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Other Realms => Writer's Guild => Topic started by: Virmir on December 07, 2008, 02:22:11 PM

Title: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on December 07, 2008, 02:22:11 PM
Been in a bit of a writing slump lately, and jotted this down in an attempt to pull myself out of it.  Not sure how far I'll go with this, but figured it was better to post somewhere rather than let it rot on my hardrive. [;)

This is essentially the start of a "kitsune" story.  However I wanted to make the race my own and changed around a few things about their powers/abilities, so just gave them a new name altogether.  Enjoy!

----

Reyan Saga
by Virmir

Part 1



"You owe me a wish."

The creature snarled, his hackles standing on end as his four tails stiffened.  "You dare demand a wish of me, human?"  Its fur seemed to glow crimson in anger.

"I have your little jewel," Gavin said in a smug tone as he clutched his fingers over the glowing marble.  It warmed his hand and pulsed with life.  Such an enchanting treasure.  And one that would grant him his inner most-desires.  "Those are the rules, kitsune."  He gave the gem a squeeze for emphasis.

The four-tailed fox cringed, its legs buckling.  Surprised at the power he held over the creature, Gavin softened his grip.  He didn't want to hurt it after all.  He just wanted his wish. 

"I'm no kitsune, human.  I am reyan.  You and your silly myths," it paused to catch its breath.  "Your kind has invented too many fairy tales."

Gavin held the gem more loosely so as not to strangle the creature. "Whatever your kind is called, the tale about the gem is true, am I wrong?  And the wish?"  He held the gem before his face.  Such an infinite beauty emanated from the tiny orb.  A deep cerulean glow emanated from the center of its infinitely dark depths.

The kitsune-- reyan, rather-- scowled and looked away.  Gavin clasped his fingers over the gem once more.  "Speak the truth while I hold your life in my hand."

"Yes."  The reyan sat on his haunches, two tails to either side. Its burning blue eyes bore into Gavin's soul.  "One wish, as long as it is within my power.  Then you will return my lifestone, lest horrible things happen to you.  The tales also speak of those."

Gavin nodded, uncovering the jewel once more.  "One wish is all I desire, noble fox."  He held it before his face and became lost in its beauty once more.  He imagined the glow in its center a swirling mass of stars-- a whole universe of mystique and magic.  Power that he desired.  "I wish to be a reyan, like you."

The reyan's mouth dropped. "No... no..."  It shook it head.

"You cannot or will not?"  Gavin clenched his fist around the stone once more as the creature dropped to the ground.  "Answer truthfully!"

"Anything!"  It gasped for breath.  "Anything else!  I can transform you into a fox, a wolf, a bear... But a reyan... do you know what you ask?!"

"I want to become a powerful sentient creature, not some mindless animal.  I've given you my wish."

"But to do so I must sacrifice one of my own tails.  Surely you will not be so cruel."

Gavin looked into the reyan's pleading eyes. "I'm bargaining a single tail for your life."  He waved the rayan's lifestone around once more.  "I don't think you are getting that bad of a deal."

The reyan sat up and growled.  "You won't change your mind..."

"I will not."

A long silence followed as the four-tailed fox studied him.  "Very well.  Your wish is granted."  It stood, its tails hypnotically waving behind as it began a slow circle around the human.  "If it is your wish to be reyan, you wretched fool, then reyan you shall be."

Gavin's heart throbbed in his chest and he began to sweat as the fox walked around him.  He kept the jewel tightly clenched in his hand lest the creature try anything funny.  But soon his muscles grew weak and his head spun.

Then the pain came.  A sweeping flame engulfed his flesh, and he screamed as the jewel flew from his grasp.  Oh no...  Bright fire overtook him, burning away his clothing and skin, and he fell forward for what seemed for an eternity.  By the time he hit the ground, the agony had dissipated, and the world assaulted him though foreign senses.

Before his muzzle lay not one, but two glowing stones, though one was larger than the other.  Two digitigrade feet stepped into his field of vision and a black furred paw-hand snatched up the bigger of the two.  "There."  His ears pulled upward as he heard the reyan speak.  "It is done."

Gavin sat up, mystified by his fur-covered body.  He shifted his weight to avoid pinching his tail.  "You did it... I-- I'm really a--"  He grabbed his throat.  Was that really his voice?   He sounded like a ten year old child!  He craned his neck upward to look at the now three-tailed, and much larger reyan.  "What did you do to me?!"

The reyan folded his arms, clasping his lifestone in one hand. "Fool.  One-tailed reyan are children.  You seriously thought you would gain power for nothing?  Now pick your life up off the ground.

Gavin looked down at the marble that was his very life force.  As soon as he touched it, he felt a calm soothingness engulf him.  The warm pulse inside the stone matched the beat of his heart, and as he held it in his pawpads, he knew everything would be okay.

Until he felt the wrenching in his stomach.  "Ugh..."  A million questions stood at the tip of his tongue, but he forced them back as nausea overtook him.  "Argh... what's... happening...?"  His heart skipped a beat as he looked down and noticed his hands had become translucent.  He was fading away!

"One-tails don't have enough energy to exist in Midgard, the plane where humans live.  Too bad.  You're moving to the lower plane.  Your new home."  The three-tail punctuated with a knowing and rather predatory grin.

The trees faded into blackness, swirling lights melding around their forms.  A bone-chilling cold made Gavin's fur bristle.  Some other world?  He didn't want to leave!  The terror faded as the trees returned.  But they were somehow... different.  Bigger, fleshier leaves in more jagged shapes.  The forest seemed much more overgrown, and the plants somehow had a more foreboding nature.  Especially in his smaller body.

He turned his head as the three-tail materialized before him, a look of annoyance across his muzzle.  But he banished the expression to look down at Gavin once more.

Gavin struggled to his two feet, nearly tripping over his digitigrade appendages.  Why were they bipedal?  The reyan walked on four legs before.  So many questions...

"Listen well, Gavin," the three-tail cut off his thoughts.  How the reyan knew his name was the least of his many and growing concerns.  "There are simple rules to survival.  Guard your lifestone.  Should you scratch it, you will become a cripple.  Should you part from it too long, you will die.  Should you shatter it, you will die."  Gavin gulped.  The three-tail grinned, obviously enjoying the look of fear upon his face. "And if someone steals it, by the three planes, you better do whatever he tells you to do to get it back." The one-tail nodded. 

"Guard your tail.  Should you loose it, you will simply be a fox.  Simple-minded animals do not last long in this plane..."  Gavin nodded again.  Geez... how many other weaknesses did he have?  This was nothing like what he imagined...

"And last of all, little reyan..." the three-tail bore down at him with a hateful glare.  "My name is Radis.  Remember it.  Never cross my path.  If I ever see you again, I will kill you."  He snorted and turned, then fell to all fours and made for the bushes with his nose held high and tails flowing behind.

"Wait!"  Gavin yelled, stumbling after, "Don't I have any abilities?  Any special powers?"

Radis turned and grinned as he peered from behind his tails. "Of course not, one-tail.  You need to earn your abilities.  Your second tail should sprout in a hundred years or so."

Gavin's jaw dropped.

Radis flicked his tails about.  "What were you expecting?  God-like power?  Humans are such impatient fools.  No wonder you die so young."  With that, he leapt into bushes and disappeared.

The new one-tail fell upon his rear and stared at the foliage.  One hundred years?  He took his tail in his lap and stroked it.  How could he possibly survive that long alone in the wilderness?  He was smaller and weaker than a human even!  Tears welled in his eyes.  No!  He wouldn't cry.  He was an adult!  This wasn't right!  This wasn't what he wanted at all!

He shut his eyes.  Focus, focus...  A wind rustled the leaves and passed through his fur.  It felt wonderful.  His ears flicked about.  If he were human, he'd be dead by age one hundred.  Or soon after.  But now he had been granted an immeasurable lifespan.  There.  That was something.  One glimmer of hope.  Surely there were more.

He opened his eyes and realized he was clutching his lifestone to his chest.  He slowly lifted it before his muzzle.  It seemed about the same size as the other reyan's when he looked at it before.  But his hands and body were smaller now, so that meant the stone was as well.  The inside glowed dimmer as well.  But it would grow... he knew that.

What else?  Radis seemed to be able to walk on either two legs or four.  Glimpses of other reyan he had seen had always proven the creatures to walk on four legs like normal foxes, yet Gavin seemed more a human-fox cross on two legs.  Could he shift as well?

Tenderly he set his lifestone in the soft dirt, then proceeded to fall to his forelimbs.  Much to his surprise, his spine snapped into place and walking as a quadruped seemed just as natural as walking on two limbs.  In fact, even easier.  He imagined he would be able to travel farther this way as he took a few experimental steps. 

Shifting back was a simple matter of rearing on his hind legs.  He stumbled a few steps, not quite used to balancing on his toes and imagined himself looking quite silly with his arms and tail splayed every which way.  Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad?  He had to admit his new body was quite fun.

His heart skipped a beat when he realized he left his lifestone lying in the dirt several feet away.  How careless!  In a near panic he ran back to it, stopping short to ensure he didn't kick dirt upon the delicate stone.  This thing was the only problem, really.  It was such a liability!  He took it in his forepaws and cradled it.  The thick canopy of leaves above rustled in the breeze and he pulled it close to his body, as if he needed to protect it from the cold.

A sweet sent came in with the wind, and his stomach growled.  What exactly the smell was he could not tell, but his new body seemed to recognize it as food.  And still tired and sore from the transformation, he figured it best not to protest.  But would he have to hunt or steal his food?  Or perhaps he could forage?  He knew foxes were omnivorous, but these reyan certainly had a whole new set of rules.

And that lead him to the biggest problem of all.  How was he to travel, let alone hunt-- or do much of anything at all while carrying this blasted stone around?!  He wrapped his fingers around the warm gem as he looked upon its enchanting dull glow once more, careful not to nick it with his claws.  His fingers and thumb had become significantly stubbier with his change, but it was still easy enough to carry in his hand.  Still, he felt it best to travel on all fours.  He could move faster that way, and would remain under the brush-line.  Who knew what other things inhabited the forest along with him...

Carefully he set the gem in his mouth and fell to four feet.  Well, it wasn't too bad...  The touch of the gem remained comforting, even within his mouth.  He wondered if it would be best to actually swallow it.  That way he'd never lose the thing.  But then again, it would be ironic if his lifestone killed him by obstructing his intestines... Or even if he did pass it, he'd have to-- Ugh.  Forget it.

So many questions.  So much wondering.  The wind shifted again and he once again caught the scent.  He would find answers eventually, but for now his hunger got the better of him.  Nose in the air, he shuffled his way into the thick shrubbery.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Dragyn on December 07, 2008, 05:13:52 PM
Hmm....interesting piece, this.

The prose is pretty good, though there is one line that bothers me a bit:

"Such an infinite beauty emanated from the tiny orb.  A deep cerulean glow emanated from the center of its infinitely dark depths."

I think you might try another word than 'infinite' one time or the other.  While "infinitely dark" sounds really dramatic, it ends up being overshadowed by the "infinite beauty," and vice versa. 

"An infinite beauty emanated from the tiny orb.  A deep cerulean glow emanated from its impossibly black depths."  or something like that might be preferable.  But hey, it's your story, and the choice is entirely yours.

Other than that (which might well just be me), this story is interesting, and sounds like something I'd be interested in reading (assuming you ever come back to it, which I rather hope you do).
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on December 07, 2008, 05:22:44 PM
Thanks!

You are right.  It's generally a good idea to vary word choices and avoid using the same word twice within a span of 100 words or so.  Will certainly touch that up. [:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Lopez on December 08, 2008, 08:53:14 PM
I love the third-person close.

Quote
The kitsune-- reyan, rather-- scowled and looked away.

Actually, consider cutting the word "kitsune" off earlier, it gives the reader a more personal feel with Gavin, which is something that solidifies going through to the end of the story.

I could READ this story. No, wait, not the right word. Hm.....I could predict that was going to happen to Gavin. But since this is only part one, the predictability is welcome. However, the life-stone idea is really nice, and you did a good job portaying it in the actions of the Reyan at the beginning of the story.

"Infinite" is TOTALLY one of your favorite words. {:).
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: KaiAdin on December 09, 2008, 02:26:42 AM
I'm not much of a proofreader, but I have to say this is an interesting take on the kitsune story.

Can't wait for the next parts.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Pontos on December 09, 2008, 04:17:56 PM
Nice start! So this is that Kitsune plot you mentioned earlier :D.

At first I thought Radis would act as some kind of guide for Gavin, at least for a short period of time in that realm, but after all it seems that he really hates him...

I suppose he will find some kind of companion or guide. One hundred years is a lot of time to be alone :/ (and also quite dangerous I think...).
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on December 09, 2008, 08:22:53 PM
Thanks, folks!  I do have a lot of scenes dreamed up in my head for what's to come out of this.  Maybe I'll poke at it some more this weekend. [:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on December 28, 2008, 05:30:46 PM
Going to see if I can bang together a new part every few weeks. [:)

----

Part 2

Gavin did a double-take.  But his new nose and eyes weren't lying.  They were berries!

And they glowed!

Before him a gnarled vine twisted around the base of a giant oak.  Bunches of yellow berries clung to the foliage in regular intervals as the stem spiraled up the tree.  And each berry shimmered in the shade, golden points of light dancing around the tiny fruit.  He'd never seen anything like it!

Their sweet aroma caused his mouth to water, and he plucked his lifestone out of his muzzle to catch a better whiff.  Could such a marvelous plant belong to someone out here?  Well, no one was around...  He picked one of the berries and studied the sparkling fruit.  Held between two clawtips, it was half the size of a grape. Or rather seemed that way.  His body was smaller now, so his scale was off.

He had no way of telling if the fruit was safe to eat, but his rumbling belly insisted he try.  Tentatively he chewed up the fleshy sweet gem and grinned as it tickled his taste buds.  It was good! A ferocious hunger stirred within him and he plucked more of the sweet treasures, gulping them one by one.  For once his worries faded, and he reveled in the warmth growing in his stomach.

Having cleared all the berries within reach, he staggered over to the other side of the tree to continue his glorious feast.  The world spun around him with each step, and he giggled as he tripped over some loose vines.  They were so good!  Finding another batch, he tore into them with an insatiable appetite.  Each bite of the sparkling fruit brightened his mood and strengthened the giddy warmth that filled his belly.

Soon the second batch was gone.  Or was it the third or fourth?  He tried to find more, but shapes spun around his head.  He waved the black blur that was his hand in front of his face and laughed.  He thought he saw more of the wondrous yellow specs float past, but as he reached out to grab them he fell backwards into the bushes.  So many colors!  He laughed as weird blobs danced across his field of vision.  His eyes grew heavy as he lay in such a comfortable position, and darkness quickly came.

----

Voices swirled around his mind.  Echoing, screeching things.  He drew a quick breath as consciousness returned to him, his muzzle so painfully dry.  His head hurt and he felt as if he'd drunk too much the night before.  Jagged ridges poked his back as he lay there and a musty dampness assaulted his nostrils.  What happened?

He saw rock above him, as if he rested in some sort of tunnel.  He doubted he could sit up without banging his head.  But he couldn't sit up at all!  Something bound his neck to the ground, and rustling his hands and legs proved them to be bound together as well.  Was he tied up?

His eyes darted around as panic welled in his chest.

"It's awake!  It's awake!" 

He flattened his ears as something screamed shrilly.  He caught a glimpse of movement to his left, but it was gone by the time he turned his head.  He seemed to be in some sort of cave-- a tiny tunnel rather.  Two holes opened in the wall to his left, both twisting into darkness.  Between them stood a single torch, so small it was but a candle flame.  Orange light danced upon the craggy rock walls.  The walls closed in around him on all other sides, as he rested in a sort of nook in the tunnel.

"The reyan is awake ye say?"

The voice echoed from deep within one of the holes, and his ear twisted to pick it up.  This one was less high pitched, sounding more like a miserly old man. "Stay away from it!  I'm coming! I'm coming!"  It still had an inhuman screech to it that made him grit his teeth.

From the closer tunnel burst a yellow figure, hobbling on a tree twig like a cane.  Perhaps eight inches tall, it looked like some sort of ferret or prairie dog, thick tail lashing behind.

And it had his lifestone.

Gavin tensed as he watched the stone under the creature's arm, a deep emptiness welling in his heart.  How could he be so foolish!?

"Oh, ye want this, do ye?"  The ferret-thing wagged his twig at Gavin's nose, precious lifestone tucked against his side. It was nearly too large for the frail creature to carry.  His graying muzzle cracked in a smile.  "Ye owe me a wish."

Gavin's jaw dropped.  "But-- but... I don't know any magic!"  He struggled against his bindings.

"Ye lie!  Ye lie!!"  The old creature threw his cane to the side and grabbed the dimly glowing orb with both hands, long claws wrapping around the delicate glass.  "Don't ye lie to me, reyan!"

At the same time, something grabbed Gavin's heart.  He gasped in pain and collapsed to the floor as every ounce of strength left him.  It hurt so badly!

"Ye owe me a wish!"  The yellow ferret-thing stamped the ground irately.

Through blurred eyes, Gavin saw another creature enter the room, fur more towards a yellow green.  "Father, stop.  I think it speaks the truth."  She picked the discarded twig-cane off the ground.  At least he thought it was a she, as her voice was higher.  "It only has one tail."

The graying ferret loosened his grip and held the gem with one claw.  It was huge in his tiny hands.  "I know that.  But I am its master now."  He grabbed the cane from his daughter and poked Gavin's nose.  "It shouldn't talk back!  Ye hear that!  Ye hear that!" 

Gavin's lips wanted to curl in a snarl, but he forced them back down.  "Y-yes..."  His heart thrashed against his chest.  He just wanted to escape!

"Good, and ye will grant me my wish?"

"Yes..."  A wish?  How was he going to grant a wish?  Tears came to his eyes.

"Good.  Now what were ye doing gorging yerself on mana berries if ye don't know magic?  Eh? Eh?"  The twig tapped Gavin's nose again.

Mana berries...?  Those glowing things!  Just the thought of them made his stomach grumble for more.  Those, sweet, delicate... No!  They were like some drug!  "I don't know!"

A few high-pitched chuckles sounded across the echoey room.  More of the creatures watched from the safety of the tunnel mouths.  "He doesn't know... he he he..."

"Even the stupidest know to stay away from mana berries, fatso."  The eldest poked him in his belly. "But 'tis alright.  If ye don't want to show yer magic, that's fine.  So long as the wish is done."  The ferret twirled with dignified grace, and pushed his twig-cane through the growing crowd of yellow to yellow-green furred little beasts.

Blinking at the odd comment, Gavin moved his tightly bound arms to the side to look at his white-furred belly.  He had always been a skinny fellow, and that trait had followed him when he became a reyan.  But his stomach did seem to stick out more than it did before...  In fact, he could still feel the warm, sweet delicacies deep within-- Argh!!

"Do you think it will be alright if it can't use magic?"  A scratchy voice asked.

"The lelran will use magic against it!"  Another one sounded.

"Pah!  Just look at it!"  The elder turned and pointed at Gavin's muzzle once more.  "Those massive teeth!  Those wicked claws!  It's a monster!  Revenge is ours..."  With that, he disappeared into the left tunnel, the entourage of ferret-things following.  "Leave it be!  Don't talk to it.  Don't touch it.  Don't go near it..."  His voice echoed and died down the corridor.

Gavin watched their bright yellow tails disappear into the darkness.  Revenge?  Just what would they have him do?  Gavin trembled.  Did they want him to fight?  To kill someone?  He was afraid to ask, lest the creature squeeze his lifestone again.

His lifestone... he felt it pulled away, his body growing colder and colder as the distance grew.  What if the elder ferret-thing dropped or scratched it?  What if he took it too far away?  What if Gavin couldn't grant the wish?  Misery engulfed the young reyan as he lay in the dank tunnel room, bound and hopeless.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Pontos on December 31, 2008, 11:56:41 AM
Interesting continuation.
I get that clueless Reyans (or more like careless Reyans :P) are not a common sight , which may be an indication that Gavin's wish to Radis makes a precedent, right?
Seeing that those ferret fellows didn't believe he wasn't aware of the nature of those Mana Berries (Btw, I like that :P) makes me think that.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on December 31, 2008, 05:23:53 PM
Thanks, Pontos!

I'm not sure what you mean by precedent. If you mean that Radis knew Gavin was going to have a miserable time, then yes, he certainly did. [;)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Pontos on December 31, 2008, 07:18:33 PM
Thanks, Pontos!

I'm not sure what you mean by precedent. If you mean that Radis knew Gavin was going to have a miserable time, then yes, he certainly did. [;)

Uh, stupid language barrier >_<
I meant to say that Gavin's wish may have been the first of its kind. My post should make a bit more sense now i hope :P
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on December 31, 2008, 10:00:52 PM
Ha ha, yes it does!  I don't know about first, but you are right in that I was trying to make the impression that it's strange for inhabitants of that world not to know about simple things like mana berries. [;)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on January 09, 2009, 10:23:15 AM
Your story is wonderful. I hope we get to know what the lelran are.

Also the story kinda inspired an art("Predatory Grin"). So I wanted to see how evil i could make a fox look, compared to my normal foxes.
(http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/foxforfoe-2.png)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on January 09, 2009, 03:32:06 PM
Also pixalated the gem. A lot more frustration then its worth really. Although for Gavin I think were going to see, its worth a lot of frustration.

I hope you don't mind, Virmir, that I'm posting pictures in your story.

First Attempt                     Second Attempt              Added Glowyness             Crimson gem
(http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/blueorb.png)(http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/orb2.png)(http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/orb3.png)(http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/myorb.png)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on January 09, 2009, 09:06:40 PM
Wow!  That's really cool stuff!  Do you have an art gallery somewhere?  I'd love to see more of your stuff. [:)

I think the "Added Glowyness" gem is closest to how I picture Gavin's lifestone in my mind, he he he.  And yes, we will get to meet the lelran eventually.

The next part will probably be a little slow in coming because my writing energies will be mostly focused on the comic script for the next two weekends.  But I do the next part largely worked out in my mind, so stay tuned. [:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on January 10, 2009, 06:21:00 AM
Wow!  That's really cool stuff!  Do you have an art gallery somewhere?  I'd love to see more of your stuff. [:)

I think the "Added Glowyness" gem is closest to how I picture Gavin's lifestone in my mind, he he he.  And yes, we will get to meet the lelran eventually.

The next part will probably be a little slow in coming because my writing energies will be mostly focused on the comic script for the next two weekends.  But I do the next part largely worked out in my mind, so stay tuned. [:)

Rarely draw anything, so never needed a gallery. And in recent years everything that I've drawn was for other people so they have always had a gallery of their own.

Take no rush, I like where the comic is going.  [:)

Question: What does your Kitsune look like? Just like the three-tail in part one?
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on January 10, 2009, 11:06:29 AM
Who, Gavin?  He should look similar to the three-tail, except smaller and younger.  Sort of like this guy (http://virmir.artspots.com/image/24130/which-way) when in morphic (bipedal) form. I pictured him with more a dull brownish fur as opposed to brilliant red (since he has less magical power).  I meant to include that detail in there somewhere but I think I glossed over it, so have to sneak it in somewhere else now. [;)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on January 11, 2009, 06:43:39 AM
Thanks for that, I'm going to try and do a painting of Gavin, when he first holds the gem.

I made a MS paint quickie, as a prototype. It looks a little awkward to sit on your tail.

http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/fox-holding-gem-big-1.png (http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/fox-holding-gem-big-1.png)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on January 11, 2009, 10:34:53 AM
Ha ha, that it does.  Cool stuff!  I used to mess with MS Paint long ago, but Photoshop has spoiled me. [;)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Pontos on January 11, 2009, 01:14:58 PM
Cool pixel art there DessertFox |fox|
I can't help but picture every time I read about a Kitsune as yellowish/golden furred (Fennec-like you could say), more than the usual reddish color of a Red Fox.

I guess I'm too spoiled by the typical representation of Kitsunes on Japanese traditional art and Anime/manga (since well, they came from their folklore after all |;))
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on January 11, 2009, 10:14:07 PM
He he he... one of the reasons I named them "reyan" for this story. [;)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on January 12, 2009, 06:46:57 PM
Ugh, first attempt at Gavin went horribly wrong. I had to stop when I started picturing one of his "trash" eyes as a mouse. For me if I lose the picture of what I'm trying to draw, game over. Not much I can do. Although I suppose more practice would help. How do you like to draw Virmir? Do you have a picture in your mind, and let it out? or Do you find inspiration at the drawing table?

Going to see if taking a crack at it Wednesday helps any.

The Mouse:
(http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/stupid-mouse.png)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on January 12, 2009, 09:38:42 PM
I do usually have a picture in mind, but oftentimes I just go with what "comes out" if it looks okay. [:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Lopez on February 24, 2009, 10:00:26 PM
Interesting bringing a new race into the mix, I wonder what their relation to humans is, if any? Probably isn't worthy of development, but interesting to think about.

I think the main issue at work in this story is Gavin's trouble with desires. You might say, isn't that obvious? I mean, he DESIRES power, he can't control his DESIRE for mana berries, so shouldn't his trouble with desire be accepted as fact? However, I do not believe that simply the trouble with desire fully describes Gavin's current inner conflict.

Instead, the real conflict that vexes Gavin rests in his inability to properly dissolve his human desires from his Reyan form. In part two, Virmir writes, "He just wanted to escape!" showing how Gavin incurs a natural flight instinct from his human view of society. This correlation between danger and escape presents itself as a crucial part of the human desire for self-preservation. However, Gavin fails to see that this desire no longer applies to his Reyan form, since his desire should not be escape from the situation, but the protection of his life stone. Because Gavin "just" wants to escape, he does not think about how this human impulse will affect his Reyan form. Even if Gavin could escape from the situation, he would still be held captive by his life stone, a fact which never crosses his mind. Because Gavin still lives by his human desires, he cannot understand what his Reyan desires should be, and instead applies his human desires to every strategic position in which he finds himself.

It should be interesting to see how you develop this idea in your future parts. You did a reallllllly nice job with this, because this is an idea that you could never develop inside an ordinary fiction story. But now I'm overanxious for the next part. {:( I don't think that I will be able to wait.

-Nice MSPaint work, DessertFox! I used to work with MSpaint myself, so I can appreciate the style. I still dab in it every so often, but I've found that comic-ing just works better in photoshop. 'Tis a shame. {:( Yeah, you should get a gallery somewhere. {;)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on February 24, 2009, 10:27:58 PM
Wow, you really dig deep with your feedback.  Thank you very much. [:)

Quote
... because this is an idea that you could never develop inside an ordinary fiction story.

This is why I write transformation in general. [:)

I've been on a slump with this tale unfortunately.  The past few times I've opened the word processor nothing has come out.  Hope to get back on the ball with this one eventually, though.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on February 27, 2009, 10:53:00 PM
It took a very long time.  {fox}

(http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/Gravin-final-big-white-2.png)

Smaller Higher Res transparent
(http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/Gravin-final.png)

ps: Just a note, look at my prototype (http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/fox-holding-gem-big-1.png) (same as above) I thought it was cool how similar they were.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on February 27, 2009, 11:03:01 PM
Wow!  That's really impressive!  Absolutely fantastic work on the pose, the fur, everything. [:)

I'd like to use this image when I get around to posting the story on my website, if you don't mind. Really, really nice work. [:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Pontos on February 27, 2009, 11:19:09 PM
Really cool!
As I told you, I really like his feet and his gesture of "This little thing is my life?" |:)

Awesome work
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on February 28, 2009, 07:30:16 AM
I don't mind, its gift art for you. [:)

I was also hoping that, this might help the writer's juices to flow. (http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/tan-grin.gif)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Dragyn on March 01, 2009, 10:27:56 AM
Did you make that in Paint?

Impressive, regardless.  I've never had the patience to put that much time into the detailing...
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on March 01, 2009, 10:55:33 AM
It was made in Gimp, and I lost patience with it several times.
I think you might have to be crazy to try and draw that in paint.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on March 07, 2009, 06:22:59 PM
Short one, but here's part 3 at last.  Need to keep this thing moving. [:)

Part 3

Water awaited him when he woke up.  He expected it to be foul and stale, but it actually tasted cool and refreshing as he lapped it like a dog.  The bowl seemed hand- (or paw-) made out of clay.  While it was probably huge for his captors, unfortunately for Gavin it offered little more than a sip.

The bindings around his legs were gone, and the one around his neck looser as well.  He could actually move to the other side of the cavern to relieve himself.  It felt good to stretch his legs after being tied to the ground, even if he had to do so on all fours due to the low ceiling.  He hoped they would untie him altogether.  It wasn't like he could go anywhere without his lifestone...

Held hostage inside a cave, he could do little more to pass the time than run his claws through his tail and listen to the faint chittering voices that occasionally echoed down the tunnels.  He inspected the rope around his neck.  It seemed to be made of tough reeds wound together and looped like a chain.  He almost felt as if he could break it-- or at least chew through it.  But alas, there was no point while they held his lifestone.  He held a paw over his heart and shuddered, remembering how much it hurt when the elder ferret-thing squeezed it.

The second time he awoke the bowl was full again. This gave him an idea.  He went through his stretching routine, drank his water, and sat and contemplated just as he did before.  But before drowsiness took him, this time he shut his eyes and pretended to sleep, ears perked attentively as he curled into a ball and hid his nose in his tail.

It took a while, but eventually he heard the rasping clicks of tiny claws on stone, and half-cracked one eyelid to get a glimpse of the creature refilling his water.  It peeked from the tunnel mouth tentatively, and the smell he began to associate with the creatures filled his nostrils.  Carrying a sloshing clay container, it tip-toed to the bowl which lay only a foot from his nose.

He waited until it finished pouring the water before he opened his eyes completely, and he saw that it was they yellow-green female that had called the crotchety elder with the twig-cane "father".  "Hello,"  he said, softly as he could manage.

Her long tail stood on end, every stand of fur on her body bristling as she dropped the container, some leftover water splattering upon the floor.  They locked eyes for a long, awkward moment, before finally she managed a meek "hel-hello," of her own.

Gavin folded his ears and tried to look as least intimidating as possible.  After all, this one wasn't one of the ferret-things that mocked him as far as he remembered.  "Thank you," he managed in a carefully measured tone.  She nodded in response.  But when he moved forward to take a sip, she scurried off in a hurry.  He sighed and drank his water alone.

----

Gavin measured time by refills of his bowl, and it didn't take long for him to realize he wasn't getting fed.

It surprised him that his hunger stayed at bay for so long.  Could the berries really have sustained him that long?  Maybe it hadn't really been two or three days... Maybe he had only been captive for a few hours.  No, that couldn't have been right.  At the very least two days had passed.  He would have to ask Mara the next time she came.  Either way, he was getting hungry now...

He'd been able to pry bits of information from her each time.  The second time it was her name.  The third time he learned his captors were called turgan.  Odd-colored little tunnel creatures they were, guided by an elder.  Gavin sighed.  All he was able to do was sit around and think.

He heard the familiar click of her claws against stone and watched her enter the little tunnel room, painted by the orange torchlight.  At least he didn't have to pretend to sleep anymore, though she was still much more comfortable with him lying on the floor.  "Hello, Mara."

"Hello, Gavin," she said as she strained herself with the water jug.  There was always a tiredness in her voice.

"Mara, how long have I been here?"

"'Tis your fourth night, I'm afraid.  The first day ye were asleep."

Gavin folded his ears.  Blast, he was right... "I thank you for the water, but may I please have something to eat?"

She looked up from her task and regarded him with a hint of fear, as if she expected him to gobble her up at that moment. 

He turned his head to the floor.  At that moment his stomach chose to rumble.

"Nay, I'm afraid..."  She sighed.  "Father says not to feed ye.  Ye wouldn't be getting water either if I didn't anger him.  'Tis my punishment..."  She looked up to his eyes and smiled, running her clawtips along the edge of the water jug. "'Tis not a horrible one, though."

Gavin returned the grin, though he did his best to keep his teeth hidden.  He knew how much they scared her.  "Thank you again... I'm glad for the water.  But how am I to grant your father's wish if I'm hungry?"

Her eyes fell to the stony floor and she ran her toeclaws along the dirt.  "I shouldn't be telling ye this... but he wants ye hungry when ye attack the lelran."

Hungry?  What does that have to do with...  "What... is a lelran?"

Mara seemed taken aghast.  "Ye don't know what a lelran is?"  She ran her nails through the fur just behind her ear.  "Then again, ye didn't know what a turgen was either..."  She stared him in the eye. "The lelran are evil, Gavin.  They took... so much from us.  I know father is harsh to ye, but really, by killing the lelran, ye will be doing us a great service."

"Killing?  That's his wish?  He wants me to kill--"

"Mara!  Don't talk to the reyan!  Get back when ye are done!"  The elder's screeching voice echoed into the cavern room.

Mara's tail frazzled and she let out an animalistic chirp.  "Eee!  Coming, Father!"  She fell to all fours and scampered to the tunnel mouth before pausing .  "I'm sorry..." she whispered, then ran down the corridor.

Gavin sighed and rested his muzzle on his paws.  He didn't feel much like drinking water.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on March 07, 2009, 08:21:54 PM
Ya!
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Dragyn on March 07, 2009, 11:04:15 PM
"At the very least two days had past."  is grammatically incorrect...it should be "At the very least two days had passed."

Hmm...

Well, that's all I saw in my brief read-through that was incorrect either grammatically or spelling-wise.

At least, besides the words "Lelran" and "Turgan," which aren't words, in the strictest sense.

Interesting work, though...
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on March 08, 2009, 12:40:04 AM
Thanks!  Fixed it. [:)

In case anyone is wondering, I'm not capitalizing reyan, turgan, etc. because they are species names, much like human or fox aren't capitalized.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Lopez on March 10, 2009, 09:28:32 PM
Gavin doesn't seem as human anymore. Which is good or bad, depending on how you depict it. he's growing out of his human ideas fast, which seems natural for the flow of the story. You could have developed on this topic more if you wanted too, but pushing the story forwards more is probably your main objective right now. Who knows? Maybe at a crucial moment his human instincts will kick back in again...

 But, more importantly, why is Mara afraid of Gavin? What backstory do reyan play in the conflict between turgan and lelran? What's the correct pronounciation of Turgan and Lelran? Well...that I can't really explain. But I can try the first two.

The basic explanation could be that these two creatures' mother and siblings were killed by a reyan. But that would be boring. Instead, perhaps They were ENSLAVED by a reyan...hm....interesting. But you could go all literary with it and describe their relationship as the never-ending conflict between sedentary and nomadic society, but that gets dull and repetitive. And that probably applies more to the relation between lelran and turgan more than it does to turgan and reyan.

My real opinion of the relationship between Gavin and Mara and the father is that the two societies are not nomadic vs. sedentary, but Solitary vs. Familial. Right at the beginning of the story, Gavin is willing to leave the entire human race behind to gain power, showing that he has no interest in maintaining familial relations with anyone whatsoever. Doesn't he have parents, siblings, friends, anyone? Perhaps that lies not in the fact that he has no relations but he simply does not want to acknowledge them. So what is his conscience telling him? Does he only look forward now? As seen from the very first chapter, he has no internal conflict about this, his only conflicts revolve around his own self-interest: so yes. This forms the backbone of his solitary existance, which most Reyan share, (I presume, since we haven't heard much about this.) Hm......what will he choose to do? Will he accept a familial lifestyle even though he tossed his orginal one out? Or will he continue to function independantly of society, for the advancement of his own self interest? These are questions only Virmir will be able to answer...(I anxiously await to see what happens next.)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on March 11, 2009, 06:17:26 PM
Gavin doesn't seem as human anymore. Which is good or bad, depending on how you depict it. he's growing out of his human ideas fast, which seems natural for the flow of the story. You could have developed on this topic more if you wanted too, but pushing the story forwards more is probably your main objective right now. Who knows? Maybe at a crucial moment his human instincts will kick back in again...

The human vs. reyan way of thinking was more of a side effect than an objective, but I'm very glad you noticed it.

One thing I hate in transformation fiction is when people get zapped into animals, they sense the animal mind as a second presence in the back of their mind or something.  That's just so silly... I much prefer the human thinking like an animal without realizing it, or retaining their human mind and slowly learning to think like the animal. 

But, more importantly, why is Mara afraid of Gavin?

Also, don't forget that the turgan, by Gavin's estimate, are only about eight inches tall.  And Gavin has very sharp teeth. [;)

Quote
What's the correct pronounciation of Turgan and Lelran?

Ter-gan (ter like turn, gan like ran)

Lel-ran (lel like fell)

Thanks for the feedback!  Should be some answers to some of your other questions in upcoming chapters. [:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on March 11, 2009, 07:37:33 PM
Well, I've been wondering about the reyan myself. Do the reyan have packs? It would seem inefficient, on a biological level, to have all these higher brain functions for social communication to just be solitary creatures. Also in a pack they might have the added protection of keeping their gems safer, so that every creature that bumbles along doesn't nab their gem.

Whats the social structure of reyans? Just like foxes or more evolved?

The reason I ask is because the gopher/ferret dudes seem to be socialized.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Pontos on March 11, 2009, 08:46:56 PM
Well, I've been wondering about the reyan myself. Do the reyan have packs? It would seem inefficient, on a biological level, to have all these higher brain functions for social communication to just be solitary creatures. Also in a pack they might have the added protection of keeping their gems safer, so that every creature that bumbles along doesn't nab their gem.

Whats the social structure of reyans? Just like foxes or more evolved?

The reason I ask is because the gopher/ferret dudes seem to be socialized.
Knowing they are pretty much mystical foxes I doubt they will have a significantly different social structure.
And remember that Radis was apparently a lone wanderer, and even threatened to kill Gavin if they crossed paths again in the future... although that was because he was pissed for losing a tail for a foolish wish, heh.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on March 11, 2009, 10:18:45 PM
"Packs" are a very non-fox thing.  Remember that foxes are loners, apart from finding a mate.  We will definitely see more than one reyan and explore their interactions with each other before the story ends, though. [:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Lopez on March 18, 2009, 01:18:06 AM
This is something I brought up in my huuuuuuge paragraph that I wrote. So I'll make it more concise. Gavin was a loner as a human, and because he hasn't fully adapted as a Reyan yet, even if Reyans had a group structure he would not fit in. So I really can't wait to see how he's going to adapt to being trapped in the societal structure of the Turgans that have captured him. Will he learn to be a part of them in any sort of the way? Or will his mind always be restless? That's going to be an interesting point in the chapters to come.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on May 31, 2009, 05:14:09 PM
Hey, less than three months! Not too bad. [;)

Due to some productive daydreaming, I'm glad to say I think I finally have this story "figured out", meaning I know how it ends and the steps to get there.  Now it's just a matter of writing the blasted thing.   If I were to venture a guess, I'd say it'll be something like 30,000 words long. (Currently stands at just over 7,000, including part 4)  Which would be awesome because it would be my longest story yet. [:)  Yay, novella! We'll see how it goes.

----

Part 4

"Soft and quick through the forest nigh,
soon we will feast, and the lelran, die."


The elder's toeclaws dug into his back as the turgan chittered his little ditty, cackling in hushed rasps.  Gavin chewed on the wooden bit shoved in his mouth as the elder tugged the reins once more. "Ye walk too loud for a reyan... quietly now, quietly now..."  He felt the jab of the old turgan's stick-cane in his side like a spur.  Confined to his quadruped stance and ridden like a horse... how humiliating.

Dozens of turgan surrounded him, all armed with miniature weapons.  Little wooden swords and spear-points, armor made of thatch and leaves.  Together they stalked through the night, tiptoeing through the thick forest underbrush.  He was scared out of his mind.

He could feel the elder's claws around his lifestone, like a vice around his heart.  It was so close, yet so unreachable as the cursed old ferret-thing rode upon his back.  "Just a bit farther, reyan," the elder's whisper was loud in his triangular ear, "then I'll have my wish... then I'll have my wish.  He he he..."  The laugh was punctuated by a pat on his furry neck.

Gavin could not possibly imagine what horrible battle he was headed into, or what terrifying creatures the lelran were.  His breath came in short, shivering rasps as he padded though the soft dirt and leaves.  It wasn't supposed to be like this at all!

How long had they traveled?  A half hour?  Two?  The elder bid the party stop and leapt off the slave-reyan's back, climbing up a rock and licking his finger to test the direction of the wind.  Gavin could only sit on his haunches and wistfully watch the faint glow of his lifestone clutched in the creature's other paw.  He so badly wanted to run away, or maybe tackle the elder and hope he dropped the stone... But no... he shuddered, remembering how the icy grip felt around his heart.  Instead he shifted his weight and forced his tail from between his legs.

A crack of dried leaves alerted him from behind, and his right ear turned completely around to catch the sound.  It was an odd sensation, as if a rope had pulled his ear and demanded attention.  He glanced over his shoulder, shifting his eyes and realizing none of the turgan had heard the sound so obvious to him.  But the elder saw his movement, and he watched his wizened muzzle curl into a snarl.

"Mara!  What are you doing here?" the elder asked in hushed tones.  He leapt off the rock with a showy flip of his thatch cape.  "The coming battle is no place for females!"  He tapped his twig-cane on the dirt as he strode past Gavin.

Mara peered from the bush, ears folded as she hugged a leaf. "Father... I just wanted--"

"But nothing!  You will return now!" he screamed in a whisper as he stamped his foot.

Gavin locked eyes with the pleading turgan-girl.  Why did she come all this way?  Of all these strange ferret-things, she was the only one that was nice to him.  She was the only one that gave him water...  As she turned to leave, he felt another tug at his heart.  One different from the separation with his lifestone.

"Wait..." he whispered, finding himself at loss for words when the elder turned a raised brow towards him.  He blinked as he removed the bit from his mouth, then sputtered the first idea that came to mind.  "The lelran... they'll get her if she goes back alone."

The elder stroked the underside of his muzzle with a frown, leaning heavily upon his twig-cane. 

"He's right," a whisper ventured from behind him.

The elder cocked an ear then shook his head. "Very well... stay close.  And make no noise!" He climbed Gavin's back once more, his daughter scrambling up the furry hide as well.  "Now, we ride."

----

The drumbeats did nothing but intensify the anxiety in his heart.

Th-thump, th-thump, th-thump.

He heard them even before they approached the hill, and as they ascended the slippery incline, he felt their vibrations in his footpaws like the tremors of a volcano pronounce doom.  "Quickly, now.  Quickly, now," the elder whispered in his ear.  All the turgan skittered around him, fangs glittering in the moonlight as they grinned anxious grins.  Predatory grins.  Good gods… what horrors lay on the other side of the ridge?

Mara hugged his lower back more tightly.  She was scared too.

"There!" the elder pointed from his perch atop the reyan's shoulder blades.  The miniature army made for two rocks wedged upwards at the hill's crest, dark tree bows hanging overhead.  From beyond Gavin could make out the glint of light.  Torches?  Campfires?  Light and drums… Were he standing on two legs, surely his shaky knees would have given out.  But on all fours, he managed to tote the elder and Mara behind one rock, the rest of the armored turgan piling behind the other.

The elder scampered down and then climbed the rock, a chittering laugh escaping his throat as he peered over the edge.  "Come, reyan! Come and look, and I shall give you my wish!"

Gaven gulped, then hesitantly peered around the rock, shifting to a bipedal stance so he could grip the cold boulder with his hands.  A fire burned below, tiny forms circling…  The lelran! He squinted as his night-adjusted eyes focused on the illuminated forms.  Small, white, and fluffy. They danced around the flame, long ears flopping about.  They were… they were…

They were bunnies?

His stomach growled.  Gods, he was hungry...

"The lelran are _evil_," the elder whispered, "but now their retribution has come."  He turned his gaze and locked eyes with Gavin.  "Reyan," he said, clamping the lifestone in his paws, "I wish the lelran shaman dead."

Gavin gulped. "H-how--?"

The elder tapped Gavin's nose with his twig-cane. "He wears the forest's leaves and carries a staff."  He drew a circle in the air with his own. "With a flame atop."  His eyes narrowed and his whisper roughened. "Go quickly, for I have ye life in my hands."

Gavin bit his tongue, his mouth drying.  His gaze wondered across the other turgans' faces, each muzzle set in a hard frown.  Mara retreated to the bushes, head held low and eyes falling when he saw her. He expected he would have to hunt and kill animals when he became a reyan.  But they weren't supposed to have minds.  They were like little people!  God gods, he just wanted to escape...  Could he really kill someone?

Stop it! he demanded of himself, clenching his eyes shut.  He couldn't run away.  He had to take responsibility for his mistakes.  All he had to do was kill a rabbit.  Just a rabbit.  And then he'd be free.

He felt the grip around his heart.

He opened his eyes to meet the impatient gaze of the elder turgan.  Gavin nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat.  Shifting back to four legs, he silently slipped in-between the rocks and made his way down the hill in the darkness.

What was he doingHow was he going to do this?  He had never killed anything before... He shook his head, realizing how silly his worries were.  He was a fox, and they were rabbits.  He'd just find the shaman and bite him.  How hard could it be?  The thought of warm blood in his mouth sickened him though... but then his stomach rumbled and he licked his chops.  It took a great a mount of effort to push the image out of his mind after that.

Halfway down the hill the trees opened up and dispersed, leaving only bushes and tall grasses to hide behind.  The beat of the drums and high pitched whoops of the creatures were loud enough so that his rustling would not be easily noticed, at least.  As he looked upon what appeared to be some sort of tribal dance below, he realized his biggest problem would be finding and catching the shaman before he could escape.  Luckily they were distracted.  Feeling the thrill of the hunt flow through his veins, he began prowling, keeping his body close to the ground.  Stealth was on his side.

Something pricked his shoulder and fell to the ground.  A bee sting?  Mouthing "ow", he sat on his tail, rubbing the sore spot with his hand.  Some... tiny arrow?

"REYAN!"

Two white blurs tackled him from behind, throwing him to the ground.  More stabbing pains in his back.  "Ahh!" he yelped, twisting around and grabbing one of the rabbits off.  Without hesitation he threw the creature some fifteen feet away, who tumbled in the grass a few times before rolling to its feet and darting towards the light of the campfire.

"REYAAAN~!"

Gavin rolled over, smashing the second one, then twisted around and snatched the creature off the ground.  His claws caught on what appeared to be chain mail made of straw.  The rabbit dropped its tiny wooden sword, eyes wide in fear as Gavin drew back his lips, ready to tear out its throat.

Wide, intelligent eyes.

Gavin blinked, then dropped this little beast.  The rabbit was gone in a flash, off to join its comrades by the fire.  "Reyan!"

He stood on two legs, clenching his teeth, tail wrapping around his leg as panic welled in his chest.  The entire camp was up in arms-- tiny swords and tiny bows.  Every fiber of his body willed him to run.  He nearly turned back the way he came.  But the icy grip on his heart tightened.  No... that would lead them to the turgan...  The elder knew, and he was not happy.

He fell to all fours and began to run parallel to the camp.  Flee or attack?  What to do? What to do?  Another rabbit leapt from behind a bush, long spear in hand.  He swerved around the creature before it could thrust the weapon into his neck.  Just how many were hidden?  They all knew, all of them...  He had to find the shaman before it was too late.  Turning sharply, he burst out of the underbrush and charged straight for the campfire.

And there he was.  Standing before the flame, wrapped in cloak of leaves, stoically leaning against a twig-cane.  That had to be him.  The wizened rabbit with its dangling ears tied back waved off a group of warriors that moved in between it and the reyan, then held its staff to the sky. "D'lo mai he kaaay~!" It screeched, causing Gavin to skid to a halt.  The tip of its staff burned bright with flame.

He screamed as bright orange fire suddenly engulfed his paws.  Some sort of magic! He watched in horror as the flame raced up his arms, covering his hide.  Patting the fire madly, he danced in circles as pain laced his body.

Then it was gone.  He blinked as he sat on his tail, looking over his undamaged hands in the campfire light.  The fire stung him, but it felt more like he was doused with hot water than scorched with flame.  Was the spell meant to be that weak?  Two more rabbits rushed him, and he swiped one with his claws, blood flowing down his nails.  That's when he realized they didn't stand a chance.

Gavin fell to all fours and drew back his lips, then leapt for the rabbit mage.  The shaman pointed its staff and the fire stung him once more, but his bite held true and the rabbit screamed.  Sweet blood dribbled into his mouth.  Finally!  His stomach rumbled anew and he mindlessly bit and tore at the fresh meat.

It took several swallows before he woke up.  When he did, he fell back on his tail and stared at his blood-caked claws.  What had he done?!  All around the lelran skittered away, fleeing into the woods.  Tiny bunnies, carried by their parents.  Young and old, sick and healthy. Oh, gods...

"Kill them!  Kill them all!"  A familiar screeching voice sounded.  The elder turgan burst from the bushes, his entourage of warriors leaping into the mass of panic. "The lelran are nothing without their magic!"

"No... no..." Gavin sat up to his knees, "he's dead!  It's over!"

A lelran met a turgan's wooden blade with a sharp *chok*, and the taller lithe turgan twisted his sword around and stabbed his opponent's heart.  Rabbits fell left and right as the elder cackled. 

"My lifestone!" Gavin shouted over the din.  He fell to four limbs and poised himself as if he were ready to pounce, towering over the elder turgan.  "Your wish is granted! Give it back!" Mara peered from behind the elder's shoulder, but shrank back when at the sight Gavin and the blood dripping from his muzzle.

"Give it back?" the elder hissed, clutching the glowing blue stone.  Gavin's knees and elbows buckled, but he remained standing. "Why should I?  With ye as my slave, the entire forest will bow to us!  No, I think I'll have a few more wishes.  He he he he!"

Gavin snarled, fighting the force that pushed him down.  One wish is all you get," the words came to him, and he spoke in a low growl, "Now you will return my lifestone, lest horrible things happen to you."

"Hee!"  The elder grinned and leaned forward, muzzle bent in a fanged grin. "Ye shan't speak to ye master that way! Now sit!  S-sit...!"  He blinked and stumbled before his eyes widened and he looked at the glowing orb in his paw.  He shook it a few times, unable to release the stone, then screamed as cerulean flame leapt from Gavin's lifestone and traveled up his arm. "Eeeeee~!"

Gavin felt an odd power flow into him.  The vice-grip around his heart melted as the ferret-thing before him burned in blue fire.  Mara darted into the bushes as the elder's flesh burned off, flowing in chunks into the liquid orb.  In moments nothing was left but a charred skeleton, and the euphoric rush over Gavin ended as soon as his stone fell to the soft dirt.  How did he--?!  Good gods, he just killed again!

But now he was free.

"Turgan wretches!  Ye all shall die!"

Lelran burst from the bushes-- many, many more than before. Shrill war cries erupted from all directions.  Gavin dove forward and scooped up the warm marble in his hands.  It felt so wonderful to hold again.  He was free!  Popping it into his mouth, he fell to four legs and braced himself for a sprint.  Breaking through the lelran would be no problem for him.  He was free!

Halfway through his first bound he heard Mara scream.

He skidded to a halt, kicking up a cloud of dust.  Why should he care about her?  Leave them to their war!  He turned his head to see her frantically beating back two sword-wielding lelran with a stick.  A third and forth approached.  Gavin sighed.

Ensuring his lifestone was securely tucked under his tongue, he charged the little beasts and batted them away with his claws.  Mara looked up at him wide-eyed as more lelran came.  He grabbed her with one hand and threw her onto his back, then charged the advancing creatures.  All parted out of their way.  In moments the two tore into the safety of the forest, the clattering battle raging behind.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Geo Holms on May 31, 2009, 06:34:53 PM
Ah, bunnies: classic. Bloody, bloody, bloody, and a good dose of cool in this part. The whole "melting of flesh" made me think of Indiana Jones (obviously). The general mental struggle between doing the right thing and eating the magic bunny, ur, I mean, falling to his primal nature, was the intriguing part.

And as dark as this part was, still retained a tone that made this still a bit fun. And gives promises of more complications in the future, as any tale ought to. I can see the conscience problems are just beginning.

Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Lopez on May 31, 2009, 06:36:00 PM
MASSIVE BATTLE SEQUENCE!!!

....but that's not really the focus of this part. This focus is the conflict that Gavin is finally having. He now has to make decisions, which is bad. He doesn't like making decisions. Perhaps the Ferrets vs. Rabbits symbolizes his own internal conflict. Or something.

I noticed you put a special emphasis on "evil" just for me. Why, thank you.

Mmmmm. I like how when the elder doesn't want Mara in the battle, he says the battle is not place for "females." The phrase I expected here was "children". In the human world, your child is your child, no matter how old they get. But perhaps these turgan view their children as outside of childrenhood once they reach a certain age. Or that being female overtakes youth ideals. Or something like that. Whatever the meaning is behind this, its kind of irrelevant, since Gavin has kind of run away from his conflict. (Running away from his internal conflict? We shall see.)

Sooner or later, Gavin will have to come to grips with the fact that he has to kill things to eat. If we had to raise our own animals for meat, I think that we'd have a lot more vegetarians in the world. That makes me think that Gavin is a city-folker. However, he only has a problem killing things with "wide, intelligent eyes". Would he have killed the Reyan whose lifestone he had if he knew that it would give him total power? Probably not.

He wants his lifestone back, but now he's beginning to see that his methods for doing that are not quite that OK with his conscience. He is veeeeery self-aware now. He analyzes eveything he does. This might cause him to hesitate at a crucial moment. That'd be bad.

Cool soul-absorbing ability. By holding a reyan's lifestone, the bearer can control the reyan's wants. However, there is a catch to this. The turgan originally directed his wants towards killing a certain other individual. This is fine. However, you have to exercise caution, because there is a self-defense mechanism in the lifestone. If you make the reyan do anything that is self-destructive to itself, if you attempt to direct its wants to inflict pain on itself, you will become absorbed into the stone. Gavin, after killing the lelran, believed that killing others caused pain to himself. Therefore, because he was able to adapt what the elder turgan wanted to an idea that caused self-inflicted pain, the pain of his conscience, then his life-stone absorbed the creature's soul through this defense mechanism.

Or....that's what I think. Anyone else have thoughts on this ability?
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: KaiAdin on May 31, 2009, 06:54:29 PM
Ah I managed to read it after all ];) Its easier to read stuff when your  interested in the stuff that its saying.

Hmm There's obviously more rules about the Reyan that we don't know about yet... I assume we'll be hearing about them in due time ]:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on May 31, 2009, 09:05:35 PM
Thanks for all the comments, folks!

I noticed you put a special emphasis on "evil" just for me. Why, thank you.

You're welcome. [;)

Ah, bunnies: classic. Bloody, bloody, bloody, and a good dose of cool in this part.

It's funny.  I'm hemophobic and blood makes me squirm, but I can write a bit of it in without any trouble.  How much blood appears in the mind's eye is totally up to the reader though.  It has less of an impact on me because I imagine the story as a cartoon. (Of course.) [;)

Thanks folks!  Without your support I probably would have gotten bored of this story after part two.  But I'm feeling confident I'll see this one to the end, however long that may take. [;)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: MHD on June 06, 2009, 07:42:56 PM
Hello, first post here. Anyway.

I am somewhat self educated in japanese folklore and I really like this story.

However I just came to wonder... What if you surgically implanted a lifestone into its owners body?
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on June 06, 2009, 08:39:05 PM
That's a good thing to think about, actually.  I suppose it would save lots of trouble. [;)  Then again, there's not much in the way of tools for doing things like this.  At least not out in the wild as we see here. [;)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: KaiAdin on June 06, 2009, 09:12:04 PM
I suppose it would save lots of trouble. [;) 

Heh and it would probably destroy all oppertinites of making a good story out of the world, if all the reyan did that ];)

What would be more practical (and conducive for generating good plot lines) would be some sort of collar or pouch in which the life stone could be mounted or placed...

Or you could go the whole dungeon quest thing and keep it secutre in some deep dark cavernous system, full of traps and such for the meddlesome adventurer ]:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on June 06, 2009, 09:41:22 PM

Heh and it would probably destroy all oppertinites of making a good story out of the world, if all the reyan did that ];)


Ha ha.  There could be repercussions of course.  Like it needs to breathe of something. [;)


What would be more practical (and conducive for generating good plot lines) would be some sort of collar or pouch in which the life stone could be mounted or placed...


Yep, you're on the right track.  Though Gavin has nothing out in the wilderness. [;)


Or you could go the whole dungeon quest thing and keep it secutre in some deep dark cavernous system, full of traps and such for the meddlesome adventurer ]:)

He he, would work, but remember the reyan can't separate from it too far for too long.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on June 08, 2009, 01:30:56 AM

Or you could go the whole dungeon quest thing and keep it secutre in some deep dark cavernous system, full of traps and such for the meddlesome adventurer ]:)

He he, would work, but remember the reyan can't separate from it too far for too long.

Its the reverse kryptonite!  [:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Dragyn on July 30, 2009, 07:13:45 AM
Hmm...

I'll brood on this for awhile now.

Thanks a lot, gents.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on September 30, 2009, 04:35:29 PM
Apologies for taking so long with this.  I'm only able to write when inspiration strikes, so several-month-long gaps in-between parts are going to be pretty standard.  At this rate I may finish this blasted thing in a year or two. [;)

Thanks everyone for your continued interest in this.  Just keep poking me for updates and I'll make sure I'll get one to you every once in a while.  I'm going to see this through to the end. [;)


----


Part 5

The blood just wouldn't come off.

Gavin dunked his head in the fast flowing river, letting the cool current run through his jowls. The sweet blood taste wouldn't go away, and that scared him.

He cradled his lifestone and sat in the flowing water, nearly toppling over.  It would have been safer to leave it on the shore, but he wouldn't dare part with it again.  Not even for a moment.

"You're clean." Mara said from her perch atop the riverbed rock.  Her voice was tiny amongst the swirling stream, but his ear turned and caught the words.  He shivered in the cold current.  Dawn's sun began to peak through the trees and he hoped it would be enough to warm him.

He stood on two legs, knees a bit shaky from the previous night's experience and the lapping current pressing against them.  He shut his eyes and turned his ears towards the forest, drinking in the calm songs of morning birds. He was far away now.  Far away and safe. They had run for hours.

He began making his way back to shore, careful not to slip on the slimy flat rocks.  His digitigrade feet were unsure in the steady current, but he didn't want to shift to all fours and dunk himself again.  Unfortunately, he misjudged his footing right off the bat and fell flat on his muzzle with a loud splash. "No!" he screamed as the stone slipped out of his hand.  Icy coldness gripped his heart as he felt it taken by the current. "No!  Not again!  Not again!" He frantically tore up the stones, looking for his precious gem.  Keeping it safe was such a curse!  Oh gods, why did he ever wish this?

Mara leapt off the rock and disappeared into the river with the grace of an otter.  Another lump formed in his throat.  She was so small, she would surely drown! Upon all fours he splashed out of the water and ran down the bank, hoping to glimpse her yellow-green fur.

Something gripped his heart again, and he stopped under a grove of trees as she appeared on the shore, dripping wet and panting.  She held his dimly-glowing lifestone up in the air with two paw-hands.  "Here."

Gavin sat on his haunches, ears folded as he towered over the little creature. "You would... give it back without a wish?"

"Of course. I would never be so cruel to you..."  Her eyes were nervous, but sincere.  He took the stone in his claw and pressed it against his heart.  "Thank you... thank you so much."

Mara fell to all fours and shook the water off-- a quick vibration that started at her nose and moved down to the base of her long tail.  Gavin felt he should do the same, but was embarrassed that he probably wouldn't be able to do it right. "Now," Mara said, interrupting his thoughts, "we should do something about that stone. Ye keep dropping it, and that is dangerous."

Gavin watched as she bounded over to some tall grasses and with great effort, uprooted them one-by-one. "Get ye some rest, and I'll tell ye when I'm done."

Having run all night, he was indeed tired.  He padded over to a sunny spot in between some river rocks and curled up on the ground, cradling his lifestone in one hand and wrapping his tail over it.  Mara dragged her grass reeds to the stone opposite him and arrayed them across it, then scampered up top and inspected them.  She chose two and began to twist them together, holding them down with her footpaws for leverage.

"What are you doing?" Gavin finally asked.

"Making a stone-holder for ye.  'Twill be strong and safe.  Ye will see."

Gavin wasn't sure exactly what a stone-holder was, or how something made out of grass could be strong.  But he let her work anyway.  It looked like the turgan wore armor made out of thatch or something, anyway.  He shut his eyes and shook his head, not wanting to remind himself of the battle.  "Thank you... You don't have to follow me any more, though.  You're free to do whatever you want."

She smiled at him, then continued her work. "I don't have anywhere else to go, I'm afraid... The turgan troupe is routed.  And father was cruel to us all... The new elder will be as well."  She paused from her work, tail drooping as she collected her thoughts for a moment before focusing upon her task with renewed intensity.  "I want to follow ye," she said resolutely, then her usual timidness returned. "If ye will have me..."

Gavin's jaw worked silently for a moment.  "But... I don't know where I'm going... or what I'm doing..."

Mara's twisting grass started to take the form of a rope, though much thinner.  More like a string. "Ye reyan travel between planes, do ye not?  Don't ye all seek to leave this world?  Take me with you... please?"  Her eyes pleaded as she cupped her hands before her chest, grass dipping on either side.

"I, uh..." Leave this world?  Why?  But of course... it was horrible here...  Strange little warring creatures everywhere.  No sign of civilization apart from primitive animal-tribes.  And all of them out to get his stone. Was that what Radis was doing in his world?  Did he really want to go back there? Back home?

Yes... yes, he did.

But what was it that Radis said about not having enough tails?  Did he really have to survive hundreds of years to gain that ability?  How could he possibly last that long?!

He didn't want to be reyan anymore... oh, how he wished he could give it back!

"I'll... I'll try, Mara.  If there's a way, I'll try... But I just don't know. I just don't know..."  The last words muffled as he buried his nose in his tail.

The answer satisfied the little turgan, and she went back to her weaving.  "I will help ye, Gavin. I will help ye in any way I can."

It took a while, but the wonderful warm sun calmed his nerves.  Eventually he drifted off to sleep.

----

When he awoke, the sun beamed down from directly above and his fur was dry and fluffy.  He considered finding a meal, but the events of the previous night seemed to satiate him, at least for now.  He opened his maw and yawned.  He hadn't felt this good for a long time.

Mara wasn't on her rock, but he could see something in her place. It looked like a long string-rope, coiled around upon itself.  He lifted his head and swiveled his ears until he heard her claws scrape upon the pebbles behind him.  She greeted him with a half-eaten berry held like an apple. "I'm done, if ye want to try it."

"What is it?"  He asked again.  The thing she made just looked like a string to him.

"'Tis a stone holder-- one for ye size, silly."  She finished the berry, then bounded on all fours to her rock, pulling the string off it so it collapsed on the ground.  The thin rope was bound in a loop with what looked like a large knot where the ends joined and two small, stone-sized loops extending from it. "Ye loop yer lifestone within these, ye see." She put her fist within the smaller circles and pulled them tight, affixing her hand to the bigger rope. "Then ye loop it around ye neck.  Simple, eh?"

"Ooooh..." Gavin's eyes widened. "A necklace!"

Mara's tiny ears perked.  "Whatever ye reyan call it.  Here, try it."  She offered the string necklace to him.  It looked surprisingly sturdy for something made of grass.  He wondered if perhaps her people had some magic weaving abilities.  Resting on his elbows, he touched his lifestone to the end-loops, but his claws were much too big to manipulate them.

"Do ye... want me to do it?" She placed her hands behind her back and looked away shyly, folding her ears. "That is, if ye trust me with it... 'tis okay if ye don't."

"No... I do."  He held out his hand and offered the stone.  His heart raced as she reached for it.  He trusted her, but blast... after all he had been through, it still made him nervous.  Mara didn't deserve that, though.

Mara was very gentle with his lifestone and her grip was totally unlike the icy clutch of her father.  Still, it was a disconcerting presence around his heart, and he fought to hide any signs of his discomfort.  Sitting right before his nose, Mara fit the stone in between the two loops and arranged them so they formed an "x" at the bottom of the gem.  Then she took some spare grass and weaved more loops in-between and around the stone to make a net of sorts.  Gavin watched the process in fascination.  The grass seemed to wither at her touch, browning somewhat and toughening to leather-like consistency as she deftly guided it along.  There was definitely some force at work here he did not understand.

When she was done, the stone securely hung at the end of the makeshift pendant.  She offered it and he placed it around his neck, the tiny rope becoming lost within the folds of his fur. Best of all, the stone hung just above his heart-- where it felt the safest. So warm! "This is wonderful!" he exclaimed, holding up both of his free hands.

Mara grinned broadly, displaying her little canines. "Be careful now, 'twill snap if ye tug on it too hard.  But 'tis better than carrying the thing in ye mouth."  She yawned and stretched. "Mind if I rest here a bit?"

"Certainly not."  He slid his tail closer to her.

She plopped on the ground, propping her back against it. "'Tis good... to be in the sun."  She yawned again.

"I can imagine... living underground like that." Though Gavin's experience underground was biased, of course.  He realized she must have been pretty tired, as she was awake all night just like him.

"When we surface, we turgan stick to the underbrush lest some flyer come and snatch us up.  But with ye..."  She rolled to her side and snuggled up to his tail-fluff. "With ye so close, nary a soul will come by and bother me."

Gavin grinned inwardly at that, his self confidence gaining a much needed boost.  He'd protect her, no matter what.  It was the least he could do.  His eyes became heavy with drowsiness as well.  Another nap wouldn't hurt.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: KaiAdin on September 30, 2009, 04:38:02 PM
/me Squees and goes "YAY" even before he has read any of it!

Ah, and I just finished reading it! *Is heartwarmed by the growing friendship (and perhaps romance?) between the two* ]:)

I hope nothing happens during that nap... considering what happened before, anything can happen while they both nap ]:O
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Lopez on September 30, 2009, 09:59:04 PM
Awwww, how cute. He's being all self-reflective. 'Bout time, I guess. Though, I'm not sure that grass-made holder will hold together during a fight.

But...is Mara really secretly trying to use Gavin???

Unlikely. She's just all nice like that. But if she had to make a choice, I think she would still pick herself to save. She's not quite THAT selfless, yet.

Hooray for writing! I'll be sitting here anxiously.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: KaiAdin on September 30, 2009, 11:19:01 PM

What would be more practical (and conducive for generating good plot lines) would be some sort of collar or pouch in which the life stone could be mounted or placed...


Yep, you're on the right track.  Though Gavin has nothing out in the wilderness. [;)


Hehhehe! Itrs been so long since the last update, I forgot I made that prediction (though it seemed like the obvious thing to do) and YAY the problem has been solved!
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Dragyn on October 01, 2009, 02:04:33 AM
Not much to comment on for this one...

Give us more, Vir!
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Feathertail on October 01, 2009, 02:13:10 AM
I'm just jumping in here towards the end, only having read the last part. The writing is very evocative though, especially the way the character reacts to this lifestone thingy of his. I haven't seen any background at all, but I can grasp what it is and why it's important. I love seeing the vulnerability the character faces as it's imperiled, and as he trusts someone else with it; it's so raw, and so familiar despite being part of a fantasy story.

Between that and the reference to planewalking, it reminds me more than a little of His Dark Materials. I loved how Pullman portrayed the Daemons in that story. What could have been just "magical pets" became dearer than life itself, anything happening to them being felt intensely by their owners. I mention that because this is the only other story I've read that made me feel that way about anything, and while you've probably mentioned it as an influence, like I said, I just jumped in here.

Add me to the list of furs constantly poking you to update it. >.>b
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on October 01, 2009, 07:53:50 PM
Thanks for the comments, folks. [:)

Feather:  Never heard of that story, but sounds interesting. *notes to look it up later*
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: KaiAdin on October 01, 2009, 08:26:59 PM
IIRC, thats part of a Series of Books, of which 'The golden compass' is a part of. ]:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Stormkit on October 04, 2009, 12:00:14 AM
Ah yes, the Daemon. They weren't exactly pets so much as the souls of those people outside their body.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Feathertail on October 04, 2009, 01:12:47 AM
Ah yes, the Daemon. They weren't exactly pets so much as the souls of those people outside their body.

In the form of magical pets. ^.^
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Stormkit on October 09, 2009, 04:20:19 PM
But that's like keeping yourself for a pet. It's just not quite the same somehow...
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Pontos on October 09, 2009, 04:55:22 PM
But that's like keeping yourself for a pet. It's just not quite the same somehow...
Uh? How come *your* soul is a completely different sentient being?

I haven't read that series of books yet (I have the DVD of Golden Compass here though, but still on my to-watch list). I may do it, but everywhere I asked people told me it's kinda tedious. Cool, but tedious.

If I had to stop reading The Two Towers in the middle of the journey through Rohan because i wasn't able to withstand it anymore, i wonder how will that go with this one...
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Stormkit on October 09, 2009, 04:58:50 PM
I honestly don't know. It's apparently the embodiment of your soul or something. I only ever read the second book and got traumatized by everyone dying with their souls ripped out and I was horrified. As such I'm sorta carefully not paying too much attention to that series, but I do remember the thing where the daemons are somehow their souls outside their bodies.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on February 23, 2010, 11:04:45 PM
"Note: this topic has not been posted in for at least 120 days.
Reviving old topics is perfectly fine, but just be aware of the post dates!"

(http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh46/ambush_photo/thread_necromancer.png)

I'm am thread Necromancer! Returning from the heathen days of old to resurrect this thread which the author has forgotten about! Attack my claim at the cost of your sanity!
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: PrincessHotcakes on March 05, 2010, 08:39:24 AM
At the cost of my sanity?  What forum did you think you were posting on, few of us have need of this frivilous "sanity" you speak of ];)

But now having read this story, I ams likeing it.  I'd like to say something more profound and insightful, but it's too early in the morning for that.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on March 12, 2010, 01:07:11 PM
Exactly this story needs to be continued. Pester Virmir at all costs! [:P [:) [:P
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on March 12, 2010, 02:34:56 PM
Hey, I'm *almost* ready to kinda start thinking about writing again!  Though pestering from people who care really helps.  Thanks for caring about this, folks. [:)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: KaiAdin on March 13, 2010, 12:28:20 PM
Hehe YAY Write More Virmir! *twitches in excitement*
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Digital Vulpine on March 13, 2010, 03:23:08 PM
Quite a fascinating tale here.  I look forward to reading more.  I'm also happy to see that Gavin now has a way to keep track of his life stone.  {:) 
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: PrincessHotcakes on December 03, 2010, 10:17:28 PM
Hey, I'm *almost* ready to kinda start thinking about writing again!  Though pestering from people who care really helps.  Thanks for caring about this, folks. [:)

Ahem ];)
*pester pester pester*
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Stormkit on December 04, 2010, 02:37:51 AM
Why goodness, Vir your scale of 'almost' appears to be over half a year. You might need to look into that :/
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Evilhumour on March 07, 2011, 11:11:27 PM
It is said patience is a virtue, but over waiting is not fun....
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Tirien on March 26, 2011, 02:30:35 PM
Lets play the "Pester Virmir till he starts this again" Game! *Pesters*
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on January 25, 2012, 06:03:34 PM
Part 6

Gavin and Mara wandered deeper into the forest, where they eventually came upon a mossy grove filled with the sounds of twittering birds and the warmth of radiant sunlight peeking through a verdant canopy. Here they dug a decent-sized den in the side of a soft mound where they lived happily ever after in relative peace.

THE END
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Evilhumour on January 25, 2012, 06:07:18 PM
.......
We are not that amused Virmir.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: PrincessHotcakes on January 25, 2012, 06:08:07 PM
Speak for yourself.  I burst out laughing IRL
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Zavier on January 25, 2012, 06:54:51 PM
BAD. BAD LAZY VIRMIR.

/me whaps Virmir with a rolled-up newspaper.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Dragyn on January 25, 2012, 08:27:26 PM
They wondered deeper into the forest?
So...they're exploring with their minds?
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on January 25, 2012, 08:32:30 PM
Blast, once instance in a small paragraph and I STILL screwed that up. [;)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Tvorsk on January 26, 2012, 12:16:58 PM
Not.
Funny.
At.
All.
*suddenly stops looking angry and curls up in the corner, sobbing...*
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Zavier on January 26, 2012, 02:16:04 PM
BAD VIRMIR. Do you SEE what you've done to Tvorsk? FINISH REYAN SAGA PROPERLY.

/me WHAPS Virmir with a rolled-up newspaper again.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Evilhumour on January 26, 2012, 05:43:33 PM
Not.
Funny.
At.
All.
*suddenly stops looking angry and curls up in the corner, sobbing...*

*goes to pet Tvorsk's back* At least someone else is not pleased with this copout.
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Kasimir on January 26, 2012, 06:40:52 PM
/me headtilts.... (http://www.myfacewhen.com/368/)
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: DessertFox on April 03, 2012, 01:17:19 AM
Yeah update!  [:P [:P [:P
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Tutis75 on August 02, 2015, 10:36:22 PM
This was a really imaginative and creative story, I'd love to see where it goes, but it hasn't been updated in about three years.  Cool ideas, interesting characters, it sort of reminded me a bit of the book series The Divide by Elizabeth Kay.  With a creature using a stone that is linked to its life.  All in all, it was a fun read but I'd like to one day see more.  Nice work!
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on August 02, 2015, 10:40:26 PM
Thank you!  Unfortunately I don't have any plans to continue this, although I think it works as a short story if you take out the last part (not including the joke ending).

Thanks for reading!
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: PrincessHotcakes on August 25, 2015, 02:09:13 PM
You know, if this story is actually finished and done, per chance does it need the "(unfinished)" part in the title anymore?
Title: Re: "Reyan Saga" (unfinished)
Post by: Virmir on August 25, 2015, 10:44:30 PM
It is not really finished the way I intended it in 2008. [;)