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Author Topic: Foxgamer01: The Flight  (Read 388 times)
« on: April 24, 2012, 07:17:42 PM »

Solid Fox, Daren Crevan
"Allons-Y"
Posts: 225
foxgamer01@hotmail.com foxgamer01 Fox View Profile WWW
foxgamer01
Mage of Caerreyn, Level 2
***

Ummmmmmmm. . . . I don't know what to say here. ^.|.^;

Enjoy?

By the way, here's a super-short story that isn't edited by my friends who are better at grammar, so bad grammar commence!



There was a sea cliff that stood high above the sea. The water crashed to the cliff with a deafening sound that repeats itself endlessly. The rocks that were in front of the rock face were also hit by the waves and one, after centuries of being hit by them, finally collapsed into the sea.

On top of the cliff stood a griffin, standing upright, gazing towards the sea and sky ahead of him. His red eyes then looked at his yellow talons with white nails with his right one holding a necklace. His yellow beak remains closed while his yellow furry digitigrades paws kicked some dust and dirt to the sea. His blue feathers covered his head to this lower back and arms with black feathers around his talons. On his torso was white fur while blue fur went as far as his ankles. His wings were three feet longer than his height, with blue feathers covering them with white fur underneath them. His blue furry tail with a yellow bushy tip remains still while he looked down.

He raised his right talon and threw it off the cliff. As he watched it fell, he counted to three seconds and then jumped off the cliff headfirst after it. His wings were folded back so he could gain speed. Like an arrow he zoomed towards the necklace faster and faster until he caught it with his left talon. He then expanded his wings and he flew upwards, barely avoiding the sea and rocks below.

He flew upwards higher and higher until he was well above the cliff itself. He stared at the sea cliff as he flew towards the nearby forest. He flew above it just enough to see a bear eating berries from a bush. Because he was flying so low he was flying toward a large tree. He noticed it and barely managed to avoid crashing into it.

He then flew even higher to the clouds above. He was so close to them that he could reach out his talons and touched the clouds themselves. He then flew even higher, passing through the clouds.

As soon he was above the clouds, he stopped and curled up into a ball. He then fell towards the open plains as he spun around. He counted how much he spun around and when he reached 20, he extended outwards and flew upwards again, barely managing to avoid hitting the ground.

He flew over the open plains as he looked in front of him to see a human town. He flew higher so that they could not see him very clearly. He looked down below and while some of them did notice him, they just shook it off and continued on with their lives.

He saw a lake before him and decided to land there so he could get a drink. He lowers to the ground and tried to slow down, but he was too fast and, before he knows it, he was above the lake. He tried to fly higher, but he was too late to do that. He crashed into the water, barely managing to hold onto the necklace and avoid getting a broken bone.

He was submerged in the water for a few seconds before he got his head out, gasping for breath. He then sighed about his mistake and told himself to work on the landing.
Logged

(19:14:28) Virmir: All of Foxgamer's pics are either super happy or BATTLE.
(19:14:53) Virmir: Except that one roo one.
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« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2012, 07:55:57 PM »

Chaotic Neutral Cartoon Gray Fox Mage
"Oh, BLAST."
Posts: 1635
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Virmir
Administrator
Enchanted Weapons Expert
*****

It's an interesting scene, but this one feels like the first part of a longer piece too.   One trick to help with grammar is to try reading the story out loud to yourself. (If you can find a private moment or something. Gray Fox Wink)
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Gray Fox Virmir
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2012, 07:23:41 PM »

Solid Fox, Daren Crevan
"Allons-Y"
Posts: 225
foxgamer01@hotmail.com foxgamer01 Fox View Profile WWW
foxgamer01
Mage of Caerreyn, Level 2
***

Thanks and I've already expanded it.

I'll keep that in mind when I'm editing by myself.  Red Fox Wink
Logged

(19:14:28) Virmir: All of Foxgamer's pics are either super happy or BATTLE.
(19:14:53) Virmir: Except that one roo one.
--
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