, 12:40:04 AM »

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Thanks!  Fixed it. Happy Gray Fox

In case anyone is wondering, I'm not capitalizing reyan, turgan, etc. because they are species names, much like human or fox aren't capitalized.
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« Reply #35 on: March 10, 2009, 09:28:32 PM »

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Gavin doesn't seem as human anymore. Which is good or bad, depending on how you depict it. he's growing out of his human ideas fast, which seems natural for the flow of the story. You could have developed on this topic more if you wanted too, but pushing the story forwards more is probably your main objective right now. Who knows? Maybe at a crucial moment his human instincts will kick back in again...

 But, more importantly, why is Mara afraid of Gavin? What backstory do reyan play in the conflict between turgan and lelran? What's the correct pronounciation of Turgan and Lelran? Well...that I can't really explain. But I can try the first two.

The basic explanation could be that these two creatures' mother and siblings were killed by a reyan. But that would be boring. Instead, perhaps They were ENSLAVED by a reyan...hm....interesting. But you could go all literary with it and describe their relationship as the never-ending conflict between sedentary and nomadic society, but that gets dull and repetitive. And that probably applies more to the relation between lelran and turgan more than it does to turgan and reyan.

My real opinion of the relationship between Gavin and Mara and the father is that the two societies are not nomadic vs. sedentary, but Solitary vs. Familial. Right at the beginning of the story, Gavin is willing to leave the entire human race behind to gain power, showing that he has no interest in maintaining familial relations with anyone whatsoever. Doesn't he have parents, siblings, friends, anyone? Perhaps that lies not in the fact that he has no relations but he simply does not want to acknowledge them. So what is his conscience telling him? Does he only look forward now? As seen from the very first chapter, he has no internal conflict about this, his only conflicts revolve around his own self-interest: so yes. This forms the backbone of his solitary existance, which most Reyan share, (I presume, since we haven't heard much about this.) Hm......what will he choose to do? Will he accept a familial lifestyle even though he tossed his orginal one out? Or will he continue to function independantly of society, for the advancement of his own self interest? These are questions only Virmir will be able to answer...(I anxiously await to see what happens next.)
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...but that's just my opinion, so don't let it bother you too much!
« Reply #36 on: March 11, 2009, 06:17:26 PM »

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Gavin doesn't seem as human anymore. Which is good or bad, depending on how you depict it. he's growing out of his human ideas fast, which seems natural for the flow of the story. You could have developed on this topic more if you wanted too, but pushing the story forwards more is probably your main objective right now. Who knows? Maybe at a crucial moment his human instincts will kick back in again...

The human vs. reyan way of thinking was more of a side effect than an objective, but I'm very glad you noticed it.

One thing I hate in transformation fiction is when people get zapped into animals, they sense the animal mind as a second presence in the back of their mind or something.  That's just so silly... I much prefer the human thinking like an animal without realizing it, or retaining their human mind and slowly learning to think like the animal. 

But, more importantly, why is Mara afraid of Gavin?

Also, don't forget that the turgan, by Gavin's estimate, are only about eight inches tall.  And Gavin has very sharp teeth. Gray Fox Wink

Quote
What's the correct pronounciation of Turgan and Lelran?

Ter-gan (ter like turn, gan like ran)

Lel-ran (lel like fell)

Thanks for the feedback!  Should be some answers to some of your other questions in upcoming chapters. Happy Gray Fox
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« Reply #37 on: March 11, 2009, 07:37:33 PM »

DessertFox
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Well, I've been wondering about the reyan myself. Do the reyan have packs? It would seem inefficient, on a biological level, to have all these higher brain functions for social communication to just be solitary creatures. Also in a pack they might have the added protection of keeping their gems safer, so that every creature that bumbles along doesn't nab their gem.

Whats the social structure of reyans? Just like foxes or more evolved?

The reason I ask is because the gopher/ferret dudes seem to be socialized.
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« Reply #38 on: March 11, 2009, 08:46:56 PM »

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Well, I've been wondering about the reyan myself. Do the reyan have packs? It would seem inefficient, on a biological level, to have all these higher brain functions for social communication to just be solitary creatures. Also in a pack they might have the added protection of keeping their gems safer, so that every creature that bumbles along doesn't nab their gem.

Whats the social structure of reyans? Just like foxes or more evolved?

The reason I ask is because the gopher/ferret dudes seem to be socialized.
Knowing they are pretty much mystical foxes I doubt they will have a significantly different social structure.
And remember that Radis was apparently a lone wanderer, and even threatened to kill Gavin if they crossed paths again in the future... although that was because he was pissed for losing a tail for a foolish wish, heh.
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« Reply #39 on: March 11, 2009, 10:18:45 PM »

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"Packs" are a very non-fox thing.  Remember that foxes are loners, apart from finding a mate.  We will definitely see more than one reyan and explore their interactions with each other before the story ends, though. Happy Gray Fox
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« Reply #40 on: March 18, 2009, 01:18:06 AM »

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This is something I brought up in my huuuuuuge paragraph that I wrote. So I'll make it more concise. Gavin was a loner as a human, and because he hasn't fully adapted as a Reyan yet, even if Reyans had a group structure he would not fit in. So I really can't wait to see how he's going to adapt to being trapped in the societal structure of the Turgans that have captured him. Will he learn to be a part of them in any sort of the way? Or will his mind always be restless? That's going to be an interesting point in the chapters to come.
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...but that's just my opinion, so don't let it bother you too much!
« Reply #41 on: May 31, 2009, 05:14:09 PM »

Chaotic Neutral Cartoon Gray Fox Mage
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Hey, less than three months! Not too bad. Gray Fox Wink

Due to some productive daydreaming, I'm glad to say I think I finally have this story "figured out", meaning I know how it ends and the steps to get there.  Now it's just a matter of writing the blasted thing.   If I were to venture a guess, I'd say it'll be something like 30,000 words long. (Currently stands at just over 7,000, including part 4)  Which would be awesome because it would be my longest story yet. Happy Gray Fox  Yay, novella! We'll see how it goes.

----

Part 4

"Soft and quick through the forest nigh,
soon we will feast, and the lelran, die."


The elder's toeclaws dug into his back as the turgan chittered his little ditty, cackling in hushed rasps.  Gavin chewed on the wooden bit shoved in his mouth as the elder tugged the reins once more. "Ye walk too loud for a reyan... quietly now, quietly now..."  He felt the jab of the old turgan's stick-cane in his side like a spur.  Confined to his quadruped stance and ridden like a horse... how humiliating.

Dozens of turgan surrounded him, all armed with miniature weapons.  Little wooden swords and spear-points, armor made of thatch and leaves.  Together they stalked through the night, tiptoeing through the thick forest underbrush.  He was scared out of his mind.

He could feel the elder's claws around his lifestone, like a vice around his heart.  It was so close, yet so unreachable as the cursed old ferret-thing rode upon his back.  "Just a bit farther, reyan," the elder's whisper was loud in his triangular ear, "then I'll have my wish... then I'll have my wish.  He he he..."  The laugh was punctuated by a pat on his furry neck.

Gavin could not possibly imagine what horrible battle he was headed into, or what terrifying creatures the lelran were.  His breath came in short, shivering rasps as he padded though the soft dirt and leaves.  It wasn't supposed to be like this at all!

How long had they traveled?  A half hour?  Two?  The elder bid the party stop and leapt off the slave-reyan's back, climbing up a rock and licking his finger to test the direction of the wind.  Gavin could only sit on his haunches and wistfully watch the faint glow of his lifestone clutched in the creature's other paw.  He so badly wanted to run away, or maybe tackle the elder and hope he dropped the stone... But no... he shuddered, remembering how the icy grip felt around his heart.  Instead he shifted his weight and forced his tail from between his legs.

A crack of dried leaves alerted him from behind, and his right ear turned completely around to catch the sound.  It was an odd sensation, as if a rope had pulled his ear and demanded attention.  He glanced over his shoulder, shifting his eyes and realizing none of the turgan had heard the sound so obvious to him.  But the elder saw his movement, and he watched his wizened muzzle curl into a snarl.

"Mara!  What are you doing here?" the elder asked in hushed tones.  He leapt off the rock with a showy flip of his thatch cape.  "The coming battle is no place for females!"  He tapped his twig-cane on the dirt as he strode past Gavin.

Mara peered from the bush, ears folded as she hugged a leaf. "Father... I just wanted--"

"But nothing!  You will return now!" he screamed in a whisper as he stamped his foot.

Gavin locked eyes with the pleading turgan-girl.  Why did she come all this way?  Of all these strange ferret-things, she was the only one that was nice to him.  She was the only one that gave him water...  As she turned to leave, he felt another tug at his heart.  One different from the separation with his lifestone.

"Wait..." he whispered, finding himself at loss for words when the elder turned a raised brow towards him.  He blinked as he removed the bit from his mouth, then sputtered the first idea that came to mind.  "The lelran... they'll get her if she goes back alone."

The elder stroked the underside of his muzzle with a frown, leaning heavily upon his twig-cane. 

"He's right," a whisper ventured from behind him.

The elder cocked an ear then shook his head. "Very well... stay close.  And make no noise!" He climbed Gavin's back once more, his daughter scrambling up the furry hide as well.  "Now, we ride."

----

The drumbeats did nothing but intensify the anxiety in his heart.

Th-thump, th-thump, th-thump.

He heard them even before they approached the hill, and as they ascended the slippery incline, he felt their vibrations in his footpaws like the tremors of a volcano pronounce doom.  "Quickly, now.  Quickly, now," the elder whispered in his ear.  All the turgan skittered around him, fangs glittering in the moonlight as they grinned anxious grins.  Predatory grins.  Good gods… what horrors lay on the other side of the ridge?

Mara hugged his lower back more tightly.  She was scared too.

"There!" the elder pointed from his perch atop the reyan's shoulder blades.  The miniature army made for two rocks wedged upwards at the hill's crest, dark tree bows hanging overhead.  From beyond Gavin could make out the glint of light.  Torches?  Campfires?  Light and drums… Were he standing on two legs, surely his shaky knees would have given out.  But on all fours, he managed to tote the elder and Mara behind one rock, the rest of the armored turgan piling behind the other.

The elder scampered down and then climbed the rock, a chittering laugh escaping his throat as he peered over the edge.  "Come, reyan! Come and look, and I shall give you my wish!"

Gaven gulped, then hesitantly peered around the rock, shifting to a bipedal stance so he could grip the cold boulder with his hands.  A fire burned below, tiny forms circling…  The lelran! He squinted as his night-adjusted eyes focused on the illuminated forms.  Small, white, and fluffy. They danced around the flame, long ears flopping about.  They were… they were…

They were bunnies?

His stomach growled.  Gods, he was hungry...

"The lelran are _evil_," the elder whispered, "but now their retribution has come."  He turned his gaze and locked eyes with Gavin.  "Reyan," he said, clamping the lifestone in his paws, "I wish the lelran shaman dead."

Gavin gulped. "H-how--?"

The elder tapped Gavin's nose with his twig-cane. "He wears the forest's leaves and carries a staff."  He drew a circle in the air with his own. "With a flame atop."  His eyes narrowed and his whisper roughened. "Go quickly, for I have ye life in my hands."

Gavin bit his tongue, his mouth drying.  His gaze wondered across the other turgans' faces, each muzzle set in a hard frown.  Mara retreated to the bushes, head held low and eyes falling when he saw her. He expected he would have to hunt and kill animals when he became a reyan.  But they weren't supposed to have minds.  They were like little people!  God gods, he just wanted to escape...  Could he really kill someone?

Stop it! he demanded of himself, clenching his eyes shut.  He couldn't run away.  He had to take responsibility for his mistakes.  All he had to do was kill a rabbit.  Just a rabbit.  And then he'd be free.

He felt the grip around his heart.

He opened his eyes to meet the impatient gaze of the elder turgan.  Gavin nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat.  Shifting back to four legs, he silently slipped in-between the rocks and made his way down the hill in the darkness.

What was he doingHow was he going to do this?  He had never killed anything before... He shook his head, realizing how silly his worries were.  He was a fox, and they were rabbits.  He'd just find the shaman and bite him.  How hard could it be?  The thought of warm blood in his mouth sickened him though... but then his stomach rumbled and he licked his chops.  It took a great a mount of effort to push the image out of his mind after that.

Halfway down the hill the trees opened up and dispersed, leaving only bushes and tall grasses to hide behind.  The beat of the drums and high pitched whoops of the creatures were loud enough so that his rustling would not be easily noticed, at least.  As he looked upon what appeared to be some sort of tribal dance below, he realized his biggest problem would be finding and catching the shaman before he could escape.  Luckily they were distracted.  Feeling the thrill of the hunt flow through his veins, he began prowling, keeping his body close to the ground.  Stealth was on his side.

Something pricked his shoulder and fell to the ground.  A bee sting?  Mouthing "ow", he sat on his tail, rubbing the sore spot with his hand.  Some... tiny arrow?

"REYAN!"

Two white blurs tackled him from behind, throwing him to the ground.  More stabbing pains in his back.  "Ahh!" he yelped, twisting around and grabbing one of the rabbits off.  Without hesitation he threw the creature some fifteen feet away, who tumbled in the grass a few times before rolling to its feet and darting towards the light of the campfire.

"REYAAAN~!"

Gavin rolled over, smashing the second one, then twisted around and snatched the creature off the ground.  His claws caught on what appeared to be chain mail made of straw.  The rabbit dropped its tiny wooden sword, eyes wide in fear as Gavin drew back his lips, ready to tear out its throat.

Wide, intelligent eyes.

Gavin blinked, then dropped this little beast.  The rabbit was gone in a flash, off to join its comrades by the fire.  "Reyan!"

He stood on two legs, clenching his teeth, tail wrapping around his leg as panic welled in his chest.  The entire camp was up in arms-- tiny swords and tiny bows.  Every fiber of his body willed him to run.  He nearly turned back the way he came.  But the icy grip on his heart tightened.  No... that would lead them to the turgan...  The elder knew, and he was not happy.

He fell to all fours and began to run parallel to the camp.  Flee or attack?  What to do? What to do?  Another rabbit leapt from behind a bush, long spear in hand.  He swerved around the creature before it could thrust the weapon into his neck.  Just how many were hidden?  They all knew, all of them...  He had to find the shaman before it was too late.  Turning sharply, he burst out of the underbrush and charged straight for the campfire.

And there he was.  Standing before the flame, wrapped in cloak of leaves, stoically leaning against a twig-cane.  That had to be him.  The wizened rabbit with its dangling ears tied back waved off a group of warriors that moved in between it and the reyan, then held its staff to the sky. "D'lo mai he kaaay~!" It screeched, causing Gavin to skid to a halt.  The tip of its staff burned bright with flame.

He screamed as bright orange fire suddenly engulfed his paws.  Some sort of magic! He watched in horror as the flame raced up his arms, covering his hide.  Patting the fire madly, he danced in circles as pain laced his body.

Then it was gone.  He blinked as he sat on his tail, looking over his undamaged hands in the campfire light.  The fire stung him, but it felt more like he was doused with hot water than scorched with flame.  Was the spell meant to be that weak?  Two more rabbits rushed him, and he swiped one with his claws, blood flowing down his nails.  That's when he realized they didn't stand a chance.

Gavin fell to all fours and drew back his lips, then leapt for the rabbit mage.  The shaman pointed its staff and the fire stung him once more, but his bite held true and the rabbit screamed.  Sweet blood dribbled into his mouth.  Finally!  His stomach rumbled anew and he mindlessly bit and tore at the fresh meat.

It took several swallows before he woke up.  When he did, he fell back on his tail and stared at his blood-caked claws.  What had he done?!  All around the lelran skittered away, fleeing into the woods.  Tiny bunnies, carried by their parents.  Young and old, sick and healthy. Oh, gods...

"Kill them!  Kill them all!"  A familiar screeching voice sounded.  The elder turgan burst from the bushes, his entourage of warriors leaping into the mass of panic. "The lelran are nothing without their magic!"

"No... no..." Gavin sat up to his knees, "he's dead!  It's over!"

A lelran met a turgan's wooden blade with a sharp *chok*, and the taller lithe turgan twisted his sword around and stabbed his opponent's heart.  Rabbits fell left and right as the elder cackled. 

"My lifestone!" Gavin shouted over the din.  He fell to four limbs and poised himself as if he were ready to pounce, towering over the elder turgan.  "Your wish is granted! Give it back!" Mara peered from behind the elder's shoulder, but shrank back when at the sight Gavin and the blood dripping from his muzzle.

"Give it back?" the elder hissed, clutching the glowing blue stone.  Gavin's knees and elbows buckled, but he remained standing. "Why should I?  With ye as my slave, the entire forest will bow to us!  No, I think I'll have a few more wishes.  He he he he!"

Gavin snarled, fighting the force that pushed him down.  One wish is all you get," the words came to him, and he spoke in a low growl, "Now you will return my lifestone, lest horrible things happen to you."

"Hee!"  The elder grinned and leaned forward, muzzle bent in a fanged grin. "Ye shan't speak to ye master that way! Now sit!  S-sit...!"  He blinked and stumbled before his eyes widened and he looked at the glowing orb in his paw.  He shook it a few times, unable to release the stone, then screamed as cerulean flame leapt from Gavin's lifestone and traveled up his arm. "Eeeeee~!"

Gavin felt an odd power flow into him.  The vice-grip around his heart melted as the ferret-thing before him burned in blue fire.  Mara darted into the bushes as the elder's flesh burned off, flowing in chunks into the liquid orb.  In moments nothing was left but a charred skeleton, and the euphoric rush over Gavin ended as soon as his stone fell to the soft dirt.  How did he--?!  Good gods, he just killed again!

But now he was free.

"Turgan wretches!  Ye all shall die!"

Lelran burst from the bushes-- many, many more than before. Shrill war cries erupted from all directions.  Gavin dove forward and scooped up the warm marble in his hands.  It felt so wonderful to hold again.  He was free!  Popping it into his mouth, he fell to four legs and braced himself for a sprint.  Breaking through the lelran would be no problem for him.  He was free!

Halfway through his first bound he heard Mara scream.

He skidded to a halt, kicking up a cloud of dust.  Why should he care about her?  Leave them to their war!  He turned his head to see her frantically beating back two sword-wielding lelran with a stick.  A third and forth approached.  Gavin sighed.

Ensuring his lifestone was securely tucked under his tongue, he charged the little beasts and batted them away with his claws.  Mara looked up at him wide-eyed as more lelran came.  He grabbed her with one hand and threw her onto his back, then charged the advancing creatures.  All parted out of their way.  In moments the two tore into the safety of the forest, the clattering battle raging behind.
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« Reply #42 on: May 31, 2009, 06:34:53 PM »

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Ah, bunnies: classic. Bloody, bloody, bloody, and a good dose of cool in this part. The whole "melting of flesh" made me think of Indiana Jones (obviously). The general mental struggle between doing the right thing and eating the magic bunny, ur, I mean, falling to his primal nature, was the intriguing part.

And as dark as this part was, still retained a tone that made this still a bit fun. And gives promises of more complications in the future, as any tale ought to. I can see the conscience problems are just beginning.

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« Reply #43 on: May 31, 2009, 06:36:00 PM »

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***

MASSIVE BATTLE SEQUENCE!!!

....but that's not really the focus of this part. This focus is the conflict that Gavin is finally having. He now has to make decisions, which is bad. He doesn't like making decisions. Perhaps the Ferrets vs. Rabbits symbolizes his own internal conflict. Or something.

I noticed you put a special emphasis on "evil" just for me. Why, thank you.

Mmmmm. I like how when the elder doesn't want Mara in the battle, he says the battle is not place for "females." The phrase I expected here was "children". In the human world, your child is your child, no matter how old they get. But perhaps these turgan view their children as outside of childrenhood once they reach a certain age. Or that being female overtakes youth ideals. Or something like that. Whatever the meaning is behind this, its kind of irrelevant, since Gavin has kind of run away from his conflict. (Running away from his internal conflict? We shall see.)

Sooner or later, Gavin will have to come to grips with the fact that he has to kill things to eat. If we had to raise our own animals for meat, I think that we'd have a lot more vegetarians in the world. That makes me think that Gavin is a city-folker. However, he only has a problem killing things with "wide, intelligent eyes". Would he have killed the Reyan whose lifestone he had if he knew that it would give him total power? Probably not.

He wants his lifestone back, but now he's beginning to see that his methods for doing that are not quite that OK with his conscience. He is veeeeery self-aware now. He analyzes eveything he does. This might cause him to hesitate at a crucial moment. That'd be bad.

Cool soul-absorbing ability. By holding a reyan's lifestone, the bearer can control the reyan's wants. However, there is a catch to this. The turgan originally directed his wants towards killing a certain other individual. This is fine. However, you have to exercise caution, because there is a self-defense mechanism in the lifestone. If you make the reyan do anything that is self-destructive to itself, if you attempt to direct its wants to inflict pain on itself, you will become absorbed into the stone. Gavin, after killing the lelran, believed that killing others caused pain to himself. Therefore, because he was able to adapt what the elder turgan wanted to an idea that caused self-inflicted pain, the pain of his conscience, then his life-stone absorbed the creature's soul through this defense mechanism.

Or....that's what I think. Anyone else have thoughts on this ability?
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...but that's just my opinion, so don't let it bother you too much!
« Reply #44 on: May 31, 2009, 06:54:29 PM »

Evil Feline Ice Mage
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KaiAdin
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Ah I managed to read it after all Arctic Wink Its easier to read stuff when your  interested in the stuff that its saying.

Hmm There's obviously more rules about the Reyan that we don't know about yet... I assume we'll be hearing about them in due time Happy Arctic Fox
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